Funk, mood swing, melancholy, call it what you want but my mood has been gray for the last day and 1/2. Another extended family thing that I could not get out of sucked all my reserves last night. I had a major professional snub this week, which makes me question my work relevance. Suddenly minor things that I feel are off or not quite right in my life took on weight, and sunk my emotions to the bottom of the deepest caves in my mind. I want to, need to, use today to get out of it, and focus on my health, particularly after my crash last night, mental health. I don't think a cure for mental health issues is to just slap a smile on your face, pretend everything is good, and get on with it, but for me, wallowing in it just drags the mood swing out longer. To the end game of making my weekend one of rejuvenation, this Feeling Good Friday, I'm going to fake feeling healthy and positive, and with hope, by Sunday night, I'll feel healthy and positive again.
1. V had to cancel out on me twice this week, both Sunday night and Wednesday. I can't say I wasn't disappointed. She battles some mental health issues as well, which manifest into physical symptoms. However, on Sunday, I took a longer walk by myself than I might otherwise have, pushed myself an extra 1/2 mile or so. Wednesday when V cancelled, I was even more disappointed, but my sweet little DD2 rallied around me and went with me. It was absolutely lovely talking and walking with her.
2. In walking with DD2 she shared some news. Guess what? She has her first date next Wednesday, the first night their schedules matched. This is a show choir boy and he was also in the play so they have a lot in common and are pretty good friends. It was pretty obvious to me chaperoning the show choir days, or taking pictures after the play and concerts, that he had a little crush on her. Apparently asking a girl out by text is the thing. I like that my girls confide things in me (that I'm now sharing all over the Internet), but I was specifically told not to be weird about this. Knowing my kids trust and love me help over ride my gray emotions.
3. Here's a weird one for getting into my Feeling Good Friday notes, but any of you bigger chested gals will appreciate this. I splurged and bought two new, fitted to me, bras. I've been washing and circulating through about three, one of which doesn't quite do the job. I will trash that one, but use the other two still in a pinch. I just bought two as they are so expensive, so I'll still be washing one each night,and circulating between the two. Keeping "my girls" where they are supposed to be instead of touching my belly button surely will give me a boost of self esteem.
4. I've finally added some core/abdomen strengthening to my exercise. Not much yet, but two times a day I'm doing a 10 minute circuit of exercises I was taught with physical therapy for my back. Hopefully I'll build it up to 15 over the remainder of June. In July, I'd like to add some low weights to my walking and while I'm doing the ab exercises. In my last Fab, Fit, Fun box, there was an on line code for a work out site. I think I'll give that a try today.
5. Last, despite a little binge Wednesday night, actually a big binge (remember that funk I started out the post talking about), the scale moved in the right direction. I didn't quite hit my first milestone, but my loss for the week was 2.2 pounds, bringing my total since April 28th to 11.8 pounds. I feel successful yet the negative Nelly in me is chastising myself for letting my body go so far and for so long before doing anything about it. That's the defeatist attitude my moodiness brings out, but today, I need to pretend Nelly has left the building.
Writing is so therapeutic for me. Being able to own my self described bitchiness, but knowing I don't like that feeling, is in itself helpful in processing my gray days. As always, you are all gems for reading, and I think next week will be better.