Man, was that stupid move Thursday night a financial hurt. The estimate to fix my car is $1,047. So far, it appears there is not an issue with the other car/truck since it seems it was the hitch my car hit, taking all the brunt of the impact. Things happen quick, and is point #356 of why having a savings account and putting aside money for both the expected, and unexpected is essential. The estimate includes fixing something on the door frame as well, caused by freezing ice last year, so the fender itself isn't the full amount. At least since we didn't get the door fixed last year, we only have the inconvenience once. tiny silver linings, tight?
I had a communication mix-up with my niece. I offered to babysit at Thanksgiving some Friday in December to give her a break, ending with I can't on November 30th, but most other Fridays will work and to let me know. She officially wrote it down in her calendar as a confirmation for last night. I never heard from her since Thanksgiving until I got a text last night at 6:15, "are you still on to babysit?" I was in lazy house mode attire so quickly clean-up and headed over. I had fun with my great niece and nephew; she had a good time, well needed, but wasn't home until after 1:00 a.m. I caught a few napping moments after the kids were in bed, but late nights do not mix anymore with me!
My continued plan today is to finish the last of the shopping and do more baking/treat making and gift wrapping. Hopefully I'll be full on productive, and treat ourselves to a nice dinner at home with wine and a movie. Thrifty thrifty! I think I am narrowing in on some financial goals, one of which is to keep our entertainment budget low, but still be sociable. Tonight, it is just about giving myself a final weekend of calm after the stress of the week, and calm before the next two full on holiday. Who knows, DH might want to do something.
Speaking of DH and his reaction to last night. It probably could be a rant piece of it's own, but he said something that really annoyed me this morning. I don't remember the last time we had plans on a Friday night. He was a little grumpy this morning as he was getting ready for work and asked, "well how did it go. What did she do?" I shared it was fun, low key, but got kind of late. To quote my nice, "It was just 10:00 and then all of a sudden it was 1 a.m." How I remember those nights when you had a well needed night out with girlfriends and hours feel like mere minutes. The grumpiness bothered me, but more so his response, "Do other people give up weekend nights to babysit too?" as if it was an inconvenience to him. This was only the third time in six months that I have babysat for my niece, a still young widow with two children. When I replied we never have plans on Friday night anyway, so it was not a big deal, his response was "We don't NEVER have plans-what if we did?" Since we didn't, I really was put off with his attitude.
I've been moping around thinking about the conversation and realized how little he puts himself out for anyone other than his mom.(Who, if she calls or says anything, all plans are stopped or altered.)This includes volunteer efforts for school, church, and DD2's activities. Sure, when he was younger and the kids were young, he did coaching gigs, but it almost feels like he thinks that time he spent for his own kids decades ago gives him a free pass to disengage from any kind of service. He's also gotten tighter fisted financially too, where as I am the one to plan for and ensure our donations and gifts get made. If this is a sign of where he will be headed in retirement in five years, he's going to be headed towards being a grumpy, self absorbed, Scrooge of a man.
Oh well, no one is perfect. We all have different callings for how and who we spend time with and do things for. I just wish he and I were more aligned in this, and that makes me sad when I think about it. My coffee break is done and now back to work.
Saturday, December 8, 2018
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Sorry to hear that. Spouse friction is no fun. I'll add that my husband sounds similar. He's generous in many ways, but sometimes he surprises me by what annoys him. To be fair, he never gets to see his family (not by choice) & I don't even know anyone other than his parents, so it's very one sided - all about my family. I'm sure that all adds up & is annoying & frustrating.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is annoyed by soccer carpooling, which benefits us as much as anyone else, and makes my life easier. He rarely picks up (3-4x/season, vs me 15-20x/season). But, when he does, he'll say, I'm only picking up our kids, not the other carpoolers. .. yeah, carpooling doesn't work that way. He'll begrudgingly pick everyone up, but like it's such a big favor to me.
Ha, that turned into my own rant. Sorry about that. Remember that you can be different people, with different priorities, and sometimes leading by positive example is the best way to make a change with a spouse. Doesn't always work, of course.
My frustration was good. I brought it up last night. I'm not going to turn this into s therapy blog, but sometimes a good rant leads to bringing up issues that need to be discussed.
DeleteWe are 5 years away from retirement too and my hubby accuses me of being tight with money and/or obsessively talking about it. I am trying to look out for our future, not making mistakes that I see others have made where they end up broke two years into retirement. It's very common for people our age to have this worry, so I kind of understand where your husband is at. I keep bugging my husband to sell off his stocks and now I think he wishes he did because the market has just lost all the gains it made this past year.
ReplyDeleteI think you might be right. He is stressed about long term and short term, but it's still frustrating to feel like his values have changed. I don't really get stock market, so I'm not weighing in there.
DeleteI understand giving fatigue--either time or money. I have experienced it. I feel like I am at the point where I want less responsibility, not more. With DH's extended family, I told him a long time ago that he was free to go help, but it was IN ADDITION TO, not INSTEAD OF his other responsibilities. I do the same with my kids. Their taking on an activity or obligation is not ME doing so. That said, if my DH had said something like that about me helping out a widow, I probably would have quoted some Biblical "widows and orphans" crap, and called him out for his self absorption and petty little jealousy. In our case, though, my DH is more likely to offer my services without my permission than gripe about me doing something.
ReplyDeleteAs for the financial tight-handedness--again, I get it. Sometimes you just get tired of supporting others. I get so tired of the thought that you are a better person for donating to x,y or z. The more you give, the more they seem to want, and it never seems to end! Maybe he's tired of feeling coerced? Or maybe he's just being an ass. We can all be from time to time.
I get it, and perhaps a need to pull back from time to time. It's a shift and misalignment of values that bothers me. I personally can't live my life in insularity, it's not my nature. I see problems, needs, I feel called to act. He doesn't, and that's my frustration.I ranted, now I'll deal with my frustration.
DeleteA common tale; you are not alone. I am glad to see you have support here on this.
ReplyDeleteI don't want my blog to be venting and couples therapy nut now its off my mind.
DeleteHa while I'm sure it's just a rant I have to say I LOVE being single. My ex was(outwardly) very sociable and helpful but inevitably let people down. He had already left me and moved in with his gf when I got a phone call at 7 a.m. on a Sunday morning from a neighbour who he had promised to pick up from the airport and he hadn't showed up! Guess who had to throw clothes on really quick and drive the 90 minutes to the airport. Me right! I seriously think that is the main reason I am so happy to be single and intend to remain that way. No more having to sort someone else's life out - mistress of my own ship is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThis shift in values has neen coming on for a decade or more, but the rant was sparked by the vabysitting. Well, I called him out on it. He saw his reaction milder, not judgemental.Yep, marriage is not always a walk in the park.
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