Melancholy Days and Memories

Yesterday was the third anniversary of my sisters unexpected death from a brain aneurysm.  Today would have been her birthday. Later this month will be the 6th anniversary of my mom's death, which happened the day after her birthday and day before mine. It is not a secret why I get the blues in November of late. I find myself getting weepy just looking at the calendar. It's my reminder that I won't always have the people in my life, so many will go before me, and I will never be prepared for that.

But then, I try and remember them both how I imagine they want to be remembered. Mom  lived a hectic and hard worked life, but a good life none the same.  She had dozens of friends, many since  childhood, right up until the day she passed away. She loved having the large family, grandchildren and great grandchildren.Thanksgiving was  her favorite holiday, since of course, I arrived on that day in 1965, followed by the traditional day after shopping, or in the later years when she was less mobile, just lunch or happy hour with all us girls.

My sister was the party girl-the life of any party. She will be missed so much on Saturday when the rest of my sisters and I have our annual weekend, but I know we will at several points of the day where tears come out of our eyes from laughing so hard at a story remembered. November is just going to always be a hard month, but I am grateful that we decided to keep our first weekend in November retreat going.  With a family of  9 girls, including my sister in law, we often were short someone being able to come.  This year, my sister M is swamped at work, but will join us later for poker nights and massive amounts of beer and wine. We'll crack open a Miller Lite' J's beer of choice, have Motown and 60''s heart throb music on, her favorite kind, and say a birthday toast to her.

Once in a Lifetime

Mendenhall Glacier-Juneau, Alaska

I think I know where and why the phrase "once in a lifetime" came about, particularly when used as an adjective to a family vacation. It means, should only be done once in a lifetime. Let's see-broken wine bottle in a suit case, misunderstanding of what travel agent said was and was not prepaid adding hundreds per family of unplanned cost (but was clearly in the printed material and we had accounted for it in our budget), teenager thinking mini bar was included, packed shoes in luggage taken off ship leaving one member without any footwear on departure day, and a left suitcase in the disembarkation center, with a $43 cab fare to get it to the airport all were part of the fun of unnecessary stress. Ironically, none of theses issues were with my family. We are home and relatively unscathed from eight days of togetherness as as part of an extended family. Heavily aided by a few cocktails along the way, I managed to get some good time with my immediate family, and keep my mind gripped during the full on group of 17. To be honest, I think the others felt the same way-we aren't exactly total peaches to spend a week with either. 

This was for my mother in law, and important to her. We had a lovely birthday celebration  for her on her birthday itself.  That night she sat with all her kids and in laws, plus two oldest grand daughters due to table arrangement.  The next night she sat with just the grand kids. One of the little guys, who hasn't really spent much time with DS in his short 5 years, found a new best friend. Yesterday at the airport in Seattle, he sat on DS's lap until it was time for us to board. DS was on a different flight of course heading back to LA, and had to take a shuttle train to another terminal before catching his later flight. 

One of my favorite animals, these sea lions were catching
some rest and giving me a good photo op.

The sites were gorgeous-beautiful mountains, glaciers, wildlife,and blue waters to appreciate the magnificence of the world. DS captured some good footage for his film real. I have mediocre at best pictures, but turned my camera over to DD2 for most of the trip.Highlights of course were having all three of my kids together. Trip specifc favorites was seeing the Mendenhall Glacier, Ketchikan, and the humpback whales. We originally were scheduled for a zodiac boat ride and guided forest hike on Monday, bu it got cancelled due to mechanical difficulties with the boat. We chose to get a refund rather than the alternative canoe trip they offered. Back on ships, we booked the glacier and whale watching in place. This was fortunate, even though it cost us another $235, becasue the whales did not disappoint.  We found a pod of 12, and one guy even jumped out twice for us.  I captured on video, so will try and upload and post a link. 

I don't know if I'll get back to Alaska in my lifetime. There are so many other places and wonders I want to see. Even though we were planning on this trip anyway, it made my MIL happy to be able to gift the bulk of the trip to her family, and have everyone come along. Back at the airport, she allowed herself to use the wheelchair service. While she departed the ship at each port, she avoided stairs on board, and it was clear the physical strain had taken its toll. Seeing her in the wheel chair was the first glimpse of recognition that she is slowing down with age. However, slowing down but not quite done with her own adventures. She has a trip planned with the town senior center for Nova Scotia next month already.

Falls from the mountais were all along the scenic coast
and interiors of Alaska. 

Not the best picture, but saw the tops of a family of humpbacks. 

Confiscated Time

A church friend who is the mom of four, ages three to 15, made a post on Facebook  that first started with appreciation for her children's teachers. That came through clear, but then a lament that sometimes there are unrealistic, short notice demands on the parents. Apparently one of her brood had a single night to have a parent review and make corrections on a research paper, and get it turned back in  today. This was added to her plate on top of getting one kid returned from a track meet, other homework help for all three, tending to a toddler, and a spouse recuperating from surgery. She's a great mom, but not superhuman. I remember some of the overnight turnaround parent required involved things with my kids over the years and feeling the same stress.

DH isn't scheduled to work Thursdays. I started noticing a pattern for a while where a certain family member of his would need him to help her on Thursday mornings to meet a repairman, accept a delivery, attend an appointment, or other last minute, same morning or night before requests. I thought it was an odd coincidence that these things kept coming up when the person themselves had a conflict until I realized she was intentionally scheduling for Thursday mornings.  Then, if something else came up, she would simply ask DH to step in. She assumed if he didn't have a specific thing on his calendar, it meant he was free to help her out. He did finally speak up, super nicely, stating he is happy to help out, but even if he is around, he is trying to get his own things done and would appreciate advanced notice.  He comes from a family where busy is a badge of honor, so if you don't have a ready made list scheduled, it means you are not as busy. 

