Feeling My Age?

I have been  a participator in a writing exercise via my other blog, Sam and Coffee created just  to hold my writing indulgence. The latest prompt was to write about the age I am now.  As I am now less than three months shy of turning 50, a fretful milestone birthday for some.  I am not particularly bothered by  my age.  I could do without the aches and pains, but manage with as few medications as I can.  No, what bothers me, is the passing of years, and the reality that my "to do" list, will most likely outlive my life.  I'm not talking "to do" list this time in terms of cleaning the oven, decluttering a closet, or vacuuming the stairs.  This list  is more relational to a  bucket list, though not so grand.  Sure, there are those big events I have on my wish list, or bucket list; traveling to far off places, writing a book and actually publishing it,  taking an educational sabbatical, these all rank high.

What matters just as much, if not more, is my truly basic "to do" list. The big moments may be grand and memorable, but the little daily events outnumber 10-1. Stopping on a whim for an ice cream cone with DD#2 when I picked her up from practice, just because, was a good "to do." Sitting with DD#2, showing me her latest project on-line, and hearing more about her new (now official) job, just the two of us in the middle of a Friday morning, allowing my telecommuting morning to be interrupted for a bit, was a good "to do."  In my post today, I decided there was again that link with time and money. You need money for some of the big experiences, but you need time for the ones like hanging out with friends for long afternoons chatting and laughing over cups of coffee. To have the time, means you need to have enough money somewhere to not be spending those same hours earning a living.  It is  a circular treadmill, one that I realize I haven't completely gotten out of. I am probably coming off as contradictory. I say my increasing age isn't bothering me, and yet this pending birthday is stirring up these thoughts. The difference in being bothered by an age, and being reflective of the passing of years, passing of time, is perspective and who you are and how you spend your time-no matter what your age. 

I don't feel 50, but then when I was 21, I didn't feel 21.  What is an age supposed to feel like, anyway? Things are in different places on my body; I creek when I get up.  My fingers don't do what my brain is telling them to do at times, but in many ways, my mind seems younger than it has ever been, more nimble and  if not accepting of different points of views, at least willing to listen. I guess I am saying I will try to strive towards a celebration of 50 years of life. Instead of lamenting about getting older, I want to look forward to how ever many more I have, while not being nagged inside that I'm letting down those that didn't reach whatever age I am. In this spirit, who's up for a party this year?