Holidays and the Awkward Conversation

Thank you to everyone that left comments related to your personal wealth in things other than money. Rather than to respond to comments as I usually try to, I'm letting each of your responses stand alone. Please keep commenting on yesterday post  or in the comments below on why you are wealthy, regardless of money. While it is true as Kim said, money can make being miserable a whole lot easier, so can love of family and friends, being healthy, and having a sharp and active mind. 

Switching gears, but just a bit, I'm now thinking full on Thanksgiving, just eight days away. When DH and I were first married and for many years after, his grandma and grandpa hosted Thanksgiving. Having no grandparents myself, it made sense to spend it with them, our kids having four generation dinners. Years later when they no longer were up to it, we tried a Thanksgiving at a restaurant but no one really liked it. My husbands dad and his cousin were both only children, his cousins parents having died  long before I met my husband. G and his family were always part of Thanksgiving. G and his wife K decided to take on the hosting. Now, another 20 years later, their son and grandchildren reside in another state, DH's grandparents are no longer with us, and they seem to be hosting Thanksgiving for just my husbands family. I've been wondering for a few years if they are hosting out of obligation, and if they would like an "out" to stop hosting. I decided to initiate the awkward conversation this year and straight out asked K. 

Long story, but I learned they both really do like hosting. They also do not mind that different families trade off between sides of family so she may have different people each year. As we have tried doing the meal at one place, but stopping at my families later, she thought that was great as well. It turns out the awkward conversation was a good conversation. She appreciated me asking, and said she and G did talk about it and are of the same mindset. I'm also relieved to learn DH' siblings will continue to do alternate years, which means I will have smaller groups of in-laws at the table!

On my side of the family, my sister who has hosted for the last 15 years after my parents moved from their country house into a town house, finally had her own awkward conversation. As long time readers know, I have a large family with nine siblings, most with adult children and grandchildren. While my sister loves to host, she hates the not knowing  who will or will not join for the meal. It makes it pretty hard to plan when you can have 30 people for dinner or 50, right? She put the word out very clear at our sisters day that she needs each of us to make sure our kids RSVP with a number for dinner. She also welcomes anyone to come after if they are splitting the day, but was firm that  "maybe" is not a response and she needs to know by tomorrow, a week in advance. Granted, someone could have last minute plans that change, or someone might have an additional friend that does not have anywhere to go, and she always accommodates the extra guest or two. Those should be the anomalies, not the norm. 

Back to my theme of wealthy. I am unbelievably wealthy to have family member that love to host big gatherings at holidays. I do not. I can host things for my own family, or for non holidays, but I have a fear of living up to other peoples holiday expectation. Still, it can become an unrealistic expectation to think others will always be the one's to give their time, energy, and let's face it, even when others contribute to the meals, expense. It might be too late to have the awkward conversation this year for Thanksgiving, but if any of you are feeling the angst, it may turn out better than you think. I still haven't tackled the gift giving awkward conversation for Christmas. Baby steps.