Adjusting

I'm not adjusting very well to my new life with this new job.  That is not to say that the job is not going well.  It is actually going as well as I had hoped, so it is not adjusting to the job, but adjusting my life in this job.  Let me explain.  Prior to February 9th, the day I gave notice, it was the norm to be wired constantly with my phone for calls, texts, and e-mail.  This was every day, 7 days a week.  Not responding to some at the time, could mean more problems or headaches later. I constantly brought work home to complete each night or early morning, on top of already spending generally 50 hours in the office or out of office meetings. If a grant or contract was due, I regularly was added another 8-10 hours to the office time.  I could not shut off.

Now, I am in the office between 8:00 and 8:30, stay until 4:30-5:00.  I have brought my computer home just twice in three weeks, and that was only because I left early for some family things and exchanged a few hours working at home.  Soon I will be telecommuting several days a month, saving 90 minutes of commuting time,  and work slightly longer hours  nine out of ten days to earn a flex day off every two weeks. Minimally this translates to 12 hours more per week on average to call my own.

What's the problem, you might ask. My problem is I have not yet  adjusted what should be a bankers wad of extra free time into anything constructive.  I find myself carrying my cell phone room to room, wondering if it is broken because it is not dinging constantly. I sit for several minutes at a time doing a fictional to do list in my head of items I am no longer responsible for. I fear I have too much time to think now, and it is starting to scare me. Part of why I took this job, along with the decrease in cash flow, is that it was going to improve my families overall quality of life.  We would eat better meals, have a more orderly house, enjoy the free time more as a trio, or quintet if all of us were home. I was going to not only pay due diligence to this blog, but move a new one forward that was to be a foundation of a side business. I'm not feeling ambitious at all for any of those things and tonight, nothing sounds better than doing a binge watch of Broadchurch Season 1 on Netflix. 

It oddly resembles my feelings and experience after my father passed away.  For the previous five years, starting three years before my mother died, I spent at last one weekend day and a couple weeknights helping to manage household duties for my elderly and in declining health parents, as well as running them on errands, or just visiting.  After he died, 20 months after mom, suddenly I had these gaping holes in my calendar.  Of course there was grief and the adjustment to not having my parents with us, but the change in my life style was profound-awkward and unsettling. This feels similar. It feels like I am missing the adrenaline that used to course through my veins, keeping me "on" all the time.Can any of you relate? I am sure life will norm and I will wonder soon why I ever thought I had too much time.  My trick will be to be the master of that calendar and not let trivial things or business without focus take over.