Thursday, February 15, 2018

I Said No and Lived to Tell the Tale

I am a victim of my own over willingness to say yes too often when asked to do something. I've moaned about not feel healthy for a while now. I was supposed to ref volleyball, begged to ref volleyball, a few weeks back to close the season. Well between how I am feeling, my knee acting up, general muscle pain, and then the sadness of yesterdays violence in Florida, I just needed to be home last night. I put out the word early I was not going to ref; either one of the teens could still show up or the games could run without refs on one of the courts. The lowest division games are so  senselessness to even have refs since if all the mistakes were called, the games would never end. I guess that is what they ended up doing. 

I received a request for a donation for an adult family member going on a mission trip this summer. Don't get me wrong, I support these trips in my church with  my kids, in fact I spearhead one of the major fundraisers each year, the Palm Sunday breakfast. I would feel fine if his church was having a fundraiser of some sort and inviting us to attend for the purpose of raising money. Somehow though, it just strikes me odd to be straight up requested money from an adult to go on a trip. Let's face it, most of these mission trips are voluntourism-a little bit of work, but mostly a youth group get away. I guess it doesn't matter really how the group or individuals raise money, and still our choice to give or not. I just tend to have classified these kinds of trips as either the responsibility of the organization or individual youth raising money through various activities like bake sales and car washes. Now that I think about it though, sending out letters to everyone you know was on the list of fundraising ideas when my kids have done them but we never went that route and tended to do the physical fundraisers. 

While we haven't said no, I'm reminded that I don't always have to say yes just because I'm asked. It is OK to admit I am sick, admit I am tapped out financially or energy wise. It's OK to just believe and state that my priorities with my time and money are elsewhere.

20 comments:

  1. Good for you! Oxygen mask, all that.
    I had a longer comment, but lost it, and it's probably good, as it may have smacked of being political. I call those trips "praycations." If your kid hits me up, much to my younger kids' embarrassment, I am going to ask if your kid is going to be building schools, designing water purifying systems, and feeding the hungry, or just doing what I call "Annoying Catholics for Christ" in between visits to the beach.

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    1. My kids have doen them and di things like buit small houses, renovated low income partments, mixed in with youth group worship. They also worked to earn the money for the trips through the items mentioned above.

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  2. It's hard to say No, so much easier to say Yes and muck on with it. I don't think I'd donate, but let them know if the church has a fundraiser you would attend.

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    1. I might just make a nominal donation and call it good. It can be tough but when we are full on with our own kid, it seems like just a money shuffle.

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  3. I agree, why should others pay for someones volunteerism trip? I only give where I want to and do say no on occasion. The last time I did someone got her nose out of joint but its my life :)

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    1. Someone being offended is quite obnoxious. Your money. Your priorities.

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  4. The church ones don't bother me so much as personal- my own 50 year old niece opened a go fund page to help pay expenses so her family (husband and 1 teen) could go watch the older son graduate from basic training- can you imagine? This niece has a master's degree and works full time- obviously a poor money manager.The shooting was heartbreaking- I try to not listen to any more news about it.

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    1. I need to intimately know there is a need and if moved will share but to ask for a free trip? Hardly a necessity.

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  5. I am sorry you are still down. I also have a hard time saying no. But I am learning.

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    1. Hard to defend my own priorities and shouldn't have to.

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  6. It's difficult to say no, but we can't help everyone all the time. Hope you feel better soon.

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    1. I need to stick to my goals first.

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  7. On this topic it's easy for me to say no, and we have. My husband's nephew who is in his early 20's and hasn't ever actually looked for a job asked us for money for two trips. They were both for mission trips. I tend to believe it was just to get money to fund his vacations. He/they (also his mother, my sister-in-law) asked everyone in the family for money. I don't think anyone in the family said yes and I think it's partly because this nephew's family (he lives with my sister-in-law) is known for "accepting help" all the time, for years, pretty much all their lives ... it gets old real quick.

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    1. I don't want to seem tight fisted nut I want to define where and why I give money. Anlr bodied people can fundraise with action or save by doing without other wants.

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  8. I have a large extended family and get letters on a regular basis asking for donations to help fund their mission trips. I am all in favor of mission work but my theory is that if you truly feel led to do it, you don't have to go terribly far from home. I am not a big fan of helping to pay for a trip to Europe, Asia or Africa (the trips I have been requested to donate) . Don't get me wrong, my sons went on mission trips but most were in the Appalachians where they did manual labor on houses. They came home with stinky nasty clothes, new carpentry skills and an understanding for how nothing but circumstances of birth can dictate one's life path.

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    1. My kids did a fair amount of physicsl labor nut absolutely they can invest time locally.

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  9. I am not religious and don't attend church and to be honest over here in Europe people just don't do mission trips. That being said my sister became a Mormon and my parents were asked to fund her "mission". They refused and rightly so in my opinion. So I can't say I would ever be in that situation. However, I know I would find it embarrassing to say no - but say no I would. If you want to do those kinds of things fund it yourself. And as Anne said, there are plenty of places closer to home where they could use some help. Anna

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    1. Charity and mission can start in our own communities too.

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  10. I know how you feel. I get letters like that all the time from friends of my kids... I ask myself, "has this kid ever even spoken to me?" "am I friends with their parents?""currently?" and then I typically lose the letter somewhere in my office. :)

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    1. It's hard when you want your own kids to have options. $ literally can only be stretched so far.

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