My anxiousness hit a high point yesterday that makes me worry I am developing an almost irrational fear of this virus. I've been trying to talk myself out of it, telling myself people are taking precautions around me, and if I just keep doing the same, I and my family will be protected. Then yesterday, my nerves slowly became more unwired as the day at the lake went on. We got there and brought our stuff to our room, and as I have been, donned mask, and walked upstairs to say hello to my MIL with plans to then go outside, where I pretty much stay. My SIL was puttering around the kitchen getting things in crock post, same as all other years, opening drawers, refrigerator, the sink. An hour later though, DH, his siblings, and mom, with his aunt and Uncle on the phone had their annual cabin partnership meeting for the other cabin. My BIL, DH's sisters husband came out with coffee, and had the same expression I was sporting. All of them sitting around the table, no masks, totally voiding both his and my concerns about our spouses honoring the social distancing and mask wearing. Their daughter and new grandson were there as well, though upstairs, floor where they have almost an isolated suite, so do not have to even share a bathroom with other family members. Our room is in the downstairs level, with two other bedrooms, and sharing essentially the bathroom with a family of six, none of who follow any of the same precautions we do.
The guys got the dock in, and I again stayed outside, only going in it to get things for our lunch, away from others, and use the bathroom. I use one near our room, Clorox disinfectant in hand. DH's mom came outside mid-afternoon finally as it was perfect weather, and sat on a chair across from me. I subtly pushed my chair back a bit father to create a bit more distance, and then she started coughing uncontrollably. While I think she just got a big swallow of air that might have had a little dust or pollen, I could feel my hands start shaking. Irrational, I know. But she has declared her intention that she plans to live her life with as few restrictions as possible, and spends entire weekends with BIL's family. Not only who are of the mind set that this is no different than any other flu virus, their kids interact with all their friends, and have started up in youth activities, one of the higher transmission arenas. I thought they were taking better precautions at least around others, but sure weren't this weekend-never saw a single one put on a mask, even with a baby being inside. We left by 5:00, and all I wanted was to be home. I didn't go to my sisters even though all were outside.
I'm sure my anxiousness will calm down today, I feel better just typing out why I felt so much anxiety yesterday. There are just days when it flares up. I need to go to the grocery store, but I know exactly what I need, will go through the aisles quick and get home. I've been online with our EAP program, bookmarking some of the videos and resources on anxiety. I scheduled a brief video consultation for tomorrow with someone who specializes in situational anxiety. I may seek out additional help if the number of bad days increase, or I continue to feel overwhelmed. I think it has caught up to me that I am taking so many of the panic and frustration filled calls at work. Add to it, my worries with my son in California where there seems to be nothing but bad news with heatwaves, and fires, and the virus spikes, and concern for my daughter at college and the spikes in cases through out the country, and concern for my middle child's own mental health, it's just a lot right now, as it is for everyone. The divisiveness in the country and how public health has become such a politically polarizing issues has my head spinning. I need to acknowledge that it has gotten to me, get a bit of help, and remember I can only control my own actions and reactions. Blogging continues to be a release-both writing and reading posts and comments. Thanks for being part of my help
Monday, September 7, 2020
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Hugs. My anxiety has also been very high at different times. I do not enjoy hot weather, so this current spate of weather means no running or walking outside & is miserable for me personally. I'm grateful we have AC, but hate to be trapped inside the house.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible to just avoid the cabin for the remainder of the time, or go only when you are sure no one else will be there? That would be my choice at the moment, given both the anxiety as well as just generally being around people who aren't taking it seriously and don't have respect for other family members.
We have for the most part avoided the cabin this summer. I slept there only twice since May and thought I had a good plan of staying outside. Yesterday was dock day, so DH needed to be there. I am guessing had I not been there, he would have been even more lax. You are of course right and I should avoid.
DeleteI am with you! Yesterday we had to run to CVS to pick up a couple of things and there was a man in the store, unmasked. It looked like he had just had surgery on his nose and was with his wife ( at least I assume it was his wife) doing nothing but pushing the cart. It freaked me out , and then he started coughing. I left!
ReplyDeleteI understand he might have had surgical reasons for wearing no mask and if his wife does not drive or he just wanted to drive her, fine. But stay in the damn car!
I get judgey, I know, when I see more than one person in a store together side by side, when I don't know the story. Even when the girls and I went to Target, we did a divide an conquer as I didn't know what she needed, but also so we could get in and out fast. Only I waited in line to check out, but I suppose I was breaking my own judgey rules a bit. Can this be over soon?
DeleteWent for a drive with friends yesterday through a state park. People parked all along the road (because parking lots closed) - getting out of their cars and wandering with strangers to the the lake area -no masks to be seen. I wish people understood.
ReplyDeletePeople do not understand it's size feet and masks, or if outside, at least six feet, or masks, as minimal. I think there is a math problem and folks do not understand exponential growth and why the bubbles or pods are what is being pushed as well for any time.
