tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61735098011143641542024-03-17T22:04:08.793-05:00Sam, Coffee, Money, & ThymeFiguring out the stuff of life one cup at a time.SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.comBlogger2606125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-42793305141323236912024-01-01T11:15:00.003-06:002024-01-01T11:19:26.876-06:00New Year-New Start-New Blog<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHpgyBymlTb7N7aMsz68utPp2LjkBT2H1PtvKl04Zq4I2BBCbCprwuCTGZIOBTmugg9z1V8RuYTZbJzXX5j0gJJRPfH9BGLlxExANSFZ1irG68snHSNsonsS0Y7Bnv6u00MxmgpENqdnVFAHgcfrd577hIXexLLJhZoPGrMVPHpkWv6AmJMdA8A-R67oAx/s4608/IMG_20230110_134107.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4608" data-original-width="2016" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHpgyBymlTb7N7aMsz68utPp2LjkBT2H1PtvKl04Zq4I2BBCbCprwuCTGZIOBTmugg9z1V8RuYTZbJzXX5j0gJJRPfH9BGLlxExANSFZ1irG68snHSNsonsS0Y7Bnv6u00MxmgpENqdnVFAHgcfrd577hIXexLLJhZoPGrMVPHpkWv6AmJMdA8A-R67oAx/s320/IMG_20230110_134107.jpg" width="140" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />It's a New Year. I decided I'd give blogging another go, but under a new blog. The new blog will serve in part as a form of journaling, partly as an accountability tool to not get bogged down in wanting my old life back when that's not possible, and partly as just hobby. I appreciate everyone's kind words from that last September post. I just needed to walk away for a bit. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Fall was particularly hard as it was supposed to be our new start with DH in retirement. Our anniversary was in October followed by my daughter's birthday, my November birthday and Thanksgiving, and then Christmas to get through. I got Covid between Christmas and New Year's, still feel pretty lousy, but had already decided I wanted to see the New Year in alone, so no plans were changed on my part. You can see why my mind was not in a good place, but days in bed gave me a lot of thinking time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> This site is going to end but if you are interested, I'm staring fresh on a new page. I don't know how often I'll post, how long it'll go, but visit me if you would like at <a href="https://samsquaredfornow.blogspot.com/">Sam Squared</a>. Thank you all again for your kindness. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-3172164842738186502023-09-18T21:36:00.002-05:002023-09-19T04:13:38.451-05:00Thinking About Stuff...<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5jhua-fjfNE3rWJBr-So8zaMtWVm7-tt60aZBTqrgHWkn3JvI5m1xil1h3biMEZTvyx1VsDwC5qUXzOKWm7gTM1FIfQdXccKEcTKGPwXphpvVjFbkgNqpLrUx_OsMwzUVokrsMBdzNyhdtwnkGn7gVTG0L93pqthf_AHnZDXo_354vs_5Ws9h8UGz45k/s500/coffee%20computer.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="333" data-original-width="500" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5jhua-fjfNE3rWJBr-So8zaMtWVm7-tt60aZBTqrgHWkn3JvI5m1xil1h3biMEZTvyx1VsDwC5qUXzOKWm7gTM1FIfQdXccKEcTKGPwXphpvVjFbkgNqpLrUx_OsMwzUVokrsMBdzNyhdtwnkGn7gVTG0L93pqthf_AHnZDXo_354vs_5Ws9h8UGz45k/w400-h266/coffee%20computer.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> It's been eight months since my last trimester's life plan went devastatingly to a halt. I know I'm stuck navigating it alone. Plans DH and I had need to be scrapped or carried on by me alone. Nothing is going to change that; nothing I can do will bring me back to what life was like on January 17th. Dwelling in this blog from time to time since then was useful, if only to dump my thoughts in the post or in response to comments. I think it's run it's course now. My kids deserve their privacy. I do as well, even though I have appreciated the support and kind words. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> So consider this my last post as Sam, the recent widow. I'm debating where blogging fits, if it does, going forward. I liked the concept of writing about budgeting and money management, creative cooking, exploring, travel, all things that were part of my life, and I hope still will be. Maybe I'll try and bring some version of my former blog back, albeit in this new unasked for life. It'd be nice to earn a little fun money, bring AdSense back, maybe explore Instagram and the other platforms, things to keep me busy in my many hours I'm now alone. Not right now though; this weight of grief is so heavy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I may try and figure out a new reincarnation of Sam, Coffee, Money, and Thyme, but hiding all the past posts and starting fresh with a public face. Or maybe not. I realized it was 10 years ago that I started to blog. To all you kind people, thank you for being readers and friends. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-77673251140065448452023-09-06T08:58:00.002-05:002023-09-06T09:45:43.494-05:00Me, Myself, and I<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Besides the dogs, the company I most keep is in my title. I once recall stating that I regretted never experiencing living alone before settling down with marriage and kids. Well, if I could take that back, I would in a heart beat. I know I don't have a bad life. I have wonderful kids and sisters, by blood and by choice, and other friends. My neighbors are kind and helpful. It's just not the life I planned for. Yeah, yeah, I know what is said about we plan and God laughs. I better get off that subject so as not to offend anyone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD2 got home from Norway on August 21 late afternoon and had a hard adjustment once again to time zone changes. She had a good trip overall but decided, hostel stays are done. I wouldn't adequately describe, but part her own anxiety, crowded communal spaces, housekeeping leaving daily ridiculous notes about requiring linens ( left on top of a bed with said required linens), the experience almost sent her to book a last minute expensive hotel room instead. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> She's essentially moved into her apartment. By that, I mean she, her roommate, and the collection of castoffs are in her new place. While sparse, it's liveable. She needs to get things sorted and homed, yet another week + later. DD1 updated her guest room, so her sister is using the old twin bed frame and mattress. Her bedding is from college. Their living room is a $75 second hand futon and a couple saucer chairs, also from her college days. My sister had an old TV stand so that holds the television and gaming systems, plural. We've scrounged the bare necessities for kitchen use. The bathroom has a few new things like shower curtain and liner and bath mat, courtesy of roommates parents. She's using towels from college. With her not knowing if she'll relocate in a year for grad school or job, she just needs it to be comfortable and workable, not designed. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> There's so much work needed in the yard. Last week and this past weekend was a bust with the heat and our schedules. I tackled a few minor things after work. I need to keep on with the rock moving, but it's a big job, and with heat index over 100 multiple days, I didn't brave it. The laundry room was the focus, needing to be completely empty and washer unplugged. It was replaced last Tuesday. I decided not to replace the dryer. I just couldn't see replacing a perfectly working one. It's a laundry room that isn't even sheetrocked, not a guest room so I don't care they don't match. Plus, I didn't need a triple digit expense. The simple washing machine was enough.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> The bathroom guy came and did another measure and confirmed my choices for shower material, basin, and floor. I ended up changing the floor to a lighter tile. Actually it will be vinyl planking that looks like tile. I ordered the vanity through Wayfair and it was delivered the same day as the washer and is sitting in the garage waiting for the week of September 11. He estimates it will take a week. After that, while yard continues, will be the fireplace insert, with an aim to have it useable again by November. My brother and brother-in-law are tidying the siding area by the patio. It will look nice, but the heat was oppressive so they're doing bit by bit. The BIL is also changing my bathroom fan upstairs. Then I can paint and do just a make due for now update. I'm just keeping on the list, big, then a few small, then back to big. New upstairs flooring will be next year, and depending on how the make due bath turns out, that bathroom full remodel the following year. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm burnt out. Labor Day weekend wasn't great, not bad, but just draining. The heat was oppressive and I struggled being around DHs family so just spent Friday night to Sunday morning at the lake. DD2 came Saturday afternoon but she too left Sunday morning. I went to a barbecue at my sister's Sunday night, but DD2 wasn't feeling that family either so stayed at my house and did her laundry. DD1 had helped at her cousins business and stayed here later. I had a nice talk with the girls, sort of a girl's sleep over. We all had Monday off, but pretty much just avoided the heat. I cooked a bunch, sent food home with my daughter, and I'm good for the week too. I'm supposed to have Friday off but the week is packed. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Dang, this got long but it's been a few weeks since I last posted. No pictures either, so here's a gratuitous dog one for attention. Pups little paws caked in mud. Grandpup looking handsome, but the smell of rotting fish, lake, and anything else he got into sent him for double baths, plus his leash, harness, and collar to soak in lemon juice. Yeah, they enjoyed the lake. Take care all. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvnVEKBXffLLvl9cB_Ck9JX-_UrS3Rf2DrZ4pa_hl4lyuEA4VQZ_RJ9gDNLOV4gBRAVsroik_Y0h1Es6hZGrdIlcTDwHNmAdrk785sdv7JXS6e869J2NZp6m24CHnoQ1baSaH3mZdSnW1S_T5lQu62QoRJTUEb6mVw3QYfUD4xsJbyYTZ0qyW9Ti2ZBBT/s4608/IMG_20230903_090213.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvnVEKBXffLLvl9cB_Ck9JX-_UrS3Rf2DrZ4pa_hl4lyuEA4VQZ_RJ9gDNLOV4gBRAVsroik_Y0h1Es6hZGrdIlcTDwHNmAdrk785sdv7JXS6e869J2NZp6m24CHnoQ1baSaH3mZdSnW1S_T5lQu62QoRJTUEb6mVw3QYfUD4xsJbyYTZ0qyW9Ti2ZBBT/w400-h175/IMG_20230903_090213.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><br /><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-57580577733204442672023-08-19T07:15:00.001-05:002023-08-20T05:27:06.879-05:00Things I've Tackled, Funny<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Another week has passed- August is over half way done. My days blur into weeks, weeks into to months. I'm trying to live life, folks, though trying to live with joy is still a challenge. I, who normally love summer, can't wait for August to be done. I press on trying to both keep up on the have to's of life, and the wish list/home project list/life improvement list. You all are so kind pointing out that I am doing a lot. I guess I have. Here's what's been accomplished in the last few weeks. </span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Cooked a few meals with assorted items on hand. I've got to get this budget under control and spending more on groceries when I've got hidden treasures is counterproductive to this ( Might even be inspired to add a good/ recipe post). I'm trying to plan meals and leftovers and not over shop, using up items completely. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">And...booked, but spent a small fortune on airfare for the cruise in February. However I leveraged a credit card offer to save $200 eventually, that will pay me back within the next few months</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Speaking of credit cards, I stopped using the card DH and I had in common. I've opened one in just my name that will give me a $200 cash back credit, plus earns more per dollar. I'll cash in the points on the old one, applying them to the final payment. I pay off cards always before any interest is accrued. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Took car to get oil changed, basic maintenances, and Anti Lock brake system issue resolved. Ugh, more unplanned expenses but a safe car, and once the other car is sorted, I can sell it for a fair price. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Replaced batteries in thermostat. It was something accomplished I've not done before.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">More items cleared from laundry room, trash items binned, items for my daughter's new apartment put in a box</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Got legal paperwork notarized and more documents sent to bank to get DH's car loan released. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">I observed for now, but wrote checks and achieved the completion of the patio. It still needs curing time and I'm being cautious for a full 10 days, so by next weekend I can set furniture up. Then, on to tackling the yard cleanup and minimal landscaping. By that I mean, getting the pine brush and needles cleared, finish fire pit area, and prep rest of yard for grass seeding. That will involve spread bags of soil in uneven area. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">I ordered two of these planter boxes to line the side the stairs are on, either in a line, or create a right angle in the corner. I might fill with hostas next spring so they are not labor intensive, but for late summer and fall, perhaps pop a few planters of mum's for a color splash. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji-CLttAgkgBZh-8sLFI0hpbAOg2xFTtvZSj6rKqtWCqOwtDDcl_5UWZRQMelh7ObEKcg4J2B9wOBzmCxpbH0T7NH2luE1f2O8mXsS5Nyx1gNYg-X2yT4fYyPlbfviNT9hw9lnOxirmC5rzPmGnEx9aYddcdqik2iEGERhSJ5lMwJzc9WpfGa_9X5iSXSJ/s894/71RP7L9O1hL._AC_UF894,1000_QL80_FMwebp_.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="829" data-original-width="894" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji-CLttAgkgBZh-8sLFI0hpbAOg2xFTtvZSj6rKqtWCqOwtDDcl_5UWZRQMelh7ObEKcg4J2B9wOBzmCxpbH0T7NH2luE1f2O8mXsS5Nyx1gNYg-X2yT4fYyPlbfviNT9hw9lnOxirmC5rzPmGnEx9aYddcdqik2iEGERhSJ5lMwJzc9WpfGa_9X5iSXSJ/w200-h186/71RP7L9O1hL._AC_UF894,1000_QL80_FMwebp_.webp" width="200" /></a></div><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Talked with neighbor who's a handyman to come look and propose a solution to the bare siding issue. He came over to look, and will design something to do in a couple weeks when concrete is set. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">More buckets of rocks moved to where they can be better used. It's a hot and heavy job and there's so many!!! I guess the rest of summer and fall, I'll focus on the outside of the house. </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I managed to work all days scheduled and keep the balls in the air even when whacked with more sucker punches from DH's accounts. Remember, I tell myself, "you're not a weak ass bitch."</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Dinners this week:</span></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Saturday: Leftovers steak sandwich from dinner out night before </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Sunday: vegetables au Gratin, zucchini fritter </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Monday: Repeat </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Tuesday: Grilled cheese, veg au gratin</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Wednesday: Gyro sandwich, from single kit</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Thursday: Creamy spicy Pasta primavera </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Friday : Repeat </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> The other fritters were lunches, along with cucumbers and hummus, toast, yogurt, fruit,and cottage cheese. More on these food items in a post to come. As I eluded above, I'm nickel and diming my grocery budget to hopefully pad the cash flow a touch so I can do a little splurging on things to improve the home, like the planter boxes. I'm obviously not going hungry. </span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I want to still enjoy things, or enjoy things again. I find the television show Ghosts mildly amusing. I had heard it is a spin from an original BBC series and my daughter found that version on HBO Max. We got hooked. The first episode helped us adapt to cultural differences, and by episode 3 we found ourselves laughing out loud. Each British ghost seems to have an American counterpart, but the writing and how it's placed in context of the houses timeline is just more creative and funny with British Ghosts. There's also less filters with the humour, so more authentic. We can only get 3 seasons but fingers crossed we'll get all five eventually. Sometimes I just need a really good belly laugh. It's been a while. I'll still enjoy the American one, but it's just not as funny. With the writers strike, who knows when season 2 might start. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> My daughter has made quite a few more purchases for her home, including her own outdoor furniture, artwork, and an alternative type yoga mat. Grandpup has decided it's a good stretch out lounger for himself. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgffwvcepALCjF3LAJxxZWcTgzz2GTC6FKXysQZiEP40CrKvngwIOvv4ZkwVPUUNa-yOdSrDjButNcAwz1VxydaTc_udFWW_WMsWD7-YhklGGtvrl2BuCz-fyJmaUPnT4xN5uMMxsaMFsXNdBjsGv4oYc9gIfYWhGsqvQctm7lZVDzAf7cebYB5jKqafuIM/s4608/IMG_20230813_101742.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgffwvcepALCjF3LAJxxZWcTgzz2GTC6FKXysQZiEP40CrKvngwIOvv4ZkwVPUUNa-yOdSrDjButNcAwz1VxydaTc_udFWW_WMsWD7-YhklGGtvrl2BuCz-fyJmaUPnT4xN5uMMxsaMFsXNdBjsGv4oYc9gIfYWhGsqvQctm7lZVDzAf7cebYB5jKqafuIM/w400-h175/IMG_20230813_101742.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /> One day after a particularly windy storm, I collected a bunch of sticks from her yard and tossed in her fire pit. No sense accidentally running over with the mower. He proceeded to pull them out and run around happy as could be with them in his mouth. He's not short on personality. Needless to say, one of her purchases was a fire pit cover. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I took one of those Facebook Quizzes. Apparently if I was a character in Game of Thrones, I'd be a Targaryen. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="tier-title" face="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #3d3d40; display: block; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 600; margin-bottom: 10px; text-transform: uppercase;">HOUSE TARGARYEN</span><span class="tier-summary" face="Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #3d3d40; display: block; font-size: initial;">Your quiz results determined that you belong to House Targaryen! You have earned the rare honor of flying under the Dragon’s banner while the Mother of Dragons soars alongside you on a fire-breathing beast! You are bold, passionate, determined, and sometimes unpredictable. People admire your strength and resilience but also have a tendency to fear your temper. Just like Daenerys, you are fiercely protective over the things you love and have a compassionate soul that wishes to help others. Keep on standing up for yourself and others, never backing down or lowering your voice just because someone said that you should!</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> If you're a GoT fan, what's your take on that? I do have Welsh blood, so the dragon may be spot on. The smoke and haze has been horrible, but we've had some pretty sunsets as I caught before pulling the shades down for the night. Talk with you all soon. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAvuxjo_Bp9AzfdpN5cYGKWBQ2gPuXCpDui6l54gUU16DkuFFI-_0TIU0Qbzs-vY6PDcVQxYNWhPbr8d8340p8vUHEKDhZ_o5dD4pN-KjK4vqgQjoY40OQyS8sfSorOJoR5bb1QVV6PcswFYYLK6L9BhYOoiD-iAqDfQweJAvuTSYMSXs90kmwaruMJNZE/s2149/IMG_20230817_195903~3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1864" data-original-width="2149" height="348" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAvuxjo_Bp9AzfdpN5cYGKWBQ2gPuXCpDui6l54gUU16DkuFFI-_0TIU0Qbzs-vY6PDcVQxYNWhPbr8d8340p8vUHEKDhZ_o5dD4pN-KjK4vqgQjoY40OQyS8sfSorOJoR5bb1QVV6PcswFYYLK6L9BhYOoiD-iAqDfQweJAvuTSYMSXs90kmwaruMJNZE/w400-h348/IMG_20230817_195903~3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-71551438264249758742023-08-12T07:26:00.006-05:002023-08-12T07:46:05.555-05:00My Life in a Long Post<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm working on being strong, well at least stronger. Physically, I'm trying to walk more and include some strength based exercise. I'm trying to eat better, get less simple carbs, more lean proteins, fruits, veggies, and whole grains. Mentally, it's going to be a long journey. My niece posted this. She's dealt with a lot, and just works harder- physically and mentally, when she has rougher patches. I'm borrowing it.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBRLNT3hAswHwtR0fIcEAk1jgfLslx9awfZ6syX3YqflHjmYDIo4EnzA-J8cN9bWQA_olwiE5_XTdUCz8rs45AU2JjbSrPZzhtAFcAyIYfxPudmbQGTQsKcugVCO5-PXTM7RDY2zImniYYMNm8jbNj51oyLZ7dCZodbVA0GaoZKav2nTn7_K16CMb4FwMp/s800/Screenshot_20230730-163348~2.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="703" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBRLNT3hAswHwtR0fIcEAk1jgfLslx9awfZ6syX3YqflHjmYDIo4EnzA-J8cN9bWQA_olwiE5_XTdUCz8rs45AU2JjbSrPZzhtAFcAyIYfxPudmbQGTQsKcugVCO5-PXTM7RDY2zImniYYMNm8jbNj51oyLZ7dCZodbVA0GaoZKav2nTn7_K16CMb4FwMp/w351-h400/Screenshot_20230730-163348~2.png" width="351" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Shout outs to all non-weak asses out there. I won't say I'm not gonna continue to have bouts of profound sadness, frustration, loneliness, and outright melt downs. What I will say is even if I hit the bottom, I'm going to crawl out of that well. I have to. Like the continued crap with DH's car loan and now not releasing the lean. Every time I call, I get a new hoop to jump through. They won't break me. No advise needed, I'm getting legal help, but dang.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I need to clarify my post last week. My feelings of being judged are just my perception, and in certain moments, taking small irrelevant comments in ways not intended. That's part of my strength gaining efforts - let those things slide. I also don't want to paint my in-laws as bad people or toxic. I think they've all moved to a different place in their grief. After all, their day to day life, even my MIL's, didn't really change. Of course he left a hole for them too, but every day they aren't needing to reassess 36 years of plans and begin again. It's just a different impact. If I don't want people to expect things from me, I too can't expect others to act a certain way.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I spent DH's birthday this past week with every one of those hard emotions. It was supposed to be the day he gave notice of his retirement. Everyone else (kids excluded) had a normal weekday I'm sure, though his sister sent out a group "thinking of everyone" text to me, my kids, his brother, and mom. I drank Diet Coke, purchased through McDonald's drive through, a relapse to my former bad habit. I ate something at some point. I spent the day at my daughter's so the dogs could play freely. I crashed with exhaustion and ignored the days emails. Yet, I got up the next day, drove back home, worked my job, solved a major issue, talked to my kids, even DD2 in Norway. I even booked my airfare for the cruise. Life went on. This is how things are; l can't change any of it, but can maybe change my facade. In time, maybe my outward appearance won't be just concealment. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIz79cm34BpNGSrmwyUm3zWvhFoOljJQammEdhHtXV1Pssu9MfiQeAYILiFJyw4hA6XeiKsduelyZW-zWUpnekRlu6wgC7kHkbLZ87Z78Pda9mHSK09IjTMXqVdXHbTZO2NYY1NcGg9jP7su18mGMymrcK7B6XGN6r83_rRkkuBfIQNhaLtTxQ9Fx5x63n/s729/Screenshot_20230805-163035~2.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="729" data-original-width="672" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIz79cm34BpNGSrmwyUm3zWvhFoOljJQammEdhHtXV1Pssu9MfiQeAYILiFJyw4hA6XeiKsduelyZW-zWUpnekRlu6wgC7kHkbLZ87Z78Pda9mHSK09IjTMXqVdXHbTZO2NYY1NcGg9jP7su18mGMymrcK7B6XGN6r83_rRkkuBfIQNhaLtTxQ9Fx5x63n/w369-h400/Screenshot_20230805-163035~2.png" width="369" /></span></a></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Other things from the week were steps forward and back. The deck got taken down and hauled away. There was a lot of debris under it, pushed by dogs, cats, children the past 32 years so I got that all picked up for the trash collection Wednesday. The young man doing the patio has his truck back so that meant he could get the decking hauled away and start the gravel and footings for the patio. I'm going to have to do something about the siding now as when house was resided, of course the deck blocked bottom of house. Now there's space between end of siding and bottom of house. The picture below was taken from the park. Yeah, it's chaos in the back yard. He worked Wednesday, then nothing Thursday or Friday. Fingers crossed he's back on it today, though I hear rumblings of potential storms. That's part of why I spent DH's birthday at my daughter's. Her back yard is a beautiful retreat. </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMrG6vyqHubPYCHxtWmv_wQuLEbP6LoRf2Zarz4Vtw0PBIww5BjB2PdIiUrYSnXPXGR1KCSj0XMUseLj6Mzm2FQw9AMQ4ldVuvxkLrO3s5bqUqAcKHb4Xuv0SkydQFIySbNq2ERGeYr9RYkyWGp6qn4uGLY6KW2iwhWaZem98DJSbK2b_CMqOpKmDz3bHk/s2048/IMG_20230811_172842_01.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMrG6vyqHubPYCHxtWmv_wQuLEbP6LoRf2Zarz4Vtw0PBIww5BjB2PdIiUrYSnXPXGR1KCSj0XMUseLj6Mzm2FQw9AMQ4ldVuvxkLrO3s5bqUqAcKHb4Xuv0SkydQFIySbNq2ERGeYr9RYkyWGp6qn4uGLY6KW2iwhWaZem98DJSbK2b_CMqOpKmDz3bHk/w400-h300/IMG_20230811_172842_01.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">No deck, no patio yet. Siding solution needed. </span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><span> </span><span> </span><span>The last of the yard waste ( for now) got taken to the collection site last Saturday. I even did some of the hauling myself. It's nice it's so close, and I'll take care of things right away going forward.There was a river rock border around the deck. It's been slow going, and will be ongoing until done as I need to be out of his way. I've moved rocks, just a few buckets so far, to fill in the front and side of garage rock garden area. I helped my friend water her various plants and garden while they were on vacation. It felt good to give back to her after all the support she's given us. I've done more outside work this summer than I've done in decades. I know I took DH and all his outside duties for granted. I just never worried about the outside maintenance. Well, it's my duty now and I'm going to rise to the challenge.</span></span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6U1fjBFL0dhmMDx3r1nrOArikGTkr5grE0TM9RtmXB1yyHe36tedxJ8yFWXx0iD4S9z_3VIV8sFDsxo39wGRUMkSe__gA1u1td0zx3y4LttTyJhl6H5jIL6lVSoRCt7Z-_Ij0GK3fTfrwo75_6jDpyc3PPcGdmS7eHyZww2sMFAcPR-L8Kwb0EIYj1MUK/s1600/IMG_20230807_180152_01.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6U1fjBFL0dhmMDx3r1nrOArikGTkr5grE0TM9RtmXB1yyHe36tedxJ8yFWXx0iD4S9z_3VIV8sFDsxo39wGRUMkSe__gA1u1td0zx3y4LttTyJhl6H5jIL6lVSoRCt7Z-_Ij0GK3fTfrwo75_6jDpyc3PPcGdmS7eHyZww2sMFAcPR-L8Kwb0EIYj1MUK/w400-h300/IMG_20230807_180152_01.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I think next year I'll figure out some pollinator plants. I love this area by the pond. One afternoon I chatted with one of the water preservation gentlemen that are working to improve the city ponds. He told me there was going to be a floating island that would be anchored with plants that grow through and settle to the bottom. It's a man made ponding basin, but the improvements help it feel and look natural. My daughter also has beautiful pollinator plants in her deck planters.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX6TT0i4Wdczzh6UrcP8hweSLsXkpJVp6Vc-0BcHHrDQrCsPZDEdVSG3cc1XF_qefsvebPnzZ33eomaeigWgmy0rpsy9rMetjwDgpxgxAttffcnLLvuV9oKX1eNHGfIoW7vfZfAwN5nKpw_3ZWf6OFykZXEePidSvH08GXJ8WGE_6a0AROVmo3bEGoiYDU/s4608/IMG_20230728_190359.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX6TT0i4Wdczzh6UrcP8hweSLsXkpJVp6Vc-0BcHHrDQrCsPZDEdVSG3cc1XF_qefsvebPnzZ33eomaeigWgmy0rpsy9rMetjwDgpxgxAttffcnLLvuV9oKX1eNHGfIoW7vfZfAwN5nKpw_3ZWf6OFykZXEePidSvH08GXJ8WGE_6a0AROVmo3bEGoiYDU/w400-h175/IMG_20230728_190359.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> It's been quiet with my daughter gone to Norway, not that she's loud, but just the sounds of someone else here. I'll need to get used to it as she'll move into her apartment when she's back. It will be sparsely decorated but she's had a few offers of items needed. She's having a good time with extended family, like they already knew her. DD1 is helping her cousin tomorrow all day so grandpup will be at my house. He's just so darn cute and pup rises to compete with equal cuteness. They are confused about the backyard and why they can't go out the back door.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Meals for the week were really basic and leftovers were either eaten another night or lunches. After bringing DD2 on Sunday, I finally cleaned out fridge and freezer. I bought a few odds and ends, but other than milk and maybe fresh fruit and veg, won't need many groceries the rest of the month. Lunches were leftovers of course. </span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Saturday: Grilled bratwurst, fruit at my sister's ( ok and some tortilla chips and a rice krispie treat)</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>Sunday: </span>Leftover chickpea and vegetable curry (I froze some for daughter too after making a massive pot of it Saturday for her) </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Monday: Rice crust quiche with spinach and bacon </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Tuesday: Weird because it was hot out, but with eating down pantry and freezer, I made potato crockpot soup with bacon bits, and boxed au gratin potatoes. I googled a few recipes for ideas, but sort of winged it myself and used crockpot. As it uses salt heavy packaged food, it won't be an often meal, but with four cups water, more veggies, and probably two cups milk, I diluted the cheese packet, compensating with more onion and garlic powder. I froze some in a freezer bag.</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Wednesday: Zucchini fritter, broccoli, garlic toast</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Thursday: leftovers </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Friday: Dinner out with family</span></li></ul><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I hope to get some refrigerator pickles made this weekend if my daughter has enough spare cucumbers ready. Those were cantaloupe a few weeks back, not watermelon but now she has both coming. I also have enough cherries frozen for two more batches of jam. My sister gave me 1/2 dozen jam jars for the cause. I think I'm a homebody all weekend, no plans at all. I need to get my friend's house key back and another sister invited me to join her and friends out at a regional park for a camp fire. I'll see how I've made progress by then. That's what my life has been since we last talked. How are you all living August?</span></p><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-48811784795998620112023-08-05T10:44:00.004-05:002023-08-05T10:44:52.473-05:00The Week-Steps, Forward, Back, and Sideways <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've kept to weekly blogging. It's a way to track my days, which all just seem a blur rolling one into the next. Things are happening here so I need to wake up figuratively and literally everyday and be ready for the days plans. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Last Saturday was devoted to outside. The tree limbs hauled, more weeds pulled, hornets nests dealt with. My daughter and neighbor were the heavy lifters. I'm not great with hard physical labor, but did my best. Sunday was more sublime, but another couple hours still. I had inside cleaning that needed to be done since nothing happened Saturday and I was less than successful. The pines are all tackled now. We priced mulch at Menards and now I have to figure out how much I need per tree. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqSLnn_Lby2P0Bmnjz9a-r6KOyXabiO1FlAAQinYnYEFRtmGg6ZOIstzdOfpEkYoBYQDc4v8sEYyyJDScwoHhR2n6flHQU7hKCVY7htv2Tk9uvGXFONZ36NGoZXvuVSGyiOGn5AcjYVM85xk5-BGHbofGqtb5C4k4PBuSOeWXY7WH13ISf2VNFcCkqMlO/s3633/IMG_20230805_100006~2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="3633" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAqSLnn_Lby2P0Bmnjz9a-r6KOyXabiO1FlAAQinYnYEFRtmGg6ZOIstzdOfpEkYoBYQDc4v8sEYyyJDScwoHhR2n6flHQU7hKCVY7htv2Tk9uvGXFONZ36NGoZXvuVSGyiOGn5AcjYVM85xk5-BGHbofGqtb5C4k4PBuSOeWXY7WH13ISf2VNFcCkqMlO/w400-h223/IMG_20230805_100006~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lower branches removed on all four pines.</td></tr></tbody></table> My counterpart to Kim's Sissie wanted to do sort of an intervention with me. She thinks I've not given myself time to grieve because I'm too focused on kids, my job, the house projects. Then in another breath she asks why such and such hadn't happened yet or brings me stuff from her house and can't understand why I don't want it( more clutter). My level headed sister came as support for me, and it all was fine. Everyone means well, but I can't help feeling judged that I'm not widowing right. