On Tuesday's I leave work early to do assorted kid hauling duties. I cannot wait for when she can drive herself, but have another 7 months minimum before then, longer if DH has his way. I finally got back on task last night after 10:00 to finish a presentation for a twice annual meeting of our grantees. This is not a amenable audience. They pick over every phrase, every word, and are generally ready to pounce on information they do not like. I was going to be ready. Then, the corrupted file, and having to start over this morning, derailed me-almost. I worked until 12:30, but had to get a few hours sleep, but rose at 4:00 a.m. The meeting was long and draining, and then I had an evening webinar to deliver that went until 8:00 p.m. I am knackered.
Yet, oddly, and oppositely, I feel a little invigorated. Sure my eye lids feel like lead, and my arthritis is deciding tonight would be a good time to flare up, but I tackled the day, and have lived to work another. Interestingly, this was a fairly typical experience-no less than once per week when I had to dive into work like that in my past to keep my head above water. Today was highly unusual, and tomorrow will be an office catch-up day, followed by an uninterrupted Friday off. I've been down a bit lately about the loss of cash flow from my old job, since DH has had some leaner paychecks of late. This day gave me a momentary flashback. We're doing OK. I've been belt tightening where I can, clothing, brown bagging lunches, cooking ahead and we might put a good chunk in the bank this month, despite some of the higher extra costs of late. After all, what good was the higher paycheck if I was working all the time to see it put to good use?
Just because I like this song, and feel at least today, I did not waste my life. Cliche, but let your wings take you far, even if just far away from what was holding you back. Let's mix it up tonight, shall we?
I'm tired. The house is a wreck. Nothing sounds good in the food department but yet both DD and I are hungry. We are not sure when DH will be home and M has been sick for three days and is with her mom, but not sure where they actually are staying. Poor kiddo. Both of us nibbled on some leftover French Toast bake I made last night and popped in the oven this morning. I had half a bag of hot dog buns and 1/3 loaf of Italian bread that was going dry so the bake was perfect and a favorite. I want to save the last for my daughter breakfast or else I'd call it supper. I used leftovers for Monday, but might be able to scrounge a meal from the pickings in the kitchen. It can't really be Girl's Supper, because DH will be home, but as it's nearing 7:00 anyway, so not that much earlier than his late work nights. It is a perfect night out, but I don't even feel like being outside-unusual for me. Maybe I'm getting what M has. Maybe I'm just cranky after a really rough work week. Even when you like your job there are days and weeks that kind of suck, and this is that one for me. I won't go into the story but my pet peeves in the work place are lack of accountability and excuse making, decision making void of using facts and experience, and political pandering. All three elements reared their way into the work place. I'm going to give myself a good schlump on the coach, get caught up with personal e-mail, Facebook, surf around YouTube and just let me day escape. Then, I'll do some cleaning up and laundry and put the house back to rights before bed. I'll need a good nights sleep. Tomorrow promises to be a real son of a ...... I'll share my latest view, and incredible cover of an old Simon and Garfunkel tune that was on the Conan Show earlier this spring. I grew up on Simon and Garfunkel and usually hate covers, but dang if this one is not perfection. And tonight, I will just relish the Sound of Silence while I can get it for a few minutes.
About 20 years ago, my family of four at the time. took a vacation to the Wisconsin Dells, waterpark capitol of the Midwest. Besides oodles of waterparks, there were water ski shows, corny tourist attractions like wax museums, and fun houses, dude ranches for horseback riding, and of course the "Ducks" old military water and street vehicles that took tourists on tours of the area on land and then into the water to see the interesting rock formations. We crammed a lot into a four day vacation followed by a long drive home. I remember once we got the car unpacked and the kids back in the house, the dog retrieved from where he was staying, my son, about 5 or 6 at the time, threw his body onto the couch exclaiming, "I'm dead meat tired." The expression has stuck. DD#2 who wasn't born for another six years, uses the expression as well.
Today, I am dead meat tired. There has been no slow down at my office-I am still doing my job and filling the gap from turnover of a manager in my division. Requests and needs are coming above and below my position, and outside the organization. Still, it is November, the month we are to be thankful. I am thankful I have a job, but am really trying to hold it together until this chaos passes.
On top of the work life imbalance, I have been fielding daily calls, e-mails, and texts from both DS and DD#1 about their relocations. DD#1 still is questioning her decision to move out west, and DS seems to have an almost fairy tale perspective of what his life will be after his move. I miss that 6 year old boy that played so hard on water slides and rafting boats, to the point he was just ready for a long nap in his own house. Now he seems to want to burn candles at both end, without really have a clue where the wick will come from.
I feel like I am getting about as much sleep as I did when the kids were infants. I toss and turn at night, praying silently that they both will be fine, and things will work out for them. I remember the teacher at the classes leading up to delivery of the babies and the nurses in the maternity ward reminding me to sleep when the baby sleeps, to take care of myself. I believe the last text is done for the night-no drama should be added. I think I will listen to those nurses now and put myself to bed, sleeping while my "babies" appear to be at rest. Tomorrow, the cycle will start again and I'll just be another pork chop on the barbecue grill of life.
