Quit comparing yourself to anyone else! I'm screaming that to myself and if it hits home, to you as well. I got a touch of the poor me's, what could have been, what I wish was now, what I hope happens soon,over the long weekend. This was sparked on by announcements of a retirement, a vacation home purchase, a new grandchild, child engagement, and a promotion, all on same weekend. I thought a moment, realized my silliness, and got over it pretty quickly. Then, I thought of the butterfly effect- woah, life could be very different if different paths were taken, different outcomes, and not necessarily at all positive.
It's easy to get caught up on other people's news and feel left behind. I try and remember I get to forge my path, understanding that there is going to be different results for me than someone else, so the path must truly be mine not a copy of another's map. With my philosophical trip complete, here's the results in joys, simple pleasures, or just smiles manifested from the path I'm currently on.
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| Now that path could be a metaphor for life. |
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| Too bad it was such a dreary day and no skaters. |
- Speaking of paths, the warm weather Sunday melted the top layer of snow and ice in the skating rink so I could get a better picture of the rink, and path leading to it. Still no actual skater sightings, but seeing the rink ready to be used made me smile.
- I found new to me jeans- a win, a joy, and a simple pleasure to find a pair that fits.
- A friend got a puppy, a terrier mix and I've been oohing and ahhing over pictures. As I think pup will be our last dog, being able to meet younger dogs is special. Pup's a very healthy dog and has many years ahead of him, so will be loving on him for a long while. He's been in a playful mood this week, like he senses there's a little guy in the picture.
- Despite busy body Q, I enjoyed trivia on Wednesday.
- I forgot the library was closed but still got a big bag of books returned. I had to renew a bunch DD2 had checked out at Christmas, but they were due again.
- Besides the books, I tackled some clutter from the doorway and got the entry sorted. What a mess before doing so.
- My daughter facilitated a positive meeting last night for her nonprofit. There were good ideas. Unfortunately, she's not getting a lot of help from her partner so shouldering the bulk.
- I went to bed shortly after the meeting and slept straight to 5:30 this morning. It was so needed.
- I started an Instagram to accompany the blog. Will it add to my fun? Will it just stress me out? I don't know yet, but I'm going to give it a shot.
- Finally, for number 10, other than cleaning up some spam, some duplicates, and a quick response email, I resisted working yesterday and took my holiday. The week will be a bear, and being off next week will make the following more so, but I earned this time off.
we are definitely off the beaten path. We have had friends and family try to talk us into selling this house which we bought 4 yrs ago and made ADA for wheelchairs. The kids and my brother are the only ones that shrug their shoulders and say it's us.
ReplyDeleteI read your posts and think, that's one lady with her head full of knowledge and common sense. I admire your ability to be so good to your family, and continue to build your life.
DeleteI'm glad you're taking more time to focus on work/life balance. That is so important. After struggling a bit I think I've found my sweet spot with it and it makes a huge difference.
ReplyDeleteHave a great Tuesday!!
Then today,I didn't like g out until 6:30, ate a sandwich during a meeting- discreetly, and blew that focus!
DeleteIt is easy to get caught up on other people’s plans and then be disappointed in our own lives. Something we definitely need to work on, which you are doing. I’ve been feeling down over something that should not even bother me because it turned out like I thought it should have. I just shake my head and wonder and hope I can stop thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteWe all need to keep propping each other up. We'll have our bad days, but hopefully, that passes. I hope you can move on.
DeleteLots of joys this week and I agree that we definitely have to stay on our own path.
ReplyDeleteBut I saw that beautiful beach and would be happy to tag alongside you on your path a bit!
DeleteIt can be rather distracting when others seem to be 'doing well' compared to us, however there will be times that it is you that seems (to them) who has it good - it is swings and roundabouts. I suppose the trick is to find delight in our own lives and enjoy them for what they are 😊🧡 I am following you on IG x
ReplyDeleteAnd as I tell myself, what good has pity parties ever done. I am incredibly fortunate. I don't need or want other to feel less than, so I need to not let myself go there.
