The Week is Almost Done in W's

 

     Well that sure was a week. It's a good thing I "get by with a little help from my friends." If I don't say it enough, please know I really appreciate the comments, virtual hugs, and sharing by all of you via the comments. Once again we have reached Friday. I've been capturing all the little things that surround my life in questions each week and invite you to play along.

What's top of mind: Ugh-another ball got dropped back in June that is biting me in the work butt this morning. It's resolvable, but I just spent an extra two and 1/2 hours, from 7:30 until 10:00 resolving, or at least getting work around fix in place until it is fully resolved. The whole project has been a project from hell-someone's pet project, created on the fly, had to be executed in an incredibly short time period, and is not getting the intended results (which I could have said from the beginning it was not going to do due to the timing.) The funding my team received to carry it our has been helpful as my other budgets were tight, but then yesterday, a finance person was ready to grab the funds and divert them elsewhere. Umm-no! We need them to cover our costs, thank you very much.

The other thing weighing on my mind is also work-yet another leadership change as my boss is going back to her old job, and I have concerns as to who might be stepping into her role. Neither I or my colleague that took the duties for year prior do not want it, so I guess we get what we ask for. I do well with change, but not with change, and change again, and then yet more change, while in the middle of uncertainty.

Where I've been: I went to Trivia, and had fun even though I was not in happy spirits. It was a mellow night and one of my friends brought along someone who used to come to trivia nights when we first started playing a few years ago. It was nice to see her and get caught up on her life. I've already shared about Veg Fest, and Monday's movie. Other than those outings I've mostly just been on walks in the neighborhood.

Where I'm going: Some light grocery shopping. Even with DH's rogue shopping, I think I can meet my challenge. I want the control. I won't meet the H&B/Household  goal, but stayed on budget. I have a stack of coupons that would make Sluggy proud to use on assorted toiletries and they expire  tomorrow so I want to use them. Tomorrow is supposed to be quintessential fall-65 degrees and sunny. I'm planning to go to my nephews morning football game, and maybe I can talk DH into dinner outside, or a walk along the river, or maybe even to one of the regional or county parks.

What I'm reading: Nothing really other than the Sunday paper and a magazine. But, we have selected a book for the October 16th book club meeting, I think it's Where the Crawdad's Sing by Delia Owens. A few have read, but I have not, and those that have didn't mind revisiting.

What I'm listening to: After my daughter and I saw the movie on Tuesday, I've steamed some clips from some other musicals made into films as mood lifters.

What I've been watching: We had football on over the weekend of course. I watched a couple travel vlogs-just to get in the mood. Surprisingly, I find some of them calming, and a nod to normalcy.

What I'm eating: See below to what makes me smile this week-DH made supper. Other wise, I made comfort food-my favorite hot dish, chicken rice, broccoli and cheese, and a lot of leftovers and bits of stuff from the freezer. I have not had cooking mojo working for me this week.

Who I'm paying attention to: My son is a amateur stock market follower, light investor, but pretty savvy about these things. If he had some real money to invest, look out! He also is follows the market in relation to politics in the world. He sent me several texts and email links yesterday morning/or late his time Wednesday night. He has me paying attention to the Chinese real estate market and the potential collapse that looks a lot like 2008.

What I'm planning: Still thinking of fall get aways. I loved reading about Vix packing and getting ready for Greece. While no foreign travel is in my future, a weekend up on the North Shore or possibly tagging along with my daughters on a NYC trip might be in the cards. Somehow reading Vix post, while of course a bit of envy, I actually felt encouraged and hopeful that I too will be able to resume visiting some of the places I've dreamed about.

Who needs to be (figuratively) slapped: Well, in a mood like I have been, the better question might be who does not need to be slapped! Actually, no one has done anything egregious or head shaking directly. I will though give a figurative slap to thems on the road that tail gate on highways, and zip in and out of traffic, causing stress for the rest of us sharing the road with them. My daughter drive home Sunday and we experienced a few ass hats doing this, even though it wasn't even that busy and no one was impeding the flow of traffic.

What's Making Me Smile: Grocery challenge be damned (though I still might make it) DH wanted to cook supper last night and bought assorted ingredients, but wouldn't tell me what he was making. Later, he made probably his most favorite meal, Philly cheese steak sandwiches. He did well-the steak was nice and tender. I'm not a big steak eater, but as he was very proud of his achievement and I didn't have to think about making anything, those together made the sandwich especially delicious. Never mind that he didn't really get all the skin off the onions, lol.