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Meals this week were simple. My only shopping was at the Kwik Trip for necessities- and potato chips which I slovenly ate in a single sitting. It was not a single serve bag and I felt the impact. </span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Saturday- Leftovers from a Chipotle lunch</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Sunday- Pasta concoction with assorted vegetables</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Monday- The girls and I took my mother-in-law out for an early birthday dinner as DD2 is gone for her actual day</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Tuesday and Wednesday- just me, so had leftovers found in freezer from last week</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Thursday-DD2 had an elective procedure, neither of us felt like meals so just sort of nibbled </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Friday- Cheese ravioli with spinach in a pasta sauce</span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> The deck removal/ patio project has begun. However, communication by the contractor has been poor, and it's on a slow start, barely getting 1/4 of the deck removed. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVZjaEvyIUHSPNYFiTchuuTBhA9HZD2KuuNAVLDAetXvNfsAzLRDzumyHLtuL2d399sThxBWkdLruZDm0UkuqheRfEtIaHWjpnNM3k6T5_4Z5_oBS_WzQ6OMkMKrLkq0tRyFe2TxH8K5bDFn0vvo3ARluLDL5JO3k4NzjhvHxCL7P7wORc2OQRggBWj_mm/s4608/IMG_20230805_095955.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVZjaEvyIUHSPNYFiTchuuTBhA9HZD2KuuNAVLDAetXvNfsAzLRDzumyHLtuL2d399sThxBWkdLruZDm0UkuqheRfEtIaHWjpnNM3k6T5_4Z5_oBS_WzQ6OMkMKrLkq0tRyFe2TxH8K5bDFn0vvo3ARluLDL5JO3k4NzjhvHxCL7P7wORc2OQRggBWj_mm/w400-h175/IMG_20230805_095955.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />His truck broke down too so I doubt he'll finish in the week estimated. I'm mentally wore out, emotionally drained but it will be so nice once done. I tell myself that at least.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> Here's the small seating furniture I bought back in April. Throw pillows not included but I figure I might strike it lucky with end of summer clearance. The pictures from Targets shopping cart, so apologies it's blurry. </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIeHphaP6cYmyugbmcnZfkSDXJPpuAArZ91mhhEb_3HsQMaYGYsUkQrk79zLovAg6SsdezsyuNlMzgv0V9y8b0GCj_zms8NqFs0TBIwWBsQqoxCsnbxf3MXCURQRh3agu8NTukckKnx51BDuaC6voc6OxO4fOcpDARmp9aZk-ILC6WIr2xLClAW2jDdgm/s160/GUEST_7a21f1d0-54c3-4c68-997f-05b491fa5002.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="160" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDIeHphaP6cYmyugbmcnZfkSDXJPpuAArZ91mhhEb_3HsQMaYGYsUkQrk79zLovAg6SsdezsyuNlMzgv0V9y8b0GCj_zms8NqFs0TBIwWBsQqoxCsnbxf3MXCURQRh3agu8NTukckKnx51BDuaC6voc6OxO4fOcpDARmp9aZk-ILC6WIr2xLClAW2jDdgm/w320-h320/GUEST_7a21f1d0-54c3-4c68-997f-05b491fa5002.webp" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> It'll be a few weeks before using as the concrete needs to set. Another project for my hard working daughter to help me with. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD2's elective procedure went well, but she's got some visible healing to do. And she's leaving on her trip tomorrow afternoon for two weeks. The timing wasn't great, but there's no issues with travel, just appearance for a few more days. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> We took my Mother-in-law out for an early birthday dinner since DD2 will be gone. My husband's birthday is this month and I'm not going to feel like being around his family celebrating. I won't go to the lake without my kids and haven't been there since DS left. I don't hear from his siblings or their spouses, kids, at all. Well, the brother-in-law's admin person contacts me about financial plan stuff and documents. I guess we are transactions now. I'm being whiny. Still, a text from my BIL's wife, who I thought was a friend, wouldn't be unwelcome. Admittedly, I've not asked anyone in his family for help after the boat help fell through, but no offers have come, not even the vague, "let me know if you needed anything."</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> My older daughter has a guest this weekend. I'm glad for her. She worked so hard at my house, and is doing a lot of shifts for her cousin and the food truck. She's trying to refill her savings after the fence, and hopefully have a little travel money. I'm happy to have grandpup on those days. Unconditional love! I do go on and on. I've got cleaning, errands, and caretaker duties to help my daughter before she leaves. I best continue on with my day, despite now battling a summer cold. Thanks for any comments. They really do feel good to talk to you all.</span></div><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com70tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-74902508412745573552023-07-29T07:30:00.019-05:002023-07-29T08:17:42.291-05:00Hmm, Anything to Talk About?<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I appreciate comments as it helps me think I'm having conversations with people other than myself. When alone, I talk to myself, and when frustrated about something, to DH. This week was, let me find the word, stuporous. I just felt like I was going through the motions all week and in a fog. I suppose it had to do with the hot temps to a point and the lack of any enthusiasm towards my job right now. Getting outside for walks were needed for dogs and humans, but they weren't enjoyable. No dangerous heat conditions for me as we have full functioning central air, so I'll quit complaining. I am heart broken reading about weather related tragedies, and know I am extremely fortunate with my living situation. Still, look at this picture of the Minneapolis skyline from my office on Tuesday. The air quality was horrible and it was hazy. This was mid afternoon and not a rainy kind of day.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKOG_jUHD4U5DSir7UOr5ujick93XNNFfiwEfxB28IdNIzSZSLHTE0RNLMo3OcLUCJczNEF0x5d2gOIIdlfC-IBdFtQsgsHltKmXL-YIf8GUI2GXSCVmXnxYrQcthTu5D5yfmCaaY5cZPHQlRGgCvzaftkxl5Wx2U0MRuzSNUzkg86HURigwVsYk_gyhC2/s3596/IMG_20230725_140934~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="954" data-original-width="3596" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKOG_jUHD4U5DSir7UOr5ujick93XNNFfiwEfxB28IdNIzSZSLHTE0RNLMo3OcLUCJczNEF0x5d2gOIIdlfC-IBdFtQsgsHltKmXL-YIf8GUI2GXSCVmXnxYrQcthTu5D5yfmCaaY5cZPHQlRGgCvzaftkxl5Wx2U0MRuzSNUzkg86HURigwVsYk_gyhC2/w400-h106/IMG_20230725_140934~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Meals is always a good subject to share in blogs. I don't have recipe links as all was just winging it. Here's a few from the past week.</span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Saturday- Crockpot cheese ravioli with zucchini and mushrooms</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Sunday- Just me for supper so had toast with cucumber and hummus, fruit and yogurt, but earlier made breakfast of fruit, scrambled eggs and homemade muffins, plus we both nibbled on leftovers for lunch</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>Monday- Tuna hotdish </span></span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Tuesday- Chickpea and vegetable masala </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Wednesday-Homemade chicken taquitos/floutus with rice and refried beans</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Thursday- Spaghetti with a tomato, mushrooms, and zucchini sauce</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Friday- Leftovers, and will probably be through the weekend. My older daughter is helping with things, but not much of my leftover's fit her vegan diet. </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> Lunches were leftovers, egg salad, veggies and hummus, fruit, rice and veggies ( DD2 just loves rice so makes a pot to have over a few days). The batch of raspberry muffins were eaten for snacks and meals too. Several went into the freezer. I'm trying to eat down the pantry and refrigerator and have a clean start in August. I've picked up a few good buys for the freezer though, two 12 oz packages of bacon, and a couple one pound packages of ground beef. It stretches very far with just DD2 and I. I'm out of milk, bread, and bananas, so probably will just stop at Kwik Trip.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> Book club was Monday night. <u>Lessons in Chemistry </u>was our selection and I found it a good read and was fodder for good conversation. Next up is <u>The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo</u>. The copy I read of Chemistry was my daughter's, bought in a bookstore in Oxford, so she wanted me to take special care of it. Books are her thing. There's a branch of the St Paul library within a short walking distance of her new apartment. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I like the neighborhood she'll be living in. It's very easy access to connecting highways and freeways, yet very walkable to parks , restaurants, and coffee shops. Likely she'll need to drive for groceries, but in a pinch there's a C store near her. Bonus, it's on my route to work and I have a friend and a friendly retired former coworker very close to her (blocks) as well should an emergency happen. Actually, I have lots of St Paul people connections that wouldn't hesitate to intervene if needed. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I got more purged from laundry room and need to get a few things dropped off for donation. Much was trashed in the regular garbage pick up. I need it cleaned out, a shelf moved, so I can order and get a new washing machine. Mine is too far gone so expensive to get fixed, though will be repurposed if anything is salvageable. I used my daughter's house as a laundromat twice. I think we're good for at least another week but I'll need to use her house again or pay the machine costs in town as it's going to be a while before I'm ready for more chaos in the house. At my daughter's house is a cute laundry room set up. It's in a hallway pass between her kitchen and dining room, across from her lower bathroom. My dryer seems fine, but I'm contemplating replacing both. That really would be wasteful though. </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihIePHR1meJxdN0aaIeyJuw7SuAVu7loa9tKOkBcbBGkEdM59y4gDnUw1D8e3-8jodsnqvd6_eHTHeifMJDrCY5n3FTxa9D2dQmTrctB_Yu9IcolvFTf1OTTJJpqNJgf051LCkYwX3z-KWwiWkC1yiTjaO4JWLRSmDJ3GaYJ3Scv2HXyqUV7m1MsV-XiEU/s4608/IMG_20230722_110739.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihIePHR1meJxdN0aaIeyJuw7SuAVu7loa9tKOkBcbBGkEdM59y4gDnUw1D8e3-8jodsnqvd6_eHTHeifMJDrCY5n3FTxa9D2dQmTrctB_Yu9IcolvFTf1OTTJJpqNJgf051LCkYwX3z-KWwiWkC1yiTjaO4JWLRSmDJ3GaYJ3Scv2HXyqUV7m1MsV-XiEU/s320/IMG_20230722_110739.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I avoided a lot of popular culture stuff. I didn't partake much in our towns annual festival, with the exception of a quick walk through the craft fair and then stopping to hear the marching band concert. No Barbie viewing for me either. I moved a lot of the wood pile, continuing to invite others to help themselves. The log holder came, but I will request my daughter's help assembling. I got some weed pulling, lopping, and whacking done after 8:00 when it cooled down a bit. I moved grandpups kennel to better access the garage now that we can use it for bikes and the car. Oh, and scheduled haul away of the old refrigerator. The tanning bed disposal will be a while from now project as the bulbs need to come out to be disposed of separately. The fee was atrocious too, so it might stay tucked on the side of the garage for a while. Why is it here????</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> My kind neighbor, the first one that tackled the wood pile, finished my last two pines, plus trimmed the maple. He's hauling stuff for me today. A gift card to treat him and his wife hardly seems enough, but I'll make sure I have his Blue Moon on hand too. The patio project starts next week. Picture to show the current chaos back there. Once all the debris is hauled off and the patio poured, I can tackle the remnants of sticks and pine needles get some grass seed down. I need to research what to do to neutralize the acidity under the pine trees, but minimally I'll need to get a bit of top soil down. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1OHH-O9xKqpMerjSA29WKUjz1VJw3fhtr7vsMMjMQtzOdQdRHsasnGPWQjoI0oq5vP-X_T4S6xhiczdzTSxaq_2U5BA0oXc-duZr1BnYp4W0mZCNKH94q-VPoRw5zlmcdVIkw9yrROsFwsj6h-SIVQbbR1B4JVfok0v4k8wwAnzKfw1SBE7gn6juhrc05/s4608/IMG_20230728_115811.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1OHH-O9xKqpMerjSA29WKUjz1VJw3fhtr7vsMMjMQtzOdQdRHsasnGPWQjoI0oq5vP-X_T4S6xhiczdzTSxaq_2U5BA0oXc-duZr1BnYp4W0mZCNKH94q-VPoRw5zlmcdVIkw9yrROsFwsj6h-SIVQbbR1B4JVfok0v4k8wwAnzKfw1SBE7gn6juhrc05/w400-h175/IMG_20230728_115811.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I can really blather on about nothing. If you're still reading, thank you for stopping by. Maybe next week will be something of substance. Have a good week. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-18799077349932505542023-07-22T08:35:00.004-05:002023-07-22T08:51:11.277-05:00Lists of Lists and More Life Changes<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7lo_aILR1pMZKFFbi8SXVGxzIrfQ-XR30HBLWaE2JwGyUUuLBMUtEsPAZDvMcbUG7y2yQdKc7gKOXUv1Kn0x0pOY9rx01HJ-A76fXfa74nFdH-dygVnSvKuHzuFa0hVtm6knQkMKhon_kFzm-d1iZkdw239xBXzTIMpQ8ROLjcjgei683JH6gMZv_LSdZ/s739/Screenshot_20230722-082752~2.png" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="739" data-original-width="577" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7lo_aILR1pMZKFFbi8SXVGxzIrfQ-XR30HBLWaE2JwGyUUuLBMUtEsPAZDvMcbUG7y2yQdKc7gKOXUv1Kn0x0pOY9rx01HJ-A76fXfa74nFdH-dygVnSvKuHzuFa0hVtm6knQkMKhon_kFzm-d1iZkdw239xBXzTIMpQ8ROLjcjgei683JH6gMZv_LSdZ/s320/Screenshot_20230722-082752~2.png" width="250" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">DD1'S new fence with <br />grandpup inspecting.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> It's been a crazy work week and lots of news and change on the personal front. Work is just what work will be for a while. I'm trying harder to hold to my schedule, though had to work several hours on Friday when it was supposed to be my day off and participated in a 90 minute meeting. I was glad though in the end as a couple huge missteps were likely avoided because of my speaking up on an issue. We also found a funding issue that was holding up opening our new fiscal year. I guess the personal changes, though hard, are good.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DS went back to California. He has two jobs, one short duration followed by one several months that are not dependent on the various strikes in his industry. Fingers crossed things will be settled by the time the long project wraps up, and his regular rotation resumes. This came up quick, and was sad for DD2 who wasn't really tracking how quickly he might have to head back home should opportunity present itself. He's been covering his expenses from saved funds and the little side efforts working for his cousin. I'll miss him a lot, and he hopes to come home for Christmas. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD2 has her own stuff though. I may have not mentioned she's going to go to Norway for a few weeks. The first part is staying with family and last five days staying in a young adult youth hostel that has options for organized activities. She'll head back, and here's the big change, will move into an apartment with a friend. Her job starts August 28. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> It'll be sad of course to have an empty house, but these changes are right, positive, and good for her. She's going to be living right on my route to the office, and only 35 minutes or so from my house. She'll have an easy drive to her job and can more smoothly ease into full adulting, while knowing I and her sister are a close safety net away. Financially it's probably not the best, but we seem to sometimes feed each others grief, and she needs to be young, not feel tied to me. They applied and got the apartment with no cosigner's needed, so that too is a positive in securing her future options dependent on credit scores. She has to make lists- packing lists for both the trip and her move.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD1 finally has her fence. Surprisingly, the yard looks even larger even though enclosed. It's been nice for grandpup to be able to chase balls, get outside whenever he wants, without her having to either go with or tether, and not be worried about him leaving the yard. Yes, he needs more training, but the space will make that easier too. I'm just so happy and proud of her making her place her own oasis.</span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjVTcGmyOmhBBco-gyAQW6X7dcDy3hA2GuasvSJWme-efTCxFIiT1kkZOePv-CLaaOzHKJngCYPyptm9KCko8veb5RGhQpT76M8oIqdwbMF4Dikw3cV6lxmwJ-XzJr__fqh5XSN_c2bkEwwDniA0PDYXLNSRXzhKEg_o69aBBLdEbeDZHz_Y59LAqGpl_/s320/IMG_20230721_112508_01.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">First watermelon sighting.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizjVTcGmyOmhBBco-gyAQW6X7dcDy3hA2GuasvSJWme-efTCxFIiT1kkZOePv-CLaaOzHKJngCYPyptm9KCko8veb5RGhQpT76M8oIqdwbMF4Dikw3cV6lxmwJ-XzJr__fqh5XSN_c2bkEwwDniA0PDYXLNSRXzhKEg_o69aBBLdEbeDZHz_Y59LAqGpl_/s480/IMG_20230721_112508_01.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzxUs69YnHYWfGfG2P1HSDfa2FNR6pMSH8znw4xR4_AGAkfTYt-_wuDvUuNMfzkpxjwTKXky0NTHMTRhPWUJtfGhw0BxgbncoSAW1rdvyGUZmMZGt1qQNqosWXwjsgnpzIw6ffBmtYIh27nyH87oBujBRNvkisRQQmawCfKnZmH7dlyHmTEf7LEkTq9cvG/s320/IMG_20230721_112503_01.