Those same days, I'll be in a grocery store line, reading the tabloid headlines, the highlights of the rich and famous and think what did these simpletons do to deserve their wealth? I heard the latest about a woman I knew from high school, self important and down right mean to others back then, having married a rich man who dotes on her every whim, while learning about one of the sweetest people I know losing her job, needed as she carried insurance, with a husband with heart disease. Sometimes life doesn't feel just unfair, it seems downright cruel. Those that are willing to manipulate the system, tread on others, will hold the power, leaving the meek crumbs. Karma never seems to make an appearance to some.
Yet, who am I to decide who is a good person and who is a bad person? I'm sure, unwillingly or not, I have done wrong to others. I've been the beneficiary of luxuries, that I did nothing to earn. I don't know how people lead their lives off the newspaper tabloid covers or the happy hour talk. As the line goes, everyone is fighting their own battles.On days when my mood is low, it is real easy for me to get envious, no, downright jealous, of the great things that are happening in the lives of people I've deemed in my head less deserving. I dislike that quality in me, the pettiness. I go from that mood, to guilt. I ask, why do I, such an undeserving soul, have so much? When the moods pass, I go back to just trying to make decisions that are good, right for me and my family, that have either no impact, or a good impact on others, and go on with life. With just a few exceptions, there are not good people or bad people, just people. With hope, me and others when fortunate enough to be part of those that have good things happening, will step up to help mitigate the bad stuff for others.
It took me a long time to be thankful for what I have instead of wanting what I didn't have. Compared to most of the world I live like a queen! I do accept that now and am grateful.
ReplyDeleteSomething I've noticed lately, and I contribute it to all of the heightened evil in the world is how friendly everyone is being to each other, total strangers helping each other out and being kind. I've noticed it in stores and banks and libraries, on the street, in parks and so on. We will not likely put all terrorists out of action but as a result of the chaos in the world these days I am seeing more good will every where I go. I feel very positive about that.
On my good days, I see it. I'm sure I see this on my dark mood days, but am not being observant. I strive to appreciate things, the simple pleasures, the freedom form real worry. It sounds like you are there, Jane.
DeleteThe evil things happening sadden me. I am sorry for all the people who loved the people killed, no matter what country they come from. I do get irked that some people who are nasty seem to flourish while I know people who are very nice and seem to lose out. I don't have the envy or jealousy, though.
ReplyDeleteI, too, even when I had no running water realized I had more than most of the world.
99% of the time, I have feelings of gratitude. But the 1% that lingers bothers me about myself.
DeleteI believe that basically people are all good. Even a killer, has something good within. The one who mowed people on the bridge might have been good to his kids, his parents... Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteNo one knows what has happened in the past, but just have to hope they don't take it out on others and disrupt their future.
DeleteI have similar experiences as Jane has. Sometime in my late 40's I realized how easy my life is compared to others. I go to sleep in a bed, have running water, clothes to wear, food to eat and wake without warfare going on around me. That was eye-opening and made me realize how petty I was for feeling jealous of what other people had /wore/accomplished (name your green eyed monster poison here)
ReplyDeleteI know this attitude is evolutionary and I do have momentary set backs, but 99 percent on the time the thoughts I have toward everyone are only wishing them the best.
As an aside, about the mean girl in high school__ remember at the height of her high school meanness, she was 18 at the most. 18 is just a kid!
I dislike this aspect of me tremendously-which is why the guilt at my pettiness is so heavy. Another aside, incidentally, that girl, now a woman of 51, still can be quite unpleasant to others, and her daughter was mean girl, next generation, as she went to school with my daughter. I guess though, I know nothing about what might fuel her behavior, defensiveness, self protection? I wish her well, sometimes gritting my teeth.
DeleteAnd those are the hardest people to wish well. Sometimes you have to shake your head and wonder why they get pleasure from being mean or feeling entitled, but in the end I am better just wishing them well and limiting my exposure to them.
DeleteI feel incredibly lucky that I don't seem to suffer with envy or the feeling of begrudging others what they have/earn/do , possibly because I have never used those things as a measure of happiness. That means it still surprises me when people are nasty to me for those reasons. Whilst it's highly unlikely that anyone I know would envy my financial position, or my health situation, the new allotment is just such a thing. There's a man there who has made numerous sarcastic remarks about us having it. He didn't want it himself, he has acquired a small extra piece of land that he has wanted for a while, and he couldn't have tackled our new plot anyway, but he just can't bring himself to be pleased for us. That's his problem though, and I pity him for being so meanspirited.
ReplyDeleteFortunately my pettiness is in my head (and this blog coming clean).I think I get caught up in fairness, and yet we know so much is lucky circumstances. Your allotment neighbor sounds dissatisfied with his own skills, so rather than learn from yours, or be satisfied with his own, he dismisses your hard work.I probably am missing seeing the positives too with people.
DeleteEvery time something ugly happens in the world I try to to respond in the opposite way - being nicer, donating money etc. You are right, it is so disheartening. Keep in mind those people whose lives look perfect on the outside often aren't, something that usually is discovered at some later point in life.
ReplyDeleteBeing kinder is the best response. No one ever knows what's behind the story.
DeleteEverything you say in this post is spot on. I feel the same way. My husband tells me I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I need to stop! What lifts me up is when I see small, every-day acts of kindness. For instance, yesterday at Trader Joe's an elderly woman had only a couple items to purchase, so I offered her to go ahead of me. Then the gentleman who was in front of me offered her to go in front of him. It made me smile and filled me with joy for the rest of the day. There is so much more love in the world than hate.
ReplyDeleteI have a funny picture of this great chain of shoppers letting people ahead again and again. Little kindnesses go a long way.
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