Kids, humans, need to know they have unconditional love by at least 2-3 caring people in their lives. It won't stop all bad thoughts, feelings, and acts of self harming behavior, but it is a start. Even with that unconditional love of the person, if not the behaviors, the pressures, the sadness, the doubts, and yes, the self hate may manifest. As someone trained in child development and adverse childhood experiences, I still feel unequipped to handle adequately the angst of childhood and the pressures of what teens and young adults may face. I just know I need to love my kids harder, show them that, and also be there for their friends and others that I might know of showing signs and sadness, loss, and a need for help.
DD2 graduates on Friday. There was going to be an empty chair for the student that lost their life to suicide last year. Now, there will be two. A classmate died tragically yesterday morning, another casualty of suicide. She learned when she went to school to pick up her DVD of the concert and drop a couple invitations off to teachers she hadn't seen last week. She knew him, not well, though his family attended our church and she had him in classes over the years. I'm heart broken for his parents, who should be preparing to celebrate with the rest of the families, but now have to navigate what follows the death of a child, compounded by I imagine internal fury on why this happened. No one is to blame; perhaps the people in his life just missed a sign, a clue, a window of opportunity to connect him to help, but no one caused this.
I just repeatedly told my daughter to remember no matter how bad something seems, she always has people who will have her back, that will get her help. She has friends, family, other adults that will always be there for her. We will always be there for her friends. She hung out at friends house after hearing the news, then had to stay put longer as a major thunderstorm rolled through. I thanked her friends mom, my friend as well, for keeping her there, keeping her safe. She knows, and her kid knows, we would do anything to keep our kid safe. Sometimes it is out of our hands though. We just need to love our kids, whether our own or someone else's.
So sorry your daughter and your community has to deal with this tragedy. I wholeheartedly agree with and LOVE your last sentence on your blog today-- and is why I strive to be the house that is open to all of my kids' friends and to family. Prayers for all those involved in your town.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear this. It's devastating. We are dealing with a lot with my older son right now, and one thing we try to keep in mind, is to work hard to help him grow and develop, but always ensure that he knows how much he's loved. Even when things are hard.
ReplyDeleteVery very tragic and sad, really unthinkable for the kids parents.
ReplyDeleteThat is so sad. What a crush to his family and all who knew him. The problem with suicide is that when we die, we all leave a skeleton in the closet. Something that we want know one to find out about us. But with suicide we move that skeleton to your closet. Now you have some blame in your heart and that is not fair. The only comfort I can give you is that, the poor boy is out of pain. What ever drove him his now gone and we are left here with the skeleton.
ReplyDeleteHow desperately sad. The problem is that suicide is a permanent solution to what is often a temporary problem - but one that must feel unbearable to the person concerned. I'm so sorry for his family and friends too, who will be forever wondering what they did to "cause" this or what they missed. Tragic!
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad beyond belief, but I do know from some extended family and friends painful events that sometimes just breathing another breath seems too hard to endure when help feels like it is a million miles away or non-existent. I don't even want to imagine how difficult this will be for the graduating class or the horrors the student's family will face.
ReplyDeleteOh my... I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this.
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