Thursday, August 4, 2016

Can We Talk?




I’ve enjoyed having DD1 home this week. Today may be her last day at the studio in Minneapolis, and she wants to head back to her place. I really haven’t seen much of her as she has been up and out the door early, and then has had plans after work each night. She met her cousin last night that just got engaged. She’s a very lovely and sweet girl, but unlike my children, she got the gift of gab from that side of the family. Brevity is not her strong suit in relaying an event or making a point. No detail was left out of the engagement experience. DD1 was fine with hearing her out, knowing the excitement she was feeling, but I’m going to guess there was a 4-1 spoken word ratio. Some people are talkers, and others not so much.

I have to gear up for talkers. My brain only can handle so much before I just tune out. I may come across cold or rude sometimes  with my vague head nodding, but probably not, as many extreme talkers don’t seem to be  engaged in my response anyway. This blog is my inner talker getting out, so I understand readers may tune out. Within the circles of talkers, there is a wide variety of styles. I tend to have more patience for some than others. Ramblers tend to reach my shut off valve really quickly. Story tellers, and I mean a good story teller, is different kind of talker. With a good story teller, every word they use is intrical to the end point of the story. They tend to be better people readers, and know when to speed up, or slow down for dramatic pause. I can get hooked by a good storyteller, even when it is highly exaggerated. It’s later that I realize they never gave an reciprocal time.

The worst for my patience are those that are so internally focused, even if I do put a thought or two, or  try and redirect the conversation, they immediately pull it back to themselves.  They listen only to find a foot in the door to talk again. I have several family members like this. I remember DD2 being asked about her Spain trip by a relative that goes into extreme details in retelling her own vacations. No sooner did DD2 start talking about her first night in Madrid, and the relative was off on how that reminded her of when she last traveled-not to the same place mind you.

This years presidential election cycle is more frustrating to me, and many of us than any other process has been.  Part of why I am frustrated as I don’t think we have anyone running, not even in local elections, that are anything more than talkers. I’m not hearing any substance, and then the opponent, either opponent, just verbally attacks the previous candidates, minimal statements. I know speech writers and campaign managers direct politicians in an election to stay on point, don’t veer of course. I’d just like to know what that course is this year if I’m going to listen at all. I’m trying to dive more into the written word-words I can control how I hear the tone, and the tempo, and then look up to verify or repute details. 

At work, I  have tactics and strategies to get a talker to get to their point. It is easier when you have an agenda with three other items, to push people to move it along. Outside of work, I am less successful. While I may stare past the person talking in mindless head wandering, unless I really need to get going, I just let the talker be. They are family and friends, and intentionally cutting them off would be rude. As I relish quiet, some people are unnerved by it when they are with other people. I find it ironic that some of the biggest talkers I know have the least patience for other talkers or the occasions when non-talkers have something to say. So are you a talker, a story teller, or a head nodder? If you got this far reading, leave me a comment and let’s have some conversation

8 comments:

  1. I think all of us have come across those like the one's you mention who seem to have no interest in anything but themselves and waste no time in telling us about themselves in every minute detail. Silence is an art form and takes constant practice.

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    1. I naturally don't talk s lot. I tend to be s listener and add when I think it has value. I'm fine with silence if talk is just noise.

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  2. I'm a talker. It's like a sport to me. LOL. But I always let other people talk too. It has to be two-sided or I tune out too.

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    1. I'm happy to be around engaged talkers-it is the rambling nonsense, or I, I, I talk that bores me. I cna't imagine you ever being dull, and would make people spill it.

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  3. My uncle is a talker. He rings my Mum every Sunday morning and my Mum can barely get a word in to tell him about anything that is going on in her world :(

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    1. DH is a talker, but he's a good story teller, and he is pretty good at picking up social cues when it's run its course, and is equally a good listener. I think the balance is important. Two talkers when there is a give and take is excellent. If I was in your mom's position, I would find excuses to get off the phone very quickly.

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  4. I am a talker but love listening to people who can make me laugh

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    1. I can keep up with a good conversation,and play a good speaking part,but not a small talker, and just very important hearing minutia. Cut to the chase I'd like to yell!

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