     Knowing it is Friday and I have two and 1/2 days to claim, if I knock off work mid-day is a good feeling. I've time to relax and time to work on things in the house that with little ticks next to a list of "to do's" I hope to feel a little less chaos. I've made a decision that I will do a good enough for now bathroom update-paint the vanity and mirror, and perhaps invest in a tall and narrow cupboard with doors. It's time for new shower curtains and a rug. I haven't even done a  spiff up since before my daughters confirmation in 2016. I'll add that to my list of want to accomplish, though a full overhaul stays on the list as well. I'll hit publish and get back to work. What are W's of your week?

Positively Tuesday-Loveable Pup, Friends, and Food

      Pup had an all day vet appointment yesterday between tests, shots, and his sedated shave due to his high anxiety. DD2 came in calling for him, as she had forgotten he was gone. Several times I found myself talking to him... and he was not there. I don't think it means we'll get another dog to replace him when sometime in the hopefully way distant future he leaves us, but it sure is a sign I need to love the little fellow up and appreciate him for the years we have with him. Too many friends in real and on-line life have lost pets and my heart hurts for them. I know our time will come, he's 10 already, but I'm hoping he's one of those long lived little guys. With that, I'll start our my week of simple pleasures, joys, and things that make me smile. 

1. All went well with pup and you can see his fancy new haircut. He definitely looks like a sheared lamb. He'll be slow moving for a few days and I will pamper him fully.
2. We had a lovely long weekend at the cabin, even getting most of Friday night to ourselves. Our friends joined us on Saturday and we had  a good time on the water with our boat. Yes, the boat has been a bit of pain, but if we can get a couple days like that a summer, and more once DH retires, I will consider it a good purchase. I'll add, it gets phenomenal gas mileage. We have not put gas in again after putting on the lake with a full tank and should easily make it through the rest of summer.  He'll want to start with fresh gas next year. 
3. A simple pleasure was that DH's friends wife is very into  DNA and genealogy stuff and had a long conversation with my mother-in-law who also likes to discuss these, and often tells the same stories over and over. It was nice to let them talk, and MIL's stories were new and interesting to our friend. I got the side stuff prepared while DH was grilling, not feeling like I had to  entertain every minute. My MIL later commented how much she enjoyed meeting her, as she had never met his second wife, though of course knew DH's friend since they were both 15. 
4. We splurged on the food items we made this weekend at the lake-steaks, a beautiful parmesan crusted chicken and wait for it-name brand potato chips. With all the splurging, it makes my frugal brain happy to calculate that I still spent probably  half what it would have been to take our friends out. We even had a meal of leftovers and there is plenty of wine and beer left for the next few weekends. 
5. While I'm on a food  pleasure kick, at the liquor store, I found little already mixed bottles of Chi Chi's margaritas. We didn't drink them this weekend, but I think I'll save for the weekend and pull out my fun margarita glasses. I love margaritas but I hate mixing them up as I never get the ratio quite right. 
6. Since we really didn't do any traveling for vacations, I am saying forget the Visa, and enjoying eating out if we feel like it, or splurging on little somethings last week and this. I'll make September a challenge month and call it good! 
7. There was a semi-emergency at work, but I didn't have to be overly sucked into solving it. It is nice to have good and reliable people to work with.
8. DD2 is done with her summer job now. She of course has plans most of this last week before school. She's also been crashing at her sisters some nights, including Sunday, but she came home yesterday and we had lunch together.
9. DD1 led her non-profit board meeting last night and it was a good and on point meeting. The other board members had some great ideas (with offers to help her carry the load) for her to add some social media presence and build awareness of the  mission. With the latest Covid Delta variant slowing things down again, programming needs to be delayed, but she's still making progress. One guy already had followed through and sent her some examples of his idea within an hour of the meeting ending. 
10. While I still have ripping down the deck and getting a new  patio poured is in our list, it was still a nice break having coffee outside yesterday and this morning. I need to give myself permission to start every morning, not just days off mornings, getting grounded to the day with fresh air and morning sunshine. 

     That is my week of  joys, smiles, and simple pleasures. I have this week to get things done, though yesterday admittedly was less productive than I wanted. Today is starting out better. Supper tonight will be my favorite chicken and rice, with broccoli and cheese hot dish (casserole to you fancy folks) and that will be one more simple pleasure to enjoy. Here's to you having a positively Tuesday. 

