Wednesday, June 1, 2016

I Genuinely Don't Care


I have a lot going on in my life. Work is completely full-busy from the moment my day starts until I leave, and while I'm not working extra hours, I think through things all the time off the clock. The home still has major things needing to be done, but between my daughter's end of year activities, DH's being pulled into so  much on the new family cabin, and my crappy achy back and painful knee, little progress is being made. I created a significant mix up with room reservations for the soccer tournament in a few weeks, and am stuck with three rooms on my credit card, thought the families will reimburse me, it still will cause angst. Then there is the Alaska cruise trip later this summer-the family trip of my mother in laws dream. E-mails with scraps of information coming fast, but it feels so out of my hands.

When we've vacationed before, half of my fun has been in the planning of the trip. Not to sound ungrateful, but everything about this was done and decided, including which week, with no input at all by me. I feel like the experience was taken from me, because Alaska was supposed to have been my family's trip. It will be a good time, and it is very generous of my MIL, but I feel like I'm just a tag along.To make it feel even worse, our plan had been for our own vacation to head to Seattle a few days early, and see the sights there. Because all was being booked by my MIL with her travel agent, that was off the table so she could bundle the best rates, so I thought. Now I learn that DH's brother and family, with my MIL, are going out a few days earlier, just as I had wanted, and this wasn't even presented as an option to us. Granted, we could have spoke up and asked, but I was not part of any details.

The cabin feels this way too. I'll do cleaning and grunt work, but nothing about the lake place feels like mine, becasue it isn't. We'll have a few weeks/weekends a year to use without the hoards of extended family, and it will feel even more so that I am squatting in someone else's dream. The list of expenses we will be taking on with the place is mounting from furniture to bed linens, to landscaping and plants. These are  all expenses I should be putting into my own home that I spend 350 odd days and nights. This is DH's family legacy, and my children's, should the princes and princess's in the rest of the family share access with them, but I genuinely don't care.

When I am asked by people that know about either the trip or the cabin, about how excited I am, I put a smile on and say, "Yes, it will be so nice," but inside I'm really thinking it has nothing to do with me. Besides too much alcohol by certain family members, all the angst this weekend that I was happy to leave Sunday night was about the trip or the cabin, and I don't need either of it in my life. But yet, this is stupid drama-not really back stabbing or intentional maliciousness, just self centered egotistical people that think they know more than others, all trying to equally be the alpha dog in decision making. They can have at it all, but when it impacts my real life, I get frustrated, and defensive, and want even less to do with it. 

I picked an anchor for this post as it symbolizes, in a nautical way, what I feel-weighed down. This post was cathartic for me. I've been bottling up my feelings on both these project, and now that I've spilled my guts in words, I can breath a little, I just don't care about these major events. While I need to pretend some interest to my family, to all of you, I can say out, lift the anchor; I just don't care. 

13 comments:

  1. So if you are so dissatisfied with this cruise then find an excuse and don't go. Let DH and daughter go and you stay home(still take the time off work)and enjoy the blissful peace and quiet.
    Or if you feel you must go, try to find ways to enjoy it among your nuclear family unit.....do activities/eat/excusrions off ship with just your DH and kid and try to block out the family drama surrounding you. And if those things don't help just stay in your cabin and drink. lolz
    Sorry these events are causing you grief. I've got my own family drama going on so I can relate.

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    1. I'm a whiny sod, aren't I? The cruise isn't causing grief, just no excitement, and shouldn't a vacation do that? As it gets closer, and as we decide some things to do with our own time, I'm sure it will be fun. Plus, my son is also going, plus a nephew we don't see often (son of my husbands sister that passed away when he was two and dad remarried.) As I wrote, just typing it out and acknowledging my lack of excitement rather than feeling like I am pretending(as my husband and daughter are very excited about the trip and I don't want to take away from them) helped get the elephant in the room called out. My blog, my whine I guess, but I appreciate the empathy. I'll share mine with your family issues as well.

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  2. I understand how you feel, I too take hours and hours of research time planning our holidays and for me it is half the fun. I wonder, are the other families that have access to this lake cabin doing the same amount of work? It does seem a bit like a gigantic boat anchor.

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    1. I really do feel like a weight has been lifted just sharing my scrambled thoughts and that others can understand my perspective, and I am not totally out of line. Maybe if there would have been a family discussion first, and saw some options, but it was just her and her three children in a random mention, then all of a sudden it was sorted and done,and "come if you want but here's the deal,but I really hope you all come, but this is what works for me." This was fine for the spouses of the other siblings because they usually take a back seat in decisions in their families and the siblings have very large, aggressive personalities. We just have not operated that way. I almost feel now like I can try and take some control back, find out from my family what off shore things they wan t to do, and invite MIL along if she wants to come or sty on board. As for the labor at the cabin, they are all hard working, but again, their agenda, and they are quite rude to my MIL-trying to push their own wants and preferences on her. I feel bad for that, but that is DH's issue to either get involved, or ignore.

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  3. Singing my song! I get so tied in knots when having to be with Den's family sometimes. There are some issues there that I have never addressed and never will. I just try to hand back when it gets to me. Try to carve out a little away time to keep my sanity. Love you!

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    1. I've determined I have to do that-now I need to follow through. Leaving Sunday night was a good example-sure I got looks and questions, but hey, I didn't have to see the looks or hear the questions after I left.

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  4. I want to cruise to Alaska. Quite jealous x

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    1. I know-I am very fortunate. I'm just feeling out of control, which is hard for someone who is very guarded and protective of my autonomy.

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  5. I know you are not asking for advice so I am not giving any about the actual trip. A long time ago I learned sometimes I have to tell myself "this is just one week out of my life, just keep your mouth shut and get through it".

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    1. I'm happy to hear advice-that advice is sound. Let my whining end.

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    2. Well I actually also have a bitch buddy and we gripe to each other so we can get it out, then we are done with it until the next event.

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  6. I do understand how you feel. When I was married I felt like a puppet for my in-lawa.

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    1. No one wants to feel inconsequential when decisions impact them. I feel this way so often but am trying to ignore. Puppets don't make for healthy people.

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