Kicking the Can Down the Road No More

One of the the things so far I have appreciated in my job is I no longer hold authority without accountability. Instead, I am considered a “content expert”, providing information to others in objective ways, and let them make the decisions, for good, bad or indifference, leaving the accountability to whatever the fall out might be with the decision makers. It is a change in work style that many believed I would have a hard time transitioning to. However, they did not see that my previous position had eroded to the point where I was being stripped of the benefit of  using sound objective information (and often being told to manipulated data to support a predisposed set of assumptions) in exchange for preferences and erroneous generalization of anecdotes as trends and facts. I had little to no authority to make objective decisions, yet still held all the accountability when the “bad” happened. I was charged with making someone elses skewed vision become a reality and if I pushed back, or my team was not successful, I was labeled difficult or accused of not providing leadership. 

I noodle things over and over in my head, but once facts, options, and all considerations are put before me, I am able to make decisions quickly. The decisions I make now are what are the important things that are useful in decision making, and quite frankly, there is actually a lot of authority in that. Unfortunately, I am in a situation now that we are stuck moving forward until the powers that be make a choice, and put a green stamp on which plan they prefer. Time is ticking on our launch, and we have already lost a significant week, having wanted at least two full weeks before Christmas break, to communicate to our external stakeholders. I get it. No matter what decision is made, there will be a certain percent of unhappy people. Objectively, one option is clearly, backed with data, the right option. The right option also has the most current beneficiaries impacted negatively. However, it currently is an imbalanced and inequitably funded program, with negative impact long term, and a model that is not sustainable. Yet, instead of just making the hard decisions, the most senior leader just does not want to "fight" with those that stand to lose any of their current funding. A meeting to decide has been scheduled and rescheduled three times, kicking the can down the road. The organization suffers from decision paralysis.

I keep adding to my 2017 list of things I'm going to do or things I'm going to stop doing. While I am good with decision making and execution on the job, home is another thing. I procrastinate. I dawdle. I over think things, and move in circular patterns, knowing what's needed, but not just making a decision. No more. I see from a work perspective, how inefficient and annoying it is to those waiting on the decision. I'm not advocating for being impulsive, but when something needs being done, say taking care of the wet basement issue so we have a usable house, I'm going to make a decision and execute the remediation based on options available. Take my sectional. Had we just gone out, shopped, researched options, we would have known to find something of the right style and fit was going to need to be custom ordered, and take over eight weeks. Had I ordered in July, money saved, styled already known, measurements taken, I'd be sitting on a comfy space in front of a fireplace typing this. Oh, and speaking of fireplace, we need a new insert, that too could have been dealt with before winter, while waiting for the couch to arrive. Guess who is now on a waiting list for the furnace company? In 2017, I will be kicking the can down the road no more.

Instead

I've been pondering decision making lately.  Pondering about pondering I guess.  For every choice we make, and there are hundreds upon hundreds in a week, we could have made another choice instead.  Some decisions, and the implication of that decision are pretty benign.  I can make myself a cup of coffee, or have a cup of tea.  Some have modest impact, especially when done repeatedly over time.  I can do one more load of laundry before going to bed and throw in the dryer in the morning, or save the load for Saturday and do back to back loads, saving some of the energy use of the dryer. In order to get maximum use of time and money, no doubt some mental gymnastics need to occur.  At what point though does the pondering over choices start to be the hindrance in life satisfaction?  At what point should I just put goals and values into the decisions about time and money instead of after thoughts of what I should have done instead?

Take for instance going out for dinner.  I know that for our little family of three at home, going out to our local favorite for dinner, not counting any drinks, is going to run us minimally $38 with tax and tip. There will be at least one meal worth of take home so let's call it four meals at $9.50 per meal.  I know myself, and virtually every other woman I know can pull together a pretty decent meal for her family for $9.50. There are many choices at play here. We could decide not to go, having determined that the $28.50 additionally spent on meals could be better spent elsewhere, or added to a short or long term savings goal.  We could still go, having determined that it would be an opportunity to connect with each other without the distractions of bills on the table, phone call interruptions, and the lure of electronic devises. Ideally, what we should do is to apply the decision to go out for dinner or not, against our families goals of short and long term savings for college, travel, and retirement, and our value of spending quality time together with those we love. The answer isn't always stay home because making dinner will cost less, nor should it be assumed that going out for dinner will provide the respite and connectedness I want.