In the workplace, unless you own your own company, and even then you are meeting demands of clients and customers, your time is never your own. But in my personal life, I want to call the shots of where my time is spent, even if I created the insane busy calendar. I hate having other people coercing  me into how I spend my time. I've gotten more disciplined in responding back when I get the open ended questions from people, his family in particular, about time, with "why do you ask?" It has helped derail the hidden agenda in the question,"What are you doing tomorrow?" Even if I have nothing planned, I am not always willing to  spend my hours doing someone elses plans because they decided that date worked for them, or they overbooked themselves. 

I know teachers want parents involved in their children's education. Family members need help sometimes when true things of urgency come up. No one can plan for the unexpected, but I hope my unexpected isn't throwing other people's timelines off kilter, and I really try not to make my decisions  dictate a friend or family members day. I've also really appreciated the teachers that have given a heads up that a heavy duty project will be coming my child's way.  I think part of my friends frustration is the request of parental involvement came with no notice and she was already on frayed nerves. Likewise, my reaction to said family member might be different if the conversation started with, "I need to have the service guy come out. If I need your help, when might be good for you?" With favors, while a quid pro quo is not needed, reciprocity goes a long way, and those that ask for the favors need to step up on occasion and be the givers.

Big, Big, Mother's Day News

Actually, just ordinary, Mother's Day news, but I'm told bloggers's need splashy titles to real them in. News on the Sam front though includes getting both a text first thing his time from my DS in Los Angelos wishing me  a Happy Mother's Day, followed by late afternoon an actual call from him on his break.  The happy news is he has been working pretty much non-stop in May, still in film and television, though not quite regular with the same contract. Two months ago he was all but ready to pack it in and road trip back to Minnesota. Now it looks at least like he is pushing any potential move to no earlier than the end of June, but if work stays steady, he might actually be getting on solid ground. While he's not making the masterpieces every budding film maker hopes to do, he sounds content with what he is doing, while continuing to cultivate leads that might help give him bigger opportunities.

DD#1 made it home two weekends in a row. Last week for a women's tea her grandma arranged months ago and this week probably more so for her little sisters play than Mother's Day. Since she started her job on February 29th, she has been on business trips to Columbus, Kansas City, Phoenix, and Orlando and will be going to Washington D.C. tomorrow for a few days. We don't expect she'll be home until fall unless to see friends in the area, but we'll see her weekends at the cabin as her schedule allows. As predicted, her gifts were very well chosen, a bar of dark sea salt and almond chocolat, new pens, and a trio of journals. 

DD#2 made her high school theatrical debut as a little sister in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. They had her paired up as a very tall bride's sister, so she looked even younger than she is. I was a groupie and attended all three shows, as I noticed most of the mom's did. All three went off without a hitch until yesterday when one of the freshman boys, in his role as Caleb, dropped his "bride" nearly on her head when the kidnapping scene went a bit awry. DH bought her a bouquet of tulips. I also got orange ones from him and some Jelly Belly Oops-the misshapen ones.

My hostas' finally got in the ground. My nephew and his wife had their fourth child on Friday, a little girl, and I managed a Sunday brunch with DH's entire family (minus the teenagers) without being super annoyed even once. I lost my third daughter to her real mom for a day and a half but now the girls are down stairs and  I hear some sort of Teen Beat quiz going on. This all M as DD isn't very up on teen pop culture. I can't wait to hear what her wardrobe says about her  future aspirations. I won't mention my anxiety attack-darn if I can't keep them at bay, but otherwise it was a good weekend. The rain is back along with the cold. what's in store with your week?

Serious with mom and dad.

Silly with her friends.

AWOL Husband

DS has come down with a cold and his California body is telling him Vitamin C. I was really craving some orange juice to mix with the leftover Sprite I'll have from basting my ham and none was in the house. We were short of butter for the potatoes I'm bringing to my mother-in-law's tomorrow. I made a big batch of wild rice soup for a simple lunch and thought some crusty bread would hit the spot.  DS and DD#2 drank the balance of the beer I had in the house so reinforcements were requested. I made the mistake of sending DH to the store. A reason to leave the house on a holiday means he will disappear for sometimes hours. He never made it to the liquor store-we'll stop on route to my sisters, but did indeed disappear again after running the groceries inside. Another 90 minutes he comes back, all secretive.  

He was one of those mad, as in crazy, Christmas Eve shoppers. Deciding he needed to pick up last minute gifts for someone. I sure hope he avoided jewelry stores. One, I need nothing in that area (or other areas) and two, we were supposed to be intentionally downsizing and being more about the experience and less about the gifts. I'll fill you in later what he was up to to-once I find out. 

From my house to yours, Merry Christmas to those that partake in the holiday.  For everyone, have a  wonderful weekend and do you best to avoid the last minute shoppers. 

Update: I was correct and he was doing some last minute shopping. He went a little overboard though.  He went looking for a replacement plate to one he broke, but did not find.  Instead, he bought a Nutribullet, a lantern and candle, and a Sherpa throw blanket. Not sure we need the nutribullet since I bought him a juicer and we already had two blender type appliances, so that may go back.  I love the Sherpa throw. 

