Seasonal Reflections-No Should Be's

Three Christmas's ago I came down with the flu of all flu's. It started the Sunday before. We had taken  my in laws to a play, followed by a nice dinner just around the corner. The play was a little community theater in the round type production of A Christmas Carol. The restaurant was beautifully decorated for the season and had delicious homey meals plus  cafe fair like risotto, flat bread pizzas, and main dish salads. When my Mediterranean flat bread came, I could do little more than nibble on the crust and drink massive glass after glass of water. I crawled into bed after a heavy dose of flu and cold meds. I got up, dragged myself to work the next day trying to convince myself I wasn't sick. A day later, Christmas Eve, I was woozy  in church, ate nothing at my sisters, and was drained, knowing I was truly ill. I was not going anywhere on Christmas Day. This was the first year neither older kid was home for Christmas, so DH and DD2 went off for the day to his parents, leaving me in a flu med induced lethargy and BBC America marathon of Doctor Who on the TV. 

DD had a good time, still  child enough then to enjoy the loud and chaos. I got the rest I needed. Later, when feeling better, I got to Skype with DD1 in London, and talk with DS in Florida. They liked their gifts. They both made the most of Christmas with friends, DS making the appetizer I always make for Christmas Eve, and binged watched mindless on-line programs, both being poor students again, using the day as a break from home work. We all did just fine with everyone doing and being where they were, and Christmas was still Christmas. The point I'm trying to make is that so many people put way too much store on Christmas as  a "should be," myself included. I love the Christmas story, the lights, the decorations, the music. I didn't enjoy any of those things less because I was sick and I was without two children home on the day itself. The day is not the end all be all. If observed or not, the holiday should not be defined by any one elses expectations or standards, and I'm slowly letting go of my own expectations.

 My children already live in two different states and are bound to have people in their lives as important as us. Maybe we'll decide late December is the best time to take a big trip and instead of a lighted pine, we'll sip cocktails under a palm tree. I am happy my kids are all going to be home this year, but not because it is for Christmas, but because the opportunities to just be together as a nuclear family will be fewer and fewer as they build their own lives. If that includes being home from time to time, and at the same time as their siblings, terrific. If not, we'll Skype, we'll talk on the phone, and we'll trust that we're all doing Christmas not as we should, but as we are. 

All five of us, a rarer and rarer picture.

o