Things to Save That I Take for Granted

I waste a lot of resources. My family wastes a lot of resources. Two problems result in this. Most importantly, we are adding too much to our carbon footprint when we mindlessly overuse something, throw it away before consuming, or don't maximize the life cycle before replacing. Second, all these things come with a price tag. Wouldn't it be better to have those dollars count towards our savings goals? Here is a list of things I know I have taken for granted. As this year ends and 2019  begins, I will strive to rein in spending, use, and  abuse of the these items. 

• Running water. Am I maximizing wash loads, taking brief showers, and not letting the taps run when not in use? 
• Heat and electricity. Do I turn down the furnace temperature in the winter and forego A.C. or use only on the highest setting on the most unpleasant days? Are we leaving appliances plugged in when not in use (vampire electric use) and remembering to turn off lights not needed? 
• Toilet paper, paper towels, other paper products. Spending $42 on Toilet Paper is a kick in the wallet. Not to be gross, but how many squares are really needed? Paper towels, plates, and napkins-try and use only when the alternative is not very conducive to the job. I'm lumping wraps, foil, clings, and baggies into this group as well. Can a reusable container work as well as disposable wraps and bags? If not, can the bag have an additional life? 
• Gasoline. Am I using the most cost effective routes and doubling up trips to not waste miles? With winter here, how long is enough, but not too much to run the car before driving? Do we have enough warm clothes on so that we do not need to crank the heat? 
• Fresh food. I've probably talked about food waste to the point of boring you all, but I know my family takes this for granted. We simply cannot afford though environmentally and financially to let good food go bad, then rot in landfills. We must do better eating what is bought, and freezing leftovers for future meals. 
• Health.  I have my chronic RA, my knee that gives me issues, and boughts of insomnia. Yet, I still have a working body that does for the most part, everything it is meant to do. I need to not waste the health I have with eating junk, being sedentary, and dwelling on negativity. I know I take for granted that I wake up and am able to work, play, and take care of my family. 
• Time. As the year ends, I am looking to where I can maximize my time for spending time with my family, positive social connectedness, effective home management, hobbies that bring me joy, and opportunities to earn additional money. I must evaluate how I spend my spare time to see if it is checking one of these boxes, and if not, realize I am squandering a precious resource. 

What do you think you take for granted? Are you making efforts to change your mindset and behavior? Please share your success and  challenges. 

Money Fights and Time Woes

Just about any couples top ten list of why arguments and fights occur include money. It seems a whole lot of people have a constant push and pull with their significant other over how to spend it, when there's not enough of it, how to prioritize it, and if you have children, particularity older children, how much should go to help support them. The other argument inducer that comes up in that same list is time. Again, how much each has, where it's spent, and if you have children, how to balance between what the kids need and what you have for each other. My personal experience is neither gets easier as you get older or your relationship gains in years, though may play out differently. DH and I have been a couple  nearly 31 years, married for almost 29 of them. Neither of us had money and both were working almost full time jobs and were full time students went we started dated and later got engaged. Both a lack of time and a lack of money created minor tiffs. 

Once we were both working full time and not going to school, things settled down as we worked to put money away for the wedding and the silly idea we had to buy a little starter house. DH being a few years older and me only 21 when we got married, I admit I was the one often envious of friends still going out to the college bars, dancing the nights away, spending Saturdays shopping, though even then I wasn't a big shopper, or going on carefree weekends. I was either taking an extra shift at the pizza restaurant I had worked at in college to help pad the budget, or once we closed on the house, peeling stinky wallpaper and trying to preserve anything that we could so it wouldn't need to be replaced before we moved in. When I did go out for a day with friends, I was looking at shower heads and toilet seat covers as they were checking out faded jeans and lip gloss. My money and time was  in couple mode.

Roll forward to 2016 and for the most part, DH and I have been on the same wave length on both money and time. But every now and then, both instigators put the devil on their shoulder and start prodding one or both of us to get prickly. We have an unexpected $881 cash flow hit, at a time when cash flow has been very rough. I mentioned earlier that we will be in negatives for the new savings targets at July's end, and this is the bulk of why. Part of it might be reimbursed, but not a guarantee. I won't go into the back ground of what it is as it involves others. I've decided to just go with it, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that significant. DH is fuming, and feels it is part of an ongoing problem that needs to be nipped immediately. I think opening up that box would be a bad idea, and have other more significant issues later. This issue, coupled with trying to adjust to reduced cash flow, and you can imagine the mood when DH left for work this morning. 