Late, But in the Mail

DS wanted a disclaimer to go out in the card that is holding our family picture that he was not the photographer. DD#2 echoed. Other than the glare I couldn't edit out from my low cost Canon Sure Shot and ultra budget laptop, I don't think it is an altogether bad picture.  Pup and Fish did not make this photo-neither are allowed in the living room. I used the 10 second timer and the tiny little try pod, perched on a couple books on the coffee table. Once I lined up the shot, presto like a flash I took my position behind the love seat. 

My children are beautiful, and DH has the smile he most often sports on his face when I make him be in pictures. Isn't he handsome? He drives me a little bonkers in that he rarely takes a bad picture, but never wants to be in them. "Just take one of the kids," he said.I insisted and won. My kids have great smiles too. They should after all the orthodontia.  DD#2 is still wearing them, but but they're not noticeable, which she is happy about. She picked a softer color on her last band change, but goes tomorrow so maybe she'll be sporting a green and red smile by Christmas. I know a picture is not necessary, and many of you, and no doubt some getting my card will roll their eyes. I like getting picture cards, particularly from friends and family I don't see often. I like the catch-up on their families, and see the changes year to year. If my picture is later tossed into a drawer, or makes it out to the trash with the post holiday clean-up, I won't be bothered. 

I had meant to have the cards all written and addressed, and just pop the photo in ready for a Monday a.m. mail. I didn't quite get the cards addressed until last night, and know I am missing a few addresses, but come 7:45 when I swing by a St Paul Post Office, the cards will be in the mail. I'll eventually find the addresses, and send even later cards once I do. What's your opinion on Christmas or holiday cards of any type?  Do you send, not send, or limit to just those you no longer see? I like the tradition, and while my fingers work, I'll still be at it each year. 

Prodigal Son Returns

Not quite the prodigal son returned, as he had no wealth from us that he took to sunny California to squander only to come back, head hung low, but DS is back and crashed in an upstairs bedroom. No longer his bedroom of old as that has been converted to green and blue with a white chair rail through the middle in the taste of his little sister. Pup, who never had him as "his boy" since pup didn't join our family until DS's senior year of college, still was overjoyed to greet us at the door when we walked in at 5:55 after picking him up at the airport this morning. His plane left at nearly 1:00 a.m our time, and poor guy got stuck with a middle seat, so had little sleep.  DH went back to bed after a quick hello so I am the only one up. I'll drag the hubs and youngest out of bed and to church, stopping after for a few provisions DS left behind-toothbrush, razor, and deodorant.  

We have 2:00 theater tickets in St Paul and will be going out for chinese food afterwards. This will be our first family outing since DD#1's graduation supper in December 2012.  DS brought some camera gear, plus some lights as he is going to do some photography for me and a couple family members. The first priority is to get a decent family photo. This is DH's first Christmas without his dad, so particularly good that he gets all three of his kids with him later in the week. The last two years it was just DD#2 for Christmas, and three years ago, DS was new on his then job, and had the opportunity for time and 1/2 for Christmas eve and day, so stayed in Milwaukee, though managed a long weekend home before Christmas. He was home briefly in March of '13 before he moved to Florida to go back to school, and before DD#1 went to London. That was the last time we were all five together, though DS has been home at times the older girl was not. I am a happy mom this morning, and plan on savoring the memories when I regularly had a houseful.  I'm still up, though it's very early morning, now enjoying the reality that all three kids are safe and healthy in my home. 

The last picture I have of all three-March  2013

Simpler Times-Perhaps: Part 1, Memories and Nostalgia

I've been in a nostalgic mood this week.  The realization that not only is my youngest in high school, but that she will soon be learning to drive, looking at colleges, and then we truly will be empty nesters is hitting me.  Joining that realization is the fact that DD#2 turns twenty five, and DS will be twenty-seven on his next birthday, the age his dad was when he was born. I've said my own pending 50th birthday is not bothering me, but perhaps I am a bit in denial.  I have a longing for days of old, the simpler time in my life.  I read Rivulet's posts at $12 A Day, with stories about how she spends her time with her sweet little guy, and I sometimes well up remembering my kids when they were small and just discovering the world. I remember when every experience was new, and I was this amazing person that introduced them to these wonders. 

I'm nostalgic for my own childhood, and the memories of my youth spent with family and friends. Monday is the second anniversary of my sister's death, still unbelievable to me 24 months later.  It was eventually determined to been have caused by an aneurysm; completely out of the blue, no health issues, no warning signs whatsoever, the day before her 56th birthday. November was her birthday month, my mom's birthday month, and my own. My mom died five years ago, the day after her 83rd birthday, the day before my own, and Thanksgiving that year. I don't need a psychologist to help me figure out where the flood of emotions are coming as November approaches. Both these woman in my life had hard lives in their young adulthood. Both were parents too young, without what I now understand, any great resiliency to what becoming a parent would mean. My sister was a teen mom, and my mother just had so many kids, six by the time she was 29 years of age, one after another, with four more coming in her 30's. Both became in time, good mothers, caring and doing whatever it took to raise healthy kids with opportunities for bright futures of their own. 

As I type on a lap top computer, using wireless internet, drinking coffee made in 60 seconds from my beloved Keurig, I  have embraced modern technology. While I have romantic view of days of old, I am not naive enough to have forgotten the challenges that came with those days. Still, even though we have hundreds of digital scans of photos of my mom and my sister, siblings and my children, and I can pop in a CD and scroll picture to picture, reliving my life with theirs feels so much more tangible looking through photo albums at yellowing pictures. Looking at the two potholders, one pink, and one blue, hanging on my kitchen wall, adorned by my two older children's hand prints more than 23 years ago, I want to touch the outline of their fingers, and pretend I'm holding their little hands. In this month of Thanksgiving, I am acutely aware of the blessings I have.  Having nostalgic memories is one of those blessings.  While I might be glossing over the challenges, knowing my past was more good by far than hard, is a gift.  

