Finding Our Paths

DS turns 27 today.  I vainly was pleased whenever I heard, "You don't look old enough to have a 26 year old." I don't know if I will feel different about 27, being a stone's throw from 30.  At 27, I had already purchased two homes, was raising two children, and was working as a parent education specialist at a non profit, charged with supporting teen mothers so that they stayed in school. I had a lot of responsibility at now what feels like a young age. My son is on a day to day existence employment wise.  Recently though he's decided he is now going to sideline his primary aspirations to find something in any field that is stable and consistent, and keep working on his photography and film around that. The angst of unstable housing at the end of November made him look less starry eyed at how his career path was going.  

There are so many paths life takes a person on. Taking a new route doesn't mean the end destination is out of reach. I don't want him, or any of my kids to feel like they made mistakes in their life because they aren't living their dream right at that given moment. If and when they make a poor decision, I hope they realize they can make different decision at any time to set a new course. Granted some routes are harder to change than others, particularly when you have another or several people on the path with you.  He and I discussed that yesterday.  He has friends from high school and family members that took a job, for many, one they really dislike, fairly soon after either high school or college graduation, started a family and perhaps bought a house, and now are for the moment, set on a specific path. Dreams shift and can take a different form as a person matures, but jump starting is harder to do when others need to jump with you. I think of a young dad expecting child number four, and between regular and overtime, he is working 50+ hours a week, holidays and weekends.  While I don't know this is the case, it seems like his efforts are basically to support his wife's dream of a big house, private school, and mom's club status. I'm sure he is happy, but this is not where his life was heading just seven years ago before marriage and family, and to go back on that path is unrealistic.

While DS had hoped at 27 he would be more settled, re-calibrating his life choices impacts himself alone.  He can work a 40 hour a week job, and if he chooses, right now can also work another 40 hours independently pursuing his preferred field.  He doesn't have home maintenance or child care to worry about right now. And while he wouldn't rule out having a significant other in his life, it isn't a priority. He started putting resumes out again, in a wider net of businesses. As much as I profess worrying, I really am not.  He is on a course to some destination, and in time, will arrive, at least for that moment, where he should be. 

Career Trade-offs

Good for you if you found just what you were looking for the first go on your career.  For many of us, it is a full adult process to figure out what we want to do.  I have landed in education, a field that generally stirs my soul, but some days and weeks even, there are holes and gaps.  I like to think my hobbies fill that time.  Up until I started this blog, and a few other little side projects involving writing, my holes were filled with coaching.  My knees and skill level, as well as my tolerance to handle the ultra competitiveness from some sports folks, has gladly moved me into retirement. I am happy where I am for now in my job, but am making a five year plan.  At five years, I will be fully vested, unless something goes amiss. DD#2 will be out of high school and we won't feel bound to stay in the community we live.  The two older kids are unlikely to settle in this immediate area, and we are game to travel. I will miss extended family and friends, but as my generation becomes grandparents and their immediate families fill their days and nights, I don't know how much regular interaction we'd have anyway.

Our older kids have made many trade-offs in pursuing ultra competitive, and very unstable careers in the arts. Both seem to be able to pay their bills for now, but with nothing left over, but big dreams.  Still, they knowingly made the trade off, seeing sometimes how miserable people are when they have played it safe and taken the job with nothing to move their passions. DS tried the safe route for about 15 months, and according to him, he was suffocating. With his immediate responsibilities being he, himself, and him, he had nothing to lose but pride to pack up and go another direction. He probably feels like he took years of steps backward, but had he not tried safe first, he might not have truly decided he could live with the trade offs of little free time, and even littler extra cash for a shot at a career in television and film.

DD#1 also veered differently than she had in her head 6 years ago before her first year of college.  She has intentionally tried a variety of endeavors from living in a different country, on the west coast, in an RV travelling the US, and now a small town summer job, combining her love of film, with working with troubled youth. She is young, and can take this time to figure it out. She has friends from high school, some married, some longing to be married, and she is 100% focused on finding her own path, even if the trade-off for now is relocation and uprooting 3-4 times a year. 

