I'd love to have a good sit down conversation about this article that came through some feed describing a not quite depressed state as Languishing. Maybe if you read it you could comment.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html?fbclid=IwAR3hzMkjSodbrWSp9uMNkgiaWAzvgVg1u14FaKMP93KR_GavSOjse63AZhQ
It seems a very melodramatic word for slowing down, stepping back for someone like me. I've been able to work from home. We've had some income reduction but doing fine. Our family and friends are healthy. I suppose I do have "diminished vitality" as the Webster dictionary includes as part of their definition. That's my own fault though getting sucked into the internet or streaming instead of doing productive things in my down time.
I'm back from vaccine dose two. I don't even think we were gone a full hour. Maybe that diminished vitality will turn around with the new hope of mobility and socialization. I'm happy the J&J is back in the rotation. I'll breath relief when my son says he's done. How would you describe your state of being? Do you feel you are languishing right now, and if so how will you know your out of that state?
Not languishing, but feeling a bit...ethereal? I get into patterns where I don't seem to know what day it is. Its been worse since school returned to an in-person option, as now kids, instead of having Google Meets 4 times/week, for 1/2 day, only meet 2 times/week, for 15 minutes/period. As they would spend just as much, if not more time on the bus as they would in school, they opted to stay home.
ReplyDeleteI didn't really socialize much to begin with. I outgrew that shortly after college. I discovered that I really enjoy my own company. I understand, though, how others, particularly teens/young adults could be suffering, as I see it in my Would-Be-College-Boy. He's not suffering socially, per se, he is just languishing as he waits for campus to reopen. He will NOT take remote classes, claiming, while he'd do o.k., he'd be doing little more than jumping through the hoops, while learning nothing. This is funny, because when he first started with dual enrollment, simply to remove himself from the high school, he was quite certain he would love online classes--no lectures, doing the work on HIS schedule--then he stepped in a college classroom, and realized he loved it. He said the environment even made classes he didn't care for almost enjoyable. In terms of vitality, fortunately, my kids get along well, and lean on one another for support/socializing.
I don't think missing socialization means I haven't out grown a stage of life. It's not a growth point to me. Frankly, I wish I'd have not outgrown many other parts of life that used to give me joy. I see myself wanting companionship outside of myself and household until I take my last breath. I'm happy, yes, with myself, but not readily being able to connect in person has been the hardest part of SAH. I won't say lack of freedoms-in a public health crisis the closing of high touch crowded places and events, and guidance to reduce virus spread, makes sense. But I miss the mobility, the choice to socialize and partake in groups and crowds without compromising my or someone elses health.
DeleteI read the article before commenting and I think it is spot on. I have felt overwhelmed by all the changes since covid, overwhelmed with all the "stuff" in my house both from the lake place and Mom's house, overwhelmed by physical tasks getting Mom's place on the market, and overwhelmed with the task of taking care of "stuff" by myself since TheHub is busy with his "stuff" at work.
ReplyDeleteI think the term "indifferent to feeling indifferent" sums up my emotional state right now. If I did not look for something joyous everyday I think I would surrender to feeling like I was stuck in a vat of emotional pudding that was viscous enough to keep me suspended for a while, before pulling me completely under.
Your year has not only Covid to deal with but multiple life changing events. Having lost your mom alone was heart wrenching, I'm sure. The fact you find joy each day is wonderful and you've given many of us the kick needed to do the same. Emotional pudding-such apt words for whatever this life situation is.
DeleteI saw that article and also thought "languishing" was a bit over the top, but who knows, maybe it is true for some people. I was actually thinking about it later and thought "lassitude" better applied to me, but I can't speak for anyone else!
ReplyDeleteI've not had to deal with deaths, loss of job, illness. I've been able to be healthier not exposed to the annual "work on office while sick" crowd. My biggest loss was a cancelled Kas Vegas trip. But, the choices being gone to just do and go where I'd like is what I missed. I'm learning new words to describe my thoughts. Ethereal and lassitude. Both fit my thoughts.
DeleteInteresting article. I would say I'm languishing, tho there is so much more going on in my life now than Covid, so I won't attribute my mindset to only that. My sister just diagnosed with a particularly progressive cancer has hit the family very hard. She is much adored. This plus all the other crap going on in this country have worn me down. I hope your second vaccine gives you the best protection. I'm hoping mine has, but I'm not sure so I'll just keep masked and being very careful, a challenge here as so many no longer take any precautions. I do hope your son can get vaccinated soon. Celie
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your sister. Yes, too many families have gad Covid looming over what already is too much stress. That's why I need to be careful of my complaining-I'm so fortunate. I'll follow precautions and won't go wild with the outside world. Getting medical appointments made felt huge.
DeleteCongrats on getting the second dose Sam. I know I'm the odd man out but if it weren't for the politics and the pandemic itself this past year would have been perfect. I've loved slowing down and my time being all my own. Other than being able to hug my kids and spend time with them again without social distancing, I kind of dread going back to normal. I guess I'm more of a homebody than I thought!