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!  I'm lingering in bed hoping for a delivered morning cup of coffee.  I ground the beans myself for the occasion.  I'll get a text from my son at some point, maybe even a call.  I wouldn't want him to send a card as he needs to hold onto every penny he can. This is my 27th Mother's Day as a mom and 5th without my mom.  We're taking my mother-in-law for brunch later, but I'll miss the Sunday grilling and potluck supper that was held every year in my mom's honor.  I guess no matter how many years go by, I'll still have bittersweet thoughts on the day, but know I'm fortunate to have memories of my mom with flowers and spring salads, and not sadness and drama. For mom's and their children everywhere, I hope your day is filled with joy.

Important Things in Life

Stuff is just not important.  Memories are. 

It was a fast turn from his feeling a little off, and doctors not able to regulate the medication that was helping his illness, to my father in law passing away yesterday.  I think the whole family thought there would be more time, despite the fact that he had beaten most odds from his original heart condition diagnosis 16 years ago.  Still, no one in DH's family, including my own kids were really ready for this.  

DS was able to get home and have some quality conversation, though I think he wishes in the last eight years since he moved from  high school kid to young adult he would have spent more time enjoying activities with his grandpa.  DD#1, even though she saw him a few weeks ago, felt bad that she wasn't here in the end. She landed a few hours ago and is on a errand with a cousin to collect something for the memorial service to be held early next week.  DS won't be able to come back for it. Between the travel costs and the lost income, it was already a stretch to be back this week financially. We will have a celebration of life this summer to return his ashes to the earth, and he is hopeful he can come back then.  Summer time was FIL favorite time and the family lake cabin was his favorite place.  That is where the girls went for their errand.  I am sure they will laugh and cry the whole drive there and back, sharing memories.  

I've written about my clutter problem.  It is more than a problem, it is reaching crisis in some rooms.  I shared that DH comes form a long line of  clutter bugs as well, though with more space and storage into which said items can be stored or displayed.  As much as the clutter stresses me out, when I look around at it, I see a load of memories.  The unhung art work reminds me of the cruise with my whole family- all five of us, and the more recent one celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. The crystal bowls and odd china pieces overloading my china hutch were handed down from both of our grandparents or wedding gifts from aunts and great aunts no longer with us. Stacks of photos that have yet to be organized into albums are evidence of a busy and growing family, fun times with extended family and friends, and our ties to loved ones. 

There will be a lot of tears and hopefully more laughter as we gather the next few days. I'm sure stories of the overfilled cabin garage, the 1/2 basement of additional storage, and wall to wall collectibles and why they were meaningful will be. told. It's not the stuff that is important, but the memories that came along in the package that makes some of the things treasures.

My Tenner Week Day 3

All my money is safely where it started Monday morning-in my wallet.  I so wanted an ice cold Diet Coke from the vending machine, but it stayed there and I filled my water bottle instead.  I rewarded myself with one when I got home from the stash I have been rationing for two weeks. It tasted so good.  I saw someone getting a Domino's pizza delivered for supper while out walking with pup.  It would have been so easy to pick up the phone and dial since it was starting to get late to make supper, but I stuck to the plan and  made a homemade one myself.  Delicious!

According to Penny Golightly's tenner week, yesterday's challenge was supposed to be a declutter and to find three things to resell.  Today was to actually sell said items. I do not know how to E-bay yet, and it is too early for garage sale season.  We don't have the car boot or flea market stalls here either.  I boxed up some old children's books and some glassware that will not be used and put them aside for later in the spring.  I have other items in the garage for a future sale as well.  While today was supposed to be the actual sale, I feel like I am trying to honor the spirit of the goal. 

I should probably learn a bit more how to do on-line selling. I found DD#2's old Winnie the Pooh Grow and Learn book collection is selling on Amazon for $59 new, and $39 used.  I might need to give that a go if I could get that kind of money.  This picture is from the Amazon site, but we have the full 19 volume set just like this one. Remember my old set of mushroom Pyrex bowls?  I never did open them and have been making due without a full set of mixing bowls.  In the box, I could resell for as much as $89 according to Amazon. Hmm-I'm doubtful. 

I may not be home alone next week after all.  My FIL has taken a poor turn of health and they are thinking of actually flying him back to Minnesota.  We may have the bitter cold and winter that lasts half a year, but we also have some of the most renowned medical centers in the world here, plus my MIL would be near family and friends.  Prayers for my DH and our family would be appreciated. If they do come home, I'll need to alter plans for both meals at home, but also make sure there are some ready to warm meals and some healthy things at the DH's parents house. The house will need a good dusting and vacuuming after sitting for 10 weeks. She's a great MIL and I want to help her through the stress she is facing now. My slow down week will need to wait.

Simple Gifts

Good Saturday morning and I hope today finds you all well.  We had a brown, brown, brown, Christmas, but nature seems to be doing a little catch-up and we woke to a beautiful white landscape. DH is doing the shoveling before he heads into the store and pup is quite annoyed because he wants to be out there with him.  He has a wandering spirit, so never a good idea to let him out when you can't give him your full attention. He'll get a good play later.

