Do you remember the old Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smalley, none other than my states now Senator Al Franken? No matter what crap storm he might have been facing, he always could look in a mirror with a cheesy smile and awful hair, and say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." I feel lately a need for a dose of inspiration. I've posted and referenced on many occasions that Tuesday is not my day. I am usually full of tension and stress at the start, having started Monday with new energy, but waned into overwhelming thoughts of a whole work week to go through and a to do list at the office that seems never done. Add that to how I saw myself in the mirror this morning, dull complexion, bags under eyes, wrinkles forming, and Tuesday can go sit in a corner..
My placement in a recent family picture with DD2 and DH was horrendous. Granted, I had worked a full work day, then spent two hours steaming choir shirts and dresses and helping with hair. My boobs looked like they were at my belly button. I felt like my picture was taken with a wide angle lens, while DH and DD2 looked lean and vibrant next to me. My makeup less face looked sallow and gray. Of course, others would see a nice family picture. I kept trying to crop versions to have me look a little less, well, me.
Not the role model I want for my daughter, or other girls. My negative self thoughts were beyond just Tuesday, so time to take a cue from my Senator. Here is my little dose of Stuart, talking myself into self appreciation on a cold Tuesday morning.
I figured out a solution to a very tricky situation at work yesterday, plus, opportunity to improve going forward.
My kids friend said I was one of the best show choir mom's ever. Then another kid, known for years from soccer, said, I was the best everything mom.
A former employee who I've stayed in touch with, called me yesterday, thanking me for having hired her, which led to the great job she has now.
Pup chose me to snuggle with him this morning. Puppy love.
Doggone it, in spite of my saggy face and body, people like me.
“For me, the answer is to ask myself a very commonsense question: do I
want to buy something because it will be useful in my life? Or because
it will help me feel like a smarter, better, more popular or successful
person? If the answer is the second reason then there’s a good chance
I’ve been duped by the marketing.” This quote from Greg Foyster in a recent article in The Guardian has stayed with me since reading the article yesterday morning. To read, Here is the link.
Foyster, a former marketing and advertising genius, but an environmentalist on the weekends, hit a wall between his two worlds, and that wall crumbled. Realizing he was highly skilled at being the "duper", he not only quit his job, he seems to have gone on a crusade expounding on the ills of what this over commercialized, over consumerism, and over abundance of non essential stuff has cost the world in terms of lost resources and real human connectedness. I've been more mindful of my own purchasing and why I purchase what I do, but sometimes too late. Just yesterday, I spent $71 on magazine subscriptions as gifts and for myself and DH. I had recently decided not to renew any magazines, but then DD#2's music program was selling magazines, renewals or new subscriptions, with 40% going into her account. "Great-gift giving taken care of and fundraising-a Two For", my mind thought. Only after I hit the submit budget that I realized, a regular subscription would have been less than 1/2 of what the fundraiser price was, and even with the money in her account, I probably spent at least $10 more than returned. I could have just put the same amount of money aside. Duped by the promotion. I was caught, hook, line and sinker.
Multiply my $10.00 by the hundred kids at her school, and the thousands of kids at schools all over the country, and the magazine publishers just had a sales force of 14-18 year olds make them millions of dollars in extra profit. So why did I order, and why did I forward on the link to my family and friends? Easy-I wanted my daughter to belong, to fit in. I wanted her to have earned money in her account the same way other kids were earning. I didn't want to be the mom that doesn't participate in the fundraisers. Even though financially, a straight donation would have yielded more money to the program. She has more fundraising opportunities coming up. Fruit sales, candy and wrapping paper, Meal Deal cards are just a few. I will try and refrain and just do what I should have done in the first place-just set the money aside.
I've done it before, purchase to make myself seem someone different than who I actually am. I am not the glamour type, and my skin care and makeup routine is simple and minimal. It always has been and it works for me. How then, did I so easily plunk down $85 dollars once at the Elizabeth Arden counter, after trying a new lipstick shade? I was surrounded by more pulled together, classy dressed women at Macy's, customers and sales staff, with large posters overhead showing beautiful women, women that looked like these women-not like me. I felt judgy eyes looking at me, telling me I didn't belong there. I'll prove them wrong and out came the credit card. Minutes later, I walked out with a little black bag of make up remover, cleanser, toner, and my free gift with $85 purchase. All items similar to ones I already had at home. I only went in Macy's to buy a box of Frango mints!
Advertisers make their living out of selling an image and and a lifestyle. As we move into the season of giving, but also the season of advertisers dreams, I hope to remember I already have an image, and I already have a lifestyle. Both have served me fine for nearly 50 years.
I had a big quarterly meeting at work today. The meeting attendees included people I used to work with in my former position, and other colleagues. I wanted to feel confident in my new role, so went to my favorite summer skirt and blouse, a shin length cotton tan, and a ruffle front sleeveless number that looks good with or without a jacket. This is very important for a woman of 49 who is always removing or putting back on outer layers. These are both older outfits-at least 5 years, but of fairly decent quality so have stood up to countless washings. I also took a minute extra and actually put a spot of lipstick on with my normal minimal made up or bare face. The meeting went well, and as I was heading back to my office, I passed a coworker from a neighboring division. She smiled and said , "You look really nice today. Very pretty." My first instinct was to respond about the age of my clothes, or that I don't normally wear much lipsticks so I hope I don't look like a clown, Instead, I simply said, "Well, thank you."
Why it ever became so hard to just accept a compliment, is beyond me. I had a similar experience two years ago, with a different response. I was a panelist at a conference and was just meeting a co panelist for the first time. I have a unique pair of eyeglass frames, wire, purplish in color, with a molded ribbon like feature on the side. After the introduction and before the panel started, she and I were chit chatting, when she said, "Love your glasses." I recall sputtering something like, I am due to get new ones. I bent the frames so they don't sit quite right on my face. Oh I wish I could wear contacts, or something very much along those lines. She quickly doused my self deprecation and said, "No, you just need to say, thank you." I should add for context this was an education panel, my expertise being early childhood, and hers being youth out of school time, particularly out of school programs that foster empowerment of girls.
I am working on this, which is why my story about this afternoon represents a real break through for me. Why is it so hard for me, and many woman I know, to just say thank you? Why is putting a disclaimer on appearance, cooking, art, or style necessary when another person expresses their appreciation for your effort necessary? DD#1 doesn't have this problem. She knows she works hard, or takes pride in herself, and gladly accepts the compliment. DD#2, while very shy, has learned better than her mother to say just respond with "thank you", even if it is said in her wee little voice. I can learn from my daughters.