So where am I going with this ramble? A friend posted a link to a news article about Peace Corp for baby boomers.  It has really peaked my interest.  If kids fresh out of college can make huge contributions to economically struggling parts of the world, imagine what people with decades of life and work experience could do? Then there are things like Teach for America, or City Year.  Americorp has Reading Corp and then there are Vista opportunities to be immersed in a different field of social service. I've been thinking paid volunteerism, an oxy moron I know, might be part of my not quite ready to retire plan. Quite frankly, it is doing without sponsored health insurance that is my real fear in trading off stable employment for full blown volunteerism in an early retirement option. While now, I need the decent income as well, our lifestyle in all other ways can be drastically down sized post empty nest, but trying to cover health insurance would be a deal breaker. That is part of the appeal of these opportunities.

For now, I am fortunate to have a job I like, that I feel makes a positive difference. I don't feel like I am just punching a clock, and that is incredibly important to me. Maybe this is all part of my turning 50 thing, and feeling like I need to do something incredible with the years I have left. I'll noodle these around in my head for a while. Check back in with me in four years and I'll let you know if I put anything into action.

Read or listen to MPR Marketplace: Peace Corps wants baby boomers.

Tenner Week Day 7 -$0.74

I came very close, and I almost didn't count $2.00 of my spending, but those are the rules.  I made it to Saturday night with no personal spending, then used $13.73 of my USD converted 10 British pounds this morning in church, the folks who organized past mission trips into Juarez Mexico were collecting loose money in the collection plate to buy diapers for the orphanage and other infants.  Juarez is the border town hit particularly hard by the violence of the drug cartels.  My two older kids went on those trips yeas ago when in high school-DS twice.  DD#1 worked in the same orphanage.  The dangers there have stopped those youth trips, but not the caring about and for the people. While not part of my $15, I had two $1 bills in my purse, that quickly went into that plate when it passed to me with no hesitation.  

The remaining penny was the difference in using a $5 Target card for drain unclogger and cleanser-very glamorous purchase. So I could have finished with a $1.26 balance, but think I made the better choice. The $2 was in my purse from change my daughter gave me back from her own outing. Had she spent every penny on herself instead of just what she needed for her project, I wouldn't have had the money for the donation. except the loose change.  I think that is the real purpose of Tenner weeks, to get participants to think about where their money goes and for what ends. The additional daily challenges, while not a good fit for my life, did make me think about being creative with what I have and not pine for what I might wish I had. 

Here are a few trade offs I made his week, no deprivation involved.  I passed on ordering take out pizza and made a delicious one at home.  I walked with a new colleague over to the Target deli, but didn't buy soup and coffee for lunch on Thursday, but still walked and talked and then heated up my desk drawer soup in two minutes. I didn't pick up a coffee and a scone through the drive thru, but made my own at home, with muffins, enough left for this morning and tomorrow morning. Never mind that I forgot the sugar, they are good with jam. I took extra walks with pup, borrowed library movies with DD#2, and used some bonus rewards points at Kohls for Godiva chocolates that I think will be gifted to someone else who needs a pick me up. I made planned meals and used up food that may have gone bad, a terrible waste when so many people go hungry.  I got to experience improv with my daughter, and supported a friend who is brave enough to show this whole other creative side of herself to the world. 

I'll resume regular habits, I'm sure.  I do hope I can make what should be the easy choices. DS will be coming home for three days to see his grandpa.  We splurged for the air fare.  We have no way of knowing if this health crisis means weeks, months, or maybe longer, so in any case DS wants to make sure he gets some time with him before too late.  DD#1 got to spend some time with her grandpa a couple weeks ago when she was in Arizona for work. DH will also be back on Tuesday night, having wrapped up what he needs to out of state. The world keeps turning and I'll just keep doing my best to move with it.

Making the Most of Three Day Weekend

I have been at my company a lot of years and we have a good vacation policy, so the combination means I have quite an accrual of hours banked up.  Unfortunately, my work load has been such that taking more than the odd day off every now and then has meant I am often at the point of maxing out further accrual. Since I have taken so little time off, I need to take a vacation day a pay period or technically I lose the benefit, so I will be trying to get some three day weekends in between now and the week of Christmas.  I might trade for a Thursday as that is when hubby has his day off as he works Saturdays. Today is a teacher workshop day, so no school.  With both daughters home, I was able to clear my calendar in the office.  I brought work home, but that's another issue. .