Weight Loss Companionship

While I've kept the 7 pounds that became my real total weight loss in 2016, nothing has budged since.  I don't understand it when my diet has consisted of over eating leftover shower foods, birthday party cake, and clearanced priced Russel Stover caramel eggs. I wish I was joking. Avoid the candy aisle after holidays.Trust me on this.Two bloggers I read, Rachel at Living Better One Day at a Time and TraceeBee at Just Keep Swimming Mama Fish! know the same struggle, and have been writing, and boldly posting their progress and laments. Brave women, but I'm not there in terms of declaring publicly my actual weight. I just can't type those three numbers with a decimal point and another number. But on this last Friday of April, in a weekend that other than my nephews birthday dinner tonight, I have nothing on the calendar, and a full three months before my nieces wedding, and family pictures, I'm waging war on my scale. I am dubbing Rachel and TraceeBee my cyber Weight Loss Companions.

The snow flakes, that got quite blustery for a few moments on my commute in, really jaded me last night. I ate a full dinner, then snacked later at the computer, staying up too late watching crap on television. Since DH was off, he took pup for his walk, and I didn't even get that brief amount of exercise in. Today, I woke up feeling stiff, gurgly, and with a junk food hang over, almost, not quite, as bad as an alcohol one. No more as my body does not recover from either type of over indulgence anymore.

My weight loss target for 13 weeks from today, the morning we will leave for the wedding weekend is to have lost 20 pounds and one and 1/2 dress sizes.  I add the 1/2 because I'm currently squeezing into a size that is not comfortable in some styles, so the 1/2 is to first have my clothes fit well again, and second to decrease by a size. I will full on admit this timeline is vanity. Twenty pounds on my smallish frame will greatly improve how I feel I look in pictures. It also is a significant amount off my joints, which then in turn will help promote me walking an extra 1/2 mile or more each night. This comes down to a measly 1 1/2 pound weight loss a week, decreasing/burning 5,250 calories more than my body needs to maintain my current weight. Yikes, that is 750 per day. I'll add I've been cleared for this weight loss rate with my doctor.

On my new Feeling Good Friday posts (trying to frame in the positive), I will be brave like my cyber companions and record the highs, the lows, the success, and challenges of this latest attempt to bring myself to a place of health. I'll boldly admit to eating two Russel Stover caramel Easter eggs within two hours of eating a burger and French fry supper, and my shameless binge watching the last season posted on Netflix of Death in Paradise instead of walking pup or doing strength exercises. Hopefully though, I'll be able to record miles walked, rounds of cardio and strength circuits, and efforts in the pool. With DD2 not playing soccer, we have a huge windfall. I'm hoping the YMCA runs their summer special where for under $300, our whole family can have a summer pass. This will give DD2 something to replace soccer to keep fit, and give me access to an early morning pool and group classes. 

Feeling Good Friday Log, April 28, 2017

Challenges
Ate too much discount candy
Lack of exercise

Successes
Packed healthy lunch with minimum of two fruit veg all week
Committed to a healthy spring and summer
Set Weight loss goal that is realistic (?)

A Little Competition Amongst Friends

After my recruiter interview, I wasn't going to say more until there was actually news to share, but I have a snippet. After work I met up with a group of work colleagues both in my agency and our partners to celebrate the end of a four plus year grant. Even before I started my job, I was involved in this project so have been there since the beginning. Over margaritas, beers, chips and guacamole, I learned not only is one of my immediate co-workers also in the mix for the position, another colleague is as well. I won't go into how it came up, but I looked around the room and thought, dang, I bet at least 50% of these people could have been on a recruiter list for the position. 

I've mentioned it is a small world field, smaller when really good jobs come up. For example, while I was recruited for the job I have, the two people that took my former restructured position were undoubtedly recruited for those. I would place bets that both their names came up to this recruiter, as they are well respected and skilled (they're just not me.). Of course, many people are not looking at changing jobs, or even if they would consider it, this type of position would not appeal to many. I also think there are specific experiences and competencies that  vary amongst talented and successful professionals in the same field, that will make some of us better candidates than others. Still, it also comes down to fit, and the impression made upon the recruiter. As much as I still think my background fits the position extremely well, if they just didn't connect with me, or didn't feel the client would, I may be done in the process.

