Sunday, June 5, 2016

Seeing Assets

Last week was show Choir Auditions for the mixed JV and mixed varsity groups. Last year DD#1 was in the all female JV, the only one freshmen girls are only allowed to be in.  Because there are so few boys, they can be in the mixed JV as 9th grade, and then as Sophomores, can move up to varsity. Varsity girls must be juniors or seniors. It was a wave of emotions with DD and her friends. Collectively, they felt each individual singing tryout went well, but felt they made a complete mess of the dance. This group is perfectionists, so I doubt it was as much of a mess as they said. Excitement Friday at exactly 4:00 p.m. when the audition results were posted on line, and DD did move into the JV mixed choir for the 16-17 school year.  Those girls that did not, will be welcomed back to another year in the female JV, and while disappointing, they will again have a wonderful experience. Many of DD's friends are moving to the new choir, several are not, and she feels loss for them, while excited for her own position. Her former director sent out a most touching and heartfelt congratulation and support note to all the girls, regardless of how they did. I'm sure it doesn't completely make up for the loss, it has to help over time and leading into fall that they are all valued, and wanted back as part of the choir next year. 

I'm not one for the everyone's a winner philosophy, and a medal for just trying approach to raising kids. Not every game can be won, not every audition result in a placement. Kids need to learn that, but more importantly, they need to learn how to handle themselves when they don't achieve the goal. However, I don't want to see spirits crushed either. The directors note was about finding your assets, and using those assets regardless of, in this case, which choir you were placed on. My son had a very different experience in football in high school-not getting playing time, but not getting any real feedback on what he could do, or wasn't doing to make an impression. He was overlooked as just a body for the practice squad. As an adult DS must regularly now advocate for jobs, and getting tasks on the job in order to get the next one lined up. In hind sight, he learned a lot from being looked over, yet not quitting, and tenacity has become an asset. DD#2  had a joyless experience playing on a basketball team where while they won or placed second in a several tournaments, winning seemed to be the only goal of the team-not improving, not enjoying the love of the game. Her current soccer team is 1-5, and she looks forward to each game and practice. The collective asset is that they play as a team, win as a team, lose as a team.

As an adult, I forget that often, and sometimes beat myself up mentally at not meeting a goal or an objective. I also, when someone has treated me poorly, or I don't click with their character or personality, I find it hard to see past my perceived flaws of them. Anne, at Happenings at the Table. posted her June Joy list, On it, she has number 34, Be kind, even when I don't want to be. I think part of mastering that will be to look past the perceived flaw, and find the assets in that person. I struggle with my BIL and SIL and their bigger than life dominating personalities. However, both are terrific parents, and in reality, if the chips were really down in my family, no doubt each would be there to help if needed. I don't have an actual June Joy list, but I think making it a point to see the asset in people who rub me the wrong way is one way to get off my own pedestal, and bring more joy and contentment to myself.


The season of victory, and little fun. 

4 comments:

  1. Practicing kindness is one of the most challenging things I have ever done, especially when everything in me wants to yell. I keep telling myself that this is a big part of being an adult. And just think this only took me decades and decades and decades. . . to learn

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    1. I'm the queen of snark and sarcasm so totally get what you mean. Being the person to smile and really mean it takes practice.

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  2. Terrific post! I try so hard to remind myself of this regularly! And then almost instantly I forget, you know, as soon as that annoying person is the least bit annoying again. Maybe I need a tattoo (I don't have any and don't foresee getting one but you know...) This will be a wonderful thing to work on in June.

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    1. I do the same. I may have to conscientiously focus when I know amnoying triggers start.

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