Breath In and Exhale

I took a deep breath in on Tuesday morning, and then held it. Yesterday afternoon I finally exhaled. The self centered panic I felt Tuesday morning waking up to the horrific news in Europe went beyond the anger and sadness  and worry that my daughter was travelling during the latest attack. The fact is, read farther in behind the headlines in any major paper, listen to international broadcasts of news, surf foreign papers on the website, and you'll know terrorists are at work almost daily, tearing apart cities and homes and people's lives, wielding  swords of atrocities, oppressive weapons that they claim they are fighting against. 

I felt like this after the Paris attacks, but after praying, talking, and reading stories of hopefulness, I moved on. This time though, I am embarrassed to say, is the first attack where I felt my own vulnerability and more importantly to me, my child's vulnerability. If the worse happened, I wouldn't be there for her. In this instance, I wasn't with her to comfort her, have her comfort me, and say a prayer together for those hurt, and thankfulness that our family is safe. The horror of the Madrid attack came back. The attack of the subway provoked reminders that my older daughter could have been on that London subway, even though it was years before she lived there. 

I know this is irrational, and I never have had the ability to protect my kids from all things evil in the world. But yet, I feel like this fear for my own kids well being and anger that someone could snatch away good in the world with one evil act, is important and necessary. I need to care. I need to not just wake up, hear a news story about Brussels, Paris, Ankara, or Istanbul, shake my head and say nothing more than, "that's so horrible." It isn't just ISIS and their breed of religious extremists, but the drug cartels, arms dealers, and local gangsters ripping apart neighborhoods, cities and countries that are terrorizing too.

I need to have the love of my family take hold whenever I see  prejudice, and oppression, and hate or greed filled actions of others, and say "No. This is not right." I need to not turn a blind eye, and act publicly in my words and actions to stop letting money, greed, and power rule the world. I'm a middle age, small town mom. I have no great weapons to combat the bad in the world, but I have an overwhelming desire to know my children, and their children, and the generations to come have lives filled with travel, and friends, and hope. It starts at home in my own community, and it extends beyond American borders.I'll go back to blogging about the mundane, the routine, the incredibly beautifully ordinary tomorrow, and will read about your beautiful lives as well. And I will keep being angry at the bad in the world, while trying to do what I can in thought, words, and deeds, as written by the Apostles. I will live life! One wise reader has commented , "..if we give in to fear then the perps are victorious far beyond their target." I agree and will not let them have that victory.

Women of Today I Admire

Throughout history, women have quietly and not so quietly led cultural gains, civil movements, and nations with a different vibe than their male counterparts. I often wonder if many of the atrocities of the world would have ever happened had more women been in the role of decision maker at that time.  There were cruel and renowned for being vicious women in history of course, but even then I might ignorantly suspect that the actions were a sort of rebellion to some suppressed need to be heard earlier, or response to violence and oppression perpetrated on them, gone to far.

In 2015, it is more than time for women to be taking over the reigns in leadership from political office to corporate office, school boards, and civic movements. A 2013 Boston Globe article stated that married women contribute 47% of the household income, up from 38% in 1988.  Boston Globe Furthermore, this rise happened when here is still a persistence wage gap where women earn $ .76 to every $1.00 for the same job men earn. Surely that kind of significance in societal change should be reflected at the top more than it is.

While I'm not a "burn the bra" kind of feminist, I feel it is right and good that women uplift each other, and defend and speak out for those that can't. I  believe teaching each other new skills, sharing ideas, and giving of ones own assets to help build each other up are steps towards closing the gap between the haves and the have nots, without detracting anything from the sharers own reserves. This is part of why I enjoy blog land.  Most bloggers will earn nothing from putting their ideas out there, but the collective camaraderie of the various subject matter provides meaningful information to the reader, even if that meaning is just a good laugh on a tough day. No offense meant to the men folk out there, but the words hit woman to woman with a different note.

So who do I admire today?  Whether you like or dislike her politics, Hillary Clinton ranks way up there for me on admiration.  She raised a teenage daughter in the most public house in the world, into a person who from all indications, grew into a charming and caring young woman. She fought for her own dignity and  personal respect and for her family amongst scandal and ridicule, and moved forward with strength. I still haven't made up my mind if she would make a good president, but surely her fortitude needs to be considered if she makes it onto the next ballot.  I guess I admire each of the first ladies that occupied the White House, many who had to take on the role of protecting their still young children, from all the stress, pressure, and condemnation that comes from being married to the most powerful leader in the world.

I admire women coaches, myself having been one for years, knowing it can be a tough commitment.  Teaching young female athletes the skills,  but also the humility that needs to come with winning, and the dignity behind doing your best, but still losing. While the candidate pool for high school and college women's sports coaches is probably narrow, it is frustrating to see so few women coaches in these ranks.  Even in the young traveling ball sports, women coaches are often sidelined as the youth get older, in favor of  anchoring teams with men coaches. Pat Summit, former Tennessee "Lady" Volunteers NCAA basketball coach holds the record for the coach, male or female, with most wins in US college basketball. read more about Pat Summitt  Her career ended too early with the diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer's disease.

I would not struggle a bit in making a full page list of women, famous or famous to just me, whom I think deserve admiration.  Many of my children's teachers would be on that list.  DD#1 is on that list, who despite battling anxiety, still pushed herself to experience the new and unknown. My mother in law, despite my always awkward relationship with her, is to be admired.  With no post secondary education, she was the right hand of her husband, keeping the books, handling the finances, as he grew a small initial partnership in a barber shop into  a grand portfolio of real estate and investments that have allowed them to lead the retirement life they both dreamed of.  If I was on anyone's list, I would hope it is for what I have done with my life and for whom I have done those things for. 

She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way,

she adjusted her sails.  -Elizbeth Edwards