Instead

I've been pondering decision making lately.  Pondering about pondering I guess.  For every choice we make, and there are hundreds upon hundreds in a week, we could have made another choice instead.  Some decisions, and the implication of that decision are pretty benign.  I can make myself a cup of coffee, or have a cup of tea.  Some have modest impact, especially when done repeatedly over time.  I can do one more load of laundry before going to bed and throw in the dryer in the morning, or save the load for Saturday and do back to back loads, saving some of the energy use of the dryer. In order to get maximum use of time and money, no doubt some mental gymnastics need to occur.  At what point though does the pondering over choices start to be the hindrance in life satisfaction?  At what point should I just put goals and values into the decisions about time and money instead of after thoughts of what I should have done instead?

Take for instance going out for dinner.  I know that for our little family of three at home, going out to our local favorite for dinner, not counting any drinks, is going to run us minimally $38 with tax and tip. There will be at least one meal worth of take home so let's call it four meals at $9.50 per meal.  I know myself, and virtually every other woman I know can pull together a pretty decent meal for her family for $9.50. There are many choices at play here. We could decide not to go, having determined that the $28.50 additionally spent on meals could be better spent elsewhere, or added to a short or long term savings goal.  We could still go, having determined that it would be an opportunity to connect with each other without the distractions of bills on the table, phone call interruptions, and the lure of electronic devises. Ideally, what we should do is to apply the decision to go out for dinner or not, against our families goals of short and long term savings for college, travel, and retirement, and our value of spending quality time together with those we love. The answer isn't always stay home because making dinner will cost less, nor should it be assumed that going out for dinner will provide the respite and connectedness I want.

I don't want to live in guilt for every purchase I make of an item or meal that could have been made or sourced cheaper.  I also don't want to throw money at things in a false attempt that I am gaining time and rejuvenation.  Last week I spent a couple extra hours after DD's basketball game hanging out with her in St Paul, in the trendy neighborhood that is great to cover on foot when the weather is right.  We had a nice lunch in an Indian restaurant, where she tried food she has never had before, chatting and wondering if she could learn to make Indian food as it was proclaimed "insanely good." It was quite cold, but we braved the elements and walked up and down the street for blocks, stopping in stores but making no purchases.  we found another independent book store that she really liked, and decided the next time she had money to spend on books, she wants to come back.  She was shocked at the prices of scarves and hair clips and other accessories at Anthropology, and later talked on the way home how she might be able to find or craft her own versions without, "the insane money they wanted".  She later Googled "Anthropologie like look for less" and found a variety of blogs and web sites. She determined that when she is grown up, she absolutely has to live in a city that has lots of places to walk to, and good transit.  It was a good thee hours with my fourteen year old with a price tag of $23 for lunch, but with priceless conversation. We could have just gone home, but I'm glad we didn't.

I'll try to make decisions based on our priorities and not just convenience or the mood of the hour. I won't avoid spending to the point of being the curmudgeon who seldom joins in. I may suggest more modest places if going out and the place of choice is beyond our means, but that doesn't mean I won't ever splurge. Money and time spent on gratifying experiences can be worth the price. Of course, if I can get that experience for the lowest possible cost, all the better.