I have been keeping my hopes low, and the expanded pool of insiders has me placing those hopes all the way on the bottom shelf. Interestingly, a newly position has just come up at the second colleagues work place, one that I would think she not only would be perfect for, the people hiring would be entirely blind not to put her in it, if she so applied. I might have a tangential interest myself, but she most definitely would be a better fit. For me, while it would be a hierarchical move by title and breadth of authority, in terms of functions, pay, and benefits, would probably be just lateral, so that is why my interest is lukewarm. In my field of work, it is a small world, positioning us for a little competition amongst friends.

Housewarming and Hostess Gifts

 

(photo credit to photopin.com)

It's a little early but soon the holiday entertaining season begins in Minnesota.  Starting with fall bonfires and then Halloween gatherings and moving into  Thanksgiving and then Christmas and New Years. Our house is not the size to host more than immediate family, and then it is sort of busting at the seems, so we tend to go to others more frequently than host. I hate coming empty handed, and while my stash of wine comes in handy when I know the hosts will enjoy it, it isn't always suitable. I also don't want to break the budget.

We have a housewarming party this weekend for DD2's friends family that had the fire.  While they have been back in the house for months, there were still finishing touches and other activities to turn it back into a home. I want  to bring a gift for the family, so wine will not do, but I don't want to bring clutter into their home. There's s a few new neighbors on our cul de sac as well, and I'd like to give  a little welcome gift to them, but don't know their lifestyle to know if wine will work, plus as in the housewarming, the families have children. 

Hence my quandary, and why I am putting out this post in hopes I'll get lots of ideas in the comments. I have a few standbys such as home baked bread and cookies, but of course, not knowing if there are any food allergies and sensitivities, that could be hit or miss. There are lovely mum plants, and that seems a pretty safe bet for neighbors, or as a hostess gift, but I know the rule that you should not bring cut flowers unless they are already arranged as that creates more work for the hostess. 

For our friends housewarming, my idea is to put together a gift basket of items from Trader Joe's-a couple bottles of sparking lemonade, a few large bars of chocolate (I know, chocolate and lemonade???), pears, tapenade, and crackers to have at their leisure as a family. While not exactly frugal, it would practical, and something I personally would enjoy, and all six of them should be able to enjoy something from the basket. Now to you. Do you have any go to gifts to take along to a party, or to welcome a new neighbor? Anyone else stuck when it comes to housewarming gifts? Please load my comments with ideas.

Friends in High Places

My friend W is 5'10".  Her daughters both are over 6' tall. I am a very average 5'6", maybe even 1/2 an inch more, and rarely feel short, except with W and her girls. They are all three lovely women, and generous in their time and talents. A was a basketball player and five years older than DD#1. S is a runner and 6 years older than DD#2. Many of A's hand me downs, particularity athletic sports wear came to DD#2 when she was young. Likewise, now many of S's closet comes to DD#2 to look through. Most of the shirts and shorts or skirts  with elastic waist bands worked out great as the older girls and younger girls respectively being of similar body types. Pants though, are another thing as becasue they are fitted both the waist size and length were too big for my girls, but we would always look through and pass along what my girls couldn't use, or were very different in taste. 

Yesterday was a hand me down day. I met W for lunch near our offices and had a quick catch up. We used to work together, but she  was always so much more than a coworker-friend, confidant, peer mentor, partner in crime, the works. A full empty nester now, her youngest  being a junior in college, it was nice to get updated on her exciting news of purchasing a cabin. They intend to retire there someday, but until then, will be the family retreat. We've been trying to get together with them for months, but we live in opposite parts of the cities, and they road trip to see their daughter run most weekends, while we of course were busy with DD#2's life. Getting lunch was what we could piece together. She had two garbage bags filled with treasures for DD#2 to look through.

After going through, we learned  that my daughter was probably the recipient of a whole dorm of college kids items, as the sizes, styles, and brands were all over the map. Lucky kid! There was even a few things I set aside for DD#2, like a pair of perfect snowboard pants (f nothing else but to keep in her trunk for cold weather car emergencies), brand new yoga pants, like new slip on canvas deck shoes, and a pair of brand new flip flops. DD#1 weeded down what she chose to keep, and we have slightly less than one bag to pass on to Good Will.  Most were jeans and jean shorts that were too big and too long, and several dresses that just would likely never be worn. Some other teen is going to get to enjoy them. 

