Sunday, July 21, 2019

About On-line Forums and Groups

DD2, despite the rain, still met up with friends at a nearby state park for a night of camping. It did get brighter as the day progressed, but we'll take off within the hour of her getting home. DH decided not to go up to the lake last night after work as he was exhausted, and with the bad morning and early afternoon weather, the start of a head cold, I ended up staying home as well. The thought of not feeling my best and getting stuck in side with the other side of the family was reason enough.The farmers market was a washout with just a few stalls set up. We couldn't find any garage sales that still went forward either, so DD1 and I had coffee and a long chat. I slept miserably last night-my back is dreading the four hour drive. I'm going to need to stop half way for a stretch break. 

I think I need to reconsider my following of a few online forums and social groups. I added one just recently about Empty Nesting. What I thought might be interesting stories of new hobbies found, ideas to help transition to down sizing and decluttering from a full house, and other useful tidbits seems to be a cry fest of helicopter parents now despondent that their now grown children are daring to have a life without them. I know I whine here all the time about trying to figure out how to spend  the extra time I used to spend on my kids activities. There some posts like that but they seem far and few. I'm talking about posts that go on for paragraphs about the parent, usually the mom, in complete despair that their child chose a school so far away they can't "just pop over to visit whenever they need a chat", or have set such ridiculous rules on their kids like, "require my child to text me a minimum of three times a day", and then have others back-up the overly corded moms. Please knock some virtual senses into me if I yammer to either extreme in this space. 

I've been following the Tightwad Gazette Facebook page, not directly affiliated to the books from the 90's, but started by a fan. I learned a lot back in the day reading the books, even though I never got over some of my own squeamish factor, over some of the money saving tips. As the writer had suggested, I took what worked for my own circumstances. For the most part, this on-line group has been full of good ideas. Every now and again though, someone posts things that they are proud of that all I can think is, "you are cheap-not frugal". "We recently went as guests to my husbands cousins cabin on the lake. We swam, had pontoon rides, roasted marshmallows by fire every night, and enjoyed fresh caught fish several times. All the vacation cost us was the gas to drive to there!" No mention of helping to pay for food, boat gas, or even a nice hostess gift. Oh wait, she did mention that she brought along packages of  marshmallows bought on clearance the previous fall, and "they were still quite soft and worked well on the fire." Now of course, there is a lot of context I could have missed and maybe their hosts absolutely didn't want them to bring a thing, but it was still cringe worthy.  Other times the Polly Prefect's pipe in on how great they have their food stores, and spend less than pennies a portion on every meal, and feed a family of eight with nothing but home grown fresh, self frozen or self canned fruit and vegetables, pasture raised beef, and totally from scratch, for $200 a month. Usually their BS is called out in the comments. I'll add both of these posters, or commenters (usually they are comment to the original post) are rare, so I'll stick with it for now. 

I have a few other Mom's groups, now rethinking if they will continue to be of any value. I follow a couple favorite writers and a writers group, and a couple thrifty, sustainable and minimalist living sites. All together I think there is about 8-9 groups that I have popping up in my feed. Now, I spend probably less than 30 minutes a day on FB, though for this post, it sounds like it must be much more. Generally if the first line of a post doesn't catch my attention, I scroll on past. More annoying though, each time you add a group, the algorithm changes and I get more an more targeted pop-up adds. I realize that is part of the FB business model, but boy is it kind of creepy, if not just clutter. Maybe one of my Empty Nest  acts needs to be purging my social media? 


What about you? Do you have groups you've joined on Facebook or other social media platforms? What was you interest in doing so and if you have "unfollowed" why did you do so? Let's talk in the comments. 





20 comments:

  1. This was a great blog post, Sam. I often wonder too about the $200 grocery budgets. I don't post our grocery budget every month because it fluctuates by how much money I have or what good deals I find. When I find a deal and have money, I stock up. And as you know those deals can be hit or miss.

    I would unfollow the empty nesters group too as I don't want to take the time to read about parents who cannot cut the cord. I have very specific goals I want to reach and my time is better spent pursuing those instead. I still want to feel a sense of belonging with others, but I want to find that with people who have similar goals with me.

    I've unfollowed FB groups before too. One was during the summer I sewed multiple cloth pads and found some "similar" groups, but it turned out they were just selling material that only rich people could afford. LOL

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    1. I love your blog, Instagram, and FB site! Yes, may be time to "cut the cord" on the empty nester site. I want to celebrate this new stage of life, not mourn it-I can do that on my own.

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  2. I too left that Gazette group long ago - so many people judging when you choose to spend money. I think frugality is not spending on things that have no meaning to spend money on things that do - exactly as you and your family do. Not stealing ketchup packets when they go to McDonalds

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    1. The condiment thieves-a huge pet peeve of mine. Sure, don't throw the extras that have been given, but to take handfuls-just wrong. Would they grab an extra bottle of ketchup at a restaurant and throw in their purse?