DeleteWhat is it Roosevelt said? Comparison is the thief of joy. I don't know anyone with a life like ours, I enjoy reading about how other people live but am more than happy with mine.
ReplyDeleteLove your snowy pictures. After three successive storms we had an earthquake last night, never a dull moment! xxx
We all live lives unique to ourselves. It's marvelous peeking inside other windows, but not for jealousy. An earth quake! We got our snow today. It's beautiful. But it can go now.
DeleteI deleted my FB a number of years ago for the reason you mention. Actually, it was a beloved friend's posts which made me delete--I felt that reading about her perfect, accomplished child made watching my then (and still) struggling child all that more painful. It was *my* issue, not hers, but leaving FB helped. I'm back on, but only for local groups and extended family. Yet, I *still* find I have to give myself the above talk!
ReplyDeleteI think we all just need to collectively tell ourselves to stop, move to our own beat, and hope it sinks in. Playing "what if" robs the time we have now.
DeleteIt is very easy to slip into the poor me's, with social media. I resent all the young doctors' wives at church who have never had to work a day in their lives, with their false eyelashes and puffed-up lips and then I tell myself, I never had to seek this kind of perfection and the fact that they do is kind of sad. I also have my own brain and education and can take care of myself. It helps a little.
ReplyDeleteHey, Out My Window, F.Y.I, *I* haven't had to work a day in my life OUTSIDE THE HOME since my first was born, circa 1990's. Don't resent me, as I have my own challenges. (Not counting teaching dance as working, as it was my choice, indeed, my outlet.)
DeleteI think Kim means her resentment is her own issue as well. Of course none of us know everyone's story; we believe what we see.
DeleteProfessionally, I accomplished what I intended to, and have nothing left to prove. There were definitely some backstabbers and all out jealous men who made my path more difficult. However, my personal life has been an absolute disaster despite trying so hard. It is what it is. I try to cut myself some slack because at age 26 I could not have foreseen divorce and all the issues 35 years down the road. I like to say that my four kids and I put the fun in dysfunctional… lol. Better to laugh than cry. Cindy in the South
ReplyDeleteI used to be a big fish until a bigger one swallowed me up and spit me out. Starting again in a career back step was hard- but I regret nothing. I still get twinges of resentment, but then I think of decisions I ultimately am not responsible for, and know I do my job well. Hang in there Cindy. You're making it.
DeleteI try to practice the attitude of gratitude - it's easy to fall into "woe is me." I've been incredibly lucky in my life.
ReplyDeleteI love that you found some new-to-me jeans, Sam! Way to go! I never have luck with pants!
And I even found them in town-I didn't even do a good thrift shop. I appreciate the reminders form you all about being grateful for the abundance of good things in my life.
DeleteWhen I feel like I am left behind, I take a sheet of paper and start listing the blessings in my life. It helps a ton. There is a family on FB whom I know from my childhood. The mother of the family keeps posting happy pictures of 50 years of marriage and etc. My mom had to intervene and save her and her children from her alcoholic husband on several occassions in the past. They were downstairs neighbors for years so, FB can be deceiving. With that said, I still feel some sort of envy because my dad passed 28 years ago and her abusive husband is still alive.
ReplyDeleteI know social media is used to camouflage what is really going on way too often-I guess an escape mechanism, so I won't begrudge. These weren't even social media in full-a text, an email, and Facebook. Still, even though I know that many of these people have their own challenges, it's hard in that brief moment to not think, why not my turn. That's ok, as I'm letting those thoughts have a tiny bit of space, and then I am kicking them out.
DeleteMy two cents-I’m a jealous person. Always have, always will be. I’ve missed out on a lot of things in my life that other people take for granted, or just expect as a right of passage. Some of it was out of my control, some of it was decisions I regret making, some things maybe I just didn’t work hard enough for and didn’t deserve. But I can’t go back and change anything now and how I feel shouldn’t lessen other people’s joy when good things happen to them. It’s okay to be happy for others and sad for yourself at the same time. Emotions are a tricky thing.
