Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Tuesday Rant About Teens

Even a good kid can drive a parent a little bonkers from time to time. We did not have a great start back to school after the break. I get a panicked call yesterday at 4:45 from DD2. Now first of all, no parent wants panicked calls. The worst goes through your head. This was not great, but truly not the end of the world. She lost her keys. She had sort of retraced her steps, but was not thinking very clearly. I had to pick her up, go home, find the other keys, then go back with her for show choir. On the drive home I asked her a few questions, about her search process, and where she checked. Every question it seemed was answered, "I didn't think about that." and  my questions just got her more upset, These were some obvious things I would think she would have attempted to do before calling me. I made a not so nice, but parental comment, which I now wish I would have reworded. "I worry about your life skills sometimes." The tears came flowing. "I'm sorry I'm stupid." She calmed down, and I explained what I meant. She needs to be more problem solving focused. She needs to not get upset before options are explored. She needs to have back-up plans.

Things calmed down, though she now was worried about how much it was going to cost to re key the car and change the house locks. Being so concerned, one would think DD2 would have back tracked this morning to all her classes right away. No. She was going to ask each teacher one at a time as the day progressed. Fortunately they turned up, but had been left in her 7th hour class. A friend that had the teacher earlier thought to ask on her behalf, picked them up and brought them to 4th hour choir. 

Today she came home briefly, though in case they didn't show up, I was also home to let her in the house. She needed to go back for Vocal Jazz at 3:45, then eat quick, then get ready for Show Choir finale night.I gave her cash to give her friends mom who was picking up Jimmy John's sandwiches. As she was leaving I asked if she remembered her money, since her hands were full. "You never gave me the money." Now, I forget things too, but I was sure I handed it to her. She grabbed some of her own quick, and left, five minutes later than she should have. I looked around as to where I might have put the cash down if I hadn't given it to her, which again I was sure I had. A light bulb went off in my head. She was eating a donut out of a paper bakery bag when I handed it to her. Just maybe, she accidentally tossed the cash with the bag. Sure enough, there was a $5 and four $1 bills folded together on top of the bakery bag in the garbage can. I can't wait to tell her where I found the money.

I'm a mean mom for my quote yesterday, and do feel bad. It wasn't the lost keys, no less than three times a week are keys being left in work bathrooms or conference rooms, but how she went about, or didn't go about, problem solving. I sometimes do worry how she can be an accomplished student and performer, but often leaves the street smarts behind. 18 out of 20 times, she eventually figures things out on her own, does the right thing, the wise thing. Still, those two in 20 things are piling up this week and it's only Tuesday. 

16 comments:

  1. The money thing reminds me A LOT of my youngest...she is constantly losing money - which I find later around the house of course. I finally stumbled on a solution that works for her (as she won't carry a purse)....Rather than sticking money in the pockets of her jeans, sweaters, etc, she now keeps her money inside her phone case (wedged between the actual phone back and the inside of the case itself). It works for her since she NEVER EVER loses that I-phone! LOL
    But, I agree....even the best teens can be trying at times! =)

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    1. She actually uses her phone that way as well-so now we think if that is lost, she has lost a whole lot of stuff!

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  2. Must be an artsy person thing.....College Boy has had many of those types of incidents and still has a few. The thing is NOT to panic when things go wrong. Being in panicky mode never helped a situation. 8-)
    Maybe she is having these problems because she's just doing too much? Just a thought.....

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    1. I think you are right. Her mind has so much stuff going on, and there is only room for so much, and the creative stuff take up a lot of space. It was hopefully the transition of having a week of relative downtime, but then shock to her system to get back on track. She does have a lot going on, but she also needs to slow down her brain, and improve her preparedness.

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  3. I agree with Sluggy - maybe her mind is racing in too many directions at the moment. I have a colleague like that. You wouldn't believe how many times she lost her phone or left her purse on the roof of her car or lost her keys. It would drive me bonkers because you waste so much energy trying to put things right. Oh dear. Kids!! Anna

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    1. I too am forgetful, and that wasn't so much my concern. It was how she handled the lost keys-not focused on problem solving, but in a frenzy. Well, she will need to fall a few times to figure out how to pick herself up-but now she has friends helping her do that!

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  4. I'm guessing the girl might just have hit the busy wall - that happens to everyone. She seems to be a super active young adult, maybe it's time to cut some activities down so she regains some head space? Just a thought, maybe not, sometimes it could be written off to teen brain

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    1. I'm hoping it was the transition back to school after perhaps too much downtime on spring break. Yes, she may have to make some choices in some areas, but then again, all her friends seem to be stretched as far. I think it is the mode of kids right now, so I don't want to get too down on her with these walls as you aptly describe.

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  5. You're not a mean Mum...it's just called normal life. My teen dropped his I-phone into a puddle recently and lost his bank card all within a few days. This is not unusual, but because he's away I could deal with it more calmly. Had he been at home I'd have got grumpy with him no doubt! Arilx

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    1. I still feel bad about the comment. She works very hard at everything, and I guess as others have said her mid might just be too full this week. Oh boy-the Iphone are not cheap to replace either!

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  6. Don't feel bad! I've said worse and they still forgive you... well, after a while...
    We have lost Leon's winter coat... How often could THAT happen?! We probably only need it another week or two, but yuck. Luckily his coat from last year still KIND of fits him. I worry about MY life problem solving skills...

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    1. This is a a kick in the pants kind of week. Spring break-then everything hits at once.

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  7. My daughter was tested as "academically gifted" but that didn't apply to the REAL world. We go through things like losing keys on a regular basis. I think if she moved out she'd have to do a lot more of her own problem solving - I think she knows that "I've got her" and she doesn't have to worry about the everyday stuff. I should have raised her differently I guess.

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    1. I have roughly 17 months to back off and let her do more "failing". having been raised by pretty hands off parents, I know I overstep where I shouldn't and have probably fostered this. My son still calls for us to help problem solve, and I can say we bailed hi out of a few sticky situations. however, he has lived no less than 5 hours away from us since 2008 so I guess he figured out this life stuff-sort of.

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  8. When I see good grades, I am lot more forgiving of those spaced out moments. The main thing that irritates me is a kid trying to blame me for the air-headedness.

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    1. I agree. I knew I handed her the money!

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