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  3. I have left some groups quietly sometimes because they simply don't provide what I was looking for or reading the posts makes me feel uncomfortable. Think your gut instinct tells you whether something is personally suitable for you or not

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    1. When groups work, I get useful information, but as you said, some posts are just uncomfortable. I do like the small batch canning group so far.

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  4. I totally agree with your comments about cheapest frugal when visiting. I live in a seashore resort and love to have some visitors during the warm months. However, I am lately feeling like a maid / cook so they can vacation and never offer help with food, cleaning up, paying if going out, etc. I realize I created some of these issues when I did not speak up years ago, but since retirement, it is worse since more coming down. I’m not sure how to rectify this.This year I have dreaded the summer specifically as I also want to enjoy it. When I go to visit, them, I stay in hotels and also probably go overboard in what I bring up to contribute, or just for them to have as I do not want to interfere and cause anyone more work. I guess it goes back to how we were raised and expectations.

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    1. That is rough, and I'm sorry people just do not see how they are acting and expecting. We know the family lake house is a blessing to be able to use. I go out of my way to take tasks off my MIL's plate and always have. My one SIL has a nice that frequently comes with her cousin-and my niece herself, always seem to be on the receiving end of the fun, but never bringing more food (except extra alcohol) seem to leave before the cleaning up. Now when they were high school/college, no one expected them to contribute food wise, but help wise would have been good. They are now married women with their own household and still act like this is a weekend resort.

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  5. I'm with you (and Karen) on the "cheap" guests. I wouldn't dream of going to stay with someone empty-handed. Most likely I would take them out to dinner rather than bring stuff though AND I always strip my bed and make it up fresh (if I can) before I leave. But maybe that's just me - I HATE changing sheets. And the empty-nesters whinging would get on my nerves too. I loved it when my kids moved out and to "insist" that they text me would just be laughed at. I love seeing them of course but they have their own lives (and so do I)!

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    1. Taking hosts out for a meal is very gracious and a nice show of appreciation. Likewise, being just a good guest! You are welcome anytime in Minnesota! I shared some of the laughable Empty Nester expectations with my daughter-yes, quite laughable.

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  6. You will be fine, you will be sad and even a little depresses, but you will soon fill your time and things will be far easier. Then when they come home and the house is a mess you will be happy to see them off again! I went through a pretty major depression when the last one left. Ti lasted about 6 weeks.

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    1. The weekend visit was really good for my mental transition. She will do fine and so will I.

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  7. I agree that you will naturally fill your time and come to appreciate extra ine on one time with hubby. Most empty nesters I know have a grieving process and then full out embrace all that free me time. I'm with you on the TW forum. I also follow the non consumer advocate forum and embrace what is helpful and leave the rest.

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    1. The fat that I enjoyed the time with my daughter away, but also now can really see her fitting in helped a lot. I also am keeping a running list of all the things I can now do on my free Saturdays.

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  8. I went through a silly sort of empty nest thing when I no longer had to do diapers. I was sad, like I was not needed, and "what would I do now?" I got over that fast.

    I have only ever belonged to one online group and I got kicked out for being too mouthy and defending myself against a bully who now comes to my blog and steals idea for her facebook page and is a hero.


    I rarely ever go to fb, so have no idea what kind of groups are there. When a blogger goes to fb, I do not follow. Mystic Mud is missed. So, are others.

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    1. I know what you mean about the diapers. It's not that I missed diapers of course not, but the sing of yet another "non baby" moment. I love that you were mouthy on a forum-sorry you got kicked off, but then it probably wasn't a great forum.

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  9. I follow precious few, and those I do are to keep me abreast of their news, not to dialogue with other fans. Oh the pain.

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    1. Some of the forums, like the canning (As I really want to learn more) have been helpful. I may get my first batch of canned pickles this fall. But I don't need to read whining grown-ups.

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  10. I find very few "authentic" places, where I connect, want to read & appreciate what is blogged about. I feel lucky that there are so many great financial bloggers who share what they buy, save, spend, splurge on, etc. But, there are plenty that I skip. Mostly because I can't relate, but also, yes, I question why there are going to crash at someone else's house, not spending a dime, etc. As the owner of a vacation house, it's definitely something I'm familiar with. Pet peeve!!

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    1. I here form a few friends with pools that they are expected to host every get together in the warm months. While not a vacation home, it still is an undue expectation. You have always sounded very generous with the use of your vacation home with your family and friends-and seem like you get lovely appreciation and support back. I hope that always is your experience. Oh, can we come next June for a few weeks? (JK)

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