We took a nice walk with the pup by the river last night and ended with watching a movie together. It is pouring right now and expected to all day. We've got plenty of inside jobs to do though it would have been nice to spend more time on the horribly unkept yard. DH had cut down a bunch of smallish trees-ones that grew wild and unintended. This left a mess on the one side. There's still brush that needs dealing with. I'm down to the two week count down as of Friday, so not holding promise for a pretty yard, but I at least want it to be neat. I have some weed pulling today around the house in the rocks and if we get a little rain respite, the ground should be soggy and the weeds should pull easily. DH did some patching up in the bathroom last night. My only expectation for both bathrooms, like the yard at this point, is that they look neat and functional for the party. We'll add redoing both to our ongoing house wish list project.
We struck a balance over the long weekend with just a couple days at the cabin with extended family, enough to tackle the tasks that needed to be done, not a lot of relaxation time yet, but that will come. I and my girls, and quite frankly DH as well, do much better in family relations when we intentionally limit our dosage. DD2 is at a stress level near breaking point to cram in all that needs to be completed by Friday, so she spent a significant amount of time in her Christmas gift hammock, tied up between a couple tress, off with a book. Being home yesterday was really good and DH and DD1 left the cabin early afternoon as well. We'll have days up there and weekends when it isn't such a huge group, and when a full house, keep time boundaries. Seems like a winning plan for family harmony.
I will say though, I learned through a conversation with a very intoxicated family member, that I really am not quite the odd man out that I always thought I was marrying into the family. This family member just does a much better job, or has chosen to at least outwardly, bury feelings, opinions, perceptions and reactions for the sake of family harmony, better than me. There were no filters in this in-laws analysis of the family dynamics at all on Friday. He even pointed out that he appreciates that I will call BS when warranted. Not that I need my feelings validated by an alcohol infused monologue, but I felt a bit justified speaking up when I do, or removing myself and family from the dynamics when necessary.
I'm heading back to work tomorrow with a good bit of mind clutter sorted. The unknown I had going into last week related to my jobs is resolved and now I can focus on what is needed to implement changes. I only have three work days this week, and while long, they will be productive. I'm going to use my lunch break to run over to an office store and get bankers boxes and file folders. DH and I need to devote a couple nights between now and June 14th doing some paperwork admin, mostly purging and filing, and then labeling boxes for long term storage. We really let our office clutter get out of hand. I will stop at Goodwill with a couple bags of clothes and boxes of items for donating on my way home tomorrow. Pup needs some boosters and a massive grooming this week. DD2's last choir concert is Wednesday and she has two practice days for vocal jazz. Friday she has a 1/2 school day followed by graduation reversal and the walk of honor. Things are shaping up and coming near to a close. While there is so much to do, I feel on top of things. Hopefully I'll keep that attitude.
I cannot stress enough how keeping what you call "time boundaries" helped in our particular situation. I think DH would have simply gone with the status quo for the sake of keeping the peace. (Which wasn't peace at all, because these visits were difficult at best. His perceived peace, however, came at the extent of our exhaustion, both mentally and physically, at following through on command performances. You alone get to decide how you spend your precious days off. Period. I hope my kids remember this. I'd hate to think of them spending time with us out of obligation versus desire.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard mix, because of course we will want to see his mom, but if she is where the whole family is, it puts my husband in an awkward place. I know I am not the only one in the world overwhelmed with relatives, but this balalnce will suit me better I think.
DeleteI eventually had to set boundaries with my in-laws' enormous families too when I lived in the States. Don't get me wrong they were very nice for the most part but I just didn't want to perpetually feel like we always had to be on a jolly, happy bus ride to somewhere with tons of people. It worked for me - otherwise I would have gone nuts. But at least I'm glad your tipsy in-law validated your feelings. And as for gardening, I actually like gardening in the rain - my neighbours think I'm nuts! They might be right, I guess!
ReplyDeleteI have the enormous family, but much less likely to be together, nor the toxic personalities. HIs family is just full of personalities that are bigger than life, need to be loud, be heard, and just have values that are so oppositional to mine it is uncomfortable often to hear what comes out of their mouths. Best to just move my ears.
DeleteI have a very small family but, we all need big spaces and time off from each other. 5 of us live in 4 different cities and when we can get together, it is a lot of fun but, even then we need time boundaries. Everybody in my family likes to have gigantic personal spaces.
ReplyDeleteHaving space even when close is needed. Even my family last summer did better when we each could retreat to spaces of our own at times.
Delete