Her keeps were a dozen t-shirts, perfect for summers at the lake, soccer practice, and running. There were many cami's and sleeveless or short sleeve shirts.  DD#2 loves to layer cami's under her clothes. There were soft sweaters to put away for winter, and several small pull on casual skirts. Best of all was finding three jackets, two faux leather ones in brown and black, and a Levi's jean jacket. Each was slightly big for DD, but not enough that she didn't want to keep them. There was also a brand new Nike back pack and another good quality, if faux, leather back pack. Did I say what a lucky kid she is?

I am the lucky one that I have such great friends that think of us to pass on perfect conditioned and stylish clothing. Also, lucky that my daughter's are sensible and see the natural smartness of happily accepting second hand  items, and see them as gifts, not cast-offs. I am so appreciative of our friends in high places! I'm a horrible photographer, but here are a few pictures of the bounty. 

Two huge bags, weeded down to less than one. A lot will be added to DD#2's closet, but now she needs to do some purging of her own.  

Part of the loot she chose to keep.

Isn't this so cute? 

 Here are the three jackets-no wear what so ever. 

The Nike one may be her school bag next year, or a bag for cross country season. The other will be nice for the Alaska trip later, and I just might need to borrow it!

The final pile-shirts, cami's, brand new socks and tights, and a few sweaters are in that pile.

My favorite of the combinations she can make.  What say's summer in Minnesota like a polka dot cami and jeans skirt. It is supposed to be very warm tomorrow and we have a graduation party-great timing. The best part, where on S the skirt was a short mini, it falls at least mid thigh to just above the knee for DD#2. Her dad will be happier. 

Lunch with a Friend

I met N by happenstance about 10 years ago when we both had peripheral roles on a community project. The project never took off, but parts were absorbed into a bigger initiative. While we never really worked together, we connected on a professional and a personal level almost instantaneously.  We started inviting each other to events that were "social professional" such as speaking events with a social hour or fundraising luncheons, and would meet periodically just for career and life check-ins. We just get each other.  We have positions now in the public sector that are opposite sides of the same coin-counterparts in two different agencies. For the kind of "smarts" I value most in my daily life, she is probably the smartest person I know. 

Our youngest kids are about the same age, but she is now just navigating the college selection world with her oldest.  We talked about this, she knowing I've helped two kids brave this world already.  N has just returned to work six weeks after a particularly rough health patch. I've been worried for so long about her and she looked healthier than I have seen her look in a while. I am feeling very thankful that she is back on her feet, back to being my colleague. But even more so, I'm thankful that we could connect for 75 minutes over soup and a sandwich and figure out life together. I've learned friends can be found when I might least be looking for them, but once found, the friendship needs care and at times, literally feeding.

It's probably conventional wisdom to assume that since I am turning 50, a great deal of my friends are also having milestone birthdays this year as well.  We have a few parties on the calendar, a surprise party for tomorrow night. I am happy to celebrate with them all, but I have expressed decidedly for me, "no party."  I would be very happy though to have an endless calendar of one to one or maybe even three and fours, lunch connections stretching throughout my 50th year. There is something energizing to me about breaking up my day to day routine with a good friends.

Friends in Need

I have a friend who is going through a really rough patch right now. She is in the throws of a divorce, that while started out amicably, as much as that is possible, proceedings are turning sour.  The divorce costs, the loss of the second income, and the general stress is reaching a breaking point for her. This is a smart lady who has always been able to ride the tide of life very well. She is the rock that others go to. She is finding it hard to reach out to others for help, whether it be for an extra driver for her daughters activities, car servicing, a ready made meal waiting for her, or just someone to talk to. While the romance part of her marriage, she feels has been gone for some time, she and her soon to be ex were each others best friends still, until he decided his life needed an overhaul. She lost the daily companionship.  "Couldn't he have just bought a sports car?  It would have been cheaper." she said recently. 

 I often get caught up in my own day to day business, assuming if she or others in a tough spot will reach out if needed.  I myself would struggle with that too. We are raised in the Midwest that we need to be tough, stand on our own two legs, pull ourselves up by our boot straps. and those other jargony phrases that mean keep your pain to yourself. What are the best ways to support friends in need, particularly those not asking for help? How do you make sure to not just let your friend know you are there for them, care about them, but also actually do something without being invasive?