ReplyDeleteI've appreciated some things but no options to see some people without putting myself and others at risk? That's been a hard mind set. I miss not seeing my son. It's wanting the balance back. I want kids to have normal school experiences and see them have that back. I feel the worst for students.
DeleteHello from Idaho and found your blog though wood fairy. I been working on my well being in so many ways. I think lot of us finding this covid has a lot of us with a whole different look on world.
ReplyDeleteIf you have time stop in for cup coffee
There definitely are different degrees of coping needs and success. The racial and social tensions on top of Covid are amplifying the unrest in my and surrounding communities.
DeleteI go back & forth. In many ways, COVID has changes many things for us for the better (no commute, no international travel for me, fewer commitments in general, etc). That said, it's not my "normal" life, and while I can appreciate the good things it brought, I'm working really hard right now to be grateful for the small things, and take care of my mental & physical well being. If I wasn't doing that, it would be a real struggle.
ReplyDeleteAnyone with kids at home has to feel the impact so much more, if home schooling was never a preferred choice. Then add active kids, and it's been even harder. I must be finding enough self care practices as I'm doing well enough, but then, I'm only managing myself.
DeleteI’ve definitely felt languish, but not during the entire pandemic and for reasons unrelated to the pandemic. I loved my brief, early quarantine time. No work, no school, earning more money on unemployment, staying up until 3 a.m. watching tv with my kids, making homemade banana bread twice a week until we found the best recipe...I was thriving! As time went on and I realized Covid wasn’t going away, a sadness set in for what my kids were missing and a deeper sadness when I went back to work lol. I had ups and downs but honestly the summer weather and our little blow up pool helped. I dealt with a health issue, non Covid related, and that was scary in a different way. Fall brought anxiety as school returned, but we just did things one day at a time. Things were busy with everyone working and then multiple birthdays. Then all my workplace drama started, the weather turned, holidays alone, that’s when the languish truly set in. But it usually does for me anyway in the cold, dark, dreary, snowy wintertime. I don’t feel as bad currently, the weather is on the brink of staying lovely, the fun, end of school year events are happening, I’ve lost 18 lbs and feel pretty good about myself. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel despite the covidiots around here. Obviously, everyone’s journey has been different through the pandemic. It’s kind of a microcosm of how you deal with life in general though. If you are a reasonable person, you’ve probably handled yourself reasonably well. If you are a total nutjob disguised as a fully functioning member of society, your true colors came out as well! Interesting article. Thanks for sharing. JoAnn
ReplyDeleteYou my friend, are managing better than I think you might think. I'd love a trip out East and visit and take you out for a night on the town-once Covid ends of course. It's hard to watch our kids lose things that should be just the normal rights of passage. I was truly worried about my daughters in the early stages, and not really know ing how my son was coping was tough. I know work place stress is so hard-why I eventually left a great job after 21 years-the climate for me had become toxic, and clear my boss wanted me to resign, as she couldn't fire me as it would have looked horrible to her board of directors, who knew my work was stellar. She didn't like that I looked under hoods and really tested engines, and found she was hiding things, and passing lemons off as peaches. I hope things get better for you on the job.
DeleteYou are too kind! A night out on the town sounds like a blast! Somehow I feel like we wouldn’t run out of things to talk about :) I love the passing off lemons as peaches phrase, it’s so fitting! Yesterday, the horrible manager got irritated with me when I said that we all wanted back our pen cups. Yes, she took away our pen holders at the registers because we need to keep pens in the drawer, according to her. She’s worrying about the wrong things, imo. I honestly believe she is overwhelmed by our high volume store and can’t handle it so she forces the issue on little stuff to feel like she has some control but by doing that, she’s losing us, but then again, maybe that’s what she wants. I really appreciate your patience with listening to my work rants!
DeleteHUM. We have always used the word "blahs" I guess languishing is the new word. Cabin fever ..stuck at home with no interaction with anyone outside the home. I think we just went through what the pioneers did. Hard trails, bad winters followed by bad springs. Fires that wipe out crops. Think of the Great Depression that even the healthy couldn't find work and the Dust bowl. What causes the issues is different, issues are still the same. I feel, our whole family (we still have Great Depression or edge of it people alive in this family) that too much negative is the focus about what we don't have, can't do and so forth. Instead of being grateful for what we can do and can have.
ReplyDeleteBest words I remember is my grandpa telling me he was sad enough to cry when he couldn't even give an coconut for his 6 kids to share for Christmas. As they sat around the supper table of beans (1 pound in 3 gallons of water) that they ate out of a trough he built on the table as they didn't even have dishes for each of them. He asked each one to say what they were grateful for. Grandma said being alive( polio followed by a stroke during her second pregnancy) The girls said clothes, food on the table. Their parents and family. Daddy, middle child and only boy said. JESUS for he was the reason of Christmas.
I'm so happy for you that you've had both your shots - I am still waiting for my first, but hopeful for the next few weeks.
ReplyDeleteI agree that languishing is a very melodramatic term. I feel like we are all on hold right now, and getting stretched a little thin.