I am up early writing this post after waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back to sleep. I need a little keyboard therapy to get this muddled and jumbled angst out of my head. I want to embrace today, my last in this chapter of my career. A dear colleague at a partner agency, who I have worked with for over 20 years years, called me brave to make this change after so many years. She said she couldn't imagine starting her career over again. I don't think I am brave, and part of me wonders if I am a down right coward for not hanging in there and trying harder to make my job work. I'm hoping this word dump into the blogosphere is a nice container for these thoughts, safely purged and stored in cyber space, allowing me to move on. I have two or three final wrap up meetings, two more reports expected from me to complete, and the remains of my personal belongings to pack up. I need to look at today not as an end, but as the first day of my fresh start.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Fresh Start
In twelve hours I will officially be between jobs. I have not experienced this in 21 years, 5 months, and 6 days. A sweep of anxiety came over me in meeting yesterday with HR signing all the official (voluntary) termination forms that would make Friday, February 27th my last day of employment at a job I have loved that entire time, but unfortunately has caused me so much stress in recent years. I start a new position Monday, but I am technically unemployed Saturday and Sunday. Hence the anxiety. You see, after two years of having what felt like my entire career condensed and marginalized by an external consultant management review and subsequent "restructure", I haven't felt good about my position and my role in the organization. While I feel so very positive about where I am going, and that I was pursued for the position, the stomach knots and self doubt crept in. What if my new boss, colleagues, and staff decide I wasn't the best person for the job after all and there was some horrible mistake in hiring me? What if I can't grasp the new duties quick enough, or in the right level of detail? What if the office culture or worse, office politics, clash with my work style?
I am up early writing this post after waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back to sleep. I need a little keyboard therapy to get this muddled and jumbled angst out of my head. I want to embrace today, my last in this chapter of my career. A dear colleague at a partner agency, who I have worked with for over 20 years years, called me brave to make this change after so many years. She said she couldn't imagine starting her career over again. I don't think I am brave, and part of me wonders if I am a down right coward for not hanging in there and trying harder to make my job work. I'm hoping this word dump into the blogosphere is a nice container for these thoughts, safely purged and stored in cyber space, allowing me to move on. I have two or three final wrap up meetings, two more reports expected from me to complete, and the remains of my personal belongings to pack up. I need to look at today not as an end, but as the first day of my fresh start.
I am up early writing this post after waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back to sleep. I need a little keyboard therapy to get this muddled and jumbled angst out of my head. I want to embrace today, my last in this chapter of my career. A dear colleague at a partner agency, who I have worked with for over 20 years years, called me brave to make this change after so many years. She said she couldn't imagine starting her career over again. I don't think I am brave, and part of me wonders if I am a down right coward for not hanging in there and trying harder to make my job work. I'm hoping this word dump into the blogosphere is a nice container for these thoughts, safely purged and stored in cyber space, allowing me to move on. I have two or three final wrap up meetings, two more reports expected from me to complete, and the remains of my personal belongings to pack up. I need to look at today not as an end, but as the first day of my fresh start.
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Every good wish for whatever the future brings.
ReplyDeleteI will certainly need them. Change can be for the better.
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