This has been a sad week. Over the weekend a 51 year old man from our church passed away, unexpectedly "but peacefully" the obituary said. His college age daughter played the drums in the teen ensemble when DD2 was first part of the group. Monday night, the 52 year old father of one of DD2's show choir friends died unexpectedly at the same time the finale production was happening. His wife and I worked together before the first show and in between the second show, steaming dresses, organizing the racks, and helping the kids get ready. She mentioned her husband and a couple other family ended up not be able to be there and she had extra tickets. I've become friendly with her this year, both of us being in the education field have a lot in common to talk about on the long days chaperoning. They also have a college freshman son. I noticed she got a call right at the start of the second show and left abruptly, but I thought nothing of it, assuming a family member did make it, and she was going to find them.The kids all stayed late yesterday making cards for their friend and her family. My beloved 95 year old aunt passed away Tuesday morning as well. She was my dad's oldest sibling, the last surviving member of that generation. I will write a whole post about her, such a beautiful soul, with more heart ache and tragedy in her life than anyone should face, but who lived a life of caring and giving to others. More than 40 years of living difference between my aunt and these men. I am heart broken that neither will see their daughters grow up, build lives and families, that J will not see his son pitch the spring home opener for his college baseball team. I'm heart broken that while my aunt lived such a long life, she was the last connection to my dad's life before any of us were a part of it. I'll continue to write about the struggle and successes to save money, managing to find time, trying to have adventures, both little and big, and creative cooking. Today though, I have pensive thoughts of my own life, and fear that I am wasting it, not embracing enough of what the world has to offer. I own guilt for my quick biting response to others when I'm annoyed, particularly those most dear to me, and my pettiness about stuff in life that really doesn't matter. For now, for the immediate future, I hope I can just focus on being a good person. I want to trulyappreciate every blessing I have, especially those that I don't always see as blessings. From my messy house, to my less than fulfilling job, to my mother in law with a critical eye, who will be returning soon from the south, to my chunky body, I want to see the good of all. On that end note, I wish the same for all of you.
Do you remember the old Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smalley, none other than my states now Senator Al Franken? No matter what crap storm he might have been facing, he always could look in a mirror with a cheesy smile and awful hair, and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." I feel lately a need for a dose of inspiration. I've posted and referenced on many occasions that Tuesday is not my day. I am usually full of tension and stress at the start, having started Monday with new energy, but waned into overwhelming thoughts of a whole work week to go through and a to do list at the office that seems never done. Add that to how I saw myself in the mirror this morning, dull complexion, bags under eyes, wrinkles forming, and Tuesday can go sit in a corner..
My placement in a recent family picture with DD2 and DH was horrendous. Granted, I had worked a full work day, then spent two hours steaming choir shirts and dresses and helping with hair. My boobs looked like they were at my belly button. I felt like my picture was taken with a wide angle lens, while DH and DD2 looked lean and vibrant next to me. My makeup less face looked sallow and gray. Of course, others would see a nice family picture. I kept trying to crop versions to have me look a little less, well, me.
Not the role model I want for my daughter, or other girls. My negative self thoughts were beyond just Tuesday, so time to take a cue from my Senator. Here is my little dose of Stuart, talking myself into self appreciation on a cold Tuesday morning.
I figured out a solution to a very tricky situation at work yesterday, plus, opportunity to improve going forward.
My kids friend said I was one of the best show choir mom's ever. Then another kid, known for years from soccer, said, I was the best everything mom.
A former employee who I've stayed in touch with, called me yesterday, thanking me for having hired her, which led to the great job she has now.
Pup chose me to snuggle with him this morning. Puppy love.
Doggone it, in spite of my saggy face and body, people like me.
Who wouldn't want to start their morning with a breakfast like this? Warm oat muffins with homemade raspberry jam, any one? I would have loved to enjoy this meal, a wholesome version from last summer, but nope, that was not to be. I scrounged a couple crusts of bread-the lasts in the loaf, a hard boiled egg I think is still within safety range, and the dregs of the whole milk used for soup on Sunday to put in the coffee made from the last coffee pod. While not the lovely kick start to my morning I would have liked, and I still haven't sourced what I will throw together for my lunch, I am profoundly aware this week that my kitchen foraged meals are a great deal more than half the worlds population will have access to. I'm sending DD#2 off with a granola bar and a piece of fruit, and a lunch account to buy a a hot meal at noon. My skimpy pantry and refrigerator is from lack of planning and timing, not lack of resources. This Thursday before Thanksgiving, is a good day to fully embrace appreciation for that fact.