ReplyDeleteA few joys for my week…spent a day with my dad and he made me pancakes shaped like bunny rabbits for breakfast :) We don’t have any snow. The birds chirp every morning again. FaceTimed my sister in law and started making plans to possibly visit them. I’m thoroughly enjoying my coworker friend and our armored car driver fall head over heels for each other. I’ve known her for almost four years and never seen her so happy and I’ve gotten a chance to get to know him and he’s such a gentleman. It’s like one of my hallmark movies that I love so much, but in real time. I’m off today and about to pop in my AirPods, listen to some music and tackle the house. JoAnn
While I wouldn't characterize myself as a jealous person, I do the "why them" "why not me" from time to time. Life happens at our own paces. We can try and control what we can, but its just mind defeating to focus on where we have no control-other peoples lives. I do agree we can both celebrate others and grieve for our own loss, or never was. That's cute with your dad. I miss my parents and the just seeing them and doing joyful everyday activities with them.
DeleteI've reached the phase where I'm also not building my career. I have a really fantastic role (which, has many challenges, of course), but I'm not trying to climb the ladder. I'll continue to do the work to the best of my abilities, because I can't imagine not doing that, and letting other people down, and/or just doing less than. But, it's nice to know I'm satisfied with where I'm out at work, and don't have to focus on the next level. At my work, the next level is much more political, and I don't miss being a part of that at all. For now, each month I work adds to our family fun pot (travel, being able to afford things for the kids/house) & when things get too challenging or there's too much travel, I'll find something else.
ReplyDeleteI'm a very infrequent FB poster. I'd give it up, but my ILs have very limited access to the kids, and get so excited when I post.
I have to laugh though, because in my field, climbing the ladder still is not moving ceilings, and for me it was eating my soul. I'd rather be a really good at what I do now, and know I am handing things over to the next people in good places-whenever that ends up being. It's been great communicating with family in Norway, and my kids use for friends in other countries to stay in touch. IT's great your in laws can follow your boys growth and development.
DeleteI used to be envious of my American neighbour whose husband made good money and she got to stay home with her kids. Then a few years later he was head-hunted to the States - and then they cancelled his job offer the day after he arrived there. So she was stuck with a husband with no job, no green card, no medical insurance .... you name it. So yes she did have a kind of idyllic life but certainly paid for it later when he died at 59. He was the love of her life and again I envy people who've had that kind of marriage since, as you know, mine was a disaster. 26 years wasted on that eejit, so I guess it really is swings and roundabouts isn't it!
ReplyDeleteThat's so sad about your neighbor. I do need to remember that my good in life is so much higher than the low points are low. While I do not have a perfect marriage, anyone that says they do are in denial because what relationship is perfect, but it's been good and healthy. We are genuinely a team on most things, and I know people that even though married long term, they never seem to be in the same head space.
DeleteI feel fortunate that what other people achieve or own does not bother me at all, or even interest me very much. My potential teaching career was snatched away with the diagnosis of a debilitating heart condition at 43, in the final year of university ( I had been told by my final placement school that I would be offered a job). For a time it was hard, knowing that in trying to improve our lives I'd actually made them worse, but I got over it, and realised that I'd actually had a lucky escape as my cardiac nurse said I was heading for an early grave due to stress. A good NHS psychologist was helpful in allowing me to see things very differently, and to change from the stressed, driven, type A personality I was.
ReplyDeleteI am fortunate to have a good marriage, loving daughters and an unexpected grandchild on the way, but have a low income, and didn't have a very good childhood, something that didn't fully hit me until I revisited one of my childhood homes a few years ago. Life with ME/CFS is a challenge, but I'm better than I was 2 years ago, and whilst I know I could be that ill again, I'm grateful for every day that I'm not, and that despite our low income, we're able to manage, and aren't reliant on the benefit system.
Knowing people who have built resolve and resilience is my wake up to stop any bemoaning of what I wish could be or have. I've had several health alerts, and should appreciate more that all were either symptoms but not developed into the disease, or manageable so far. I'm glad I started blogging so I can see all manners of living a good life, but also understand better how incredibly fortunate I am. It's hard to think about decisions or actions we've done that make our lives harder, and the truth seems to be so much is pure luck- good or not.
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