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">First tomato. </span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"> Her garden is going like crazy. Lots of lessons learned for next year, but for her first attempt, she gets a solid B+! You can see some of the raised beds above. We've enjoyed cooking and eating fresh items like zucchini, snap peas, and cucumbers. I made zucchini fritters one night. So good! She and I are both making meal planning lists to use or store her good stuff. All three of us have looked up recipes. </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1927" data-original-width="2162" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ5E8waFIomn4Juj03URj3VNl02BTalmobUFnkqmXg7fWV0O3Rm1WRyTfvmkRj_NAiaL7XmK01N5hyIU880qXtc_vJElqc9s2niItiMrtL1I7jh5tJXuh8caiT9UJ0YVcIt83xdSQNeMChlWH4OKo2sSMYQIO8zFI-wOxshc2nk_H_pPxUhYYKQlYBUIJt/s320/IMG_20230718_191817~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></span></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">These were delicious! </span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"> My purging, then organizing continues. It will be a job that goes well into fall. Who am I kidding, through next year and still likely not done. But, through the chaos there's tiny glimpses of creating the calm I need. Of course I have lists going on about what needs to be done by when, my budget for the projects, items still to get donated or to the recycling center. Lists are either helping me manage or consuming my life. It took a while for them to pick up the dumpster so I added a few things during the week as I could that weren't salvageable. We've all determined becoming a minimalist, and by that I mean just stuff that we need or truly want and use, is the direction we're aiming for. No secure date on patio redo or bathroom yet, so I keep waiting. </span><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've now been a widow for six months. How is this life mine? I don't know when I'll ever truly feel a sense of normal. I still just feel like I was cheated out of what we'd worked and saved so hard for, easing into our later years, and watching our family grow together. Now, I'm focusing those hard earned efforts to my kids, while trying to simplify my day to day so I'm not a burden as I grow older. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-56229173009368290392023-07-15T07:30:00.001-05:002023-07-15T07:30:00.142-05:00Progress Update <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyNzmkRoiz0ZFnFIJWmUBcMP-S67PJKn6Ys-rTUn_UvkQyhvVOciwRN2SemW4pAwlYEZ79WXnvx3j1fMzcgv6VMwVH-mAxogypiWlTwziP-fEPquKqTjS5JRerE-qUVtIEBkBlq1AiSyBVAr-XC5L8meK2vzhtJ4Jx7dVMmvIhtthjFvSRRTgMNcdSnTG1/s1778/IMG_20230714_211356~2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1596" data-original-width="1778" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyNzmkRoiz0ZFnFIJWmUBcMP-S67PJKn6Ys-rTUn_UvkQyhvVOciwRN2SemW4pAwlYEZ79WXnvx3j1fMzcgv6VMwVH-mAxogypiWlTwziP-fEPquKqTjS5JRerE-qUVtIEBkBlq1AiSyBVAr-XC5L8meK2vzhtJ4Jx7dVMmvIhtthjFvSRRTgMNcdSnTG1/w200-h179/IMG_20230714_211356~2.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">Here's sort of a life update, project update, chatty blog post. I'm sorry theses posts get so long. I just sort of word spill. The picture is my nice raspberries that are starting to come. We've been eating them as picked, but I'm hoping I'll get enough to make jam too. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Garage purge</b>: We're still determining what will stay and what will go, but it's getting there. My son is annoyed with my lack of system and just thinks it all should go. My youngest wants everything with even a tangential memory kept. My older daughter has had patience with all of us. The large John Deere riding mower went to a family friend. My daughter's electric mower is pretty easy and nice to use so I think I'll order one like hers and get rid of anything gas powered. I don't want to haul gas from the station, lift out of the hatch back, and likely spill. The electric mower would pay for itself after the cost of having someone mow 1/2 dozen times. Between the girls and I, we can put head phones on and tackle. Same goes with weed whacking. DH already had a rechargeable one, so it's getting rid of the gas versions that needs to happen. A brother-in-law may want them and is coming Tuesday, and if not another BIL has a resource to take them to repurpose. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> We found bike racks to get mounted. That will be nice to store them at least out of the way for winter. The garage door opener is wonky, so likely will need replacing, but hoping I can eek a bit more life out of it. I still have too much stuff, but it's not unbearable now. But, 35 years of memories is too much to tackle at one time. If you have the chance, purge now, before a life changing event forces you to. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Document Sort/Store/Shredding</b>: Like the garage, paperwork that is long outdated, no longer needed, has stacked up in file boxes for way too long. I've got to date checks, looking for anything that might be needed (but I'd have never found it anyway), and then move aside. I researched and will schedule a security shredding company. I'm not sure when I'll get the destruction scheduled, but it'll happen by October. Then, I'll be creating my office space to have a system that works for me. The office is a project for another month. I'm tired of it being make due for now, but just can't take on anymore this summer. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Deck/Patio</b>: I'm moving ahead on getting the deck removed and replaced with a basic concrete patio. I'm having concrete steps from the back door rather than wood. These will stand the test of time. They'll outlast my time in the house and overall will be no maintenance for me. I'll get to enjoy the space for months before snow comes and will be easier to shovel a path for the dogs out the back too. Since the <b>bathroom</b> is paused waiting for product to September, this should be done by mid August and if weather is nice, give me outdoor work space while remodeling happens inside. We've got to move firewood and I've offered it to neighbors and family. What remains we'll move to the log rack I purchased. </span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIH3RVqQXheUnhILQFU4MLrl2mxEo9lkRjlzA0SQHWoAzscti2DF9WRrimlfeAgi3iiP9jvSLmqCiHWdwhs_AftSfF-neE84lowpFNCtSzTVzDIUD9fxFdC1ZPyb_iJpd9hX-NYOAri9lgWcZ2phEUBQpyt-k0hTSIZavzAqxKwpeMzrwX7eDS2PSXZQr/s1030/Screenshot_20230713-191858~2.png" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1030" data-original-width="696" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAIH3RVqQXheUnhILQFU4MLrl2mxEo9lkRjlzA0SQHWoAzscti2DF9WRrimlfeAgi3iiP9jvSLmqCiHWdwhs_AftSfF-neE84lowpFNCtSzTVzDIUD9fxFdC1ZPyb_iJpd9hX-NYOAri9lgWcZ2phEUBQpyt-k0hTSIZavzAqxKwpeMzrwX7eDS2PSXZQr/s320/Screenshot_20230713-191858~2.png" width="216" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Coming Thursday</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Tree and Yard</b>: The sweet couple next door tackled trimming two of my large pine trees when they did theirs. I've two more in the opposite side to do but they saved me hundreds of dollars and peace of mind. I got them a gift card as a thank you. My kids think they can do the other two trees now that they know the process. If not done before my son leaves (no update on that, but could be quick if an alternative project is offered), I might still hire it out, but two trees is cheaper than four. I feel like I use my daughter's help too much and she's got her own house to manage.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Miscellaneous House Stuff</b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> The washing machine is really done for. I'm going to use my daughter's or the one at the lake when convenient, some more hand washing, and if need be, haul a load to the laundromat at least until I complete the purge of closets and laundry room. Then I'll make the purchase. Yeah, another expense come August.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I worked 10-11 hours every day this week trying to get caught up, rather than my 9's. I mentally can't keep that going, not with everything happening around here. Plus, I'm not paid for 50 hours; my salary is based on averaging 40. I need to remember no one is really appreciated or rewarded for providing free hours to their employer. Quite the opposite as it starts being expected as more work gets piled on. My goal is to manage my days better this coming week. </span><span style="font-family: arial;">With all the happenings, I managed to still meet up with my mom friends for a walk and then a drink and appetizers last week. I missed them, but was dragging the next day. That's what's happening around here. Who else is biting off more than they likely can chew?</span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-29014357568892945902023-07-08T07:00:00.001-05:002023-07-09T13:53:45.255-05:00"Maybe" Weekly Blog Post<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> This week went fast. While we got major progress in the garage, it's not done. We filled the dumpster size I ordered, plus have made three trips to donate, and filled my recycling bin. I've got to get old paints to the recycling zone. I've ordered a second dumpster and they'll swap out when this one is picked out. This means I need to be effective inside and out of the house to remove all that's needed. I also need to get a small dorm size refrigerator and a full size one picked up, plus, now get this, a tanning bed. I have no idea how that's been in a corner of the garage for over a decade. Well, I do know but it's got to be gone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Bikes were donated, clearing a lot of space. My neighbor who has a new granddaughter was ecstatic to get some sweet things that used to be DD2's. It'll be next summer before she can start using, but I was happy she wanted the items. I'll enjoy watching the little girl play with the baby buggy in the coming years. We need to figure out what yard equipment works and what needs to be added to scrap. DH was just not efficient with his space. You neat garage and shop people would be shaking your heads and fingers at us. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I need to tackle the closet under the stairs, in the downstairs bathroom plus the laundry room. Now of course, all of this could have been done before DH passed away, but like so many projects, were on the list. My free moments must be focused next week. I have a free day tomorrow plus nothing scheduled for next weekend. That will be a good job done before the bathroom is remodeled. Speaking of that, I started to make decisions on what I want. The product is on a 8-9 week order status, but that's fine with me, bringing the project to September. While I picked out the shower material and floor, I have a bit of time to pick out the vanity. I'm going clean, sleek, ordinary grays, but will buy towels and a rug for color pops. Here's kind of what I'm aiming for, with a walk-in shower, photo from Wayfair.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigdaaQLTT5kKL_-617MHYpH0dTtjO06BBwzdZbAaLCbL1umtp34I1b79zorCJtUJwktH7ngkGPbzizc658uhjaQ9JouUHl23ghR86LdZgJq1lFgJGBXqGADNpgDyZRIzyYD4srOO5-tb1QEYG4-vC4qoF3yOMRiPnPNpssATHMbR66xCBDtcM16F8IwLKe/s1640/Screenshot_20230706-165428.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1640" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigdaaQLTT5kKL_-617MHYpH0dTtjO06BBwzdZbAaLCbL1umtp34I1b79zorCJtUJwktH7ngkGPbzizc658uhjaQ9JouUHl23ghR86LdZgJq1lFgJGBXqGADNpgDyZRIzyYD4srOO5-tb1QEYG4-vC4qoF3yOMRiPnPNpssATHMbR66xCBDtcM16F8IwLKe/w175-h400/Screenshot_20230706-165428.png" width="175" /></a></span></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Most likely I'll then schedule to get the upstairs one redone. Why not? These are projects a decade overdue, and most likely I'll be in this house for a while as even if I wanted to move, options are slim. I don't want to settle. I'm still waiting on the estimate for the patio. I'm on the fence if I'll move forward this summer on that since it's already well into July. Still, the idea of a ready patio next spring is appealing. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt9nB0Ibdn0CFo8eiGbTG6mEHF_En55hJJ3hhUeb9zsQGHLi2TkfCgWjmDjlWuYHkktrE0nRedueeKihcGSPKef-Vsp-iZuWKLkQgXeS3ibyMMaRAjwAtbcfjaMkhz-laSmqYbbk4mdWEnR_XX2NZTQyjqX6NFQzPB0mU7rrZLUD9hbTcNMfUNKTzOdjXD/s1600/IMG_20230707_172222_01.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt9nB0Ibdn0CFo8eiGbTG6mEHF_En55hJJ3hhUeb9zsQGHLi2TkfCgWjmDjlWuYHkktrE0nRedueeKihcGSPKef-Vsp-iZuWKLkQgXeS3ibyMMaRAjwAtbcfjaMkhz-laSmqYbbk4mdWEnR_XX2NZTQyjqX6NFQzPB0mU7rrZLUD9hbTcNMfUNKTzOdjXD/s320/IMG_20230707_172222_01.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> Budget wise, I've got to manage regular cash flow better. Waste needs to be eliminated. I've tried a couple low cost meals, a sort of black bean tostada and a red lentil ragu. Note, chickpea pasta, left from my daughter's college apartment kitchen, is quite mealy. The ragu though, was very tasty. My daughter is starting to get zucchini. We used in a curry and in the ragu. I forgot to take a picture of the first large zucchini from her garden, but she'll have more. Plus, her snap peas are coming. Ugh for her, her fence got backed up again. </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaghameg-r4yC5VacQIM2wQKgg02tn9h1_DF-du4UAOsWLhpVBYSj5C-a2tQMo6tmLZPXKRy-ScMqDpaV6XQU6lFT6_iTVjY9qf9HvCFsVdnSFjBY3fkCV07-JRniW12o9cy48RLY2blL0fsoHwahiTkCSAIzhfUBKY4o-gbDCd4ltWNAepfLmz5NL1Y5o/s710/Screenshot_20230707-172110~2.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="520" data-original-width="710" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaghameg-r4yC5VacQIM2wQKgg02tn9h1_DF-du4UAOsWLhpVBYSj5C-a2tQMo6tmLZPXKRy-ScMqDpaV6XQU6lFT6_iTVjY9qf9HvCFsVdnSFjBY3fkCV07-JRniW12o9cy48RLY2blL0fsoHwahiTkCSAIzhfUBKY4o-gbDCd4ltWNAepfLmz5NL1Y5o/s320/Screenshot_20230707-172110~2.png" width="320" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'll try to blog weekly. Nothing too exciting going on here, but it was nice to talk about getting things done, even if progress is marathon pace rather than a sprint. I've got a graduation party today and I'm back to work Monday. I guess how the week goes will be up to me. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-23794323772527067172023-07-01T07:00:00.058-05:002023-07-01T10:26:40.566-05:00It's Been a MONTH<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> As in, it's been a month since I last blogged and IT'S BEEN A MONTH. I can't say I'm sad to see June go. I had a post typed out and somehow deleted the whole thing. From crap about cars, boats, washing machines, and refrigerator filter waters, losing a blog post seemed par for my course. I still sleep in fits and starts, my physical body pain makes my mental pain even more challenging and likely vice versa. I'll spare the details, but at now past the five months mark of becoming a widow, life's not become any easier. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I find I have a three part process for handling frustrating situations. First, I <strike>bitch</strike> vent out loud, then I cry, then I figure out a solution, even if it's make due for now. The powers that be insist no transaction can be straightforward. I'm bleeding money left and right. Oh well, at some point the major hurdles will be jumped and I'll pull my life back together. Albeit, a chaotic, messy, disorganized life most likely, but pulled together none the less.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIjyRjTGp5LN8n7FV9o7x7bF82ynlz8uG_2DMZfKNmHOZPcH7IfSF2Z87US1Xq6uPHJA6EB0vSIRLAfaiTwQETPYvqMCg8cqwchpLiXIlG37Vo_IGIYxwKKqxrl2oX3ZguuYSXO9yYXZQZ2oMJ_cMZhJ3s7re2f3TR8txx8mOcR2nDLKyU-_q03idPrWLb/s4608/IMG_20230615_091743.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIjyRjTGp5LN8n7FV9o7x7bF82ynlz8uG_2DMZfKNmHOZPcH7IfSF2Z87US1Xq6uPHJA6EB0vSIRLAfaiTwQETPYvqMCg8cqwchpLiXIlG37Vo_IGIYxwKKqxrl2oX3ZguuYSXO9yYXZQZ2oMJ_cMZhJ3s7re2f3TR8txx8mOcR2nDLKyU-_q03idPrWLb/w400-h175/IMG_20230615_091743.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> June wasn't all bad. I had a lovely time tagging along with my sister in a fast two day retreat. We were wined and dined by her company and given a spa afternoon with manicures and pedicures. Only lunch on day two was on my own, and I splurged and ordered poolside. This humble lunch, with the mocktail strawberry lemonade, was $42 tax and tip. Yikes!