Thrifty Thursday: Gift Giving Strategy When Trying to Trim a Budget

      I feel like I already do pretty well in the gift giving department, finding nice gifts at decent prices, and try to avoid crap just to give a gift. In my quest though to reach a one earner lifestyle by January 1, 2024, every area of discretionary spending needs to be  reviewed, and gift giving is one of them. I have four categories of gifts-Christmas, birthdays for family members, "days Holidays", and miscellaneous for things like weddings, showers, and new babies, as well as  milestone b-days of friends. The miscellaneous bucket seems to be the hardest to plan for since these are gift giving events we have no control over, nor sometimes lead time to plan. Here's a few strategies to trim our spending.

Make a Gift Recipient List and Budget

     I need to create  list and a budget heading into the year, and stick to it. Whenever possible, I'll shop ahead of time, and if we truly do not have a good gift idea, just supplement with cash. I'm happy to stick in a favorite box of movie theater candy or a jar of homemade jam, or a fresh baked loaf of bread if just giving cash feels too impersonal. Gift cards towards specific activities might be a good gift instead of cash if I know it will be used. Cash and gift cards don't save me anything from my budget, but they keep me on budget and I'm not buying stuff that might just be wasted. The next ideas cross all categories.

Combine gift cards to restaurants with "freebies" in our entertainment budget.      

               For example, I just bought $50 in Applebee's and got $20. We can buy several gift cards for others, but use the $20 freebie, usually with a very short window, towards our own entertainment budget, shifting the funds to the gift category.  The limitation to this is it probably will all be gift cards to chain and not local restaurants. Still, it can be a good gift that could be bought in advance if you know you have several milestone birthdays, or new parents that might love nothing better than either a night out, or a call and pick-up meal. 

Shop with Discount/Freebie Gift Cards

     I plan to put all my Target earnings from MS Rewards toward Christmas again this year. I also have a few from the "free" gift card promotions Target periodically does, so those will get applied as well. I'm leery of sites like Gift Card Granny, but I've heard or read there are places that sell or have sales on gift cards form time to time. Does Dollar General ring a bell? If you know or have good luck with any sites, let me know. 

No frills practical gifts: 

     Interesting fact I learned at Trivial last night, 56% of people surveyed like getting socks for Christmas. I hit a great clearance sale at a high end outdoor clothing store last January. Guess what a lot of gifts will be this  Christmas and for winter birthdays? Extra thick socks, wooly mittens, and hats are a necessity in my part of the states. Likewise, stocking up on  summer items for those gift giving needs help defray paying full or even the on-sale price in the current season. Then there are seasonless gifts for some people on my list that I've targeted for collection. Think tank tops, leggings, and athletic shorts for the girls in my life who wear year round in layering or for working out, swimsuit cover ups (Summer and travel), and men's high end quality t-shirts. I hit a rock bottom sale on thick white cotton Ralph  Lauren tee's over a decade ago. The one's DH has look better than basic Hanes he just got  a year or two ago. I need to think beyond clothing though, and sporting and camping stores or departments in stores can yield some great buy ahead gifts, like Fire Starters I got for 1/3 price. Now that I have a virtually clear closet in the office, I can  better organize my purchase ahead gifts. 

Miscellaneous Gifts: Baby, Wedding Shower. and Wedding and Milestone Birthdays

     I'll start the year thinking through the potential life events with my family and close friends.  Once I do that, I'll pad my budget with  2 small (b-day) 2 mid (new baby/showers) and 1 large (wedding), then add all, decide my budget, and divide by 12 to build the cash reserve. These events can be tough as it seems  more and more new mom's and couples have specific wants, or already have a lot of stuff, but have big ticket items only left on a registry. I try and combine any deals I can with the items on the list like rebates, applying coupons, or earning points/gift cards back. To tighten my belt, I might have to change what I do with those savings as historically, I've used the savings to  put back more into the gift.  Sometimes, or most often, times, cash in the range I budgeted for, or a gift card to a preferred store, in the amount budgeted for is where I'll end up. So while not really a savings strategy, it keeps me on budget. 

