Sunday, December 13, 2015

Finding Our Paths

DS turns 27 today.  I vainly was pleased whenever I heard, "You don't look old enough to have a 26 year old." I don't know if I will feel different about 27, being a stone's throw from 30.  At 27, I had already purchased two homes, was raising two children, and was working as a parent education specialist at a non profit, charged with supporting teen mothers so that they stayed in school. I had a lot of responsibility at now what feels like a young age. My son is on a day to day existence employment wise.  Recently though he's decided he is now going to sideline his primary aspirations to find something in any field that is stable and consistent, and keep working on his photography and film around that. The angst of unstable housing at the end of November made him look less starry eyed at how his career path was going.  

There are so many paths life takes a person on. Taking a new route doesn't mean the end destination is out of reach. I don't want him, or any of my kids to feel like they made mistakes in their life because they aren't living their dream right at that given moment. If and when they make a poor decision, I hope they realize they can make different decision at any time to set a new course. Granted some routes are harder to change than others, particularly when you have another or several people on the path with you.  He and I discussed that yesterday.  He has friends from high school and family members that took a job, for many, one they really dislike, fairly soon after either high school or college graduation, started a family and perhaps bought a house, and now are for the moment, set on a specific path. Dreams shift and can take a different form as a person matures, but jump starting is harder to do when others need to jump with you. I think of a young dad expecting child number four, and between regular and overtime, he is working 50+ hours a week, holidays and weekends.  While I don't know this is the case, it seems like his efforts are basically to support his wife's dream of a big house, private school, and mom's club status. I'm sure he is happy, but this is not where his life was heading just seven years ago before marriage and family, and to go back on that path is unrealistic.

While DS had hoped at 27 he would be more settled, re-calibrating his life choices impacts himself alone.  He can work a 40 hour a week job, and if he chooses, right now can also work another 40 hours independently pursuing his preferred field.  He doesn't have home maintenance or child care to worry about right now. And while he wouldn't rule out having a significant other in his life, it isn't a priority. He started putting resumes out again, in a wider net of businesses. As much as I profess worrying, I really am not.  He is on a course to some destination, and in time, will arrive, at least for that moment, where he should be. 

8 comments:

  1. Hey we have kids born on the same day! My daughter is 23 today. 8-) Here's hoping they both find the path that's just right for each of them in life.

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    1. I'll toast to that. They will-we all did, I just found mine kind of early, but doesn't mean I won't veer off again someday.

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  2. I hope your son finds the job he wants. I confess to feeling appalled at the notion of anyone working very long hours to pursue material gain, I would far rather have a job I liked well enough but have time and energy to do the things I like outside of work. Work to live, not the other way round - the puritan work ethic has a lot to answer for in our work-obsessed culture.
    Sure, dreams and goals change all the time, and so they should since we are not static in our personalities and circumstances.
    PS. You and me both with the mislaid Christmas cards then - I'm glad it's not just me! xxx

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    1. He has embraced a laid back California lifestyle so has said if he ends up in and office at least his off time is warm, sunny, and near the beach.

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  3. Your support for your son really shines through this post... I'm sure that this is a major factor that has helped him to continue on his journey. How lovely! Jx

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    1. I'll always support, but fingers crossed he'll arrive simewhere good soon.

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  4. You are a wise mother, Sam! I too strongly believe that our so called mistakes are not really mistakes, and at any given point we can change our path, though some decisions come really hard.

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    1. Maybe not wise, but patient. Everything a person does leads somewhere. I hope he passes through good places.

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