</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBdWtXft2CTNUdP2Rj9HPr_2nYpMIvgdGFGQnyPjuM3Rj2jYIsDKuBfE9BFAmlUYrRTK9jTgRlXssEJSV2EuKpA-soP_R4EIK1zHttVceCzq1u87g2mxD3xPvyTh4CKl5-LcImMlO2qSOA8cCsbHtOsju2qFMwh6WZsHGEIGfD_YIyntE-vAPR8aaFb6nf/s2742/IMG_20230615_121000_BURST001_COVER~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2023" data-original-width="2742" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBdWtXft2CTNUdP2Rj9HPr_2nYpMIvgdGFGQnyPjuM3Rj2jYIsDKuBfE9BFAmlUYrRTK9jTgRlXssEJSV2EuKpA-soP_R4EIK1zHttVceCzq1u87g2mxD3xPvyTh4CKl5-LcImMlO2qSOA8cCsbHtOsju2qFMwh6WZsHGEIGfD_YIyntE-vAPR8aaFb6nf/w400-h295/IMG_20230615_121000_BURST001_COVER~2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Other June happenings was an in person book club; a welcome change from Zoom. My son was working but the girls and I avoided the lake on Father's Day and had a day poking around a small touristy village not too far from my daughter's. We sampled wine and hard ciders and brought a few bottles of both home. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I also made the first jam of summer. My niece has a sour cherry tree and as we talked on the way to a graduation party, I asked if anyone used them. She told me I was welcome to pick as many as I wanted and let me know when they were ripe. Diabetics beware, but the final product was phenomenal. I picked more to make a couple dessert's plus froze a bunch for a future batch of jam.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQtntZUC8Q4Q6sbz22QGIBz6KJuTlMqghxJiikPTIZjDo12_pdu-4_hy-EAQpfcwhklz2TTf0PVdDKyrLFPT5xj13gytjqqXkHeXhQNtwuQQmn1X-hRQVYzjMiIjT4B6JrwXTOQR7CSgYCUWISvQMVnjN5e1CyXWoBthOMh32SNJSCnmnZXjHOToG6p16w/s2809/IMG_20230630_110516~2.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2809" data-original-width="1766" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQtntZUC8Q4Q6sbz22QGIBz6KJuTlMqghxJiikPTIZjDo12_pdu-4_hy-EAQpfcwhklz2TTf0PVdDKyrLFPT5xj13gytjqqXkHeXhQNtwuQQmn1X-hRQVYzjMiIjT4B6JrwXTOQR7CSgYCUWISvQMVnjN5e1CyXWoBthOMh32SNJSCnmnZXjHOToG6p16w/w251-h400/IMG_20230630_110516~2.jpg" width="251" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAH04qjJJB_jNfsxHcJEOqfdPpnqLd8WsioXSi5zZmMJKQR6IQ_ac0vFn5fRv1fO1CEVHsH4PRRzNutpJLltzpWKdkQu-dyHspSdONfZDbXgF2T9_qjErdco6_yw8EFngjC2N514BzoM25vqQ6o5eZ9gahFFPDsTbCMZEowJ5luPw9kCc7cYJ7-zNsZiD/s2504/IMG_20230630_111955~2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1905" data-original-width="2504" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQAH04qjJJB_jNfsxHcJEOqfdPpnqLd8WsioXSi5zZmMJKQR6IQ_ac0vFn5fRv1fO1CEVHsH4PRRzNutpJLltzpWKdkQu-dyHspSdONfZDbXgF2T9_qjErdco6_yw8EFngjC2N514BzoM25vqQ6o5eZ9gahFFPDsTbCMZEowJ5luPw9kCc7cYJ7-zNsZiD/w400-h304/IMG_20230630_111955~2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"> The kids are a great support system, though I worry about them so much, especially the youngest. My sister's closest in age to me have been my rocks. Some family have been aggravating at best, though I know they mean well. I miss seeing some friends that have been pretty absent since January. I get it. Life is busy, they're busy. I'm grateful for those that do keep connected. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> A good colleague and friend retires next Tuesday. Her party was lovely with her husband and adult children present. Good for her, but I couldn't help feeling sad for what I'm not going to have- a spouse to enjoy retirement with. I guess I've committed to a cruise with several sisters and their spouses. I'll be the 7th wheel. Do people who lose their life partners prematurely ever get over the additional losses, secondary losses as the therapists call them? I miss looking forward to things that never will be. Maybe this is why my original post deleted. Too much of a pity party. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've got the week ahead off work. The first half until Wednesday is R&R. The second half is for a few projects, like a dumpster being delivered to tackle the garage with no mercy. I've done nothing with DH's personal items. Besides a party today at my sister's, I'm going to the lake Sunday. I'm playing it by ear but may stay until Tuesday night. We may have the boat sometime this weekend...maybe it will be able to be transported and launched. I may park myself on it with a book. Pup should like to hang with me on the boat as animals aren' t allowed on the Pontoon. We'll see how grandpup likes it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I get behind and comment rarely, but I am reading the round of blogs, and regular commenters responses. It's comforting to get updates from others, and while I may get wistful, I'm not jealous or resentful reading positive life events. (Well, maybe envy applies.) I also know others are struggling with painful life stuff of their own, and I wish I could do something to ease the pain. Here's to July being a better month ahead.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-68730748481102577312023-06-02T08:27:00.004-05:002023-06-02T08:27:32.852-05:00What's Been Going On<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Happy June. It is officially meteorological summer in Minnesota after a really fine weather Memorial Day weekend. I'm still moving day to day getting done what's absolute, but with the help of kids slowly tackling a few backlogged projects. We're all feeling the loss hard in this new season. DH would have loved having a fine day to help put the dock's in and would have laughed at grandpup learning his place in the extended family of dogs pecking order. Pup was living his best life, short haired and liking the freedom to roam, but never straying too far from my presence. Here's an update on this new life I'm required to figure out.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DS is here indefinitely due to limited work in his field in L.A. While the amount of video games he plays is not my cup of tea, he's also doing back yard work and will be lining up dumpsters and a work crew to take down the deck. He's helping out an extended family member with their new business as well. Between these things, hopefully connecting with old friends, and getting some lake time, he can have an ok summer, for as long as it makes sense to stay.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD1 has planted her raised beds and is starting to see some growth. She's busy with work but also has taken a few shifts in her new friends plant based food truck. DS and I had dinner from there one night, he having a Mediterranean salad and I had a Thai salad. Both were very good. She's still on the wait list for her fence, fingers crossed by the end of June. She's got a work week business trip coming up and hosting out of town friends before that. Her dog remains just a bundle of unconditional love. He did pick up a bad habit of stealing balls from pup from his cousin dogs. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DD2 had a week trip with her best friend and family. She too is little by little filling her summer with both helping me, helping the family member, and is on call again like last summer, with DD1's colleague that needs extra hands. She's just starting volunteering with the local Sierra club, which will both help her keep active and add environmental experience to her resume. Her fellowship starts the end of August. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> And me? Work will be so filled with changes that 12 months from now likely my job won't even be the same. That could be good or bad. I actually looked at a position with a non-profit I used to partner with. I feel I'd likely be a top candidate as the posting reads like my resume and the two people hiring, I believe think very highly about me and my work. It was appealing in that the base pay and benefits was relatively the same ( not much difference in non- profit and public sector) and remote office so I could work from home, but involved 25% travel. That sounds interesting right now to shake up my routine, do something new. Then, I realized that's not the change I want- that would just be different. A job change could add unmanageable stress as I wouldn't have the control over the travel needs. (HP, I heard you 😃).</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I have longer periods of time that I'm not a total mess. Still, there's no pattern, or specific trigger that sets the grief waves in motion. I lost it in tears when DD2 said she too was going to help the cousin. She was DH's favorite cousin, our flower girl, and I know DH would be happy to know his kids are helping her build her dream. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU532pU0e-qnQia1sXrqkugRWPV-2QjC0eE62wbX9hh3-q2OU8W9fgVNT-y0Hpm8uQeCh8XPqIWgg2gGyQ5dseFBmGMAzKUDOf6Hzsq4nTDV3G8VphhDp4n061vJxJHgeE5ANRgHX9oCTVanLeAjOjteI4PPypcEMVciEoX5-jclYkuwD8XxEqQUgiOw/s4608/IMG_20220626_094445.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="4608" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU532pU0e-qnQia1sXrqkugRWPV-2QjC0eE62wbX9hh3-q2OU8W9fgVNT-y0Hpm8uQeCh8XPqIWgg2gGyQ5dseFBmGMAzKUDOf6Hzsq4nTDV3G8VphhDp4n061vJxJHgeE5ANRgHX9oCTVanLeAjOjteI4PPypcEMVciEoX5-jclYkuwD8XxEqQUgiOw/w400-h175/IMG_20220626_094445.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Memorial Day weekend was better than I thought, except the boat. The marine motor company dropped the ball twice on me, and there his boat sat, lonely, the tarp filled with a pool of water. Here I thought I had solved the issue only to be disappointed twice. I was also sad no one offered to help with it either, those with trucks able to pull the trailer. I suppose if they let me down a third time, I'll have to ask for some help. (Edit- they finally just confessed they are too busy to take on DH's boat. Would have been nice to tell me that two months or even a month ago so I could have worked out an alternative plan.) It's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but I needed a little victory. My brother let me down too in another way. He inserted himself into something, but then didn't follow through on what he offered to do. I'm learning who to ask for help, and who not too, because getting hopes raised and dashed is harder than no help at all. It's hard enough having to depend on people, but even worse when you feel like you don't matter when someone says they'll help, but then doesn't. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Financially, I'm feel the weight of a single income. While of course two people spend more than one on consumable items, everything else is a fixed cost whether one or five of us. I'm trying to figure out a true budget, but my spending has been erratic. I'm hoping June levels off and the erratic spending is done and my cash flow or specifically designated saved funds cover the expenses. Wow, this got long and winded. I apologize. I'll leave my update there. I wish I had anything that energizes me, but for now, I guess just trying to manage life is enough. Thanks for reading. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-25118416982928024492023-05-18T09:35:00.011-05:002023-05-18T10:34:53.136-05:00I'm Here and Not<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJTv_mHw-DtZAp8jAqOYAy7lJngZw-QO_UmmKtFoBCfzLjF7VFC9Yq7u7h61GemNvyk_mWE2fq8SCTKp3TZOPtAih3nHmvT_sQfSxCIIh-5b3qykV9octIJ1aJHids-Ik0FSQaeYRWG3sXIBOXTjAY1ahCAxmXmqexXmW5xT_yhUo07yFacguC0VYCVw/s640/mygrownupchristmaslist-mgucl.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="426" data-original-width="640" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJTv_mHw-DtZAp8jAqOYAy7lJngZw-QO_UmmKtFoBCfzLjF7VFC9Yq7u7h61GemNvyk_mWE2fq8SCTKp3TZOPtAih3nHmvT_sQfSxCIIh-5b3qykV9octIJ1aJHids-Ik0FSQaeYRWG3sXIBOXTjAY1ahCAxmXmqexXmW5xT_yhUo07yFacguC0VYCVw/s320/mygrownupchristmaslist-mgucl.gif" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> Good morning. Thank you for past comments, a few emails, and nods to my well being in other bloggers posts. I'm still here, and also not. I found this meme and I understand it. I still don't feel like even semi regular blogging. I'm a ball of anxiousness much of the time, focusing only on what I have to manage. Those things don't seem to be managed very well though. I thought maybe a catch-up might be in order, but warning it'll probably be long and a lot of pity party refection interspersed. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I had three therepy sessions since early April. I found it meh. It wasn't harmful, but not anything more beneficial than the podcasts or videos I've listened to or watched. I had a forced professional development day and session one is on change and resiliency. I was pretty checked out. I don't want to hear or read in chat's other people's challenge figuring out how to get out the door and into the office on the days they choose to not work remote. It feels whiny and insignificant and if they knew what can come out of no where still, finding their car keys at 7:00 a.m. seems pretty mild. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I feel sad, but also bitter at times and I hate that feeling. It's not me. Or it is me, but wasn't me before. Mothers Day was sweet with the girls, but later got pictures texted by DH's sister of her, her daughter, grandchildren, and my mother in law. Four generation photo and I cried and cried. My kids won't even have their dad in a single picture of any future grandchildren. I get frustrated with one of my sisters who has mucked up her life repeatedly, but has just this full overflowing plate of family, and makes every situation about herself or them. She's also full of ridiculous platitudes. It was really bad the weekend of my daughter's graduation, and at two different points directly asked her to stop. I'm planning to go low contact as she's just too draining for me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> So yes, my youngest graduated college and we truly celebrated her. Despite the overwhelming grief, she finished strong, Suma cum laude, and had several job or fellowship offers. She determined a sort of gap year is best before deciding on grad school or career, so took a year long fellowship that starts the end of the summer, in St Paul. She will be home for the summer, and may or may not stay living at home when it starts, depending on her friends living plans and tolerance level living with me. ( My attempt at self humor.) She's hoping to travel, has some intermittent work, and some volunteer commitments in the meantime. Her sister gave her a necklace with a pearl charm, DH's favorite. That was so sweet.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My older daughter is making her house her home. Her dog is doing great, loves the dog park and is such a sweety. She's met a vegan chef with a food truck and is going to help with a few events for both fun and social networking, but of course extra cash. What new home owner can't use extra cash? She's getting a fence put in, but the back log is several weeks. It will be a lovely addition that will give her and dog safety and privacy and help her place feel like a retreat. She's getting her garden going. Fingers crossed!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> DS has been greatly impacted by the writers strike with studios closing up many projects, so not just writers out of work. What little there is has hundreds upon hundreds of candidates. Added anxiety, even if second hand. Depending on duration, he's going to head back to Minnesota by car with his tools and gear. He'll pick up any work he can, but will help me tackle projects that had to wait until the snow melted. I'm glad my kids are sensible in times they have money and can ride out these kinds of times. I'll get the greatly needed help, so trying to see any positives. Seeing him is positive enough for me, but I also know he can't be here to just entertain me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm going to Florida for a few days in June, tagging along with a different sisters work retreat, and scheduled time off over the full week of the 4th of July. I've got a business trip to Phoenix in October ( hey Spo), but haven't booked any travel for escape yet. I still want to run away. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> So that's life at the four month date of losing DH so soon, way too soon. I want to keep moving on, and I guess I am through my kids. I need to work to keep the bills paid and have affordable health insurance, at least for now. It at least gives me something to take up some of my headspace. There's a lot of changes work wise, and I'm leery of how it'll all balance, but have to remind myself it's not just on me, but do worry it'll suck what little resiliency I have. I keep thinking I'll be better equipped to handle this new life forced upon me. I'm not there yet. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-19058710004353819022023-04-28T12:29:00.002-05:002023-04-28T12:29:36.296-05:00Flowers <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I bought myself a small bunch of flowers. It was nice having flowers just because, and not sad flowers. I'm looking forward to farmers markets and the flower stalls.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUJcPOzzniL2qEJzvT3SAtSK-6PhdZamn8IW0r78dpdEscDNvRGRxRWT6uF4fvp_nYbyf8nPVjEnkcEj3RCyEPNhiDaVarV9Nvcqo9FW_GxwcYRh8qAGhe-laQ5MS6Qj1sFBgXWLrOOgU-617uEMffVXIlK1AvyPTote8B90uZ8ds-9DZZwqLQw0ACg/s912/IMG_20230424_162139_01.