      This sounds terrible, but one gift recipient that seems to blow our budget regularly is DH's mom. Either DH or his sibling will identify a need type for her-at her house, or at the lake, and determine if we just give it as a gift, then we'll know it has been taken care of. It's not a bad plan, but everyone also still ends up giving individual gifts as well. And, the big gift, even split three ways, is not cheap. For example, we replaced all the door handles in her large townhouse with the type that are push down and pull, so she no longer has to turn the door knob. Excellent for her independence, but split three ways, we still spent $250 each for her birthday. Now, my MIL is not a  penny watching pensioner living on  SSI. She is quite comfortable, bordering on wealthy. She also though is very careful about money, and would not have gone out and replaced perfectly good door knobs on her own, even though she complains that on her bad days she can hardly turn the door to get into her bathroom. 

     What's my plan? Well, She tends to give DH and I cash for both our birthdays and at Christmas. We too do not need anything, and if want something, we tend to plan, budget, then save. My way to offset these extra expensive gifts is to put her gift money to us, towards these gift purchases for her. It wouldn't be a quid pro quo, but more of a "the cash is there" kind of process. To be honest, I think that is kind of what DH's sister does, based on a comment or two. Quite frankly, peace of mind that something has been done to make her life easier and safer is a gift to all of us! 

     I know my gift buying list probably seems excessive to many readers. It does to me as well. Until I trim the number of reasons for gifting and to whom, I'll use strategies to not blow my budget. Of course, a really great gift is time, so if you want to truly show people you care, carve out time to spend with them this season. 

Thirfty Thursday-Important Things

      Not a lot of thrifty n the money area, but I am concentrating on all the little things and seeing that they do add up. It applies to time, resources, and money. I am getting older so I can appreciate that special moments, even if short, need to be appreciated and savoured. Using things to the last drop, the last spoonful, finding an alternative,  and so on, collectively will keep stuff, or less stuff, out of landfills or thrown before used. Here's my  weekly recap of where I made the best use of my time, resources, and money.

Time

• I like helping to throw birthday parties that require no house cleaning before or after!  The minimal time I spent shopping for and preparing food was practically nothing and I had a whole day with all my siblings, daughter, and assorted extended family members.Remembering who wasn't there (mom, dad, my sister, and several brother-in-laws), made the specialness of being able to be together all the more so.
• I was so happy to have my daughter join me for my Friday night shopping excursion. having her along makes the mundane fun-and we love a good poke in the Indian gocer, Trader Joe's, and a new to me Target. 
• While a bit out of my way, I stopped at the only liquor store in town that is independently owned. It was recently bought my my sisters friends brother. She just moved back to town, needed a job, and voila, now she has one. I got a quick catch-up with her as a bonus. I babysat for her frequently 40 years ago and likely haven't seen her since my sisters wedding 38 years ago.
• Took advantage of the flu shot clinic combined with an office day on Monday, saving a trip to the office or a trip to the clinic; it was a time saver. 

Resources  

• My daughter and I both passed on buying any of the plethora of cute and spooky Halloween stuff at Target. No money spent and not adding to our "stuff."
• .My daughter joined me for an interesting scrounged supper on Monday. We used up things already open and a very ripe avocado. DH had leftovers for the weekend when he came home. 
• I had found inexpensive plastic table cloths in red and blue check. While I think they were meant to be use and throw, we wiped them down, and folded them back up to use again. I had my sister take as she sets up multiple tables in their heated garage for Thanksgiving. (Bonus to reusing, I don't have to store them and she won't need to buy any.) No other decorations were needed-nature provided the rest.
• I brought home from the office odds and ends of  notepads, post it note stacks, pencils and pens rather than restocking from the supply cupboard. I believe in using things up even when it's not my money, directly, paying for new things.

                                        Money 

• One splurge I did make for my office was a desk lamp. However, it was from the college stuff, on clearance form $14.99 to $6.00. I'm noticing late afternoon it gets very dark already and more light was needed. The side lamp I had behind me wasn't putting light in the right place. 
• The red and blue checked table cloths mentioned above, were also on clearance for 75 cents, originally $3. The clips will be reusable even when the  table cloths are beyond reuse. 
• We don't use a lot of bottled water as we prefer to just fill a reusable insulated bottles,  and I still had plenty in my cooler left on Saturday anyway. I sent  a dozen bottles that never went in the cooler with my sister, who like to have them on hand in her house. This saves her a few pennies, plus again, I'm not having to find a place for it.
• I should have shared this last week, but this is a gadget DH will get good use out of. It retails for $39.99, but I bought at the silent online auction for $32, plus got a $20 gift card for a local pizza place. While we've done pizza's on the grill, this will both help more even cooking, and save risk of dropping the pizza when trying to get off the grill since he'll have this great big peele. While an anniversary gift for him, I think the whole extended family will enjoy at the lake. 
  
