I'm not going to get sexist on this post, but I am referring to DH, a man, my husband. I've heard male friends, perhaps in humor, mention annoyances that I can tell are more than that. I know of a same sex couple who's new domestic bliss was done in by found habits by one of the partners. I can understand why empty nesting may put a couple at high risk for divorce. It's not the, "oh we stayed together for the kids sake," in my opinion. I think it is that all the attention previously focused on what kids need, do, will be doing, now has room to see what our partners need, do, will be doing-and humans are the most annoying animals on the planet.
DH has been at it again-he rogue shopped yesterday and then decided he was going to make dinner. Not the dinner of course we had talked about this morning, the one that would have been simple, needed no shopping, and he could have gone about his day and we could have enjoyed dinner together later. No, he decided mid-afternoon to go shopping and make a roast-in the crock pot, with carrots and potato's. Anyone familiar with crock pot cooking knows where I'm going. I called him at 6:10 to let him know I hadn't quite left and was aiming to be home about 7:00. He thought that will be good because he made a roast, but got called into work so the potatoes and carrots got in later than he thought. Cut to me being home to learn, he hadn't even put the roast in until 4:00, and put the carrots and potato's in after 5:00 after finishing what he needed to do at work. Of course nothing was even remotely done. We ended up letting it cook all night on low, and I put in a baking dish for tonight. Get this. He literally just cut full carrots, after peeling in three chunks and the potatoes in two. I asked him again, please just take his day off and either relax or do things I can't or he prefers doing like the lawn care. His rogue shopping and meal making is not a help and most often unless it is something simple (though if he had done this right, say at 9:00 yesterday morning it would have been simple), just creates more work and often a lot of waste.
My annoyance kicker was this morning. I do 90% of the laundry. He will do loads of just his things (he doesn't dare wash my stuff). I notice he leaves so much crap in his pockets, receipts, papers, pens, etc. I've almost given up asking him to empty them. He also has an over stuffed wallet-tucks so much in it's like George Costanza from Seinfeld, which then cause undue wear on his pants pockets. This morning I'm folding a load of towels on the table behind the family room couch and I look down where he sits to watch TV. There is an 8 inch streak of pen ink on the couch cushion! The custom ordered couch cushion. I was livid. He then tries to say he doesn't even know if it was him. The stain wasn't there Saturday when I cleaned. He thought maybe the dog took a pen. No, it clearly was from a pen in his pocket. Just fess up buddy!
I've a list that seems to be growing-as I'm sure he has as well of things I do that annoy him. I get it-we are two examples of those annoying animals. Hopefully we'll each just identify the things we do that are annoying to the result that they actually take away from the quality of the others life and stop doing them. The rest, we can just learn to suck up and brush off. But stop with messing in my kitchen and start emptying pockets already!
LOL....oh just wait until you are both retired. Then the fun really begins! At least my Hubs does go rogue in the grocery store but he's got his own "endearing" qualities that make me want to tear my hair out. It's all part of the marriage game.....
ReplyDeleteIt might be different for us since he "invaded' your time. We'll both be in each others way I think.
DeleteWell neither of us are retired yet but maybe I should quit wishing that the DH would pitch in and help with the meals and cleaning! I don't know what we will do when we do retire but I am sure it will be an interesting adjustment. We are the same age so we have decided that we will definitely retire at the same time. I love to read your blog!
ReplyDeleteDon't get me started on cleaning. He moves stuff-just creates aa different place for the mess. Granted, he will dust and vacuum, and I am happy for that.
DeleteWell,he tried, LOL. My DH has offered to "help" while I'm making dinner. I said your help just creates more work for me. Go sit down. Unless you want to make the whole dinner, by YOURSELF and I don't have to lift a finger, don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteDoes he listen? For goodness sake, a little common sense might have come in handy on Thursday. How can it take over an hour in an oven to bake a potato and he thinks a slow cooker will finish in an hour?
