tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post4740223679248631190..comments2024-03-17T04:14:05.997-05:00Comments on Sam, Coffee, Money, & Thyme: Daughters and MothersSAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-38932134981983981952017-09-26T23:20:28.095-05:002017-09-26T23:20:28.095-05:00I'm the 7th girl, but 9th child. There were 10...I'm the 7th girl, but 9th child. There were 10 of us, though the oldest two were graduated high school before my younger sister, 18 months younger than me, and the "baby" was born.I know from older sisters,my mom had several miscarriages as well. I too have had several, and perhaps, like me, my mom thought about what those kids might have been like-and didn't get too emotionally invested in us youngest maybe out of just a sense of loss. Who knows why we all are how we are. SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-10138271127857179992017-09-26T16:01:14.478-05:002017-09-26T16:01:14.478-05:00All tolled, 7.All tolled, 7.Meg B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09871105973774159424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-84578919005280337142017-09-26T12:22:40.285-05:002017-09-26T12:22:40.285-05:00I'm a 7th child too. You do realize that if we...I'm a 7th child too. You do realize that if we had 7 children that 7th child would supposedly be a witch! Not that that's gonna happen. I would say my 8-years older sister raised me and I thought it was completely normal. When mom was pregnant with me her 6 year old daughter developed a brain tumour. Mom once told me that she had arranged to have an abortion (of me) because she just couldn't cope with all those kids and a paralysed child. "Luckily" for me my sister died before mom could have the abortion and I am here to tell the tale. It never bothered me her telling me that but apparently all her grief came out in me and she was very hands off - hence my sister taking over. That being said, I think she felt very guilty about her feelings for me as a young child - but hey, I'm an adult and I knew they loved me. I also agree that I don't want to be my kids' friend - something my ex wouldn't stop trying to be. You only get one mom and that's me. AnnaTreadershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08613671137557939083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-64624563574619026502017-09-26T05:35:43.565-05:002017-09-26T05:35:43.565-05:00I would say my parents, in the sense of who did wh...I would say my parents, in the sense of who did what, were probably ahead of their time. He worked very long hours and my mom also worked outside the house. We had animals and gardens and there was pretty much always work for someone to do, so he carried as much effort as she did. I am not angry or bitter, though I probably come across that way. It just was how I grew up. SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-40335034511098096542017-09-26T05:33:08.816-05:002017-09-26T05:33:08.816-05:00I'll be facing that in two years, though my ki...I'll be facing that in two years, though my kids are 12 years apart. In some ways I am looking forward t having all of me back, but yet, the house will be so strange. Plus, I am hopeful they never stop needing me on occasion. SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-12516067332186242372017-09-26T05:31:43.345-05:002017-09-26T05:31:43.345-05:00I hope my kids feel the same. The youngest still o...I hope my kids feel the same. The youngest still of course has a certain physical dependence on us, but the other two-getting asked for help at times feels really good. SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-54984631273775971562017-09-26T05:30:27.041-05:002017-09-26T05:30:27.041-05:00My husband and I took my parents to her 65th high ...My husband and I took my parents to her 65th high school reunion the summer before she passed away. There I heard more stories of the person she was before the 10 of us cam e along. SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-6109988518926286952017-09-26T05:29:26.777-05:002017-09-26T05:29:26.777-05:00I do miss my mom a lot, despite not being close. S...I do miss my mom a lot, despite not being close. She did what she could, with the resources, physically and mentally, she could.SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-10784781057797367392017-09-26T05:28:20.186-05:002017-09-26T05:28:20.186-05:00On my worst days, I was exhausted with only my thr...On my worst days, I was exhausted with only my three, so I should understand my mom better.I have many friends with large families and of course, I thought there life was ideal-grass always greener. How many children do you have Meg?SAMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-16049902034169312542017-09-26T01:02:48.650-05:002017-09-26T01:02:48.650-05:00I think your mother was just plain tired, not tire...I think your mother was just plain tired, not tired of parenting. I think at some point a mother figures out that the kids do not need the energy she had and invested in the older children. And, you think she could have been depressed. It is interesting that she threw her all in 4-H. Maybe it was a good memory for her if she was in 4-H or maybe she wished she could have had involvement in it as a kid herself. <br /><br />I think my mother let us older three go faster than she did the younger two. <br /><br />You never mentioned how your father helped. But, that long ago, maybe he was an old-fashioned type. <br /><br />I think only when a woman is in her 40s can she evaluate her relationship with her mother and why her mother did certain things.Practical Parsimonyhttp://www.practical-parsimony.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-5017983522075493222017-09-25T19:51:47.605-05:002017-09-25T19:51:47.605-05:00Timely post as we just moved our daughter into col...Timely post as we just moved our daughter into college two days ago - she is our only child. I am surprised by how traumatizing it is. It's now hit me that her moving into college is the end of her living at home. It's profoundly painful. I was a stay-at-home mom since I was 7 months pregnant with her, over 18 years. We are all having to learn how to live this new life and I'm a bit lost right now as I'm sure she is too to a certain extent. Now I understand empty nest syndrome.<br /><br />D.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-63428296427238692172017-09-25T15:20:32.534-05:002017-09-25T15:20:32.534-05:00Lovely photo Sam. I'm like you and available f...Lovely photo Sam. I'm like you and available for my son if he needs me. It's not so often these days but last week he came to me for support.<br />ArilxArilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07447764056767139963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-74856370778126619582017-09-25T11:37:53.023-05:002017-09-25T11:37:53.023-05:00I have a close relationship with my mom, so close ...I have a close relationship with my mom, so close that sometimes it gags and suffocates me. I think sometimes we forget that our moms were individuals and not just moms.Anne in the kitchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01533249631969001657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-75330024323812545012017-09-25T10:09:15.810-05:002017-09-25T10:09:15.810-05:00Lost my mom 17 years ago and sure do miss her. She...Lost my mom 17 years ago and sure do miss her. She always gave great advice when asked and didn't poke her nose in unless we asked. I feel strongly that as a parent our job isn't to be our child's friend. I've taken a page from my mom's parenting book to only give advice when it is solicited and to otherwise not bring up sensitive issues. Sometimes I'll throw out a remark and by my daughter's response I can tell whether to pursue said topic or not. There are times I wish I could ask my mom's advice and am thankful I have two sisters 9 & 12 years older than me that I can turn to. Family is everything is it not!?Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02803104035204416080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-11657809716159397712017-09-25T07:59:50.186-05:002017-09-25T07:59:50.186-05:00I could have written this post--except for the gui...I could have written this post--except for the guilt trip as an adult, my upbringing was identical. In large families,different kids from the same family will have different perspectives of their upbringings. My older siblings had the emotionally close relationship with my parents. Like you, I always thought my mother was "tired of parenting." My parents main input on us (younger ones) emotionally was when we were doing something wrong--read required parental involvement. I even walked myself to and from my dance rehearsals--and forget about parents being at my recital. <br />They did, though, instill me with an independent streak--and I appreciate that. It has served me well. <br />I hope I am more emotionally available to each of my kids in my brood. (Maybe I shouldn't refer to them as my "brood?")<br />I am honest with myself, and my kids, about my limits, and I think that helps with the emotional availability. I do not pretend that I can run this household the same way a household of just 1 or 2 kids can run. Meg B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09871105973774159424noreply@blogger.com