Concrete offers, I've found are best.  The "call if you need anything" approach often means no call will come. I will continue to reach out-stop by with a cup of coffee, take her out for  a happy hour or lunch,  and just call and let her have my open ear. I know others are inserting themselves into carpooling circles, and friendly coworkers are helping to take a bit off her plate so as a now single mom, she can have those extra hours back in her day, get out of the office on time, and not be bringing work home. A friend swapped cars with her so her car could get in for servicing and she wouldn't need to take a day off work. Not one of us alone probably has the physical or mental resources to lift up all the needs of friends and family, but by offering what we have, my friends boat hopefully will feel a little stronger as she rides this tide.

Echos of the Past

This was an interesting week for me, one where my childhood and youth peeked out to remind me of people, places, and events of what feel like a lifetime ago. Social media provides opportunities never before had for people disconnected for decades to reconnect, either intentionally through searching out, or quite bite accident. Imagine my surprise when clicking around the various blog sites, and following links and recommendations to others, that I should click and open a blog featuring a face so familiar, yet I couldn't put a name to the face. I read the post, a detailed account of her latest retro sewing attempt, and it clicked. Here was a girl I knew 35 plus years ago from 4-H. Back when I was young the county that I lived in was mostly rural, unlike the sprawling suburbs so much of it is now. Farms have been sold over the last generation and in their place are housing communities know as Dairy Acres, or We No Longer Grow Corn Farms.

Sue was from a fairly affluent; at least I thought so then, farm family from the other side of the county. I would hang out with her, and groups of others, at the county fair and other county wide youth events. She usually earned the blue and champion ribbons, or was one leading the meeting or the youth group. I sent a private message her way, explained my surprise in finding her. In a short couple e-mail exchanges over the week, I learned her family was not the rich farmers she knew everyone thought they were. (This isn't how she said it, but my realization.) The farm crisis of the 80's hit her family hard, and while they fared better than many, her parents had a difficult time of it. None of her siblings wanted to take over the farm, and her parents eventually sold a lot of the land, though the house and buildings are still there. She joked that they weren't now millionaires, but her mom recently started a weekly cleaning service. "Sure," she typed, "She gets a cleaning service after I leave the house." Their land hasn't been built on yet, but she suspects to drive by the field she used to run horses, will soon be a block of town houses. We have friended each other on Facebook,and promised to look each other up the week of the county fair. She has kids that are involved in 4 H and they are winning blue ribbons as she used to.

For nostaliga purposes, I took a drive out past the home I grew up in. While we didn't have a large multigenerational farm, the memories of horses, and pigs, and digging weeds, and hosting 4 H events flooded me. The old barns are all gone, replaced with a sprawling manicured lawn. The gorgeous but over grown lilac bushes, in which my sisters and I would crawl into when we were very little to play house, that used to line two sides of the front end of the property, have all been removed. New bushes, better maintained, and starting to grow full, have taken their place. Like Sue's, no one in my family wanted to live out in the country, so didn't buy the house from my parents. It looked like the family living there has a lot of love and care for the old place. There were still a few other families I remember living out that direction. While rural, we had sort of a spread out neighborhood. The families that still were there were the young families in my childhood, where I was on the tail end of a large family, so my parents were decades older. The young couples I used to babysit for are now retiree's, with their children having children of their own. I smiled though driving past my mom's friend’s house on my way back to town. Jeannie and my mom had gone to high school together, and grew up to find they are living half a mile away to raise their families together. At 88, she is still in her own home, a widow for over 20 years.

I have hopefully many more decades, God willing, to keep making memories. I hear my own kids talking about their childhood with a bit of the nostalgic bent already. It is fun to remember people and places that helped form who I am today.

Simple Things on a Stressful Day

It has been one of those weeks.  We all have them.  Yesterday was the crème de la crème of  challenging.  It was another 11 hour day in the office, rushing to try and get to my women's volleyball night, even though it was an 8:30 game.  On the drive there, I thought I am either going to be so "on" and play better than I have in along time, or have an athletic break down on the court.  It was the latter.  I think I might have successfully passed one ball from the back row in each of the three games.  I was called twice on double hits-which I called myself on long before the whistle blew. It didn't matter though.  This is all for fun, and it was fun.  It was simple; it was honest, and it was gals out for a night of a little exercise, but mostly to stop and have a beer, a glass of wine, or just any cold drink, and let the rest of the day fizzle in the past. 