DeleteI hear you sister. It's even worse when you both work together from home. Once in a while he will get a bee in his bonnet to make a "gourmet meal" and is always dissapointed that after slaving away in the kitchen for 4 hours (and dirtying every pot as he doesn't clean as he goes like I do) it tastes just OK. I am a 30 minute or less cook, not a chef. I cook what is in the house. He drives to the store and will spend $40 on ingredients for one meal that are obscure and not useable on others. Fortunately he rarely does this on weeknights so the rogue shopping is usually limited to 1 per month.
ReplyDeleteWen my hubs makes what he thinks is a special meal, I have a delicate balance of not saying too much positive to encourage him to try again, and not deflating him completely. He cooks bland, learned what he did form his mom, who is a fine, but very bland cook. He raved when we dated about his moms beef stroganoff. Come to find out it is basically hamburger in cream of mushroom soup with a few dollops of sour cream served over egg noodles. Hardly fine dining.
DeleteTheHub does what I call recreational shopping. I have decided if this is the thing about him that pisses me off the most then we are doing OK. In the long run it probably doesn't matter that he spends anywhere from 50-100 bucks every month. I can just spend less at the grocery store to accommodate it and it will not affect our meals. Plus he buys stuff that tastes better than what I usually buy.
ReplyDeleteI just hate the Thursday thing. He only has Thursday and Sunday's off. I wish he would just do what he thinks needs to get done, and then relax a little. I'd be fine with cold sandwiches if he felt he anted to have dinner ready.
DeleteI am sorry I am laughing, not about the cushion I too would have been furious. But you are so right about emptynester divorce syndrome.I remember screaming at my husband (yes screaming)"You have never been the center of my attention and you never will be now get out of my shop and get a life!" I am the center of Hubs very small world and he would spend every waking minute glued to my side. I on the other hand don't need a man period. After the last one left he thought now it was his turn. NO FLIPPEN WAY! It took a few months but he learned his place. As for cooking it is always on high. His mother is a terrible cook. I mean terrible the whole family will agree and Hubs takes after her I am afraid.
ReplyDeleteHeh. One of the reasons I refuse to have a cell phone is so my DH (and kids) cannot contact me when I am away from the home.
DeleteOh the cell phone! If I don't answer or respond to a text in what he thinks I should be able to (remember I work full time out of the house and am in a lot of meetings), I'll get no less than four other attemtps to be reached.
DeleteMy dad retired a few years before my mom and when she retired they had a hard time adapting to being under each other's feet - for the first time in their lives! As for me, I was in hospital one time and my ex decided to do the grocery shopping. BUT he made BOTH the boys go with him (they loved it of course - er, not) and they came home with 3 shopping carts full of groceries for one week!! He also spent 3 times what I would normally spend - which might be all well and good if you think "stocking up", but he had no patience and ended up throwing a lot of stuff out because he couldn't find room for it all!!! Oh and as for the washing - I was forever finding cigarette lighters and coins in his pockets! Uuuurrrgggh! It's not easy living with someone full-time is it!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I forgot the mention the cigarette burns EVERYWHERE!
DeleteThe cigarette burns would have put me over the top. Throwing food because he bought too much would have been so frustration.
DeleteOMG! I giggled at your post. Well, he had good intentions so, don't be so hard on him :)
ReplyDeleteCushion aside, we have had some laughs now about eating roast for breakfast. He got a really nice beef sandwich for lunch on Friday.
DeleteWell, having married a much older man, and one who had a job which kept him away for days at a time each week, I can tell you that his retirement was a bit of a shock to me. God knows I love him, but there are times when I want to take his fingers and jam them in the coffee grinder. I have been low enough to say to my sons, "For the love of God, boys, DO NOT do *whatever it is DH has just done which drives me insane* to your spouses!"
ReplyDeleteI didn't know your hubs was retired. Still must have done so young since you still have young kids at home. Hopefully he found things to keep busy-like you building a new house, to stay out of your endeavors.
DeleteHmm, I've experienced the same murderous thoughts...but I thought it was just approaching menopause :) haha
DeleteI suggest you get him limits and structure and something to do always.
ReplyDeleteI'd really like him to just take his Thursday's and play, and leave things he has n aptitude to me! He works very long hours the rest of the week. I know I am a controlling person of my space and routines.
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