You are all so kind and I appreciated the supportive words, recommendations, and just "hang in there!'s". First, I am under doctor care and most likely some of the crud I am feeling is a combination of my vitamin D levels at rock bottom, stomach and head ache issues/incompatibility with the acid blocker I am on, and just plain fatigue from the RA. Iron and thyroid are just fine. I'm on a mega dose of Vitamin D for the next few weeks and the omeprazole will be cut back to 20 mg rather than 40. I'm working on the core exercises to build my strength up, so doing what I can to battle the physical side of my funk.
A short session yesterday with the counselor unpacked some grief I have probably been holding in, resurfacing but not fully owned. Both A's daughter and M's daughter (the friend who died last spring unexpectantly from a brain aneurysm) graduated this spring, and pictures abound of the two with neither of their mama's in the frame. Mixed with my feelings of my own kids growing up and all being on their own, she (counselor) told me to give myself permission to just have down days and feel sad. Then there are unresolved conflicts with my husbands family which now have a name, Value Conflict. Again, the counselor is just helping me understand that it is OK to feel anxious around people who may not share the same values. Continuing to build coping mechanisms that let me be part of the family, but not have to physically join in when I just need time away, as well as giving myself permission to be contrary if the situation merits it. It really seemed to be a productive 30 minutes, and more to think about before next week.
The post the other day was written earlier in the week but not shared until yesterday. I am feeling a bit stronger today. Maybe by July, I'll be more myself and ready to jump into a new month. If not, I have to give myself time and accept small steps forward.
Friday, June 15, 2018
9 comments:
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Glad to hear you are doing a little better. I like the idea of "value conflict". I always felt I had to say "yes" to my husband re his family (who are actually pretty nice) but I got so sick of our only outings together being over to his cousins' for them all to twang away at the guitars together. A couple of times ok but after that I eventually started refusing to go. He went ballistic but I stood my ground and had a much better evening for it. As I got older I learned that "no" is a complete sentence, to be occasionally augmented by "no sorry", but nothing else. You don't have to say yes and you don't have to give an explanation (which could be dismantled). Self preservation is a wonderful thing. Anna
ReplyDeleteI too learned to say no to visiting my in-laws. It took a lot longer for the scales to fall from my husband's eyes where his family is concerned, but they did.
DeleteSAM, has your B12 level been checked? A lack can cause gastro problems, along with a myriad of others... I was in a real state with low B12 and a very low Vitamin D level, and both seem to go along with autoimmune disorders. It was my rheumatologist who tested me for them, having seen my GP and a gastroenterologist numerous times and got nowhere for a year.
I hope you feel better soon. Xx
Yes, "value conflict." I have to remember that. In fact I just wrote in down on a post-it note and stuck it to my computer.
DeleteThe phrase really is eye opening. The follow up to it is "behaviors" as in what behaviors exemplify the value. Even if the value is supposedly the same, how the value is played/lived out might be different. "Christian Values" jumps to my mind. Thump a bible all a person wants, if they discriminate and manipulate for their own self promotion, to me there's huge value conflict.
DeleteScarlett-B12 was in the work up and no issues came with results but I'll pay attention.
DeleteYou already sound like so much progress has been made!!!! It takes time to work on all of our "issues"....mine have taken 56 years so far, lol, but the fact that we own them and take steps to figure out what is going on is the main thing!!!!
ReplyDeleteWell, steps forward at least. I'm still a mess, but then I guess we all have our own bags of laundry to clean and fold.
DeleteNo one's life is perfect - there's always going to be ups and downs. Life is one challenge after another and how we deal/cope with them forms our character. You are taking action and looking after you. Be at peace.
ReplyDeleteThat I am, Jane.
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