Positively Tuesday and Yesterday's Post
First, let me thank those of you who left comments on my post yesterday. I know I am being perhaps overly indulgent about looking at schools with my daughter compared to many families. I have thick skin and appreciate different perspectives, including those that might think I am a bit of a helicopter parent. Those are my self described words; no one called me that. I'm who I am, and will not probably do things differently on this subject, but reading how you all went about it is interesting to me. DH was full of questions then did so much of his own research last night comparing school rankings and ratings, graduation rates, job prospects, potential future earning, and more that I had to just leave him to his Ipad. Bottom line, if she goes to a school that stretches our budget, she will have to contribute more than what we originally planned. That's a good thing as she should feel that pressure a bit as well, right? She already had a target, or quota, contribution to her overall college costs regardless of where she attends. While we are fortunate and probably could cover the expenses at many schools, not making kids anti any of the expenses does not create the opportunity for real life learning and preparedness, the whole purpose of college to begin with.
On this subject of life learning, I'm sharing the following for Positively Tuesday. This quote was found at Impowerage.com.
We can never learn to much. One of the greatest pleasures in life is not knowing something, then finding ways to learn about it. To learn something new is a gift. Similarly, one shouldn't ever be afraid to unlearn what we thought was true when new evidence comes to light. this is why I blog, read blogs, comment on blogs, and welcome different points of view and perspective.
I had a friend who had the most brilliant method of holding her kids responsible for their college costs.She and her husband signed contracts with them and their kids took out "loans" (yes they were only paper loans but they were legal I.O.U.'s) and for every A or B they were "reimbursed" 100 percent for cost of the credit hour. For every C they received 75 percent of the cost. For every D they got 25 percent back and every F resulted in nothing back plus a 10 percent penalty. It was a fantastic way for them to have ownership in the cost of the degree. (They both hit a snags their Freshman year and had to bust their butts that first summer vacation to repay a some frittered school money but after that, those a's and b's were premium and worth the time it took to make/keep them. I wish I had been clever enough to think of it.
ReplyDeleteGenius-would have been a great tool for my son.I can guarentee he will have strategies for his own kids knowing what he knows form himself.
DeleteSpot on Sam. It's important the our children learn where the money comes from and how to budget. I view part of my job as a parent is to prepare my son for the real world and hopefully give him the skill set to cope. Arilx
ReplyDeleteMy older kids worked brekas nearly full time, and as much as they could during the school year or schoalrship requirments wihtout taking over schooling. They learned critical budget skills-absolutely necessary for their entry level wages now. Plus, expecting the opportunity to be jsut handed to them without any sacrifice to their piggy banks benenfits no one.
DeleteWe didn't contribute financially to our daughters' uni education, because we couldn't. They received grants from the government due to us being a low income family, and the rest was funded through student loans, as was my degree which I began at the same time as my elder daughter. We were relieved that they chose Manchester due to its proximity to home as it meant we could afford to travel to see them, and to collect their belongings at the end of each year. If they had gone further afield it may have been problematic. The younger worked in her final year, as living costs had risen so much. They both knew that they had to manage their finances, as we couldn't help to any great extent.
ReplyDeleteI don't view you as indulgent, and I think you are right to expect your daughter to contribute; I think it is part of becoming a responsible adult.
In the US, a family has to very poor to get need based aid, or have many children still of college or soon to be in college. As poor as my parents were most of while I was growing up, by the time I came to go to school, there were just three kids at home, so nothing for financial aid other than access to loans. That's all my kids got as well, so helping them to keep a handle on their debt is important to us.
DeleteAll three girls received scholarships and grant. The eldest had a full ride for 4 years. We paid, for her car (an old one of ours) her medical, insurance, Then we did more all through Law school. But never any tuition. The second had all tuition and books, so we did living expenses and she worked for me at the studio. Youngest by far the most expensive and she only had tuition paid. But they all went to State schools, with the middle out of State for her Graduate level. Getting them educated is expensive but worth it! Don't let people tell you different. We helped our kids and it was hard as we make so little ourselves but I would never take it back.