I don't want to live in guilt for every purchase I make of an item or meal that could have been made or sourced cheaper.  I also don't want to throw money at things in a false attempt that I am gaining time and rejuvenation.  Last week I spent a couple extra hours after DD's basketball game hanging out with her in St Paul, in the trendy neighborhood that is great to cover on foot when the weather is right.  We had a nice lunch in an Indian restaurant, where she tried food she has never had before, chatting and wondering if she could learn to make Indian food as it was proclaimed "insanely good." It was quite cold, but we braved the elements and walked up and down the street for blocks, stopping in stores but making no purchases.  we found another independent book store that she really liked, and decided the next time she had money to spend on books, she wants to come back.  She was shocked at the prices of scarves and hair clips and other accessories at Anthropology, and later talked on the way home how she might be able to find or craft her own versions without, "the insane money they wanted".  She later Googled "Anthropologie like look for less" and found a variety of blogs and web sites. She determined that when she is grown up, she absolutely has to live in a city that has lots of places to walk to, and good transit.  It was a good thee hours with my fourteen year old with a price tag of $23 for lunch, but with priceless conversation. We could have just gone home, but I'm glad we didn't.

I'll try to make decisions based on our priorities and not just convenience or the mood of the hour. I won't avoid spending to the point of being the curmudgeon who seldom joins in. I may suggest more modest places if going out and the place of choice is beyond our means, but that doesn't mean I won't ever splurge. Money and time spent on gratifying experiences can be worth the price. Of course, if I can get that experience for the lowest possible cost, all the better.

Dilemma

I have lamented about my work stress and how the stress on the job has crept into my personal life balance.  I have also shared that in spite of the stress and frustration, I highly value the work and my contribution to it.  What has caused the stress are actions and decisions of others that have little impact on the quality of the work, but seem to be derived from ulterior motives, ego, or laziness.   At the risk of sounding like I have put myself on a pedestal, my butting of heads with others has usually been as a result of me calling out the offending party, on one of these motivations. I will add that it is only a small number of colleagues, but the frequency and depth of errors has had direct and  ripple impacts throughout the organization, but seemingly without repercussion. Usually this is because someone else went out of their way to fix, or minimize the created problem.  My error it seemed, was not to look the other way. Prior to my recent medical adventure, I had resigned myself to just make life easier, even if it meant compromising my own standards, by just laying low, and unless something was irrevocably going to be damaged, say nothing and just let the mediocrity suffice. 

Here is my dilemma.  On having resigned to under play my hand, I learned yesterday that a staff person and her manager were given blatantly wrong information by a senior level colleague. All it would have taken to give the correct information was opening a file, reading the data, and sharing accurately, but she answered off the top of her head.  This wrong information directly influenced a decision made by the staffer.  It is likely the staffer would not find out the correct information, without being told directly, but the manager will need to know.  The wrongful source is aware of their error and the issue the erroneous information caused. Knowing the decision made by the staffer cannot be unmade, pretty much blew it off as, "well it is what it is." The miscommunicator is also supposed to be the agency expert in this topic. Unfortunately the issue rose when I was out of the office, though I was accessible by phone and e-mail, but only discovered yesterday, several weeks later at this point.

 How would you handle it?  Would you take the issue to their boss, and demand some sort of accountability? Do I take it to my boss, the company head?  Would you just further express your frustration to the person, and hope they come forward and at least apologize on their own to the manager and staff person?  Would you keep your head low, knowing that for you, nothing will be gained, other than another round of animosity in the work place? I have spent the last twenty hours sick about this. By not saying anything, it would completely erode the trust by this staff person of both me and her manager should she discover the information given was wrong, but no one corrected it. I know work place politics are the norm, even if an organization says they don't have them.  I normally try to decide things through our mission lens, and through my personal ethics and values, but this has cost me in terms of my own stress levels, and health.  Join the conversation and give me your thoughts.  Have you been in workplace dilemmas that seemed like there was no winning outcome?