It's gray and chilly today-typical Minnesota November, but I got a mess of errands done this morning, and in between loads of laundry, am helping my daughter decide what to purge before her move next week.  She baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies this morning as well, half to take along for her last weekend on the film set. In my last blog, I did a little brainstorming of ways to fight the urge to stay cooped up each night, now that the daylight is so fleeting.  A few things are in motion.  Eating the remaining cookies is not on the agenda.

The moonlight walk wasn't with a friend, but I did take pup for an extra long one last night.  It was already getting a little cloudy, so the moonlight was dim, and not the type that lights up the walking path.  We went an extra few paths and made it a pretty good walk even so.  

I did a good browse of the community ed calendar.  I was disappointed in the contents this time for my interests.  There were lots of yoga, zumba,  and computer classes, of which i should probably be more interested in. but very little crafts and cooking, more what I had in mind.  there is  lefse making class on the 20th, but I have a conflict. I was intrigued with the Over 50 offering of a scotch tasting class, but i am  "under age."  I haven't had that apply to me in 30 years when it comes to having a libation.  It looks like no community ed class then for the near future, but, another catalog starts in January.  It did serve as a reminder to pick up my walking  pin, which for a $15 fee, gives use of the high school field house walking track, much appreciated in the height of winter.

With the extra day off, I'll continue to knock  lot of things of my to do list, today, and put Saturday and Sunday to less mundane  use.  DD#2 folded a load of towels last night, without request, and even gathered up a load of jeans and sweatshirts, and did a load of clothes as well.  I topped off groceries, hopefully the bulk needed for the rest of the month, minus some specif Thanksgiving purchases, and she also put away all the things in the bag.  She might be trying to butter me up for something, but so far, nothing has been asked for.  While I'm catching up on blogs, and we're between laundry loads, She was doing some violin practice, so I've been treated to a a little concert.  She has been playing for three years now, and it is a delight to hear how she has progressed, though she is critical of her skills. 

I popped into the dollar store near my house, not really for anything, but to browse and think ahead to items that are cheap but enhance the holidays.  I picked up some greeting cards, a deal at 2 for $1.00, and I was ahead of the game so they weren't picked over.  I found some cute  stretchy gloves to have extras for purses and the car glove box, and some thin, non-pulling, ribbon type, head bands for DD#2 for basketball season. They have to be the soft ones-no plastic or metal at all. The stretch fabric kind can be quite pricey when you consider how many are lost in a season so at 6 for $1.00, this was  bargain. 

The woman ahead of me was buying an assortment of star shaped bric-a-brac, for what she said was going to be an awards night theme birthday party for her 12 year old daughter.  The last one, she said, so decided to go all out.  she had a bunch of star shaped helium balloons, star candy dishes, and glitter covered star twinkly lights as some of the décor items.  Not trying to be nosy, but heard her total was under $20, so not too bad considering what the party stores would have charged her. She mentioned you can get directions for various party ideas on-line, which include games, recipes, activities, and story lines if you want to throw some role play into the event.  Maybe if i am so bold to have impromptu guests over, I an do a quick internet browse and make it a theme night. Yeah, probably not. 

I need to get back to task -load number three for today will be done soon, and I hope we are the final purging stage.  It would be good to get the usable items out of the house and to the Goodwill or Family Services donation center yet this afternoon. Do you have fun or productive plans for the weekend?  We have wine club tonight, and I am looking forward to some new reds to try.  Have a fabulous weekend.

Accountability and Accomplishments

Sometimes the hardest person's expectations to live up to is our own. I was feeling woefully unambitious on Friday, but had convinced myself to be energized for the weekend.  I made myself a to do list, and here is how I fared.

 Here was my motivational check list for Saturday:

• Wake up early; do not linger in bed and waste away precious daylight

Sort of successful.  I was up and had bread made and two loads of laundry done.  I then spent too long on a post for this blog, reading other blogs, and soon enough, it was after 11:00.

• Walk a long time, slow and patient and let pup sniff away

Pup and I had a good walk, though just around the park and pond by our neighborhood.  It was a sunny day, and though the temp said 47, it felt so much warmer.  He drained himself making sure the whole neighborhood of dogs know he was there, and was pretty tired and thirsty by the time we got home.

• Purge at least one shelf, cupboard, or closet-determine if for sale, donation or throw

Managed one small bag collected from my daughters room of laundered clothes she will not wear again. Forgot to send with DD#1 when she went by the charity shop to donate, so it is still sitting in my entry.

