When visiting with my sister Saturday, nearly three uninterrupted hours,( minus staff checking on things) we had a good and deep conversation about life after 60. She never expected to be a widow before 60, and thought they'd minimally have a few years post retirement. Financially, they both planned to work to 67, him being three years older. She's not only been impacted by early widowhood, her employment sector, restaurant, was hit hard during the pandemic, then hit again with a fire and closure, who knows when it will reopen. We got to talking about what we really need in life and how to develop a mindset of having enough instead of feeling like we're doing without.
I thought more on this driving home. I thought about how I spend my days now, who I want to spend them with, and where. Ultimately, if shelter, food, water, clothing, and health care is readily available, those physiological and safety needs, I truly have my basic needs met. Anything else is technically a want, and choclate topping. Getting the really good things, truly is the nuts and even cherrys on top of life.
Other bloggers are crunching post retirement numbers too. I can tell thinking is aimed at how to ensure the main/ bottom of the pyramid needs are taken care of, and this is driving life decisions now. Of course though, after 35-50 years working, earning a paycheck, balancing the needs while trying to have a few perks, no one wants to plan for only the basics, me being no exception. But how much "more" do I really want to aim for? In pursuing more, will I miss out on experiences, particularly experiences with people I love? Time with others is the one retirement feature we can't really plan for.
I'm going to add, time with family and friends, to my lowest two rungs of the pyramid shaped ladder. I think they are both physiological and safety. Without them, all the higher elements mean nothing, and the lowest two feel like merely existing. As I prepare to live post work life, I want to hone in where people need me, and I need them. I want to have nice home cooked meals and walks by the river with DH for a long while, even if we never get another "Trip of a Lifetime" adventure. I want to bask in the realization that sitting and having a beer on a Saturday afternoon with my sister's is as good for my life happiness as a trip exploring Italian vineyards. I won't deny those trips, just not get too caught up in forcing the financing of travel. I want to spend time as welcome, with my kids, actively supporting their careers and pursuits or just spending a day baking treats for Christmas, even if one is connecting through Facetime while doing it. These things will indeed make for a wealthy retirement.
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I've been retired for twelve years and it is nothing like I expected! Cutting my coat according to my cloth wasn't previously one of my accomplishments but it is now. I have discovered the wonder of wanting what I have rather than having what I want. I am safe, warm, fed and interested in life and everyone I meet. More than at any time previously I can say with perfect assurance, God is good. Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteIt's a special kind of security to feel you have wants met by wanting what you have. I'm going to remember this when I feel less satisfied.
DeleteSounds like you had a very meaningful conversation with your sister. We sold our 'big' house in Florida when I was 39 and moved to the Midwest to be closer to family. We downsized when we bought our home here knowing I do not want to spend all of my time cleaning and doing upkeep on a large home. BEST decision ever!
ReplyDeleteThe older I get I no longer want stuff or trips but the simple joys of life our home and loved ones brings us.
It's clear our house is too big for us- too many places to just add clutter. While costs to downsize is too high right now, when the time is right I won't miss the space.
DeleteI probably focused earlier on this due to being a widow at 31 right after I quit my job to save us money on day care. Hubby did also as he had both sets of grandparents move in when he was still a child because they couldn't take care of their needs in their own homes and didn't have enough $$ to go any where else.
ReplyDeleteYou have better perspective than han most when it comes to understanding nothing is guaranteed.
DeleteI apply Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs quite frequently. (It seemed to come up in almost every class when I was in college, btw.) I truly wanted to "self actualize," and realized that, as I understood the concept as it related to me, really wasn't controlled by external factors, but rather my own choices, and, lo and behold, transcendence! In fact, that was part of the discussion we had when I made the decision to leave the work force all those years ago. I wish I could have the same level of transcendence when I look at my older kids' choices, however...apparently when someone is managing their safety needs, it's easier to transcend, eh? Of course, given DH's health, I'm sort of glad the two college kids opted to stay home...not sure I'd have done that in a same situation at their age.
ReplyDeleteMy children went reasonably far; far enough they had to plan coming home, skipped some breaks. I commuted my first year of college due to financial needs. I doubt I'll ever be self actualized, but want to feel the security of being satisfied with my life.
DeleteSuper blog
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteI am glad your SIS is doing better. That is a great conversation topic between siblings and I think your conclusion of the post is brilliant. Quality time with loved ones is the most important. When dad passed away, mom was only 51. So, I can understand how your SIS feels. It is hard but, she is lucky to be surrounded by sisters. Stay safe and healthy!
ReplyDeleteMy sister's are my best friends. We've helped each other a lot over the years. Hoping today she can come home.
DeleteIt's good to hear your sister is on the road to recovery. I'm certain losing her husband and having this health issue has rocked her world. Your conversation indicates she is starting her journey to her new normal.
ReplyDeleteI had the aha moment when the mother of one my employees passed away at 62 of a heart attack. She had just retired the year before, had a new boyfriend (her husband had died a few years earlier) and was enjoying time with family and friends when it happened.
I had already decided I would retire at the earliest possible time (just short of 60), but this cemented my decision. We cannot be certain of how much time we have ahead of us. I wanted to be able to travel and spend time with family and friends and simply enjoy life. Who knows, I might live to my 90's as my dad did, or retirement might be short if I pass before I'm 75 as my mom did. In the meantime I know I made the right decision.
Those out of no where deaths seem to have us questioning our own time. I'd like to still travel, but it's not my thing end all right now.
DeleteLike Meg said, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs turned up in many college courses! It really made me think about how basic needs had to be met before we can move on from physical needs to the higher needs. It is too bad about your sister's circumstances.
ReplyDeleteShe will have all of us and good friends. Financially, she's able to manage. She likes to work and not working is hard.
DeleteYou're so spot on in your thinking Sam, and of course your sister losing her husband so young would make anyone reevaluate. I think the pandemic and also seeing friends who I consider "young" dying, in my opinion, way before their time, puts an awful lot in perspective!
ReplyDeleteI'm not guaranteed life into my 80's. I shouldn't waste now only thinking 25 years from now. Now ai want a good fun sister's night playing cards and drinking beer and wine.
DeleteI feel bad for your sister. Those are really big changes that have affected her life. But she has you and there is nothing like a sister to help you see perspective.
ReplyDeleteYou sure know it! We're overdue for a card night and beers. As soon as she can eat and drink properly, we'll plan.
DeleteI think whenever we lose a loved one,we are forced to revaluate our lives and future. It sounds like you and your sister had a very thoughtful conversation, which shows how close you are to each other. I agree that time with family and friends should be part of our foundations. Celie
ReplyDeleteI hope she bounces back to her old self, but yes, she has gone through so much.
DeleteLife doesn't go like we hope, does it. I'm sorry for your sister, and the loss of her hopes and dreams with her husband. I hope that her health improves as well as her job situation, and I'm glad that she has the support of her family.
ReplyDeleteFinancially, she's ok, but she's bored without work.
DeleteThoughtful post! there is nothing like having some major changes that makes you realize what is and what is not important.
ReplyDeleteTime with our family is what both TheHub and I rate as our main wants. Other than necessities for life, the rest is just background noise.
I hope my family grows, but if not, my kids are my priority. I want time with them. Time with DHs mom while she's here is essential too.
DeleteI'm glad your sister is getting better. I think, after the last two years, we've all started to evaluate what's important.
ReplyDeleteFor us it's travel, if we couldn't escape these shores our lives wouldn't be a lot less rich. xxx
I want to still travel, but I want to feel satisfied with my surroundings and people near. I hate this time of year in Minnesota, it doesn't add to my joy!
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