Not having any children young enough at the time of release to drag me to a Disney movie, I still have not seen Frozen. I'd have to be living in a cave though to not have heard incessantly the ballad "Let it go". I have to admit it is a catchy song. About four years ago coming back from a conference in Washington DC, Reagan airport was backed up and flights were being cancelled and rerouted. Frustration was visibly in the air as while people may like to visit DC, if it is not your home, you are more than ready to leave once the time comes. Every time the loud speaker would come on, there would be a hush in the terminal, and then more grumbling when people learned it was not an update for their flight. On one pause, clearer than clear, was a little girl singing the "Let it Go" song. Put all us adults into place alright!
Spring and early summer were rough for me. I was not feeling well physically or mentally. All I wanted to do was come home and go to bed. Well, I still want that but only because I am not sleeping soundly and my days are packed, but I digress. Working on letting things go, bad feelings, grudges, the pile of work on my desk, were strategies I worked with in some counseling. I'll always hold too much on my shoulders, but I'm trying to at least compartmentalize and realize some things are not worth the stress, and to just let them go.
Extended family-I had reached a breaking point with DH's family after five weekends in a row, plus a few memorial day incidents. The minor irritants were blown out of proportion in my head leaving me no reserve to deal with the real trouble. Through space, I spent very little time the rest of the summer with them, and perspective, I managed a very nice labor day weekend with them all. I dealt with minor irritants by leaving the room or going for a walk, and with one more significant issue, I addressed it directly and it was resolved. Letting the minor things go, gave me fuel to address something that needed attention, resulting in a good result for all.
Work-I'll never have all my projects done because one spills into the next. I refuse to get in a pattern of taking work home with me unless it is a dire situation. While I may check e-mail after a day out of the office before going in, I'm not spending needed time out of the office logged in. Realizing that if I am truly needed, I can be reached, is freeing.
My kids-I love them to death, but need to realize their decisions are theirs. I can listen, nod, and support but ultimately they need to decide what works for them. I'll never let worrying about them go completely, but I am learning to keep it to worrying about them say driving in bad weather, but not about their friendships and relationships.
The world-While I am a global citizen, I need to let stupid go, and keep living a good and respectful life. I won't single handily create world peace, but I can strive to not get sucked into hate and defending my stance on social media. Social media for politics has it's place-I just don't need it to invade mine.
My counselor said little steps are enough. She said I should keep working on perspective and deciding if I own something or if it can be let go. By letting some things go, I'm building space for things that matter-slowly.
"I need to let stupid go..." I wish I had swallowed my coffee before I read that line. The rest of the sentence is great advice "and keep living a good and respectful life." That helps with grudges, too. Living well is the best revenge! Kidding aside, small steps are fine. And, I am a firm believer that avoiding extraneous situations which bring angst, (ie: extended family, exhausting friend, social media) is a perfectly acceptable method of coping. It doesn't mean you aren't strong, it means you are choosing to save your resolve for other things which have a more direct impact on your daily life. I remember a wise woman asking me years ago "Do you REALLY want to climb that hill?"
ReplyDeleteYou summarized exactly where I want to go. And I truly mean, there is no point in being bothered by stupid-just not let it impact me. I'll remember your wise women friends quote!
DeleteLetting things go is really hard. Things that have helped me recently (this is definitely something I'm working on as well). . . pretty much giving up politics. Unfortunately/fortunately, this means the news as well, as the two are highly intertwined. I've largely given up all forms of social media, minus financial blogs. There are even some of those that are linked from other blogs that are . . . quite not fun for me to read. Luckily, after a few lessons, I've learned which of those not to click on as well.
ReplyDeleteI also have been meditating use the Headspace app. I'm not a meditator at all, and if you'd asked me a year ago, I would have laughed. But, at the recommendation of a work coach, I've been trying it & really like it. I've been very impressed with how easy it is to get started, and it most definitely helps me manage my stress.
Also, working out, making sure I'm reducing my use of technology overall (replaced with reading or cooking) & generally just focusing things that are truly important in my life.
We're in an era where we have too much technology, and not enough tools to help us work through that without a tremendous amount of stress & anxiety.
I've taken to putting my electronics away earlier t night, and am trying to resist looking first thing, but it is hard. Letting the past go is difficult. Like today I will be at a meeting with someone who has part of my old job, plus a big fancy title, after I was treated so poorly. I am perfectly content in my work, but I know I will feel angst when I see this person-not her personally as I really respect her, just that the work place shafted me. It is hard for me to let that go, but I should as it has been over three years.
DeleteI have never seen the movie, but heard the song way too many times. It bothers me that just "let it go" is the solutions to wrongs. People who do not understand the little things to let go and the big things to not ignore are going to get the wrong impression. A little child who is molested might "let it go" like the song says. Some things should not be let go.
ReplyDeleteBut, you know the difference in things to address and things to let go. Yes, about some things I have a walk away attitude. Of course, the Mean Man on my post bothered me. I did not let it go, but after a point, holding on and rehashing it is just not beneficial.
Of course criminal acts and violence should not be let go. I think I might disagree that the song would keep a child from speaking up about abuse, but I understand your concern.
DeleteI have never really had a problem with "letting go" because most stuff goes straight over my head to be honest. I just don't notice it. It's a nice feeling as I don't get het up in traffic and so on. Where I was VERY guilty though was forever trying to fix my husband's self-inflicted chaos/drama/emergencies. I always DID fix it until it almost killed me. In the end I had to say to myself that he is a big boy so if he chooses to create that mayhem he can sink or swim of his own accord. It came as a big shock to him I can tell you, but if I didn't let it go it would have killed me. I'm so glad I learned that lesson, however late in life!
ReplyDeleteThat is what I am striving for. I want to let the little annoyances go and save my resolve for when it matters.
Delete