Today I will get a little housework done, and tidy up the remnants of gifts.  We'll keep the tree up until Thursday perhaps, but I did so little other decorating we'll be in full January mode by weeks end. While putting things to right, I'll try and pack up the old, remembering my rule of one thing in and two things out.  It was a lovely and generous Christmas; generous in spirit in that much thought went into so many of the gifts my family received. Here are a few favorites:

• Let It Snow door knob hanging, colored by our seven year old God son who was just beaming watching me open.  He picked it out, completed, wrapped, and labeled it himself.
• The World, an ornament sketched by DD#2 that captures our love for and longing to keep traveling the globe.
• Hooded high school sweatshirt, picked out for me by my sister so I can enjoy DD#2s cross country meets in warmth, and in school colors.
• New release book that DD#2 would never have expected from her grand parents because they don't generally understand her taste in reading, but sought out for her by Grandma, after remembering the name from an earlier fall conversation. 
• Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus pieces, for a future full nativity set, given to her by her God parents, my brother and SIL.  She'll get pieces added each year, until my brother completes the gift by making her a stable.  He had made my mother and his wife each one 40 years ago.
• Collage photo from DS and DD#1 of candid's from various projects they've worked on, made and ordered online from Walgreens so I could just pick up locally.  We and the grandparents received copies.  The two of them don't have two nickels between them, but this gift was creative and priceless.
• Time to slow down, hold a baby or two, laugh with family, break bread, play with toys, and remember those we love, who are not able to be with us.

It will soon be 2015.  I still worry about consistent employment prospects for my older kids, especially as the window for deferment on their student loans has passed.  Health challenges are not over, and  my job doesn't appear to be lessening the grip of stress anytime soon. Despite this, I am going to charge into the New Year, reframing the tough situations into opportunities, look for ways to release the baggage and clutter, and fully embrace the simple gifts that have the most meaning.  How about you?  How are you shaping your mindset as we close 2014?

Surplus Baking... What a Problem

If you have been reading, you'll know I have been under weather, and have gotten off track with my Christmas preparations, mainly the baking and treat making.  Now that I am perking up and with working from home, I find I am able to work an hour or so, take a brief rest, whip up a quick batch of something, get back to work, and repeat the cycle.  My baking is slowly getting on pace with previous years.  However, with being semi homebound, it has meant I have forgone many of the usual festivities and treat sharing  opportunities.  I fear I am I danger of a post holiday bounty!  I just took a dozen cupcakes out of the oven, along with a cute little Christmas tree shaped cake.  I split the batter from a standard cake mix between the two projects.  Last night I got peanut blossoms and snicker doodles baked.  I did cheat and used mixes-at 2 for $3.00, I could hardly do better from scratch.  DD#2 and I will at least get the traditional Oreo truffles made, plus I'll do the Mars bars as they were such a hit, and so easy.  I also have rosettes I made at the beginning of the month and tucked away in the freezer. Items will go to both family Christmas's, but so will everyone else's bakery's, and let's face it, a person really can eat only so much.

 Here is my plan to use the surplus.  As these items are home made they can't be donated for charitable use. The less holiday specific stuff I'll freeze to use later in the winter. I'll encourage my nieces and nephews that are less inclined to make treats to bring home a goodie box-I picked up some treat packaging at the dollar store for this. I'll bring a treat container along to DD's basketball scrimmage on the 29th. I have three neighbors with households full of boys, home now for the break from high school, middle school, and college. A post Christmas cookie plate will make it's way to each of them.

I'll bring a tray in the day after Christmas for those that didn't take a vacation day and are holding down the office.  Many of these staff do not celebrate Christmas so would rather save their time for other times in the year.  I've found though the sharing of food and treats is multi-cultural and appreciated. One of my favorite work anecdotes occurred about 10 years ago when HR decided we needed to move away from a December all staff potluck as it aligned too close with the expectation of celebrating the Christmas holiday, and she worried we were at risk of not being inclusive.  I have the most diverse staff in the organization due to the nature of our community work.  One of my staff, a woman of Islamic faith, upon hearing the change in staff activity lamented, "Does that mean we won't get to have Christmas cookies?" 

I've not had this problem before, and one might just say "stop baking!"  This is one of the activities that gives me joy in the making, the arranging on a pretty tray of plate, and giving to and sharing with people in my life I care about. I think my plan will take care of this problem, but what a problem to have. Have fun with your week however you choose to spend it.

Bought the cute mold for 75% of after Christmas last year. 

December Joy in Full Swing

The first week of December is almost to an end, and I think so far, on the home front, I've been able to keep the calm, peace, and spirit of Christmas.  Work has been a whole different game, and I had no less than a melt down a day in the last week.  I did get some inkling of news that an opportunity might present itself soon, so fingers crossed.   Whoever said no crying in the work place would have had a field day with me! Even with that, I think my meltdowns were a source of release, because once recovered, I was able to move on and fix what I could, or just set aside what I  couldn't and be productive. I am good at my job and I seriously care about the work I do and our company does, so that helps me keep focused.

Work aside, I want to avoid drama in my personal life.  While there are real  threats to our personal well being, illness, under or unemployment, bills and expenses that weren't planned, friends and family facing tough stuff, adding  issues of our own creation will get a person no where. Dwelling on a comment someone made, and unintentionally using it to fuel an old angst, was one of my worst "drama" flaws. Trying to fix things that don't need fixing, or at least don't need fixing by me, was another bad habit. December, ripe with holiday cheer and faith, is a great time to frame things in different ways and get new perspective.  Think of the things in the past year that have given you genuine joy. Of course there are vacations and new cars, or entertainment things, but within those even what were the pieces that mattered?  Was it the new flat screen TV to replace the dead tube version in itself, or the fact that we could all once again watch a movie, the winter Olympics, and the World Cup all together in the family room? Who were the people I spent time with, and what were we doing, that when done, I felt energized and happy?  What were the things I did and the people I did them with, that drained me? How did I contribute to either scenario?  These are questions I am trying to ask to better develop my new frame of reference.

