In preparing for the transition of my team member leaving, the list grows longer of things I need to track and have a plan for backup as we all try and get calendar time with her. I wonder how she feels about being in such demand, when it was a losing battle with HR to get her position classified higher? Her work is so essential to the program I manage and beyond, others rely on her as well. Why does the appreciation come out once people are no longer with us? Don't we all want to feel we have importance to others? How do we know it if we have it? How do we show people their importance? On the job it's seems to be through compensation and rank, and then goodbye parties. None tell the story of importance though, do they.
In our personal life, how are we made to feel we have importance? Hopefully we don't show it only once too late. I don't think having people reliant on you and feeling a sense of importance are the same. I guess my family shows me importance, but I need to feel it myself, and too often I just feel burdened, not purposeful. I'm mentally drained these days. I want to accomplish much, but also just be present now. When I struggle with this, I'm trying to take cues from others by going to a quiet place then tell myself, just to appreciate the day, and not worry about tomorrow. Recapping the good stuff, the stuff that helps me feel a place in the world is helpful too.
- Enjoyed some shopping time with my daughter on Thursday. It wasn't exciting stuff, but she's so funny trying on clothes. She takes pictures of herself with the expression she feels about the item.
- She and I also bonded over a few episodes of Community. I didn't know much about the show, but it was pretty funny.
- I enjoyed my outing for coffee on Friday, followed by the day with my older daughter. We had a delicious lunch at her favorite vegan restaurant and later iced tea.
- Saturday she gave me three hours of hard labor helping me purge. She works fast and is strong! We got rid of, embarrassed to say, three bags of trash, and likely three bags of clothing to donate. My younger daughter needs a final look before we drop things off. Hopefully we can convince her that she's only retrieving what she really wants to keep, rather than looking for items to donate, assuming 90% will be donated. These are clothes from her dresser and closet that never went to college so she really can part with them.
- Sunday was beautiful and I spent a chunk of it outside. Here's what I found for flowers. Don't ask what anything is.
- Poor pup looks like the third grader who's mom cut his hair. With his age, the sedated grooming isn't an option and he's horrible for groomers. Well, DH and I tackled it together with the $35 dog grooming kit. While some spots are shorter than others, for the most part, we got the bulk of his overgrowth off and matts removed. He'll need another couple tidys- we didn't want to push our luck plus we were getting sore wrists, but he was really a pretty good boy for us. We'll get better over time, and it'll grow back. We'll do more frequently so hopefully avoid the matting going forward. This wasn't so much a joy or pleasure, but relief!
- Oh joys are often simple, but I finally broke down and bought a new vaccum. It picked up pups hair like no tomorrow. Then walking in the living room, the carpet felt and looked new despite it's 15 years.
- I treated myself to an actual lunch break yesterday thanks to a meeting cancellation. Pup and I enjoyed it outside yesterday. I pretended I was at a little deli and made myself a delicious grilled mozzarella cheese sandwich with fruit and a diet cola. It's sometimes the very little things that break up the work day that become the best simple pleasures.
- I tackled my daughters book case, and it gave me a sense of calm. Yes, she's an adult and should do herself, but when you're on a purge, clean organize bender, and it's my home, I going to keep going.
- Monday early evening was perfect! Sunny, but not hot. The gradual sunset made me feel like I had quality time off after work. Isn't that the best part of the longer days. I read on the porch until I couldn't see, despite not even starting until after 8:00.
Thanks for this. I just checked my spam and found lots of good comments that I missed! I am also having problems leaving comments.
ReplyDeleteYour blog says it doesn't accept anonymous posts, but I'm not anonymous, so know I do read.
DeleteIn Dec of 2015, I was hospitalized for 5 days due to a massive pulmonary embolism. I found out later that I could have died and that they had been preparing my husband for that possibility. Obviously, I survived and a few days after I was home, my husband said that it just didn't feel right without me there. Not a man of many words and more feelings and concerns would come out later, here and there, in conversations, but I will always remember that. I have a place where I am missed and it doesn't feel right when I'm not there. Sometimes it's the simple things that give us importance and value. Ranee
ReplyDeleteI hope you are always seen as being important not just in a crisis, and I understand your husband's thoughts.
DeleteInteresting. I've actually never really thought about whether or not I feel important. Everyone in my circle is very loving and supportive and openly shares that they appreciate me and all I do so I guess that is being made to feel important. I just never thought of it that way.
ReplyDeleteI probably wasn't as articulate trying to convey importance, but I think you nailed what I meant. It's that feeling that you know your absence would be felt if you were no longer here, or the feeling that when you are with others, it genuinely matters- you matter. The opposite would be learning I left ( a party, my work, my neighborhood) and it wasn't even be noticed.
DeleteI'm sure your pup appreciated getting rid of hair and mats and won't notice what the cut looks like! During the first part of the pandemic dog groomers were not allowed to operate in CA so I bought scissors and groomed our little poodle myself. She was delighted to feel cooler and it did grow back.
ReplyDeleteHe definitely feels better. We just need to get better at it.
DeleteJust so you know you are important to me! Everyone needs to be appreciated. Isn't de cluttering amazing? You think after, where did I get all this? Every drawer and cupboard and closet needs a good clean out but alas that will not happen until I slow down. Well maybe next November?
ReplyDeleteI know where our crap came from- too many years of not decluttering and holding on to things for no purpose. I need to keep at it.
DeleteI'm fortunate, in that I'm recognized and acknowledged at my work all the time (even though I'm an admin - they usually get ignored - I refuse to be ignored!). It can be hard if you feel you are not getting that in other areas of your life, though.
ReplyDeleteGood for you to toss/donate some stuff, Sam. It feels good, doesn't it?
I feel relied upon. Work just has not felt great. I think I'm just tired of working from home and feel detached. Getting rid of stuff has made things feel better already, but so much more to do.
DeleteI accepted a long time ago that I am only important to people in my realm. Other than with them I am just one of "The Random" (thanks to Stephen King for this term)
ReplyDeleteRandoms is a good description of how I feel so often. I felt relied upon, perhaps even needed, but outside of my immediate family, irrelevant. Good that I can find my own things to make me happy.
DeleteI've been feeling very much up and down here too so I guess it's normal (and yes my friend, you ARE very important to everyone)! Your comment about dog grooming made me laugh though. Years ago my oldest was very blond as a toddler and he told the son next door that he wanted the same haircut (buzz cut basically), so the neighbour went and got his sheers and had virtually scalped André before he lost his nerve and gave up. As he was so blond he looked like he was on chemotherapy! But then haven't we all had that "mommy haircut"!
ReplyDeletePups going to have the perpetual mommy cut I guess! I know I'm important to people, you likely understand the " after their gone" bit in the work place.
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