Saturday, August 23, 2014

Adult Child on Board

With our daughter back in the country and in that limbo period of getting acclimated out of being  student, connecting with her home friends, and needing to start the job and apartment search, I now have to adjust to living with an adult child in the household.  Of course she and her brother were home on breaks from their undergrad schools, but this feels different.  She is now roughly the same age right down to months that I was when she was born.  At two months shy of my 24th birthday, I had a mortgage, a toddler, and was waiting for baby number two.  I had lost regular touch with most of my single high school and college friends, who were trying to get their own life established.  Without any of the social media of today, I certainly didn't have daily chats with friends from all over the world.  I am not complaining, and certainly have no regrets, but this new parenting and living with an adult child, who had been totally on her own, seems so odd. I didn't experience it myself having gone from college roommate living to husband living minus a short gap in that timeline. 

Really, though, since Monday evening when we picked her up,  I've seen very little of her at the house.  The week consisted of her being with a friend on Tuesday, all three of us girls doing a little shopping and grabbing supper  out on Wednesday, me at a meeting and daughter spending some quality time having dinner with her grandparents on Thursday, until last night when we actually had all four of us in the house at the same time. She made us a lovely dinner of Spanish omelets, that she lived off of her two months in Spain, and we sat and chatted while consuming Bud light flavored 'rita drinks on the deck. She is off this morning on a four day cabin trip with friends. 

I don't know how it will work or what to expect the next couple months.  She has given herself  a timeline of mid October-November to figure out next steps, relocating to a new part of the country if necessary.  I'm not going to even try to be one of those parents that pretends that now that their children are adults, they can become their best friends.  I have a little  cynicism when I hear a mother or daughter describe each other as their best friend. I think there can be a special trusting and open relationship and certainly one where each others company is enjoyed, but the parent child relationship has a purpose beyond friendship. I  don't want to be one of those parents that uses the lines about while being under my roof, you'll follow my rules either.  We've  had  unwritten rules once the kids were out of high school-based on respect and safety, and have not had issues with either child. Even with that being said, I've no doubt we will get on her nerves and she on ours on occasion and at some point.

We'll just see how this new phase of life goes.  I'm very excited that my son will also be home for about four days in September, thus having a full household for the first time in 18 months.  If you have navigated, for short or long periods, adult children  living with you, chime in. 
Just us girls when daughter #1 was still in student mode

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