Family Ties

My oldest cousin passed away last weekend and the wake and funeral are this weekend. He was the oldest son of my last aunt who passed away last year, or has it been two years already? This was the aunt that lost two of her six children in a care accident in the 50"s, one at just 8 and the other 17. She lost another child under unclear circumstances two decades later, shortly after having lost her husband. The twin of that child died about 10 years ago from cancer. She outlived her husband and four children, and now her oldest, after  suffering the last few years from cancer, is able to join her. My cousin E is the sole remaining member of her family. Another of my dad's sisters had two children through adoption, but everyone lost touch with her son after he left high school, but I don't know the details being pretty young at the time, and the other child just sort of disconnected from the rest of us after both her parents died. Dad's third sister had three daughters, and only one is still alive and his bother never had any children.

It is a sad looking family tree, but I have really happy memories from my very young days when the aunts and uncles, cousins, would gather for the 4th of July at my parents hobby farm, or my aunt and Uncles farm for Christmas. My grandma was still alive then, and even after she passed when I was 12, for  a few years the gatherings tried to continue. E has made a few attempts at a family gathering, but with so few cousins remaining, it is harder to get the next generations together. My sisters that host Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and 4th of July are really good about extending invitations beyond our immediate family, just in case any of the cousins and their offspring might want to join and from time to time, the even more extended family is partially together again. Technically, my brother being the oldest living cousin, is now the "T" family patriarch, and I guess my oldest sister, is the matriarch as the oldest living female cousin. Is that how this stuff works? My mom just had one sister, who only had two children. My male cousin passed away a few years ago, but we semi regularly see my other cousin, and my moms cousins kids for lunches and they will often join the summer get togethers.

There's stupid family stuff going on in DH's family regarding the second cabin, the one that was his grandparents. What for decades was a source of gathering and extended family fun has turned sour, started by what I can only assume is anger at the building of the new cabin next door. There are now lawyers upon lawyers involved and questions about the deed and property lines, and leans on an insurance claim. It is all so stupid and it makes me sad to think of DH's grand parents who meant the cabin to be their legacy for future generations. It just makes me hope no one in his immediate family gets this way over the family lake house, which is what the new cabin turned into.

I think of McVal at Sew Not My Day and the lovely tributes to her mother, shown through the love of her large extended family gathering for her. I hope I see my few remaining cousins tonight and tomorrow, and that they know they are in my heart, despite the stretch in connections over the years. I hope this dumb cabin stuff gets resolved because I'm tired of DH being on calls for hours about it, but more so, sad for my mother-in-law. Seeing this all from a few steps back makes me want to be particularly resilient with the petty things I let bother me in his family, because overall, they are not important in the least.