Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Life Affirmed on a Rainy Tuesday

Words alone do not express the sadness I'm feeling, will feel, for sometime. The service for my friend won't be for nearly four weeks and actually will be over three days, a modified cultural norm, with the final day including her burial. Until then, her children will try and complete the school year, her husband will slowly start the adjustment to being a single parent, and her other family and friends will move through our days, stunned, but getting on with life as we must. Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. I'm trying to make sense of the loss, no warning signs, no tragic accident, just a person here, then not. This is how we lost my sister 4 1/2 years ago the day before her birthday. M's birthday was yesterday.

I think we owe those who  die before us, particularly those who die young and untimely, to make the most of life. I say this, believe this, yet know I will struggle with my own self doubt. But, at least for today, I'm going to affirm what I have and what I want to do with whatever time is left.

1. I spent an hour on my book (the one I have been writing for two years now) Saturday night. DD2 and DH went to see the 2nd Guardians movie. I decided to self invest time and let them have a little dad-daughter time. I shaped up a couple segments. M was one of my biggest cheer leaders to write the darn thing.

2. I lost 1.8 pounds. I know this should be part of Feeling Good Friday, but the fact that I lost anything, just trying to avoid unhealthy food, but otherwise not paying too much attention, means I might be on my way to a slow and steady weight loss. 

3. I signed up to participate in a "bar" as in  desert bar crawl at work. I haven't joined in on too many agency wide things, but felt after two years, it was time to get out of my immediate work area, meet more people, join in. I made pumpkin bars. Oh my gosh though-what a sugar high after not eating much sugar the last few weeks.

4. I tackled the refrigerator and made a small batch of a veggie soup, plus did a meal idea list. Besides the pumpkin bars, I used up loads of odd vegetables, sauce, and cheese that was aging, but not in a good way, and made a flat bread pizza last night. Though made with white flour, it was so loaded with vegetables and the crust was thin, it didn't feel like too much of an indulgence, but tasted like one. 

5. I really focused on not getting annoyed with DH's family as we started to move things into and sort out the new cabin. I focused on the work that needed to be done, and let the various unpleasant dynamics roll off me. 

6. I had long calls with my adult children yesterday. DS was working on Sunday, but did get the " Happy Mother's Day" test. I woke to one from DD1 Sunday-she's an early riser.

I'm still planning our vacation-wanted even more so now to spend time with my immediate family, making special memories. While I know we need to be paying attention to life after our work years, I want to enjoy it now as well. At least for now, I am in the haze of feeling like I need to accomplish something great, but know my friend just would want me, and all she loved to be happy. I want to accomplish at least that. 

I missed blogging, and will try and get back to it. I have a lot of reading to catch up on all the blogs I like to read and am hoping there is a great story or two to lighten my mood. How is your Tuesday going?

8 comments:

  1. I totally agree with your theory that the best way to honor someone's life is to live with gusto!
    Also good for you for letting anything unpleasant roll off your back while dealing with the cabin stuff. As much as we would like to, we can't change anyone, but we can change our reaction to them. Finding that freedom give us so much power!
    Woo ho About the weight loss, especially since it is a by product of your good choices without total denial.

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    1. I appreciate your thoughts and kind words. I need to refocus ,my energy on love and productivity, and not be drawn into things that just do not matter. This is tough for me as I was raised by the ultimate martyr!

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  2. Anne in the kitchen has said it all really Go live and be in the present as much as possible whilst still planning future stuff. One of the sadnesses for me over the loss of my friend was that she never got to meet Lovejoy/ Graham nor he her she was so happy to know I'd met someone lovely and we'd arranged to meet up so they could meet ant it never got to happen. Grab life by the throat and shake the hell out of it whilst laughing madly is what I do and intend to keep on doing despite the disapproval from some of my immediate family. Well done with the weight loss one of the great outcomes from my recent travels was the seamlessly easy weight loss lol

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    1. Ultimately, we are the only ones that get to live our lives so as long as anything I do does not negatively impact another, I need to do more of what makes me happy. That doesn't only include self focused things, but how I hope that I invest time and money into the broader good. And If I committ to something, volunteer, a special project, I need to not complain, but do it joyfully. That was some of the cabin drama-hearing over and over again about how stressed my mother in law is with all her activities (all voluntary) and preparing to leave for an 11 day trip to Ireland.Whenever she started down the "whiny path" I tried to just smile, and redirect the conversation to a positive tone. I learned DD1 had a phone call with her that was much the same, and my lovely girl just skipped on by the negative! You are a role model for me Wendy on how you embrace life, and I know your friend would be so happy to know you are so happy!

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  3. I don't think there is much more I can say to add to what Anne and Wendy already said. But, people who have had terrible experiences or who have been very ill usually gain a new perspective on what is and isn't important in life. I do a lot of thinking while I am out walking to try to figure out how to do it. Haven't come up with anything yet but will definitely keep on trying. Hugs to you. Anna

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    1. It's a challenge, isn't it Anna, to try and make sure to appreciate all life gives us. I know I'll keep having petty days, but like you, I will definitely keep trying to keep focus on the important things that matter.

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  4. You wrote: I think we owe those who die before us, particularly those who die young and untimely, to make the most of life.

    I couldn't agree more! Her loss will be felt for a very long time but she would want everyone she loved to live the rest of their lives brimming with joy, with living, and with being a light in the lives of others. My thoughts are with you Sam.

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    1. Even just three weeks later, I already see some of my pettiness creep back in. Thank you for posting your comments and reminding me what I promised-to live life with joy.

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