Monday, December 30, 2019

Positively Tuesday-And a Dose of Humility

     I miss Scarlet's writing at When Robins Appear. I see she has removed past posts and I can only  imagine that the  mean spirited trolls have been at her again. Why is it so hard to just scroll on by someone if you don't have anything meaningful to add to the post via comments. I have been guilty of that recently when the  very decisively  opinionated post of a fellow blogger touched a nerve with me. I tried to be polite in my response, and wish the writer well, but I did apologize in my follow-up comment to her comment that I  did go too far in expressing my own  viewpoint. 

     With that, I'm adding another goal for 2020-Be more humble. I know little to nothing in the scheme of everything there is to know in the world.  Why I started with my missing of Scarlet's post is that she shared an honest side of life, when all is not roses, but that a couple, a family, can still be so rich in love and  sharing of talents. For those that didn't get to enjoy her posts, she often shared how she refreshed her home, managed not one but two allotment plots, and supported  her husband and  adult children in navigating the  highs and lows of their lives without a large income, but with grace, grit, tenacity, and humility.

     Depression, chemical and alcohol  abuse, and other mental health issues is quite pervasive in my extended family. My sisters and I have discussed why we think this is so. Perhaps it skipped a generation, though the alcohol and chemicals were not strangers to many of the older kids. We know now our mom must have struggled with her own mental health, she was very much  on highs and lows, and we never quite knew what to expect from day to day, sometimes even moment to moment. Her moodiness coupled with  lack of financial resources was probably why I and my sisters and on either side of me became self sufficient early. Maybe it didn't skip us, but we developed this cloak of  self preservation. I would guess my older siblings think the the youngest three (I'm 9 of 10), were given much more by our parents than they ever had. We doubt that, but maybe we each just  had opportunities at the right time and because there was just less chaos, we could see them as opportunity and take advantage. I've never understood why the oldest six never went to any  schooling past high school, except later in life. I think they had the opportunity, but  couldn't see it, or felt they couldn't take advantage of it at the time. I often lose my humility within my own extended family, carry chips on my shoulder, and get easily frustrated when people overwhelm me or  I perceive they are trying to dictate to me. 

     Right now, we are collectively dealing with my niece again. She doesn't have parents to fall back on, and continues in a cycle of bad decisions, lack of motivation and apathy to try and change her circumstances. To let her fend for herself is not an option-we are family and we can't  celebrate Christmas one week, and turn our back the next. Yes, we are all tired of the self created chaos, the choices and excuses she makes. I want to know what her  doctors are doing to help her develop some sort of life coping skills. I'm frustrated that I know that even if that is part of her therapy, she most likely is not following through on anything. I'm frustrated with her two siblings grown men, that while they have families of their own, take no responsibility for her, which in and of itself probably adds to her mental health harm. We as her aunts cannot do the same thing.  I just needed to share some of this so that I  can get my frustration out, so I can now be more humble as I try and show support-through helping her apply for part time jobs, to making sure she has nutritious food, and transportation available so she does not isolate herself and compound problems. 

7 comments:

  1. Family drama, often led by generations of alcohol and drug addiction and just plain old mental illness can take a tole. You just have to take the mindset that your family will be better. Not that you are better than them but that you can be better. That is what I have done and I am still a nut case:)

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    1. It has been such a long road with her. She is 45, but so child like. It was difficult helping her complete job applications as she has nothing to put on a resume. I tried to coach her on what to type (or I typed).

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  2. I enjoyed Scarlet's blog also and it makes me wonder why a troll (if that is the reason she took her blog down) would choose to zone in on one particular blogger, particularly an inoffensive blogger like Scarlet. Or maybe they smell blood and go for it. Talk about cyber bullying. I was the only one (out of 7 of us) that went on to further education although had the others wanted it my parents would have somehow made it happen. Most of the others didn't want it, but one sister made one feeble attempt at one year further education (I always suspected she was delaying joining the work force) and then dropped out. I did 4 years further education and did well, worked for what I have, but she has always been jealous, of me in particular, but the others also. In her case I think she just wanted everything laid at her feet 'cos she sure wasn't going to work for it like we others did. Sometimes you just have to let it go, be there for them if they ask but not buy into the drama (she is a drama queen). And god bless you for trying to be there for your niece. Someone has to go up to bat for her, although like you say it can be frustrating when they keep making the same bad decisions over and over.

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    1. My guess is this troll pops up in lots of places. The funny thing about blogs, is we really do develop friendships with each other, and I develop a protective view of my internet friends! Even the one I replied snarkily, I do like her blog, find her very interesting, and a person I would like to know in real life. Just having different views doesn't need to get mean spirited, but can be great conversations.

      As for my niece, there is some pretty heavy mental health needs going on, so while I think she does use her health, her parents young deaths, her estrangement with her husband (who robbed her blind0, and brothers, who have moved on in life without her, as excuses not to act, we love her and don't want anything to happen to her.

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  3. I think it some trolls are like sharks and they smell a little weakness than go for it. There are a few bloggers that I often disagree with so I either don't read that post or read and leave no comment. No one needs to hear my opposing opinion to a blog post, especially since opinions are like ___well. I will not finish that old saying.
    My Aunt had 8 kids and the older one still feel like the younger 3 had more opportunities. They probably did since the older 5 were out of the house by the time the younger three reached their teen years. The resources (time, money and options) go further when there are fewer who need them.
    Lovely of you and your siblings to be there for your niece. It is kind of what being in a family is all about

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    1. The flip side to my family is that the older kids would have had financial aid, and pell grants, and financial resources to pay for college. While there were fewer mouths to feed, suddenly, with s smaller head count, the three of us weren't eligible for much of anything and worked our ways through school. I used to describe them all as running off to join the circus, all except my nieces mom, who was a teen mom, which probably adds to her internal sadness.

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