It Was Truly Independance Day

This weekend was the The 4th of July, the holiday of holidays for summer loving Americans.  We observed much the same way as we usually do with family and friends at a cabin, eating, swimming, water play, boats, and fireworks.  Pup was not a fan, so he and I called it quits by 11:00 or so, taking him to a more quieter area.  I was pretty beat, so did not spend the remaining hours of the morning consuming massive quantities of alcohol or as is my norm, babysitting those that do.  It is an odd thing-not the young adults that partake to extreme, but  40 and 50 somethings.  I have shared that I often get wound up internally when I have too much time with extended family.  By the evening, I had pretty much reached my limit and was spending time with the young kids, the dog, and in quiet.  It was needed for my own stability. 

Pup needing to get away meant I got a fairly good night sleep as well, and could enjoy Sunday. DH described to me what he thought it was that  was so difficult for me with a couple family members in particular.  He held out his hands evenly and said.  "This is  __ and __'s norm.  If anyone deviates from their norm, they go on attack mode.  Now attack mode might be strong, but there is this belligerent, condescending, inquisition, that makes the person on the receiving end of what these two think is conversation, feel like they are defending themselves, their beliefs, their actions, and their purpose.  While I've pretty much been able to hold my own, it is exhausting. I got what DH meant, and decided I was going to just ignore, not respond, or change the subject if she or he started.  And oh did she start, and was right foul at getting in others faces. It didn't help that Saturday she was inebriated and Sunday hungover. I chose not to go on a pontoon ride, but lazed in the sun.  It was glorious.  Of course I got, "Why aren't you coming? You want to come. You don't want to stay here..."  Each time I responded, "I'm good." and I truly was. The ironic thing is her catch phrase, so she says, is "Live and let live," or as I now joke seems to really mean, "Live as I say to live."

You can pick your friends, but family just is part of the inheritance package.  It has taken me a long time as an adult to realize though that just because you are family, does not mean you have to spend significant amount of time with those that disrespect your being.  As neither will change, it is easier, and I lose nothing, by disengaging.  I don't really care that they think my ways are not the norm, or that I raise my kids, or dog, or work , or play, in ways that do not align with their personal views. Time with them is but mere moments, and I will blissfully ignore the noise.  I will leave you with a few random Independance Day  photo's.