I think of our trip to the UK last year, that for me was a lifetime wish fulfilled.  The whole trip was wonderful and the history and attractions will be remembered forever in awe and wonder.  Though within that trip, meeting my daughters friends and having a family dinner with them was joyful.  Going to Wales, the ancestral home of my paternal great grandfather, and learning that families abound in that part of the UK with my maiden name gave me joy. I could bring back for my brother, a scroll that outlines the history of that surname, and that made me happy. 

There was joy spending one on one time with each of my children this past year.  All five of us have not been together since March of 2013, because of school and work by my older two.  It gives me joy knowing my older kids now live in the same city, genuinely like us as parents and each other as siblings, and stay connected.  Would I make the same choices and decision they have about their life-probably not, but I'll support them in their choices. I'm not kidding myself that there is always joy, and I've been on the receiving end of their frustration at job and relationship woes, and times where my phone call has gone unreturned, but in my current frame of reference, I can't dwell on what I don't get from them as a parent.

My extended family makes me happy, particularly now with fewer of us, those still here mean even more.  My sisters are my best friends.  I trust them completely, sharing our concerns, our successes, and our wishes. I received a recipe from my mother's cousin in Norway for Christmas Rosettes, made them-very tricky, but after posting a picture of the successful ones on Facebook, another cousin told me I would have made our grandmother, who I never knew, proud.  That gave me joy. 

Coffee or a glass of wine, or just a good walk with a friend were looked forward to as much as a planned event like my class reunion. Sharing a friends happiness as she radically downsized her home freeing up much needed resources and liberating herself from "stuff" was inspiring. Seeing how happy DD#2 was receiving some hand me downs from a friends daughter, a very accomplished runner and role model, was sheer bliss. The items were great, but because they came from S, were really appreciated.

We can do all things as humans to muck up peace, love, and joy in the world.  We can spend huge amounts of money chasing elusive geese that we think will lay golden eggs to fund our personal happiness, and never be happy. I can be jealous of the new car and the exotic vacation my colleague took, wondering how much more they are paid than me, or I could take them up on their offer of going for coffee, and hearing about the places they went to, that they know I have an interest in. (This was a little tough, but I did the latter). I'm finding as I work and achieve better  inner vision and perspective, the simpler things are what are giving me the most joy.  I think I have a healthy use of money-it is a tool to help manage your life, but should not be the focus of your life.  If I make the change employment wise, more than likely it will be at a financial ding to cash flow.  Some would call that ridiculous, but I will be looking at the whole package-not just compensation, but what personal values will the change help me nurture.

With that, here are my reverse advent  gifts since Tuesday when I last posed. I haven't done a give away yet today, but will when we go out later.  I have a couple options for today, tomorrow, and Monday I am noodling which to do when. I know many are not participating because they donate throughout the year, and no guilt to others intended. To me, this is a bit of symbolism, holding my self accountable when I have so much, to be conscientiously giving to others.  With this, I too am finding joy.

• Target gift card
• brand new boots, size 8 1/2 bought for an unbelievably low sale price  without trying on a year or two ago, that I can't zip up, great style and will hopefully work well for some up and coming professional needing to build their wardrobe
• the tween clothes I had packed up earlier in the week

 "'It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving." Mother Theresa

The Weekend After Thanksgiving

I had a very lovely Thanksgiving all in all, starting Wednesday night learning my kids who recently moved out west and have been living in in some precarious short term housing, have found and had application accepted for a sweet apartment in their desired area, and they can move in today. They're going to be roomies, with a couple friends of my son's.  DD#1's angst seems to have dissipated a bit, and she wants to give the move a good year before making any permanent decision. 

We started our day with an annual charity run/walk.  It was lower turnout because temperature at the start of the race was 1 degree; yes you read correctly,1 degree. Pup still did well, though I held him most of the pre-walk time so his little paws wouldn't get too cold. We've tried the little boot things, but he's not having them. DD#2 ran the full 8K where I and my niece just did the 2K family walk.  DD#2 has become a better runner, but she was disappointed in her time. For being only 13, new to this type of run, and running a distance twice as far as her cross country meets, in the bitter cold, with icy patches all over, I think she rocked it! Hubby lingered around with the other spectators, possibly dodging into one of the bar and grill's that opened early  and just for the duration of the run, to serve coffee and hot chocolate drinks.  I hope the run raised the money they were hoping for. Historically this run generates between 1/4 and 1/ 3 of the annual operating budget of our town's family services agency, and last year topped $100,000.  Hunger and homelessness abound  even in a Lake Wobegon community like ours.

Love DD#1's Yoda hat, stolen from her sister, but kept her little ears toasty.

We had two family gatherings.  We spent noon lunch with DH's family, and I brought two delicious sides of a roasted yam and carrot dish and a broccoli salad.  I made up the vegetable one, but the broccoli was a standard recipe all over the internet, modified a bit, as usual, by me based on my own preferences.  Later, we joined my extended family, who had a 2:00 lunch, along with other split shifters that either worked earlier in the day, or who were trying to fit in more than one family stop.  I brought a taco dip and some chips to add to the leftover sandwich making spread for those sticking around a while. It was a hit, and polished off quite quickly.  I'll post the recipes separately and also link on my recipe page.