DeleteUnfortunately and in my humble opinion, it is family and friends gathering for parties, celebrations and summer events that have spiked the numbers and kept this disease out of control. I honestly don't believe that people are picking it up at grocery stores or the bank or any of the other places that we go to for necessities and I truly believe that masks are the answer and must be worn! I have a family member who is an in-law and his family has decided they are just going to live life as usual and have continued to have birthday parties and baby showers, etc. All of them have contracted the disease, fortunately they all recovered, but who knows how many people they passed it on to. You are smart to continue to be cautious and careful but try not to let it drag you down. Easier said than done, I know...but please go ahead and seek help if it makes you feel better and just continue being safe.
ReplyDeleteAs to your comment about your son that is in California, I'm in California and while it's bad, as long as you are careful and sheltering in you should be safe, whether it's because of fires or COVID. For instance, this weekend several campers had to be rescued and air-lifted after becoming trapped by the Creek Fire near the Mammoth Pool Reservoir in Madera County. Thankfully they were all rescued and though some were injured no one was killed. But with the fires being what they are, why in the heck would you go camping???? Why?? With a killer disease and a killer fire...WHY??? I don't comprehend that. Safety people. Life can go back to normal if you just use common sense! Sorry to get so passionate about this, but it just boggles my mind! here's the link to the story (https://abc7.com/creek-fire-214-people-airlifted-from-mammoth-pool-reservoir-in-daring-rescue/6411589/) and you can see that when they were airlifted out, they are packed like sardines in the rescue helicopter. So not only did they put the lives of the emergency personnel who rescued them in danger so the could "camp" they also took valuable personnel away from fighting the fires and crowded the hospital and who know how many had COVID and passed it on in the helicopter and in the hospital? It's just ridiculous and unbelievable!
Alicia,
DeleteI share your outrage over "camping". Why?
It's just absurd that these people are camping during fire season! That same fire is still zero percent contained! And there are still people trapped there because they don't heed the warning to evacuate! God help us all.
DeleteThanks for you reassurance on California. I worry a lot and he is fairly closed mouth. HE is not a health risk taker, so know he is being cautious and not camping!
DeleteI understand your anxiety. That is why I try to self-isolate and meet people only when outside. The winter will be very tough because, we won't be able to get together in open air.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely bundle up so I can still meet up for people for walks though-human interaction will be helpful when shut in more, but fortunately the darkness curtails things early.
DeleteIts a difficult balance. Like I said elsewhere, my son just flew on a plane. Went to his sister and visited with a small group on friends. I'm not gonna lock myself in a room for two weeks but I'll wear a mask picking him up and try to distance as much as possible within the house (he works more than full time out of house). I forget myself sometimes. Went to outside dinner at my brother's the other day. Masked and distanced card tables for me and them and separately bagged ordered food. Only then when we walked to the car and were talking about the move, there we were, them in the open door and me in the car seat. And when driving son to the airport I got him a fast food breakfast and completely forgot about the mask in my purse ( I was not planning on getting out of the car). Thankfully mcds had a shield and she was masked. In general I fall on the paranoid side, but I need to be with my people. And I do think if there is going to be togetherness now is the time as I expect by the end of October both flu and covid will be raging. I'll move into my apartment and hermitize.
ReplyDeleteI can't even think about once flu hits and we are battleing both. We are now work form home at least through January.
DeleteYou are trying to protect your family. Hugs. I know since my diagnosis we are super paranoid. None of us goes anywhere except the hospital, the Dr or hubby to the store with sanitizer and mask. It is super tough because I want to do more but it is impossible to do so without thinking I am going to catch something. Hubby has gone into OCD about germs, he was a little ocd before but nothing like this. A tough decision for sure. One of hubby's ex coworkers has it now back in Alberta..this after months of photos on facebook about no social distancing.
ReplyDeleteSo nice to hear from you-and hubs appreciated. I wish my husband was more diligent, but he insists he is, contrary to evidence I see.
Delete(((((Sam))))) I'm so sorry you are going thru this anxiety. It's very real and I feel your pain. It's one of the reasons we stay home as much as we do. My heart goes out to you. I will be glad when this is past us all.
ReplyDeleteIt's better today-I appreciate the kind words.
DeleteFor me, I try to pinpoint the source of anxiety....too many people, noise, too little time to comfortably make an appointment or deadline, etc., and take control--maybe changing an appointment. In your case, I doubt I would have gone to the lake, COVID or otherwise. Just the thought of, other things equal, in-laws dictating how to spend leisure time is in itself a source of anxiety to me. Sure some people love those regular rituals, and more power to them. I don't, so I stay put.
ReplyDeleteI think had DH not had the meeting in the cabin without masks, and my MIL wouldn't have sat across form me coughing I would have gotten better grips. I was fine last weekend. It just sort of snowballed for me this weekend.
