Positively Tuesday-Better Person?

     I'll admit that I am scared, concerned for the safety of the elderly, the folks with underlying health conditions, the medical and front line customer service folks, as this week the case counts and deaths keep going up. I'm sad that funerals are being delayed, part of the coping tools needed to help with grief, and family going without the support of loved ones and friends. I feel for those with wedding plans that had to be paused, or still in the not sure what will happen stage. While trivial to some, I feel so sad for high school and college seniors losing the milestone events in their lives. I feel for those struggling with anxiety, in particular those that live alone, and who have little to no one to share these same concerns. I feel for those without an income, and how hard it has been to jump through hoops for unemployment insurance, and knowing with every day bills are mounting and another months rent or mortgage will be due in another 10 days. I feel for families trying to home school and the educators trying to do their best to provide meaningful content, connections and resources, while now sometimes getting their worth thrown back in their faces. And I don't want to forget the child care providers, still caring for kids of essential workers, all of whom together are the ones keeping the economy afloat.

     I'm trying not to dwell every waking moment, but I struggle and can't get on board with seeing silver linings. Even Saturday, a beautiful, sunny day, one that looked like any other perfect spring day for yard work, getting the garden area marked, I couldn't set the concern aside. I was called into crisis mitigation planning for a geographical hot spot for the virus. For the next few hours, off an on, I was pulling data, figuring out financial funds that could be redirected to that part of the state, while genuinely worried about what the impact would be on the families impacted, already living on the financial cliff. Later, we took pup for a walk, and the world looked again like nothing was wrong, other than the wide berths when passing another walker.

     After my post on Friday, thank you for the comments supporting my lack of progress on getting things done in my home. People spend time on where their priorities are. If the house was a higher priority, my time would go there. I'm not going to be reinventing myself during this crisis. Yes, I have hours of time that previously was spent commuting, playing trivia, going out to dinner, going to concerts and such, but my brain is full. It's full with the worry above, but also full examining what and how I do things each day. While I'm not becoming a whole new me, I do hope I'm being a bit better version of myself. 

• Not taking my family for granted-including the extended family members that drive me a little bonkers, and being there to talk, run errands or just show love
• Fully appreciating my job, the importance of the work I and my colleagues do
• Advocating for public investments in platforms that might work and get traction, rather than railing on Facebook
• Saying thank you for people in the community that willingly share their gifts and talents to make the world better-mask sewers, artists, musicians, story tellers, poets, photographers, and film makers all posting their art for free, doing living room concerts, donating proceeds to charities. I've seen kids out with work gloves picking blown garbage and bags-keeping our public areas clean. Well done, and I appreciate that. 
• Reaching out to friends that I care about rather than waiting for them to go first and...
• Letting friendships go that are no longer viable, but without bitterness or wonderings of what was wrong
• Taking more time to prepare meals that are nutritious, savoring treats. while giving thanks for those that make the food in my kitchen possible
• Appreciating every aspect of my home, blemishes and all, while still striving to repair and improve our living space
• Even though it likely will cost more, patronize small business owners when possible rather than feeding corporate machines
• Saving time, resources, and money for a purpose-living more sustainably, independently, and more altruistically so that I can give even just a little bit more than I have in the past

     I don't know if any of my intentions above will withstand the long haul. I'm sure I'll be posting about my overbearing sister-in-law, ultra right wing brother-in-law, and self absorbed niece in the months to come. I'll bemoan the price of groceries and overfill my calendar, and go too long between connecting with friends. I hope though, it's a bit less, and I make some progress at being a better version of myself.