Well that was more of a recap than I had intended.  I still have three days of my five day weekend left.  I am going to organize my lists and calendar this morning-preparing for  Christmas celebrations, so that I can enjoy without any pressure put on myself. Today will be spent with some more housekeeping things, and perhaps popping into a store or two once the crazy shoppers are done trying to get that extra 25% off.  DD#2 wants to do this, but we won't be out long. I'm liking the idea of more internet shopping, and taking advantage of delivery specials this weekend. My gift list is lower this year-more combined gifts with my DH's siblings for my in-laws on useful things, and more streamlined for others.  Tomorrow will be decorating the tree and house, and Sunday a start on my baking and candy making.  I'm trying Rosettes this year, in honor of my Norwegian heritage, and with a recipe my mother's cousin in Norway sent me. Advent starts Monday, so that will be day one of my advent challenge, starting with my change from my loose change cup being put in a kettle.  I'll add to the donations as the month goes on. 

Another Thanksgiving is done.  The holidays have still not normed since losing my mom four  years ago right at Thanksgiving, my dad two years ago, and then my sister last November. My siblings and I are trying to  keep our extended family connected, and realize it will be harder as the years go by, and nieces, nephews, and our own children start and add to their own families.  I'm grateful for my sisters who are willing to host big family events that could have as few as 30 or as many as 70, often without a lot of notice as to the final count.  I appreciate my DH's family, who I have long had an awkward relationship with, but do not want that interfering with my own children building their bonds. They get that we are trying to spend time with both families, and were gracious in us having an early departure. Here's wishing you all have a joyous start to the holiday season.

Pup is ready to raise some money!

Pets in the Family

We love our sweet little pup very much.  My hubby still fondly remembers our old golden retriever we welcomed apart of the family for 15 years, and still refers to when we had a "real dog."  Pup has grown on him too after three years.  Our problem is that pup really thinks he is more than a pet, that he has a distinct role in the family pecking order, and that he should dictate how the flow of the day goes.  If we break routine, we get a thorough tongue lashing. When he is ready to retire for the night, he gets cranky, doing that odd snorty-sneezy thing dogs do, until we all go to bed, or a least I go to bed. Every morning, he hops up in my daughters bed for a morning snuggle, just enough to make sure she is awake, then he hops down to be let outside. When I come home from work, usually trying to make a bee line for the bathroom after an hour commute, he waits, whining outside the bathroom door, for his pet and snuggle from me. He believes I should be the designated "poo" walker, and if someone else takes him, but I am home, I get bawled out by him once he is back. He demands about 30 minute of rough play time with my hubby each night, and will snub others trying to play, until he feels he's gotten enough of his masters attention.

We have an interesting dynamic right now with pup and "pig".  In the five years between the golden passing away, and bringing pup home, DD#2 had a guinea pig, a sweet little guy that was almost puppy like in his character, but gentile, and social, and a nice companion for her.  He would walk around on a towel while she did home work, or read, or watched TV.  When we brought pup home, the little dog just became acclimated right away to the guinea pig-the pet that was here first.  Sadly, we lost that little guy right after Christmas.  He was about the age they are expected to live, but it was a sad loss for all of us, pup included.  He would sit in the empty cage spot, and looked very forlorn.  Months went by, and pup seemed to move on. 

In August, DD#2 got a new pet guinea pig. We just refer to him as "pig".  Pig is not like the last guy.  This one is anxious, wiry, and even more social, calling for attention when he hears us up in the morning, and wants to run when he is out of his habitat.  He likes to run at pup.  He likes to try and climb on pup. It is very funny to watch.  Pup is very gentle, but he gives us all looks like, "who let this thing in here?"  When we feed the guinea pig, we get a little bark from pup to ensure we don't forget him.  If we give pig a piece of celery, or other veggie treat, pup immediately runs to the cupboard his treats are in. This is behavior he never did with the old guinea pig. 

There is some big time pet jealousy going on. However, we have little signs pig might be gaining acceptance.  Tonight, pup got a treat first, then ran over to the guinea pig cage perhaps to remind us to get something for pig too.  Maybe it was just to gloat.

A Household of Three

We area household of three again.  As parents, we hope we have given our children roots that they feel strong, but also wings so they can move on with their own lives, taking on challenges and making the most of opportunities.  I have now fully launched out of the home two adult children.  DD#1 hit the road for her westward move.  This time, as a cousin reminded me, she is a non-passport airplane ride away.  It will feel odd though as we try and  pack up the remnants she left behind, items that will need to be shipped, knowing this house will be a place to visit, not her home. 

My son has not really been home for more than a college break or a visit since the summer after his freshman year. He's had multiple moves, and is planning another at the end of the month.  In his head he was already independent back then, but  the clutter he left behind, and the calls for just a "small bit of a loan", told me otherwise.  This move of my daughter though feels like the cords with both kids have been officially cut.

They have whole relationships and experiences that I have no part of.  My son's work has taken him for weeks at a time all over the country; living out of a small suitcase and a backpack is the norm to him.  While I travel frequently for work and short trips at that, I am happy to be back home in my own house and bed at the end of the trip. We met many of my daughters international friends when we visited England last spring, but not nearly all.  On her birthday two weeks ago, she was receiving cards and gifts from England, Italy, and India, and Facebook greetings from countries so far and wide I couldn't name them. The flowers in this post were sent from her dear friend in Bulgaria-the wonders of e-commerce. She couldn't take them with in her jam packed card, but two weeks later, they are still fresh and beautiful, and it is bittersweet looking at them while I type this post.