ReplyDeleteMy girls are/were both very good students, but for DD1, not a lot of merit scholarships as she wasn't the aboslute top 3-5% of er class. She saved us big by taking PSEO and saving a semester of tuition. DD2 has some shots at prvate school scholarships, but public, probably unlikley.DS, an OK student gradewise, but always more excelled as a student of life.
DeleteYou do you Sam. If you have the financial ability to send your kid to whatever school that is appropriate for her then that is great!!! You are fortunate and you worked hard to be able to do this for her. It is expensive but you knew that going in and she will thrive and blossom and learn to "adult" and you will love watching it happen at a slight distance and be proud.
ReplyDeleteDeecee
She is a unique child, but aren't all of our kids? She needs to be challenged, but not to the point of not having a support system in place to help her get back on her feet when she fails. Thsi college really felt like it had the mix of both.
DeleteMy college financing experience: My parents said they could afford $200/month, plus books, spending money and travel. (we flew to college and back). So, we had to choose a school that, after grants, scholarships and NDSL, required $200/month or less contribution from my parents, which they would happily pay, provided we earned a GPA of 3.0 or better. (Funny that their standards for maintaining funding were higher than the school's!) Interestingly enough, it was the expensive, small, private, liberal arts colleges, in the mid-Atlantic, Midwest which were the most generous with financial aid. They wound up costing us the same, and in my case, less than what it would cost to pay room and board at a state school. (Our undergraduate tuition at state schools was waived due to my father's position.) In our house, summer jobs and work study proceeds went into the college kitty, and we were given a small allowance from our parents for, let's face it, beer money. While this sounds overly controlling, any one of us could have lived at home, attended the school where my father taught on a tuition waiver, paying only fees/books. In fact, several of his colleagues required their kids to do just that. Additionally, our parents also happily funded (contingent upon academic performance) things like international study opportunities, and a few odd road trips. Upon graduation, they provided us with $ to facilitate the job search, (or graduate school), as well as the traditional first month/last month/security deposit within reason, on our first apartments, and a bed for said apartment. That was our graduation gift. They refused to cosign loans--the only one they ever cosigned was a GSL which was needed for one of us our senior year, when the aid package was reduced considerably. (Apparently that's a common practice--the financial aid office figures you're not going to leave at that point, and find a way to make it work.)
ReplyDeleteAgain, my junior isn't in a position to enter the college search culture. My freshman is slowly warming up to the idea, and is truly excited to begin the dual enrollment program her junior year. Our neighbor went full steam ahead with that program, and graduated from h.s. with an Associate's Degree, and headed off to an out of state university as a junior.. Additionally, one quarter of that program, (Sept. - Dec.) is one year's worth of H.S. work, so she said she would do it if only to get the PE requirement out of the way in 3 month vs. 9!
Kids are all different and need different school, even time away from school, to figure out their niche. Maybe your junior will do wonders in the work world, but decide later to go back and get some education. In many ways, I think our son, like one ohis friends did, would have done well to take a gap year-not to "explore" but knuckle down in a boring job and appreciate what higher ed could do career wise, not jsut as the next adventure in life.
DeleteAs anonymous said "you do you" and while you can see other people's perspectives we none of us live your life. Anna
ReplyDeleteThat is for darn sure. Decsions are ours, and like it or not, we need to make them for ourselves.
DeleteYou've obviously told her how much you can contribute and you are right, those who have a stake financially in their own education tend to make the most of it. Our 2nd oldest already used almost all of his education fund (we divided it by the 4 kids equally) on his first degree. Now he wants to go back to school. He knows it's on his dime this time except for the small bit that is left. With four kids it is so hard to be fair so we keep exact track. Fortunately the funds we invested have done really well in the education fund, there might be a little more than what we initally told them but since he didn't save any money this year prior to going back to school we haven't told him yet - better to get him to save for the last few months.
ReplyDeleteWith such a big gap in our kids years, dividing equally doens't work practically. Schools have gone up so much since the older two were in their undergrad programs, plus, we no longer have three kids depending on us for support-just the one. Still, to create a sky's the imit is just not feasible. She knows she will need to earn a relativley hig ACT score and do well on her AP exams to make a private school scholarship high enough to keep the school in contention. High test scores, plus working outride for some of the costs is what we are putting on her shoulders.
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