Friday, March 25, 2016
Breath In and Exhale
I took a deep breath in on Tuesday morning, and then held it. Yesterday afternoon I finally exhaled. The self centered panic I felt Tuesday morning waking up to the horrific news in Europe went beyond the anger and sadness and worry that my daughter was travelling during the latest attack. The fact is, read farther in behind the headlines in any major paper, listen to international broadcasts of news, surf foreign papers on the website, and you'll know terrorists are at work almost daily, tearing apart cities and homes and people's lives, wielding swords of atrocities, oppressive weapons that they claim they are fighting against.
I felt like this after the Paris attacks, but after praying, talking, and reading stories of hopefulness, I moved on. This time though, I am embarrassed to say, is the first attack where I felt my own vulnerability and more importantly to me, my child's vulnerability. If the worse happened, I wouldn't be there for her. In this instance, I wasn't with her to comfort her, have her comfort me, and say a prayer together for those hurt, and thankfulness that our family is safe. The horror of the Madrid attack came back. The attack of the subway provoked reminders that my older daughter could have been on that London subway, even though it was years before she lived there.
I know this is irrational, and I never have had the ability to protect my kids from all things evil in the world. But yet, I feel like this fear for my own kids well being and anger that someone could snatch away good in the world with one evil act, is important and necessary. I need to care. I need to not just wake up, hear a news story about Brussels, Paris, Ankara, or Istanbul, shake my head and say nothing more than, "that's so horrible." It isn't just ISIS and their breed of religious extremists, but the drug cartels, arms dealers, and local gangsters ripping apart neighborhoods, cities and countries that are terrorizing too.
I need to have the love of my family take hold whenever I see prejudice, and oppression, and hate or greed filled actions of others, and say "No. This is not right." I need to not turn a blind eye, and act publicly in my words and actions to stop letting money, greed, and power rule the world. I'm a middle age, small town mom. I have no great weapons to combat the bad in the world, but I have an overwhelming desire to know my children, and their children, and the generations to come have lives filled with travel, and friends, and hope. It starts at home in my own community, and it extends beyond American borders.I'll go back to blogging about the mundane, the routine, the incredibly beautifully ordinary tomorrow, and will read about your beautiful lives as well. And I will keep being angry at the bad in the world, while trying to do what I can in thought, words, and deeds, as written by the Apostles. I will live life! One wise reader has commented , "..if we give in to fear then the perps are victorious far beyond their target." I agree and will not let them have that victory.