My daughter is on the road as I type this.  I will feel angst until I know she has safely arrived at her final destination, and yet more angst, until I know she has settled into  her new home and job. She has a good head on her shoulders, and once my son moves, she will have family again near her.  I've connected her with a work colleague and friend who lives in the incredibly big city she has moved to, so help is an emergency call away should she need it.  As I feel the angst, I also feel some of her excitement, and have a little envy of what starting fresh in a new place might be like.  It is a fleeting envy though.  I love my little house, my pup, the hubby, and DD#2, with whom we have a lot of  her life to be a participant in before she graduates.  It is a new phase.  We are a household of three again. 

Broken Bowls-More Than Just Shattered Glass

Rather than dote on my sad disappointment yesterday I focused on getting some tasks done.  What happened before I started baking, I had pushed aside.  In pulling out a mixing bowl I absentmindedly pulled too quick, and out of my cupboard came a stack crashing to the floor.  Did I mention I have a clutter problem and desperately need better organization?  The victims to the shambles were not one, but two parts of my beloved three piece yellow stacking bowls.  There was nothing special about these bowls-just ordinary nesting mixing bowls. They were though precious to me because of what they meant in my family history.

These mixing bowls ended up being part of a master box of kitchen items that my mom had collected and assemble during the months that preceded my wedding.  Originally though, these bowls were not for me.  She would pick up measuring cups and spoons, rubber scrapers, wooden spoons, pie plates, and cookie sheets-all the odds and ends a simple kitchen cook should need, but likely a bride of 21 wouldn't think to know were more important than selecting wine glasses.  She had 8 daughters and two daughter in-laws, and I was the ninth wedding she attended showers for and picked out gifts. This collecting before the time came became an art. The bowls were actually bought for a Christmas present for my sister, but then my mom came across on sale, the Pyrex style, similar to her own, she knew my sister had really wanted. These bowls were picked up on a clearance table at the downtown Ben Franklin, no return after sale, so sat in a closet for nearly a year. 

I remember opening my "goodie box" at one of my wedding showers, and being so surprised to see the bowls in the box. I had forgotten about them. They were packaged loose, as I'm sure they were purchased, with the other kitchen utensils assembled around them, and some inside the bowls.  It just so happened that I had also received two sets of stackable Pyrex bowls at the same shower.  I remember driving home with my mom, and she being quite quiet.  I broke the silence by thanking her again for the gift, and that it must  have been a lot of work to find and put all those items together. She had a funny reaction, but I can't remember her words, something along the lines of  an apology for giving a second hand gift. I must have reassured her the bowls were terrific, and that I knew I would use them all the time. 

Well, it just so happens I did use those bowls-all the time.  The large one was my cake, and brownie bowl and also was great for baking huge hot dishes for family pot lucks.  It fit nicely inside a round basket I received at some point, and I got compliments on the set whenever I took  it places.  It made a great popcorn bowl for munching on  in front of the T.V. The medium bowl was the perfect size for  green bean casserole, a Midwestern favorite, and as the kids got older, perfect for them making their own packages of ramen noodles, because it was big enough to not have to break the noodles to cook them. The small one was perfect for reheating a can or even two of vegetables-being both oven and microwave safe, it did the job without having to move the racks.  When the kids got older, all three were used to  give each kid heir own bowl of popcorn and not having to share, even if from the same batch. At least one of those bowls was put to use on over 9,000 days. Ironically, I never even took either set of Pyrex out of their factory sealed box, and they have been sitting on a storage shelve for the 23 years we have been in this house. I didn't need them-I had my yellow bowls.  I will open one set now, as I will miss the functionality of the two smaller bowls in my kitchen.

Things break in houses all the time, and it is really a marvel with all the banging those bowls took that they survived this long.  I kept the other two sets for just such a time when one or all would break.  My mom passed away four years ago this November.  She worked hard to give all ten of us good lives, and it was not without struggle.  I'm sure the cost of providing a wedding to a household of girls, no matter how happy she was for us, caused financial angst.  I never looked at those bowls as second rate.  My mom knew what I meant when I referred to "my big yellow bowl."  See, she had her own big yellow bowl, the Pyrex one my sister wanted a copy of.  When my dad passed away two years later, and we were getting all their things sorted, having the  grandkids to take things that were meaningful to them, my sisters son only wanted Grandmas' yellow bowl.  I hope I can make mine last, and will be honored to tell my grandchildren how I came to receive it. 

Beautiful day for a wedding

We are heading to a wedding today.  The day could not be more gorgeous than if it was scripted this way.  The bride is my hubby’s beautiful cousin, who is one of the youngest of his cousins, with he being the oldest, a thirty year spread.  Sarah is one of the cousins my kids spent hours in the lake with, sitting around bon fires, and being carefree lake kids in the summer.  It will be a special day, as her husband to be seems as sweet, caring and kind as she is.  My son texted to get her phone number now that a film job in Connecticut has him missing the event, and get one more congratulations to texted to her.  Daughter one is on a film crew locally, but the other side of the metro, and will be lucky to make the reception.  Such is life as young people grow up, start careers and family, and find their own way.  I wish we were going as a family of five, but our smallness in numbers doesn’t lessen how much my grown kids will be thinking of her. Family doesn’t stop just because you’re spread out.  The Mark Zuckerberg’s of the world though couldn’t have possibly known what kind of impact social media and technology tools such as Facebook, Skype, and Instagram  would have on connecting and  supporting families spread by  generations and geography.  As another new family is joined today, I hope all those that are spread out far and wide, have the opportunity to connect with loved ones.