I was at a long meeting yesterday.  The focus was to start preparations to launch a deep and vast statewide program expansion.The funding is tight. The timelines are tight. The challenges are many.  There was collective optimism, but more than a few twinges of doubt and apprehension.  Two things were good about this meeting-and both were really simple things.  Frist, the meeting organizer arranged a very nice lunch-healthy and yummy, and enjoyed in a collegially atmosphere. Catered lunches are not the norm in my world, and  it was much appreciated by all. Never underestimate the power of food.  Secondly, the meeting facilitator and host, ended the meeting with  making sure there was a concrete list of  items that needed more time and attention, and tentative timelines and persons to start that stage.  Simple-acknowledge where the challenges lie, and develop a plan to act on them. Some of the stress bubbles seemed to float out the door with us as we left.  I love meetings done with good facilitation, that lead to good ideas and decision making. I've been trying to apply that principle in other areas of my life, so it was good to see it in action.


I needed some humor this week.  I love to laugh, and when I do, I  feel like I am almost releasing toxins from my body.  It is that therapeutic for me.  I was a little wound  up the other night with worry about work, the potential changes coming soon, my family, just everything, so found an episode of Black Books, the comedian Dylan Moran's sitcom.  I knew I had to watch my favorite-the one where Bernard and Manny write a children's book, and Fran has an attempt at a girls weekend.  If you have never seen the show-I highly recommend it for just simple, mostly non- offensive humor.  


I guess I could sum up my recipe for distressing as friends, food, momentum, and laughter.  I'll have a second helping today, please.

Socially Insulated

As are most my Saturdays during basketball season, I spent the day in a suburban school gymnasium watching tournament games.  My daughter brought along home work to work on between games.  I sat, as usual when DH isn't along, at tables where the other parents were gathered.  I was physically there, but not with them.  I find this is often the case when I am in extended groups of parents. They all talk with ease about their next social gatherings; who's doing what for the Super bowl game,  who's hosting the next game night.  DH and I don't belong to any of those kind of wide social groups.  I've been trying to figure out how to describe my lack of inclusion in social settings.  It's not that we are anti social. DH is about as outgoing as they come, and while I am probably more reserved, I can have friendly conversations with individuals and groups without awkwardness, if it isn't a closed topic.  We just never seem to belong in with a group. We each have friends, and we have friends as a couple, and get together with them on occasion, not living in social isolation.  We're just never in "the group," no matter who that group is.

I researched a few terms that have floated in my head. Socially incompetent came to mind, but the definition seemed more with people who had a habit of rubbing others the wrong way, or not being able to read others and behave inappropriately.  Socially insecure also came to my mind but that seemed to relate more to those that couldn't attach emotionally to others. It dawned on me then that the people I know that always seem to be in a wide social group, had one or maybe two common elements that tied them all together, and to be in that group, you truly had to have that initial element. It's chemistry 10, and we don't have the right chemical makeup. Instead of a term to describe my husband and I, the better term to come up with describes the groups-socially insulated.

Yesterday was an example of the sports parent bond that forms this chemical insulation.  DD#2 is on a team this year that is mostly made of girls who have been playing sports together for the last 6 years, and she, and three others, are new to the team. Often as adults we become friends with parents of our children's friends.  If these six families have been spending every weekend together for 6 years, it makes sense that they have formed socially as well. Kids in sports and other activities seems to be one of the common elements to adult social groups.  Our children over the years have had so many varied interests, and were different ages and sexes, we never really were part of a formed parent group. High school and college bonds seem to hold some social groups together over the years.   Most of our couple friends are DH's friend's from high school and their spouses, though for whatever reason, he has really only remained close with a couple of them. I grew apart from my high school friends quickly after a break up with a boyfriend in the same friend circle-he kept the friends, in fact, married one. Both DH and I had non traditional education paths in college, so no fraternity or sorority bonding there.  I see work bonds with past colleagues, but as I moved out of a department and into the management ranks, my social glue disintegrated.

While I adore the deep friendships I have and coming from such a large family of women that genuinely like each other, and do have a lot of social connectedness, it is not the same. I find I am longing for membership in "the group."  I don't think I am alone in this desire.  The successful nature of online groups to me is evidence that people are looking for a sense of belonging with others that share common elements. Many of us are looking for that chemistry. Take this farther to see the wide expansion of meet-ups all over the world of like minded folks looking to hang out and socialize, under a common interest or theme.  I've explored a few, but haven't jumped into the trenches yet.  It's still January, so 2015 aspirations are still in the forming stage.  I will add "find my group" to the short list of changes I want in my life by the end of year.  I'm looking for suggestions on how to do this, and if you find yourself in the Twin Cities and looking to do the same, let's connect.