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="544" data-original-width="912" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUJcPOzzniL2qEJzvT3SAtSK-6PhdZamn8IW0r78dpdEscDNvRGRxRWT6uF4fvp_nYbyf8nPVjEnkcEj3RCyEPNhiDaVarV9Nvcqo9FW_GxwcYRh8qAGhe-laQ5MS6Qj1sFBgXWLrOOgU-617uEMffVXIlK1AvyPTote8B90uZ8ds-9DZZwqLQw0ACg/w400-h239/IMG_20230424_162139_01.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I bought three small hyacinth plants. I'm going to put them around the mail box, plus a little mound of chipped wood mulch to clean it up a bit. Do hyacinth's come back, particularly the ones you buy bulb sprouting already like these? </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMSUSVE1Po7kA9OqMulIJ35BGA6CWCWsmlk4coESmz-IM9XVNeSPpqrYkAfuZXUEa7W9Nr_cSnb4t2x32-a1GnDzWdXMelQ7Mhiox7pxIBMAM6Y7BZXkJklPMYDfqvFoL4M17ag6QUJCOgUold55nowQXd6fPKlOpcU2YCalPNlDmwvSN0DqT_lHEhig/s2754/IMG_20230428_122756~2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1898" data-original-width="2754" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMSUSVE1Po7kA9OqMulIJ35BGA6CWCWsmlk4coESmz-IM9XVNeSPpqrYkAfuZXUEa7W9Nr_cSnb4t2x32-a1GnDzWdXMelQ7Mhiox7pxIBMAM6Y7BZXkJklPMYDfqvFoL4M17ag6QUJCOgUold55nowQXd6fPKlOpcU2YCalPNlDmwvSN0DqT_lHEhig/w400-h276/IMG_20230428_122756~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'll get a few flowers for my flower tins that sit on my porch, but not a lot this year. I want to save the money and put towards more fall bulbs, and just buy myself small bunches of cut when I want to color. I can move the vases inside or out. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Three hyacinth small pots and a small bunch of flowers, my treat to myself. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-77246590176771576072023-04-21T07:30:00.006-05:002023-04-21T07:30:00.226-05:00Things I've Tackled <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've had a crash refresher course in home and life management. I'm using a lot of notes to figure the answers out though. I'm updating ways of doing things little by little so they fit my new household of one. The timing of when utilities are paid and how utilities are paid is going to be different. I'm trying to move things to electronic payment as much as I can. It's a work in progress. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I found a couple big "oofs". My additional life insurance cancelled for non-payment of premium. I was gobsmacked. Ahh, a credit card number changed and there was not a system update. I'm in process of getting that reinstated. I want the kids to have security, particularly the youngest as she'd have no parental back up, should something happen to me before she's truly launched. This policy is locked in the rate until I'm 69. After that, I'm not sure what I'll add for additional term if anything. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> It's all so ridiculously expensive. The same policy on the day I turn 69 goes from $50 per month to over $600. I've time to research. I learned Colonial Penn is pretty minimal coverage. At $10 per month for a mere $1600 in coverage, I'd be better off directly giving the kids money to put in a Roth. What I have in my whole life, plus what's going to be in savings, will be a nice legacy, I hope, after my final expenses are covered as my house is paid for, and no other debt.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I mishandled the best way to deal with my daughter and our taxes. I paid in nearly $700 more than I was anticipating, though that might not have to do with my bobble. Our accountant helped me to file without an extension so that's not hanging over me. We've got a plan to do an amended return for both her and I this summer that will improve our returns cumulatively. Next year we'll schedule early and catch these things. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Then there's stupid actions. On Wednesday, I pulled the garbage and recycling bins back up. I didn't even pay attention that the recycling truck hadn't even been through yet! I was surprised to see it pull in an hour later, two hours later than normal time. There's room for the next weeks materials as I don't have much, but that was just dumb. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> But I had some solo navigation successes too. I started the process for tuning up and getting his boat ready for summer. I finally got his private savings shifted to me so I can make those funds available to my kids. This was money from his grandmother, so I feel strongly it is to go to the kids. It took 9 weeks of red tape though for what should have been a simple close, cashier's check, and deposit. I've got grooming and veterinarian visits scheduled for pup. We've got boarding set up from grandpup and my niece as sitter for pup for daughter's graduation weekend. She can come and go as needed with pup, but couldn't with the young dog. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I managed the movers for a piano from my friend's house to mine. It's sort of DD2's graduation gift as moving pianos is hugely expensive. Music comforts her and while I do little more than tap at keys, I've played a bit on it too. It's ridiculously fitted into my living room, a room too small for the amount of furniture now with the piano and the TV and stand ( because we still prefer to not watch in the family room), but I don't care. I managed to get another deposit in a Roth account for 2022 before the deadline. </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6LX0_uSI_48tkp0w53xNHHwCf1r18lpb0Dl0Y5AxosfKOpgPDYe4pEVcCupourybjNmy7ax9VWxZTKqWzzy3KmPgDQMSRR92BjT6JZcCY4mVnI-YAu4ilDRu-qL-BKJ6Z8H3pZtie8oi83NUtsUOi2pz-A7x55np1qykQgYCtnooZ7nZJTh7mFogu9w/s3146/IMG_20230416_091602~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="3146" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6LX0_uSI_48tkp0w53xNHHwCf1r18lpb0Dl0Y5AxosfKOpgPDYe4pEVcCupourybjNmy7ax9VWxZTKqWzzy3KmPgDQMSRR92BjT6JZcCY4mVnI-YAu4ilDRu-qL-BKJ6Z8H3pZtie8oi83NUtsUOi2pz-A7x55np1qykQgYCtnooZ7nZJTh7mFogu9w/w400-h256/IMG_20230416_091602~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;">The blankets cover where the dogs like to lay, but need to get one on the smaller couch. I know it's a lot going on in a single room. The prints need to be swapped so the piano doesn't block the art. ...a few days later, and done by my daughter.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My to do list is plenty long and seems to grow daily. But, I'm doing something. I'm getting at least one thing done a day even if it's something I dread. </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-67111585853485414172023-04-16T07:00:00.011-05:002023-04-16T17:05:13.610-05:00Taking Care<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I promised my kids I'll take better care of myself. I've really been trying to get my five a day in, even if that's all I eat some days. Other days I actually feel like cooking, per a post a few weeks back. My daughter goes to school in northern Minnesota and they had a blizzard leading into her Easter break. She smartly got on the road and was able to do her Tuesday and Wednesday classes remotely. I had someone to cook for and eat with me for a full week. Joy! </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm trying to take care mentally too. I had some therapy a long while back for other issues I was trying to work through. Nothing heavy, a little EAP, work life balance type stuff. I thought maybe it would be good to help learn some coping strategies so this month started a few sessions with a therapist trained in grief support. I've had a couple sessions, nothing mind bending but it was good to talk unfiltered. I find I worry about putting people off so I'm very guarded about my own emotions. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> For example, my mother-in-law starts every conversation with "I hope you're doing well", which means I say, "I'm ok" because that's what she wants to hear. She's not who I'm going to share with. His whole family have moved to a different stage than I am at, so I'm quite closed with all of them. They're thinking cabin, lake, Easter, Mother's Day, fun stuff. I get it. We all grieve differently and quite frankly, I've always found them emotionally closed, outwardly huggy, but in a rote way. DH was quite different from the rest of his family in that way. When he hugged you it was with purpose. When he said he appreciated something, you know he meant it. But, I don't know how heavy their hearts might be in private; how they are sleeping. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My friends and sisters are great, just give me little arm squeezes, letting me know I can talk or not, but they're here for me. I'm actually tagging along with my sister's business retreat in June. I'll have some time alone, but will get to enjoy the lavish perks thrown at them for two days. I'm actually looking forward to it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've scheduled both routine and follow up medical appointments, though been rescheduled twice. I even scheduled a mental health day for myself prior to a big work week to help bolster my resiliency. I'm walking the dogs, doing little bits of yoga, and trying to not melt into a sobby blob. The nicer weather hopefully will keep me from television bingeing. I appreciate you all (sincerely stated) and hope in time blogging will be fun again, not just an export of my emotional baggage. For all of you grieving, people, job loss, strained relationships, distance, I get it. It's tough some days and then there are little moments of light. I'm trying to take care so I can know them when they come. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Siobhan and I have been emailing each other. My heart is heavy for her and I hope our words back and forth across the ocean are a help. Too many widows in our small blog community, and the love shared between us, and you all that are adding your words of peace are comfort; I read even if I don't have a response. I've really appreciated that no one has thrown empty platitudes on my posts. What I've learned is if you don't know what to say to someone grieving, just say, "I'm thinking of you; I care about you." It truly does help. No one can fix the pain, but knowing you're cared about is comfort.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm nearly to the three months mark. The house is a disaster inside and out. I think my washing machine has given up the the ghost. Ugh, I don't want to shop for a new one as that means bleeding more money (death is expensive and I'm on a single income now), nor do I want people coming in. I'll make do with the work around I've had to do in the laundry room until I can face the inevitable. We had unbelievably warm days, three in a row, but as you see, Friday was the last day of this, and the weekend has been cold and wet. I should be doing spring cleaning. No, I'm trying to ignore the word should, but there's things that must be done. I'm doing those. I guess, I'm just trying to take care.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgePQqchUa2eTbV1JfqAP6omWiNO_zU2U9AjvIUdDaKXW7W-O8t0gWn9g4a9NozkjYrzBuNJm8jq9y04-TIUkaNfYkwVklzvoOI63mhO7IADw5xXoIrOTSRPTTzRVd03iPLXeHPGwSe_0EMhl-CKbu6RGbrbC_VyGek1sNFY-83yBlWDWszBI59dYOOQ/s1392/IMG_20230414_082928~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1048" data-original-width="1392" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgePQqchUa2eTbV1JfqAP6omWiNO_zU2U9AjvIUdDaKXW7W-O8t0gWn9g4a9NozkjYrzBuNJm8jq9y04-TIUkaNfYkwVklzvoOI63mhO7IADw5xXoIrOTSRPTTzRVd03iPLXeHPGwSe_0EMhl-CKbu6RGbrbC_VyGek1sNFY-83yBlWDWszBI59dYOOQ/w400-h301/IMG_20230414_082928~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-76377908808920070832023-04-11T07:19:00.006-05:002023-04-11T07:19:00.208-05:00Pennies (Plus a Quarter) from Heaven<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaxhcfX6e9ORZAzKQonvZ2bJ_YIQfDQBcjv3sUZL3svFMISkl1CKFAku204Bb6mLYewsOHBIzkqjFyBS3VSbnISPZ4U8w8m_7aZE5ses185YhO2I45Y6olv_2k6gUkHWf1kClz5uKfG84mjZiDm5CogzabbyREJRpFWU1gB_blFZ-7ClPvHIFpmqXUA/s2086/IMG_20230401_171801~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1690" data-original-width="2086" height="324" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtaxhcfX6e9ORZAzKQonvZ2bJ_YIQfDQBcjv3sUZL3svFMISkl1CKFAku204Bb6mLYewsOHBIzkqjFyBS3VSbnISPZ4U8w8m_7aZE5ses185YhO2I45Y6olv_2k6gUkHWf1kClz5uKfG84mjZiDm5CogzabbyREJRpFWU1gB_blFZ-7ClPvHIFpmqXUA/w400-h324/IMG_20230401_171801~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /> I write when I feel like it. There's no real time in my life it seems. Remember when I blogged daily? That was a lifetime ago, but really just about 12 weeks. My weeks start on Wednesdays in my head now. If and when I blog, events may be days or weeks old, and possibly merged together in a post with other snippets on different days and weeks. It is comfort to put words down. </span><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> Thursday and Friday two weeks ago were cold, wet, and rainy. I took pup for a long walk Friday early afternoon, hoping he'd do his business so I'd only need to take him out for potty. No luck, but he sure enjoyed sniffing and walking through every puddle he could. No luck then meant we had to go again after 5:00. It was starting to spit, but not yet full on rain.</span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> He and I were both tired as he was unhappy all night with thunderstorms and dare I say, missing grandpup to snuggle in bed with? My daughter had him at her house for the weekend. I was going to just take pup on a road walk, not wanting to get soaked with puddles again in the park, but he clearly wanted the park, pulling in that direction. He is the master, so to the park we went. I rarely look down with pup, just let him do his thing, but something caught my eye. Sluggy would be proud of me finding not one, but five pennies and a quarter. Right after, pup did his thing, the spittle was ramping up into full on rain so we hightailed it home. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm not a huge sign person. But, I like to think the the timing of pup needing a second walk, his insistence on the park path, and the downpour holding off until after I picked up the change might be something. DH was always losing change from his pocket, though usually on the bathroom or bedroom floor. I know it likely was just somebody dropping change walking back from the grocery store. But, what if there was more to it? The change went into the canister, the old croissant and baguette fund, canister, the one I used symbolically as we prepared for our family trip in 2018 to France, Belgium, and Germany. I can think he was saying something, can't I? </span></p><p><br /></p></div>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-22610607666694447202023-04-07T06:26:00.002-05:002023-04-07T06:26:17.524-05:00Pantry Challenge <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I try writing when I think it helps get my mind elsewhere for a bit. Here's something I've picked at over a few weeks. I even added some bad pictures. It's a bit food diary, recipe linkage, challenge kind of post. Food piled up, despite trying to use up leftovers, sending food home with others, and donating unopened items to the food pantry. As my aim was coming into 2023, I want to both eliminate or at least reduce food waste, limit convenience items, and eat a well balanced healthy diet. It's tough cooking for one without boredom, but I do enjoy cooking, and happy to share meals with others. There was some good suggestions for how others plan their meals solo, and I'll find my way. I just don't want to get in a take out/ frozen meal rut. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I was in a particularly deep funk one weekend, procrastinating tasks I should have been doing, and went down rabbit holes of both web searches and YouTube on cooking when it looks like you have nothing in the house, aka, pantry challenges. I probably detest grocery shopping even more now than before. Despite blogging, I'm actually a very private person, so I find myself ducking and weaving to avoid interactions if I'm not feeling strong. Now, I am far from having nothing in the house, but not necessarily neat easy to prepare items. But, I decided to try and be creative, making twists on recipes I found, substituting anything not found with what I thought might be a suitable alternative. Here's a few results.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://www.bowlofdelicious.com/curry-soup/">Chickpea and potato curry soup</a>: This was more inspiration than recipe following. I had to substitute almond milk with a bit of corn starch and lemon juice in place of coconut milk. I also didn't have an onion but used onion powder. It worked. I made basmati rice to pour it over, so it thickened with that change as well. It really was more of a thin Chala aloo masala. I just made that up, but it did have vegetables, proteins, and spice so better than opening a canned soup. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5jrA-Ud6_LBebfRMDvMCf0pdoMxYWiU1v_NGIecwkqxnGSXGyCpnrOPv1UL1GkAZ-Vnnucg2gfaf0T31Nx2vzdaKK21eWzVLrn2L_DsRbWylNUgv8VpAqllXchRar9DSoY96s_M88GD70ESEixis6T3b6KLXWLLuQ7QBjcS7wU0sFT6Z83YL_yXQa1Q/s1976/IMG_20230322_092727~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1443" data-original-width="1976" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5jrA-Ud6_LBebfRMDvMCf0pdoMxYWiU1v_NGIecwkqxnGSXGyCpnrOPv1UL1GkAZ-Vnnucg2gfaf0T31Nx2vzdaKK21eWzVLrn2L_DsRbWylNUgv8VpAqllXchRar9DSoY96s_M88GD70ESEixis6T3b6KLXWLLuQ7QBjcS7wU0sFT6Z83YL_yXQa1Q/w400-h293/IMG_20230322_092727~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/no-knead-bread/">No knead bread: </a>I misread for a single loaf on the long rise method and used whole packet of yeast, so divided into two- one plain, one with garlic and Italian seasoning. One loaf was baked in my Dutch oven and the other with a loaf pan, covered with second loaf pan. Both were delicious and were used for toast, grilled cheese, and snacking during that week. I sent some with my daughter and froze in slices to keep until used. Seriously easy, but I know the long oven time might dissuade others from making this. Doing two loaves helped offset energy use. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH748OrQHvgUsezh0LBCs2sBd2ejDF_xN6fZLRK3P4fW0zYgKsgQAeM2o5NjIHAhbdR7dzUT_OiNeUTD4gKEh6SA98uFZf5lVPwZ3qldoo6V5NdmXIUCTpt_SAvQ9ED-aBelR6i1cFv8o6658zqyfLooCoEky3qgRUC0WTGceRLarzXYmue06YrtAr4Q/s2599/IMG_20230318_194717~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1765" data-original-width="2599" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH748OrQHvgUsezh0LBCs2sBd2ejDF_xN6fZLRK3P4fW0zYgKsgQAeM2o5NjIHAhbdR7dzUT_OiNeUTD4gKEh6SA98uFZf5lVPwZ3qldoo6V5NdmXIUCTpt_SAvQ9ED-aBelR6i1cFv8o6658zqyfLooCoEky3qgRUC0WTGceRLarzXYmue06YrtAr4Q/w400-h271/IMG_20230318_194717~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My daughter joined me a few Sunday nights ago. We made an improvised Bolognese with a can of whole tomatoes, lots of spices, and some frozen veggie balls found in the freezer, served over spaghetti. The veggie balls sort of fell apart in the tomatoes, but it worked ok. I gave it a kick with red pepper flakes. I sent pasta with her for lunch and I ate two days for lunch. I froze extra soup for my college kid. </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgupFcy_-GOwec-eYo1xv_LyXDOFHwvyGK_5jJaVxOxb49S0hCojEh3Yqn3_Hfmo5G47KXRpS1o_Xr7ztdOAEfqi24AsimkKaA1SWdZIe4JYWX4CIkGFiq5KLLlE2pNA7q-h6miNKHMvtHLUhPePi1p31xj8ltEPJbadSuZAxVLIA--qB7GFCEXqrYFGw/s2042/IMG_20230401_124904~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1981" data-original-width="2042" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgupFcy_-GOwec-eYo1xv_LyXDOFHwvyGK_5jJaVxOxb49S0hCojEh3Yqn3_Hfmo5G47KXRpS1o_Xr7ztdOAEfqi24AsimkKaA1SWdZIe4JYWX4CIkGFiq5KLLlE2pNA7q-h6miNKHMvtHLUhPePi1p31xj8ltEPJbadSuZAxVLIA--qB7GFCEXqrYFGw/w400-h388/IMG_20230401_124904~2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Bean and ham soup with mozzarella cheese on home-made herb bread from the freezer. I do eat food other than soup, but with perpetual winter, it works. </span></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span> This past Saturday when we woke up to another bad April fools joke of 10 inches of snow, I just didn't want to leave the house. I dug out a frozen bag of prepared pinto beans, some boneless ham ends from Christmas Eve, two stalks of celery, and Better than Bouillon for an easy bean soup. There was still the herb bread in the freezer to eat with it. I just can't cook for one it seems, so once again filled my freezer with two hefty portions, and still ate the soup for lunch an additional two days. </span>No ones going to say I'm going without meals. </span></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgrbCg0w0S1SNTZ_lEfv8lsdPRS3ovuiHTA3JPktkV1fDykEcbZXB8J8-fOCsGGrsMnkyIt8xAaLWQAsuUjyiPRAvkHd1q6PiVBfd4Kmo9oWB1Ia89tmdc1EcRXOw4VwdPEDmiWJ1uEgx-xaE28fkzV2DvJ6uYtdw3vlnSj4I7MZQCWaUp5DLns5k4Jw/s3412/IMG_20230322_115818~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1979" data-original-width="3412" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgrbCg0w0S1SNTZ_lEfv8lsdPRS3ovuiHTA3JPktkV1fDykEcbZXB8J8-fOCsGGrsMnkyIt8xAaLWQAsuUjyiPRAvkHd1q6PiVBfd4Kmo9oWB1Ia89tmdc1EcRXOw4VwdPEDmiWJ1uEgx-xaE28fkzV2DvJ6uYtdw3vlnSj4I7MZQCWaUp5DLns5k4Jw/w400-h233/IMG_20230322_115818~2.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Do you use old plastic to freeze? This sour cream container holds cooked basmati rice to go with the two pouches of curry soup I froze for my college kid. </span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;"> The girls are with me this weekend, plus it's Easter. We're going to my sister's for brunch Sunday. I'll stop at my mother-in-laws but we're not having her big family meal. I just can't. I mostly need to get stuff done- anything done, to try to move a bit to whatever my life is going to be now. Thanks friends for being here. </span><p></p><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-54646699038143390602023-04-02T06:52:00.015-05:002023-04-02T06:52:00.213-05:00Day to Day<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I keep thinking or wishing certain days should be easier than others. None are. Wednesday was the last day I spoke to him, and the day he passed away. Thursday was his day off, so I'd hear him out and about, coming and going. Thursdays are just too quiet now. Friday was our quiet stay at home, often pizza and TV together night as he worked Saturdays. Saturday was date night, or getting together with others. It's hard hearing about others weekend plans. Sunday we finally both had a day off together and now, it's just another 24 hours. Monday he usually came home from work for lunch, knowing we had leftovers from either a dinner out or a nice homemade meal. I usually could pause work and join him. Tuesday he often got home earlier as his Wednesdays were long as he was in charge of the store. I made sure to cook on Tuesdays, often fajita's, tacos, or burritos, or pasta dishes, his two favorite types of meals. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I know in time the memories will give me comfort. Making a perfect lasagna and knowing he would have enjoyed it heartily. Watching a silly new television show with his dad joke sense of humour will make me think of his laughing giddily and with no filters. He had an infectious laugh that in of itself brought joy. Maybe some day invitations to join his best friends and their wives for dinner out will feel special rather than lonely. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've got bittersweet life events to get through. I'm looking forward to and fearing how I'll handle my daughter's college graduation next month. I have no idea how going to the lake will feel. Then there's father's day, 4th of July and his birthday this summer. His birthday was to be the day he officially announced retirement. It's a year of firsts to get through, each one being grateful to have my kids, my family, my friends around me, but missing him, and being so sad he's missing out. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I want to be able to travel eventually, seeing places we wanted to see together, and maybe some new places not previously thought of, new views that help me find some solace. I have to have faith that he's truly in a better place or I don't think I could muster the energy to leave my house. I explore Expedia, plugging in random places and departure dates, not really planning any thing or to go anywhere, but it fills a little time and the emptiness for a bit. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Writing out my thoughts is supposed to help. Talking about him, sharing memories, saying his name, is all supposed to help. Maybe in time it will. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimbPZI8W3rb0yVHH9tAczB6o9ySSUgVJaZrJLsiuYxtPTyz5rLbbvbXkxCdEh9LV8fosBz_D4aKRTCDRE6X5U6CzL5bOl7MfsJquXqunZK8mcyb-l5t533lBEuXJVhX-5IVfX8CA0z92uis2ZY8c5_mXsrhGMAM6khQ5wGrFr943SN1YFSkTsnFBDemQ/s1587/IMG_20230331_082832~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="908" data-original-width="1587" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimbPZI8W3rb0yVHH9tAczB6o9ySSUgVJaZrJLsiuYxtPTyz5rLbbvbXkxCdEh9LV8fosBz_D4aKRTCDRE6X5U6CzL5bOl7MfsJquXqunZK8mcyb-l5t533lBEuXJVhX-5IVfX8CA0z92uis2ZY8c5_mXsrhGMAM6khQ5wGrFr943SN1YFSkTsnFBDemQ/w400-h229/IMG_20230331_082832~2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com51tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-90401227665470872962023-03-26T06:52:00.004-05:002023-03-31T06:33:04.817-05:00Me Right Now<p> Update: I decided to go ahead and publish comments though not of a good brain to respond individually. My heart is breaking for Siobhan, and wanted her comment to be read by others, and be able to reply since I don't have any other way to let her know she has my love. Yesterday was a hard, sad, feeling hopeless kind of day. But, it got better, or I felt better as the day moved on. Sister's reached out, a coworker prayed with me, the dogs snuggled, my daughter joined me for dinner, I texted with my son, and I helped review a job application with my college kid. I still had a day, a life. </p><p>Edit: I'm choosing not to post the comments but know I appreciate the support. I had read the article I referenced as it resonated so much. I'll be ok in time. Just not yet. </p><p>On becoming a widow over 50 but not yet 60.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixwhB08Jg_Lce77bLAte6-Sq6uVsynrV6mMI4rZq2xU0Spohsv9lkKmZL-IOriWhOv-eSyb_3QGYijnyqSiyRp2eVv0pBpwR5PFH9XpuHftGekfDTXIYhcBk0TdZCWgrxw3LzcRoWF4Q_p83pzUJzbDJ1H_6biC-QEqM0BVLqkkqiqKdglfxN3FKEt-Q/s259/images.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixwhB08Jg_Lce77bLAte6-Sq6uVsynrV6mMI4rZq2xU0Spohsv9lkKmZL-IOriWhOv-eSyb_3QGYijnyqSiyRp2eVv0pBpwR5PFH9XpuHftGekfDTXIYhcBk0TdZCWgrxw3LzcRoWF4Q_p83pzUJzbDJ1H_6biC-QEqM0BVLqkkqiqKdglfxN3FKEt-Q/s1600/images.jpeg" width="259" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p> "Grief is compounded for the lone parent as the nest empties and the prospect of loneliness looms. All the rewards of all those years of saving, sacrificing and planning for companionable retirement have come to nothing. Fifty something bereaved people are often angry and bitter. Sometimes they are angry with the deceased for leaving them, for not looking after themselves, and for not going to the doctor sooner when symptoms first appeared." </p><p>This is me; my life, my mind, right now. To a T. </p><p>Passage from <a href="https://johnwilsononline.org/2013/10/17/death-of-a-partner-how-age-affects-grief-and-grieving/">Death of a Partner: How age affects grief and grieving.</a></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-21054694865665283532023-03-19T07:38:00.000-05:002023-03-19T07:38:38.912-05:00On Trying To Find a New Life<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> It's now been two months since my husband passed away. I started the <a href="https://pupsandsam.blogspot.com/">dog blog</a>; dog people will understand it's easy to give your heart and soul to them because you get it back ten fold. I'm still sleeping in fits and starts, can't seem to get my mind settled, and waves of sadness flood me. Benign comments made by people that wouldn't see the significance, or are meant to be helpful, can put me melting down. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I'm blogging a bit. The old format of a daily theme isn't sitting in my head, but </span><span style="font-family: arial;">time and money management feel really important. The dreams of working towards a retirement with my husband are gone, yet I've still got dreams for my family that I hope keeps DH ever present in our lives. Places he wanted to go, opportunities for the kids, hobbies he encouraged me to pursue, and getting things updated on the house. I can't think ahead, but eventually will plan and do things. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My budget isn't austere, but it's not flush either. I'll still have the required pension contribution and I intend to fully fund my 401K. My take home pay feels lean when I look at all the places my money needs to go. I made a new budget, accounting for every category I can think of, and on paper I'm OK. It'll take a few months to see if it is realistic. I'll have expenses for the boat and cabin too, that are a bit unknown, so I put a new budget holder for sinking funds, so the money is there when the bills come. There's no longer a safety net of two incomes, or as we planned after he retires, the option for him to start SS or draw from his 401K. I could draw from his 401</span><span style="font-family: arial;">K as a widow, but it's complex and the requirements and hoops feel like too much, so I want to live on just my take home for the time being. I'm working with a financial advisor and attorney to get all his accounts under me. What a process! Then, I need to update all the beneficiary information. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> The last few months were expensive. Funeral expenses were astronomical but the folks that made the arrangements were phenomenal, and I don't regret letting them do all the coordination. Extra fees added for changing titles and utilities, postage costs for certified mail (with items still getting lost), ordering in food, and just more expenses having the kids here and no one looking at anything thrifty, just getting through day to day minimizing stress, all add up. I am fortunate to have funds to cover these added expenses. Now I'll figure out true costs for my life. Going forward, just like when we were trying to live off just my income, I need to pay attention to the mindless spending. Finding little perks is something to amuse me and helps a bit with the budget. I might continue to dabble in Fetch and MS Rewards, but I really don't like Ibotta. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've also the reality of living alone, managing a household alone. There's so much to get done. Besides so much on our to do list, just day to day feels overwhelming. Divide and conquer no longer applies. A person never realizes how big a house and property is when suddenly living in a four bedroom, two bathroom house alone. I had that reality the night after my son left. This sounds really stupid, but tackling the trash felt daunting, but then like a major accomplishment. Early Wednesday is garbage pick up. I had to make sure all items from around the house were in trash or recycling including boxes from shelving the kids put together for me, get the bins maneuvered around snow piles, full and heavy to the end of the driveway, while making sure neither dog escaped. Success! I've managed, with the help of the kids, to keep shoveling under control with this snowy winter. By myself, I'm adding snow plowing to the budget and likely lawn care. Neither are my thing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I think I want to use cooking, meal prep, baking, and other things food related as a sort of therapy. I've sisters on their own, from being widowed too. Of eight girls, five of us lost husband's fairly young, one sister, her ex husband, her second husband, and her last significant other, all before 70. My sister who passed away unexpectedly nearly 10 years ago had lost her husband two years earlier. I didn't mean to go down this sad road. My point was there is no reason I can't cook and have them over whenever our schedules mesh. I can explore more plant-based baking and meal recipes, continuing to try and take better care of myself. It took a while to get through both meals people brought, plus extra food bought when the kids were here, but slowly I'm buying more than just the odd </span><span style="font-family: arial;">item. I enjoyed making a few favorites when my daughter was on spring break, then sent her back with frozen portions for lunches or dinners when she doesn't want to eat in the dining hall or have time to cook. I'm eating lots of big salads, thanks Lori, and fruit for snacks. Produce adds up as fast as meat, so it'll be an eye opener what I really spend on groceries.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm taking each day as they come, trying to get at least one "need to do" thing done a day/night, but that pace needs to pick up. There are obvious things that have to be done eventually that I can't face yet. The no rules for dogs means the house truly needs a deep clean. We're still in ice and snow here ( so much ice and snow) but I hope with eventual spring, I'll have more motivation. Right now, I'm just so tired, a mix of grief, frustration, and sleep that's choppy and inconsistent. My day job exhausts me mentally, and I pretty much go to bed to attempt some sleep, after the dog or dogs are taken care of for the night. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> All this rambling is to say my blog title, Sam, Coffee, Money, and Thyme might still be a fit. There were suggestions to write about the paperwork, tips etc. dealing after a spouse's death. While I can appreciate the suggestion, there's a gazillion other writers that have tackled the basics better than I could. The minutia, I have learned, is so varied situation by situation, state, by state, that it wouldn't be helpful to readers and would be just upsetting to me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> This got really long as I just seemed to let things flood out of my head to the blog. If you're reading, I'm glad you stuck around while I've paused. If you've moved on, I guess you won't see this, but I've enjoyed this community and the people here. While I can't commit to frequency or topic, I think I'll be here. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-61054719754277829442023-03-09T06:33:00.002-06:002023-03-09T06:48:43.181-06:00Second Blog for the Dogs <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Writing is a good mind release. I've got drafts of stuff but haven't published much. I was toying many months ago to start a second Blog just about our life with the dogs. That's one thing I've actually accomplished, though likely posts will be sparse. If you're looking for another read, hop over to my inaugural post, add to your blog rolls, or visit now and then at <a href="https://pupsandsam.blogspot.com/2023/03/meet-main-characters.html">lt's a Dog's Life</a>. Thank you all again for the kindness. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJaV2OI5XF5Yk9E2OpOzgY4Vxqs28JVPDe7wRRCBledIYgMull-6lOrpMr-J-z7Mlm0pnGtrC2LiYvzvOFs4m2gHg3TDj7kcx6njctnku_Yrjw6SWrQhugRYkGMqSS_Zp8bUUAowbkoq3PglMat9htjn7XHj9ysKEvoh7Ti_AE1OBLP-9KMS3MCsfdQ/s2456/IMG_20230308_130025~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2456" data-original-width="2004" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJaV2OI5XF5Yk9E2OpOzgY4Vxqs28JVPDe7wRRCBledIYgMull-6lOrpMr-J-z7Mlm0pnGtrC2LiYvzvOFs4m2gHg3TDj7kcx6njctnku_Yrjw6SWrQhugRYkGMqSS_Zp8bUUAowbkoq3PglMat9htjn7XHj9ysKEvoh7Ti_AE1OBLP-9KMS3MCsfdQ/s320/IMG_20230308_130025~2.jpg" width="261" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p><br /></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-26187322257428449382023-02-19T13:50:00.007-06:002023-02-19T20:59:27.657-06:00Check-In<p><span style="font-family: arial;"> It's been a month since my husband died unexpectedly, changing my and my kids world completely. I've read your sweet comments and emails, the cards sent in real post, and feel the love and support of this online community. I'm just trying to navigate life now. Every day there's something new, more paperwork, a punch in the gut reminder of plans we made that won't happen, the loss all over again. I may not share any details, or maybe in time, I'll feel like sharing. I don't know from day to day how I will or am supposed to be. I hear this is normal. What's normal though anymore? I feel mixed between having no patience for whining about stupid life annoyances and being jealous of those same people who have the luxury of letting a little annoyance be their biggest pain of the day. I'm reading blogs, it's a bit of routine I feel is helpful, but have rarely commented. I like reading what's going on (my impatience with whining aside), new day trips and explorations, family life, funky (to me) ensembles that bring the blogger joy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I left a comment to Kim, who I want to see in person and just be silent side by side because she knows, and I wanted her to know I am with her, at least in my heart. I commented to Sluggy to let her husband buy the beer. I wish my husband would have just bought more of the simple things that make him smile. He was a good man, a good provider, always wanting to make sure we were all taken care of, so delayed self-gratification frequently. It took him decades to finally buy his boat, and now there it sits, without a captain. Buy the beer people. Better yet, indulge those aches and pains, "just a cold", or any other symptom with honest to goodness medical care. I have so many "I should have made him" moments, it eats me up. But, I have as many, "I'm glad we got to do this" moments as well. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> The kids picked out the music for his memorial video, his favorites and ones important to them and him. We all together selected where we will make donations in his memory. DS spoke at the service on their behalf. DD1 wrote a beautiful poem for the tribute cards, and DD2 picked her favorite contemporary song for the service <i>10,000 Reasons. </i>We included my mother-in-law in the plans too, and she selected the other hymn for the service. Our two God children read the verses we selected. There were more flowers than I had ever seen and both the visitation and service the next day were filled with people we knew and didn't but knew him through business or as old classmates. The service itself was fairly brief, with the pastor, who was pretty shook up by DS's death himself, giving a wonderful talk. So many people commented that the service was just so beautiful and fitting for him. And now, it's done. A month has gone by and it still feels like a really horrible dream. I cry at odd things, and things I suppose anyone would cry over in my situation. I try being strong, particularly when dealing with the never-ending paperwork, follow-up calls, or utility companies and insurance companies. I try being strong when the kids are around me, but then will ask for a few minutes to myself. Pup tends to barge into my bedroom and join me. He's seen often sitting and watching the front door. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> My old blog content just doesn't fit right now, maybe will not again. We were trying to plan for an early retirement that won't be coming now. It's just me to think about, and how I can use some of the good planning he did and we did together to help our kids live out their hopes and dreams with a little less financial stress. It would make my husband happy to know and see them moving forward as they can, living productive lives as the good and kind people we raised them to be. They are all grieving hard, and in their own way. It's hitting them each differently as both their relationships with him, and where they are in life is so different. My son stayed longer but will be leaving soon. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> He is helping me make sure the most important things are done, and the things on the house that need attention are planned for. DD1 has stayed here more than her own house, and it's been a hard return to school for DD2. She will come home whenever she needs but is trying to stay on track for her spring graduation. I took nearly two full weeks off, but then resumed work for the rest of this month on what I'm calling an intermittent schedule. I'm doing things that have to be done, triaging, and delegating things others can do. Basically, I'm just trying to keep my job floating. I'll take a vacation week when DD2 has spring break, but then will just take scheduled time as needed for all the appointments I still have to make, in person, by phone, or virtually. Did I mention the never-ending paperwork? I don't know how long I'll keep working now. My timeline has probably changed, but I'll make no decisions for a while. With all the time I've had off, I still have over five weeks of vacation banked, and sick leave to cover whatever time I determine is needed to manage my physical and mental health needs. I plan to use it and be selfish, no self-preserved, and use every minute I've earned. I know I am incredibly privileged to not have worries that so many in my situation would have and that is down to DH being such a good man and always putting his family first.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I don't know when I'll formally blog again. Maybe I'll start something new in time. I appreciate the respect for my privacy not wanting to share the details of his passing. I did think you all deserved though to know directly from me that your kindness, support, and virtual hugs, were seen, felt, and appreciated. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Thank you, </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">Sam</span></p><p><br /></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com55tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-9867784262798144662023-01-18T08:43:00.000-06:002023-01-18T08:43:15.796-06:00My Wednes Pantry- Loss Leaders and the Economy <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> Not that there's been many ad prices to write home about, but I'm trying to execute a better "stock up and shop my pantry" plan for 2023. Supplemented with just essentials and whole ingredients, I think we can have a healthy and well balanced menu. I hope to at least maintain our previous budget, average of $475, grocery, health, beauty, and household. If I can skinny off 10% or more, all the better. It got me thinking, if enough people do this, will the economy be harmed? Can stores afford this? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> I came to the conclusion that will never happen. People with busy lives, kids and careers to juggle, social lives, and elder care, are the majority and won't shop this way. Seeing the <a href="https://www.fns.usda.gov/sites/default/files/media/file/CostofFoodNov2022LowModLib.pdf">USDA average budgets</a> tells me this. Personally on my end, if I buy loss leaders at a variety of places, but basics in my local store, I'll hopefully balance out my budget and supporting local stores. I also don't plan on making special runs, but like Saturday, stop on route from somewhere else. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">There's some basics I want to keep on hand at all times:</span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Dry beans</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Shelf stable milk and plant milk </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Flour </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Sugar </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Yeast</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Ground flax</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Variety of spices, salt, pepper</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Baking soda and powder</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Oil- olive and vegetables </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Canned tomatoes </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Rice</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Assorted pasta</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Assorted canned vegetables and fruit </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> I've been cooking with these, along with loss leaders, fresh and frozen veg and dairy, and lowest cost purchased meat. I'm still buying eggs, but more like a dozen every 2 weeks or so. I'm not saving for baking, but using flax eggs, frozen banana, or other substitutes, or looking for vegan recipes. We like eggs as a protein option and find as a scramble or bake, can stretch with other ingredients. For example the four egg bake, with getting close to gone veg and cheese, fed us both brunch, me a lunch, and we finished using as an egg sandwich between thin slices of toasted homemade bread. That was a delicious breakfast sandwich and quite filling. Here was a use up the remnants of deli meat and a hunk of Colby cheese made on slices of the same homemade garlic and herb bread.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bTm03EL18Crn2nCh0Ep69MgOMkq1KpT9FVpzEIWOu9p3yRmKq15Fh50zAZu4UUKKSFqCrN46jdTVltukUkQ_YTGHHpL9xoXnh7cqXaHFDrfethOR_KAGK_5d-hxz6fDVztE1qe58B3c4JDEgrpoKNYBCFAYuths_HPPl38DtprLRbPRh7qaruIx2rw/s2400/IMG_20230115_123845~2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2016" data-original-width="2400" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bTm03EL18Crn2nCh0Ep69MgOMkq1KpT9FVpzEIWOu9p3yRmKq15Fh50zAZu4UUKKSFqCrN46jdTVltukUkQ_YTGHHpL9xoXnh7cqXaHFDrfethOR_KAGK_5d-hxz6fDVztE1qe58B3c4JDEgrpoKNYBCFAYuths_HPPl38DtprLRbPRh7qaruIx2rw/s320/IMG_20230115_123845~2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bread didn't rise much, this was a salad<br />plate. The bread didn't taste heavy though. These were the last of Christmas cornichons. </td></tr></tbody></table><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> This is old school to most of you. It's old school revisited to me. I'm trying to see as a fun way to experiment in the kitchen rather than the stress of inflation and the chore of meal prep. DH loved the homemade bread, so I'll try to do weekly. At least for this month. I hope I keep it up as the year goes on.</span></div>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com73tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6173509801114364154.post-14139751190995300342023-01-17T07:02:00.000-06:002023-01-17T07:02:15.188-06:00Positively Tuesday- Land of Ice <p><span style="font-family: arial;"> We've had a bit of January thaw, but we had so much ice it's not getting the layers up. Walking is still a risky endeavour. With yesterday off, I worked to chip up pieces so the warmth could maybe do it's thing better. I at least got the sidewalk ice removed, plus some of the icy pile up where DD2'S car was parked. That was a work out. Family, work, and weather was the summary of my week. Even with work stress and frustration, joys, smiles, and simple pleasures outnumbered my grimaces. </span></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Tuesday</b>: I made DD2's favorite soup and cupcakes for an early birthday while they all went to the Avatar movie. It was a nice last relaxing night with everyone. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Wednesday</b>: Ice condition's gave me extra hours with all my kids, made an early lunch for DS and DD2 of curry, packing a few meals for her to take back to school. With DS not leaving until nearly 4, I made him a couple wraps as an early dinner. Making food for people makes me happy when it's not an obligation and is appreciated. All eventually got to their destinations safely. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Thursday</b>: DH was off but he was in and out throughout the day. I got a nice message out of the blue from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. We're making plans to meet up. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Friday</b>: Work was very frustrating, but I managed to shake off my initial disbelief at what was coming soon, and went into problem solving mode. It's not solved, but at least I'm resigned to fixing so not ready to give immediate notice. I played with the dogs and that helped my mood. I made homemade pizza and we watched SWAT and Fire Country. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Saturday</b>: I had a productive morning, though the productivity fizzled out. I read a few pages of a few books, but then decided to bake. I made pumpkin bread and garlic and herb. I had a texting conversation with my daughter wishing her happy birthday, though we celebrated earlier in the week. Later DH and I went out for supper. I may have had a margarita. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Sunday</b>: So disappointed with the Vikings play and their playoff loss. They just didn't make the plays when needed, but I'm not gonna be a fair weather fan. Next year! The ice cleats came and helped a lot. I put the mediums on an old pair of tennis shoes so they can just be ice walking shoes for the path. I have to step outside to put them on and take off so I don't scratch the entry tile, but I'm happy with them so far. I took pup for two walks in the nice warmish weather. </span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;"><b>Monday</b>: With sort of the day off ( I had a few calls from Friday's mess, plus did some triage of messages), I started my day with longer than just my 10 minute yoga, 10 minute meditation. My back and mind needed both. DD1 came over for supper, bringing her dog to hang out here again a few days due to her work schedule. He's getting easier and more dog like, so less interruptions, other than his cuteness. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFkVLbDJcgFFRYvEdJnKndMGYcdA4bIqVMglhAHlG9tfKeoqvL7GmHnanf4zFkgUqpnWbVM0WGfKQuVEU_cejzdHZehkDGpbD3W7yFjJ8li2XdCItzMKKOVM8IQd5IwCI7adOYzsl_tTwhF5gUK6ydYCxOSeVUIndkkznc4a7uGddNqDV8gkFUwdtkKA/s3167/IMG_20230116_093629~2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1763" data-original-width="3167" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFkVLbDJcgFFRYvEdJnKndMGYcdA4bIqVMglhAHlG9tfKeoqvL7GmHnanf4zFkgUqpnWbVM0WGfKQuVEU_cejzdHZehkDGpbD3W7yFjJ8li2XdCItzMKKOVM8IQd5IwCI7adOYzsl_tTwhF5gUK6ydYCxOSeVUIndkkznc4a7uGddNqDV8gkFUwdtkKA/s320/IMG_20230116_093629~2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: arial;"> January is a doldrums month for me so I need to dig hard to find the joys. But I and my loved ones have woken up each day in relatively good health, have food, shelter, and each other. That's always worth looking on the bright side about. </span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>SAMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16485146123969622896noreply@blogger.com18