• Clean and organize pantry, fridge, and freezer-there is something causing an odd smell somewhere

Found the smell-weird concoction left in a bowl, and the lid was off, mixed with a flat beer smell.  I didn't get the whole refrigerator clean and tidy, which meant I still have the next task on my to do list as well.  

• Take a picture of my food waste so I hold my self accountable next time to use what we have

See above.

• Bake!!  

Mastered this one-down to the final little loaf of bread and one saved for father-in-law. If I hadn't run out of eggs, this would have been more successful.

• Wash bedding and get it out on the line so I can sleep with sweet smells of fall

Someone was burning leaves again, and I can't get my gumption up to call them out on it, so the smell would not have been lovely and fall, but damp and smoky.

• Open a bottle of red, and marvel at all I've accomplished

Sort of accomplished, but with a beer. We joined a few siblings for a happy hour beer at the local bar and grill, and can't beat a $1.50 draft.

 

On the extra side, we got a few birthday and Christmas gifts purchased thanks to extra 30% discount at Kohls,. The covered large frying pan my daughter wanted was on sale on it's own, plus in a set of cookware., appealing as she also said she doesn't have a good macaroni or spaghetti pot.  We ended up getting the whole set-spendier than we had planned, but if having the right cookware from the onset in her apartment means she will be that much more likely to cook instead of take out food, I think it was a  good investment.  Other gifts were also for her, and my son, whose college dorm room, and cheap towels bought after their graduation are probably getting a little thin.  We picked them both up two sets of a towel and wash cloth, in a decent quality store line we buy for our own everyday use, on clearance at 60% off, and another 30% on top of that, making each set, under $4.50.  They're grown-ups now and practical gifts will be appreciated-I think. I'm pretty good with a calculator, and purchased just enough to get the bonus $10 Kohls cash for every $50 spent, which will also be applied in short order to gifts for others, as I have no need of anything for me or for the house. 

All in all I am not going too feel guilty about what wasn't accomplished or pat myself on the back for what was.  I'll add to my list for today, to tackle once home from a birthday lunch.  My contribution to the Chinese food menu is beef and broccoli, and Napa Asian Salad.  I hope both are a hit.  Hope your weekend is going splendidly.

 

My Favorite Blog Postings of the Week

It is Wednesday night and I have late volleyball, and the session won't even start until 8:30. The late games are hard, as no one wants to stop afterwards for a beer, and we learned the hard way, not a good idea to stop before.   My mind is a bit cluttered with all that is going on at the office, and having to finish a report later tonight, so I can hit send and enjoy a vacation day tomorrow with my daughters.  It is school break in Minnesota.  I'll be back to work on Friday, but a mid week Thursday day off should feel good-if I get that task done. For my post then, I've decided to do a quick sharing of  some of my favorite postings of the week.  I truly appreciate the blogging community I've found, and if you've found me, but haven't met one of these gifted writers and story sharers, I hope you'll check them out. 

Ilona at Life after Money, shares why she keeps her decision making nice and simple. Too many choices make a complicated life

Over at the Second Hand Years, I'm pleased Curtise's cat has returned, and I am oh so envious of her continual style and grace, and dang, those boots are gorgeous!  lost and Found

Not one, but two delicious crockpot rice pudding recipes at The Reason I Save Budget update and Rice Pudding    and the Frugal Queen  Sticky Toffee and Apple Rice Pudding.  I'm always interested in a good book suggestion ad will add The Phantom of Fifth Avenue to my winter reading list after a review also by The Reason I Save  Book review

To help add some calm and grace to your week, Simply Frugal shared some insight on tea. Nice Cup of Tea   I'm a coffee drinker first and foremost, but there is something more subtle and refined in enjoying a soothing brew, sipped from a tea cup as opposed to a hearty mug.

Last, check out and visit Becky and Joel at The Bacon and Ice Cream Blog, as Becky shares her passion for Redsox baseball, but more so the true meaning of friendship, love, and having a support system that never lets you down.Let's Go Red Sox

Many of the blogs I follow are on my side bar.  I am starting to get quite drawn in by some, and feel almost anxious when nothing is posted for a while. I may have a problem.  How about you?  What were some of your favorites this week and why?  I can always use another dozen on my list.