DeleteI guess the situation is different over here - maybe we're on a different timeline. I feel like we had the (first) worst part sometime in April/May, although I have no illusions that we won't have a second worst part coming up. I know I'm relaxed about the whole thing but if you have one way of looking at this virus and your DH's family look at it differently I agree with Hawaii Planner that maybe you will have to avoid them for your own peace of mind for a while. Still, if you were outside for the most part I'm sure you'll be fine!
ReplyDeleteI am sure I'll e fine, but I worry more about my husband. He says one thing about precautions, but when I witness differently, it adds to my anxiousness.
DeleteIt is hard when you don't have control over other people and you hope they are as conscience as you are. But are they? We had the same fear with our family and my Little sister's birthday.
ReplyDeleteI just need to keep being diligent for myself-and get on DH's case!
DeleteVirtual Hugs my friend. The whole situation is hard. I think you are very brave for acknowledging your anxiety and taking steps to help. For me we have expanded our circle but also are avoiding some areas-- 2 examples are I still don't feel comfortable eating in a restaurant and we make choices based on the number of people (for example yesterday we went to a smaller bird sanctuary as an activity with the kids right when they opened versus going to Columbus Zoo where there would have been MANY more people). We have expanded our circle to include my parents and those living in their home (my brother and sister when they are home from college). It is a very personal decision with what you are comfortable with. I had to expand our circle for my own mental health. We do wear masks and my kids are going to their school buildings 2 days a week for their districts hybrid schedule. It is hard when you can only control your own situation. Unfortunately that may mean that you can't enjoy the lake like you would like if others aren't acting like you would like.
ReplyDeleteI realize, though whine, that I can only control my own actions and while I might expect others to treat it with the same concern, I clearly can't control. Part of my anxiety is this feeling like my family should be able to have the repsite the lake provides, but we can't because that particular part of the family is there every weekend, the entire weekend-there is no respite for us, and right or wrong, I feel my family is cheated. We had two weekends where his family did not go because they were gone and when they were waiting on covid test results. I guess it is not fair to them to expect them to change their plans to my worries.
DeleteI totally understand your worryxx You're aware of it and you can only control your actions and reactions to it. Arilx
ReplyDeleteYes-and saying my frustration out loud gets it off my chest so to speak.
DeleteI understand your anxiety. I feel it also, and get so frustrated when others don't mask up or social distancw in stores. Classes start tomorrow at University, and there are huge parties all around campus. It's crazy. Take some deep breaths and I wish you well. Celie.
ReplyDeleteI just do not understand those that think it is without merit. The excess death count alone should have people pause, even if only 6% of deaths are exclusively without another risk factor. All these people that have lost loved ones but say they wish for just one more day, now excuse the death counts because the person was already old or sick. It angers me. Wouldn't those that died of say cancer or heart disease, a few months or years earlier due to Covid, merit the additional time as well?
DeleteMy anxiety got so bad two months again my oncologist gave me something. I was lying in bed decided how to clean the masks, what will we do if one of us gets the virus and everything else. Best thing I did for myself, I was overwhelmed. I hope you feel better at home today.
ReplyDeleteI was much better yesterday and today feel steady. I had a frustrating work call though, so now need to get balance again.
DeleteIts difficult when its family,and totally understandable that you felt anxious, especially when others don't seem to be taking it seriously. Are you able to have a few days off work for a bit of a break perhaps?
ReplyDeleteSeptember will be near impossible to take time, but we have a week in October. I a going to try hard to log off an have my evenings away from work. I think you are right though about family. It's like they could care less about their own brother and his health issues-even his mom seems OK with our risk because she is OK wiht her own.
DeleteI am content to be alone with Tommy and not see others. My head almost explodes when he raises his mask so someone can hear him at a drive-in place. I keep telling him to raise his voice, not his mask. I cannot trust him. He did have to go in one place, Sam's Club, to get meds and to his mask down and spoke softly. However, he seems to want his mask more lately when we are going to a window. I would be filled with anxiety, too, if I were with those relatives.
ReplyDeleteMaks are for others protection so why people think in drive through they should not wear because they are in a car! I agree with Alicia though that the incidental shops and and quick interactions aren't the spreading-its the larger group and social gatherings.
DeleteI understand your anxiety SAM.My husband had no PPE or ability to social distance at his workplace in the hospital for 12 weeks. It made me a nervous wreck, and made him blase. I had to tell him a few times that he wasn't far enough away from people at the allotment, but he's much better at it now, and thankfully all are masked at work these days. My town still has additional lockdown measures imposed, and my mother is blaming it all on young people,as she's swallowing what the media are saying.
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ReplyDeleteWhen newer studies adjusted for such factors, they found a possible association between coffee and decreased mortality.
coffe Coffee may offer some protection