Surplus Baking... What a Problem

If you have been reading, you'll know I have been under weather, and have gotten off track with my Christmas preparations, mainly the baking and treat making.  Now that I am perking up and with working from home, I find I am able to work an hour or so, take a brief rest, whip up a quick batch of something, get back to work, and repeat the cycle.  My baking is slowly getting on pace with previous years.  However, with being semi homebound, it has meant I have forgone many of the usual festivities and treat sharing  opportunities.  I fear I am I danger of a post holiday bounty!  I just took a dozen cupcakes out of the oven, along with a cute little Christmas tree shaped cake.  I split the batter from a standard cake mix between the two projects.  Last night I got peanut blossoms and snicker doodles baked.  I did cheat and used mixes-at 2 for $3.00, I could hardly do better from scratch.  DD#2 and I will at least get the traditional Oreo truffles made, plus I'll do the Mars bars as they were such a hit, and so easy.  I also have rosettes I made at the beginning of the month and tucked away in the freezer. Items will go to both family Christmas's, but so will everyone else's bakery's, and let's face it, a person really can eat only so much.

 Here is my plan to use the surplus.  As these items are home made they can't be donated for charitable use. The less holiday specific stuff I'll freeze to use later in the winter. I'll encourage my nieces and nephews that are less inclined to make treats to bring home a goodie box-I picked up some treat packaging at the dollar store for this. I'll bring a treat container along to DD's basketball scrimmage on the 29th. I have three neighbors with households full of boys, home now for the break from high school, middle school, and college. A post Christmas cookie plate will make it's way to each of them.

I'll bring a tray in the day after Christmas for those that didn't take a vacation day and are holding down the office.  Many of these staff do not celebrate Christmas so would rather save their time for other times in the year.  I've found though the sharing of food and treats is multi-cultural and appreciated. One of my favorite work anecdotes occurred about 10 years ago when HR decided we needed to move away from a December all staff potluck as it aligned too close with the expectation of celebrating the Christmas holiday, and she worried we were at risk of not being inclusive.  I have the most diverse staff in the organization due to the nature of our community work.  One of my staff, a woman of Islamic faith, upon hearing the change in staff activity lamented, "Does that mean we won't get to have Christmas cookies?" 

I've not had this problem before, and one might just say "stop baking!"  This is one of the activities that gives me joy in the making, the arranging on a pretty tray of plate, and giving to and sharing with people in my life I care about. I think my plan will take care of this problem, but what a problem to have. Have fun with your week however you choose to spend it.

Bought the cute mold for 75% of after Christmas last year. 

Back to School

There are days when I feel like I have the energy of three people; yesterday and today were not those days.  After being gone all weekend, a late flight home with little sleep and schlepping into work on Monday, I called it a victory that I was able to scrape together a little pasta meal before heading to my daughter’s middle school open house.  The format for the open house is a mock school day.  I had my daughters schedule in hand and went room to room with hundreds of other parents meeting that hour’s teacher, learning a bit about the curriculum, and asking any questions.  My daughter’s middle school is the old high school that I attended.  Coincidentally, I have what seems like dozens of my former classmates with 8th grade children, and there we were 30 years later walking those same hallways together.  This coming weekend is the actual 30 year reunion get together.  We have organized and semi organized events both Friday and Saturday.  I know reunions are fodder for anti Jones, antiestablishment type folks that see them as just opportunities for those that have, to show off what they have.  For some, bad memories rise at the mere mention of the date.  I wasn't one of the popular kids, nor was I a social outsider.  I was more a coaster.  I had my circle of friends, but was friendly with most.  If I wasn't on the upper rungs of the social ladder, nor on the bottom, I was comfortable hanging out in between. 

As I've gotten older, I enjoy reunions, planned like this, or unexpected when you run into someone you used to know, and spend a few minutes catching up.  I like hearing about kids and now grandkids, share sympathy for lost loved ones and genuinely wish them well.  As I wrote in Mean Girls, it is sad that there are a certain set of people that feel like their worth is elevated by others misfortune.  I’ve been experiencing that in the work place, which added to my drained momentum coming home.  There was something about going to the open house and getting a sneak preview of the weekend’s festivities that shook me out of my malaise.  I remembered what it was like to have nothing but open skies and big plans ahead, but with the satisfaction that things have turned out pretty darn good so far.