Money Fights and Time Woes

Just about any couples top ten list of why arguments and fights occur include money. It seems a whole lot of people have a constant push and pull with their significant other over how to spend it, when there's not enough of it, how to prioritize it, and if you have children, particularity older children, how much should go to help support them. The other argument inducer that comes up in that same list is time. Again, how much each has, where it's spent, and if you have children, how to balance between what the kids need and what you have for each other. My personal experience is neither gets easier as you get older or your relationship gains in years, though may play out differently. DH and I have been a couple  nearly 31 years, married for almost 29 of them. Neither of us had money and both were working almost full time jobs and were full time students went we started dated and later got engaged. Both a lack of time and a lack of money created minor tiffs. 

Once we were both working full time and not going to school, things settled down as we worked to put money away for the wedding and the silly idea we had to buy a little starter house. DH being a few years older and me only 21 when we got married, I admit I was the one often envious of friends still going out to the college bars, dancing the nights away, spending Saturdays shopping, though even then I wasn't a big shopper, or going on carefree weekends. I was either taking an extra shift at the pizza restaurant I had worked at in college to help pad the budget, or once we closed on the house, peeling stinky wallpaper and trying to preserve anything that we could so it wouldn't need to be replaced before we moved in. When I did go out for a day with friends, I was looking at shower heads and toilet seat covers as they were checking out faded jeans and lip gloss. My money and time was  in couple mode.

Roll forward to 2016 and for the most part, DH and I have been on the same wave length on both money and time. But every now and then, both instigators put the devil on their shoulder and start prodding one or both of us to get prickly. We have an unexpected $881 cash flow hit, at a time when cash flow has been very rough. I mentioned earlier that we will be in negatives for the new savings targets at July's end, and this is the bulk of why. Part of it might be reimbursed, but not a guarantee. I won't go into the back ground of what it is as it involves others. I've decided to just go with it, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that significant. DH is fuming, and feels it is part of an ongoing problem that needs to be nipped immediately. I think opening up that box would be a bad idea, and have other more significant issues later. This issue, coupled with trying to adjust to reduced cash flow, and you can imagine the mood when DH left for work this morning. 

Then there is time-the bigger of the two naggers in my life. My driveway looks amazing-so happy with the new concrete. What I am not happy about is the finishes on the sides where they had to cut away more of the sod. I'm left with little trenches that line the driveway and new sidewalk. Then there is the landscape  tubing that is all pulled up as they made the sidewalk wider. It's been over two weeks, two weekends, and no plans for how that is going to be done. DH's response is, "yeah, I have to get black dirt and some seed." I would just do it, but I can't lift enough black dirt to make a dent in what needs to fill. We have a to do list on our house a mile long, and for both of us, other things keep hijacking both of our time momentum. We get nit picky with each other when I know the real issue is our overall time management on the house. In my head, I have visions of purging everything out of the house and starting over, like that old TLC show Clean Sweep. Our 31 years of goods would be put out on the front lawn and we are limited to selecting only a certain number of things. The rest, sold off or pitched. What we really need is to just sit down with a calendar and list and be our own project managers and hold each other, and ourselves accountable in the same way as if we were on a television production timeline. Money woes would seem less strained if we had a house of calm to tackle the conversation in. First, we need to make the time to have that important discussion, and not as one of us is leaving for work on Saturday morning.

We're beyond the point of juggling bills and not having the means to pay them, thank God. We don't complain about each others hobbies-I'd gladly let DH have a few more. None the less, the money stress and use of time issues have matured, but are still present.It's like we need a someone to take on the roll of household CEO, ensuring things get done, and neither has stepped up to the plate. I can't help but think his mental and physical energy has been directed to the family cabin, and to a certain extent, mine as well, so I'm a little sensitive time right now. If you are or have been married, does any of this resonate with you? Does money and time cause the most discourse in your life? Short of sending us to therapy, what tips and strategies keep you on the same happy path?

Household Austerity Measures

I haven't been this concerned about household finances since DH was unemployed for over 6 months back in 2010. He is 100% commission and it has just been painful lately-more than lately. We're likely into our third month of his take home, including his car allowance which isn't really salary, of take home being less than half of mine, and all benefits and flex account spending comes out of my paycheck. This is not the time to get frustrated, though of course we both are. He is working so hard, and spends more time than I think the other staff do following up, and extending high quality customer service, and going the extra mile to treat his customers as good or better than he would want to be treated. There's a lot more to the background-power games between owners and managers, that just catches the staff in the cross fire. While I hope things turn around, and he has his eyes open for other opportunities, it is tough as men get older to find open doors.

What to do to lessen this hopefully temporary lull in our finances? Times like these call for me to bring some austerity measures into our own home budget. We have some commitments that we must follow through with such as the Alaska cruise, show choir, and DD2's choir trip. Bills have to be paid and we have money set aside for the home improvements, though some new furniture that was part of the budget may need to be reconsidered. Other than those, everything else is going to need to be cut to the bones the rest of summer, hopefully getting us through this rough patch and living entirely on my take home. It will mean tough choices for groceries, household, entertainment, and all other non-fixed expenses. I looked at our bills, and our spending patterns and think there should be room for cuts without resorting to rice and oatmeal every meal, though I am not opposed to more of either staple. Second and third thoughts before each purpose will help. If successful, this will mean anything DH does bring home will go to savings, and perhaps I can get us in a better spending groove for the long haul.

Home cooking will be the mantra along with no waste. I also need to keep up the purging and organizing, using up things that are perfectly fine and not waste money on stuff we can get by without.  I'm talking to you bathroom vanity and medicine cabinet, kitchen pantry and underwear and sock drawers! When I do need to spend, I will look for the lowest cost, perhaps not the cheapest, option. It won't do any good to buy watered down dish soap and use three times more, but I might have to settle for my 2nd or third favorite brands on things and throw aesthetics out the window. I need to use my clothes line, and chip away at the gas and electric bill. I have a few children's birthdays, and I will hunt for nice, but reduced price gifts.

As overwhelming as this feels, I am very fortunate. I don't know how single parent families or those living with one income handle the pressure when finances get tight. I have a team and I am racking my brains on ideas to reduce spending. DD is aware, without details, that belt tightening is in order. DH is bringing something home, and while we hope we can put it aside, it is at least there, plus we have savings so no resorting to credit cards for living expenses. I think I will be breaking out my old Tightwad Gazette books, and reading up on ideas from 20-25 years ago, that I probably shouldn't have left behind in the first place. Have you ever applied austerity to yourself? What were your tools to get you through, and did any of them stick with you?