Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Choosing Words Carefully


A weird fluke happening two days in a row. Since Sunday night, our office has been without power, taking out the web and phone lines as well. There hasn't even been any extreme weather, so not sure if this is a sign of what is to come this winter, or truly an anomaly. I was to have returned to work yesterday, and did so, cobbling though e-mails via Web Outlook, and working on documents and items that do not require getting into the agency systems. Latest is we should report at 12:00 today. I've been up working since 5:30, so taking a little break to drive DD to school and write a short post. 

Getting DD out the door each morning is the most frustrating part of my day.  She has no sense of time. A 10 minute heads up turns into 20 minutes of additional activity. Fortunately, I cushion timing. Ironically, when it is for a social activity, her sense of time is better attuned. DS was the same way, and life intervened as he faced natural consequences enough times to break his habit. DD has her first behind the wheel lesson this week, and turns 16 in January, ready to take her drivers licenses exam. Tuesday she starts school at the regular time, not the 0 hour of the rest of the week so it is a parking lot/drop off mad house between 7:40 and 7:50, with literally last minute arrivals. I took the moment on route this morning to remind her she will not be driving to school if she does not leave the house 10-15 minutes earlier than we left today. She accuses me of getting "pitchy" when I "lecture" and doesn't really listen to what I say. This morning I carefully stated this calmly and as a statement of fact. Her lesson this week, the pending birthday, and this very blunt reality must have synced because her response was, "Yes, I know I need to get better organized in the morning."


HALLELUJAH! A Christmas miracle, as much for my calmness as her response. I know I have a bad stress habit of getting "pitchy", which I think is her polite way of really meaning "bitchy" when I hit pressure points. Controlling my response to the situation through carefully selecting words or keeping my mouth shut, controlling my facial response, and taking a deep breath are stress management techniques I have been trying. Carefully choosing words though seems to have the biggest impact as it helps keep others from having their own pressure points triggered. Sure, she walked in with the masses of kids arriving minutes before the bell, but hopefully without stress if that would have been there had we battled in words. Ironically, I saw two different cars pulled over near the school, most likely from speeding. In hoping to absorb calm, peace, and joy, choosing my words and calming my inner "pitch" will serve me well.

6 comments:

  1. We have an older son (almost 11) that has picked up a bit of a sass. M & I had to take a long hard look at our own communication, and sometimes we can both be snarky. We are really working on it, and let me tell you, it can be hard! Snark & sarcasm can be okay with an adult (but, honestly, it's probably best to skip as well), but is really poor form with a kid who doesn't know how to use it. It comes off as very disrespectful. So, we're working on it!

    And, yay for progress at your house! SOunds like you kept it together very well, and your daughter is also doing a bit of self reflection. Awesome job, mom. :-)

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    1. You would think having done teens twice already, I would have this aced, but alas, still a work in progress. You are so right about sarcasm. If it is done with humor, and at the right time, it can be alright, but I agree so often it is snark at best, and frequently just rude communication.

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  2. lol! You don't SEEM pitchy!
    We had an instance this past week of Meri trying to sneak out of the house and go see a movie when we said she couldn't go. She parked the car a few blocks away and was sobbing when I called to tell her to get sorry ### back home before I tell Dad. Then I made her tell him. She seemed truly remorseful and I believe she is. But dang... The little clues added up fast. I don't think there is going to be a repeat.

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    1. I think kids inherently know and want to follow what's right, but have to make some bad decsions for the lessons to really take hold. Meri and my DD are both good kids, but they wouldn't be growing and learning if they didn't push bouandaries once in a while-which is all I could stand for!

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  3. The teenogre now sets a series of alarms at different intervals with the noisiest being across the far side of his room so he has to get out of bed to turn it off. Like you in the end you have to let them face the consequences if they're late but it's hard not to intervene and chivvy them along. I've had to learn to not do it! Arilx

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    1. That's clever. I drive her now so the lateness out the door impacts us both but when she sees she can't drive herself, that should be reason to live with more speed. I can't just leave without her now because not going isn't an option.

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