Then there is time-the bigger of the two naggers in my life. My driveway looks amazing-so happy with the new concrete. What I am not happy about is the finishes on the sides where they had to cut away more of the sod. I'm left with little trenches that line the driveway and new sidewalk. Then there is the landscape  tubing that is all pulled up as they made the sidewalk wider. It's been over two weeks, two weekends, and no plans for how that is going to be done. DH's response is, "yeah, I have to get black dirt and some seed." I would just do it, but I can't lift enough black dirt to make a dent in what needs to fill. We have a to do list on our house a mile long, and for both of us, other things keep hijacking both of our time momentum. We get nit picky with each other when I know the real issue is our overall time management on the house. In my head, I have visions of purging everything out of the house and starting over, like that old TLC show Clean Sweep. Our 31 years of goods would be put out on the front lawn and we are limited to selecting only a certain number of things. The rest, sold off or pitched. What we really need is to just sit down with a calendar and list and be our own project managers and hold each other, and ourselves accountable in the same way as if we were on a television production timeline. Money woes would seem less strained if we had a house of calm to tackle the conversation in. First, we need to make the time to have that important discussion, and not as one of us is leaving for work on Saturday morning.

We're beyond the point of juggling bills and not having the means to pay them, thank God. We don't complain about each others hobbies-I'd gladly let DH have a few more. None the less, the money stress and use of time issues have matured, but are still present.It's like we need a someone to take on the roll of household CEO, ensuring things get done, and neither has stepped up to the plate. I can't help but think his mental and physical energy has been directed to the family cabin, and to a certain extent, mine as well, so I'm a little sensitive time right now. If you are or have been married, does any of this resonate with you? Does money and time cause the most discourse in your life? Short of sending us to therapy, what tips and strategies keep you on the same happy path?

Confiscated Time

A church friend who is the mom of four, ages three to 15, made a post on Facebook  that first started with appreciation for her children's teachers. That came through clear, but then a lament that sometimes there are unrealistic, short notice demands on the parents. Apparently one of her brood had a single night to have a parent review and make corrections on a research paper, and get it turned back in  today. This was added to her plate on top of getting one kid returned from a track meet, other homework help for all three, tending to a toddler, and a spouse recuperating from surgery. She's a great mom, but not superhuman. I remember some of the overnight turnaround parent required involved things with my kids over the years and feeling the same stress.

DH isn't scheduled to work Thursdays. I started noticing a pattern for a while where a certain family member of his would need him to help her on Thursday mornings to meet a repairman, accept a delivery, attend an appointment, or other last minute, same morning or night before requests. I thought it was an odd coincidence that these things kept coming up when the person themselves had a conflict until I realized she was intentionally scheduling for Thursday mornings.  Then, if something else came up, she would simply ask DH to step in. She assumed if he didn't have a specific thing on his calendar, it meant he was free to help her out. He did finally speak up, super nicely, stating he is happy to help out, but even if he is around, he is trying to get his own things done and would appreciate advanced notice.  He comes from a family where busy is a badge of honor, so if you don't have a ready made list scheduled, it means you are not as busy. 

In the workplace, unless you own your own company, and even then you are meeting demands of clients and customers, your time is never your own. But in my personal life, I want to call the shots of where my time is spent, even if I created the insane busy calendar. I hate having other people coercing  me into how I spend my time. I've gotten more disciplined in responding back when I get the open ended questions from people, his family in particular, about time, with "why do you ask?" It has helped derail the hidden agenda in the question,"What are you doing tomorrow?" Even if I have nothing planned, I am not always willing to  spend my hours doing someone elses plans because they decided that date worked for them, or they overbooked themselves. 

I know teachers want parents involved in their children's education. Family members need help sometimes when true things of urgency come up. No one can plan for the unexpected, but I hope my unexpected isn't throwing other people's timelines off kilter, and I really try not to make my decisions  dictate a friend or family members day. I've also really appreciated the teachers that have given a heads up that a heavy duty project will be coming my child's way.  I think part of my friends frustration is the request of parental involvement came with no notice and she was already on frayed nerves. Likewise, my reaction to said family member might be different if the conversation started with, "I need to have the service guy come out. If I need your help, when might be good for you?" With favors, while a quid pro quo is not needed, reciprocity goes a long way, and those that ask for the favors need to step up on occasion and be the givers.