Oh my gosh-I should have just left the Empty Nester Group. Remember this post? I tried reaching out for a bit of more positive posts about empty nesting after the responses to one mom were so off the rails-throwing gasoline on a little spark. I was crucified even after editing to say, I guess many parents need to use the board as a sadness outlet. Oh Social Media. Think like "me" mentality. I guess I'll stick t ones on frugality or canning. While different opinion, I sure hope no one gets hostile.
Sam, Coffee, Money, & Thyme: About On-line Forums and Groups: DD2, despite the rain, still met up with friends at a nearby state park for a night of camping. It did get brighter as the day progressed, ...
Monday, September 16, 2019
18 comments:
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I find that some groups just don't help, and have the opposite impact, no matter what. Sounds like this group is one of those, so best to move on vs trying to change the culture of the group that exists. Been there, done that. Ended up frustrated. :-)
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is just right now because it is end of summer and all the college kids have moved off, but not of use to me so I am moving on.
DeleteI've met a few parents like that. I'm like you, I would think the group would be about finding new aspects of your life to explore, now that you don't have to raise kids, and about others, who have been through it giving support and saying it will get easier, LOL.
ReplyDeleteIf some one does post a happy, celebratory one, sure enough, many comments will be, "lucky you, but I can't move on", not questions like how did you get started, or how did you plan or so forth.
DeleteI belong to only one online group, (Nextdoor, to support local commerce/publicize local events) and only read it, never post. As innocuous as you would think this forum would be, I find that there is vitriol in about every third post.
ReplyDeleteI have to weight in on canning, which is a passion of mine. My very favorite book is "The Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving." In fact, if you like salsa, we really enjoy the recipe for "Simple 'House' Salsa" in the "Getting Started" section of this book. I almost always make the version with canned tomatoes. I know people swear by the Blue Book, but personally, I like this book better.
*weigh in, not weight in--it's still early here.*
DeleteOhh-dishing and controversy on canning books-love it. LOL
DeleteHeh. I was hoping you'd get a chuckle at the last sentence! xoxo
DeleteOh groups... There are good ones and ones that are full of big, real big egos. Some people think everyone must think alike. Yeah? Democracy? How about that? I leave toxic groups and post very occasionally on the other ones.
ReplyDeletethis was just a perpetuation of sadness-or if their child was having an adjustment issue, the majority of the advice was, "let them come home-they must not be ready (after like a weekend)" or "go rescue them!" Yes, many said, it will get better-let them figure it out, but those were few and far between.
DeleteWell there are crazies every where and you just need to stick with your own kind. I like your crazy,stay here we love you.
ReplyDeleteI got lots of crazy! Most of these folks just do not want to let their kids grow up. I'm sorrow, I have lost people through death. No one is going to convince me that having a child grow up and move out of the house on to things for their own life is grief akin to losing a child-as one person attacked.
DeleteI joined a couple of groups and left them for the same reason. I was looking for help or encouragement with a couple of things, and even though I never posted on any of them I left because of some of the extremely rude comments to some very honest questions.
ReplyDeleteI fear I might have become rude in askings for people to post more stories of positive transition. Thi one posters comments really ticked me off-I should have just left, and now have.
DeleteHa, they sure as hell wouldn't like me then! I loved it when my kids moved out. Now I see them occasionally and really enjoy them as opposed to every day and not really speaking much. Not so long ago I joined a forum on FB for expat Brits in France as I was looking to chat more with Brits (I still miss the humour) and maybe a few meet-ups now I'm retired. And man-oh-man, there were some smart arses on there. A couple of people needed help drafting letters/communications with the French authorities to cancel a particular contract so I offered a draft letter to this lady (who was very grateful). One guy wrote back and said (in crap French) "just send them an email saying "cancel this""! It really doesn't work like that over here. Written French is pretty flowery and polite but hey bud, go ahead. In the end I got tired of the people who had moved here 3 years ago and assumed the role of the absolute oracles on all things French. I've been in this region 41 years (31 of them in France) so I thought I'd just leave them to it. The majority were pretty nice actually but you always get one or two who ruin it. Years ago I also organized a boat for a charity dragon boat race in aid of cancer. Did all the paperwork, got all the participants, had everyone dress up as pirates (!) and one lady (who didn't know me) showed up on the day and took over completely once we got to the lake saying who would race when and then telling me I'd have to sit this one out! She looked a bit sheepish when I was called up on the stage as the organizer! Oh well.
ReplyDeleteI love it. Of course I don't begrudge people looking for some emotional support-you all know I need it. But piling on to their sadness-wow, how is that helpful. I love short term experts. That's my mother in law a bit. If she went somewhere, she has to fill you in before you go. She only sees tour guide stuff anyway. I've tried to be tactful and say, I'm glad you enjoyed it-we'll get to figure out what we like about it now, to sort of cut her off.
DeleteHa, the short-term expert is a bit like my ex-husband's latest gf. She knows EVERYTHING there is to know about France, and this region in particular, since she spent a couple of weeks here. Oh well, let them get on with it! And I feel bad about saying it but my late sister-in-law was a bit the same. An expert on everything - nursing, criminal investigations and so on. One time my nephew said "but mom, you only type parking tickets"! That went down like a lead balloon I can tell you!
DeleteThat's funny. But my guess is she read an awful lot!
Delete