  
  

     Lots of little experiences, use it ups, and reuse were the themes for the week, I guess. When you are trying not to spend a lot of money, there are not huges savings anywhere. But this is where I tend to plug leaks in my cash flow-second guessing whether I need something or not, using something again. I popped in a picture of my office for now. Th bulletin board is an old ripped version, covered in a 40 cent remnant; the desk lamp is the one mentioned above. The coffee cup warmer was a birthday gift a few years ago form a sister, and it has been great, not leaving half filled cold mugs sitting when I get buys or distracted. This is good enough for now. How have you used things up, spent your time well, or saved money this week. 

Thinking's on Plugging December Money Holes

Christmas gift giving for my immediate family will be light since we are diverting some Christmas funds to our trip next summer. I have a few things for my girls, need a couple items for my son, and each will get a little spending money. We took my mother in law to the arts Gala last week, as part of her gift. Though last year we had given her a shopping gift card and were to take her out for dinner and shopping for items for the cabin, and never did have that evening. She also never spent the gift card, so that is still in play. We took her out for other things, mothers day, her birthday, just because, but not the "gift" as planned outing. Overall though, while I wish I could get some of the extended family gift giving down, I believe I an a pretty good shopper and gift giver, not buying crap, and thinking of the person when I purchase, and keep my eyes out for the bargains. I generally stay or even go under my planned Christmas budget.

The holes that seem to drain our cash in December are all the extras this time of year. I'm not exaggerating when I think last year we racked up $400  more in incidental spending the last two weeks of the year, above our regular budget. Movie theater nights, extra lunches out when DS was home, grabbing lunches and coffee out with friends and my sisters and daughters since we are off school and work, more gas in the tanks for running around, convenience foods for meals on the go, extra beer in the house. I tried putting away a few dollars here and there to draw from. I was robust at first, then several times DD2 needed cash for something for school, and I raided the can. There's a few dollars still in it, maybe enough for a couple Christmas movie rentals from Redbox and some snacks for a movie night.

Now that we are more than a week into November, it is truly time I make a plan. Last year on the Friday after Christmas, I wrote a brutally honest post Frugal Friday and Other Jokes on all my spend thrift ways. It can be a great motivator to look now for ideas to plan ahead. 

Last minute gifts: I didn't realize it until I looked back that I did some last minute "extra gifts" not in the budget. This year, I will buy a few extra boxes of chocolates when they are on sale, plus utilize my wine stock if appropriate and not spend on the fly.

And speaking of alcohol: Just a little "good" beer, and then just the routine. Not a huge savings, but if my son and husband are fine with Coors the other 11 months of the year, it will work in December as well. Also, I think I'll make up Sangria, using wine I already have, as special drinks.

Coffee and lunches out: I need to make sure I am taking advantage of old gift cards and my various perks and points. A small bit of extra planning can lesson the expense.I might also suggest McDonald's for coffee out rather than Starbucks-two dollars is two dollars.

Movie theater: I have some value still on a gift card from last year. There are specials right now and I need to be looking into them to see if we can reduce our annual movie outing. I'll plan to have a crock pot full for dinner when we come home instead of yet another meal out, or convenience food. This should reduce the need for too many over priced snacks. 

Freezer Meals: My class last week gave me four meals for the freezer. I've never been one for making freezer meals, but this has been a big time help and the recipes are more elevated than I tend to make on a week night. Even if I do not take another class, I want to prep ahead 2-4 "fancy" meals. Both my older kids like home cooking, probably better than restaurant meals as with their work they often eat out a lot. With the prep all done, all we'll need to do is set, then clear the table, and plop dirty dishes in the dishwasher- faster than we could drive to a restaurant. Eating out for five people is a huge added cost, so if we reduce this by just one meal when my older kids are home, we'll have saved a bunch.

Hopefully between all these little strategies, December will feel as special as ever, I'll still have a break from the kitchen and have good times with my family and friends, and I'll have saved a few hundred in my checking account. How do you save money for special times? 

Food Photography

I know what I want my 2017 self investment to be in-learning to create the vision and then photograph lovely food art. My pictures do not do things justice. At the 2016 MN Blogger's conference, there was a session on food photography but it was so packed there wasn't even floor sitting or standing room only space. i was pretty surprised it wasn't offered again, and will suggest for next year. there must be some layman's class though that would help me out. regardless, I'll keep snapping pictures to illustrate things my words may not be able to convey, but these pictures do not do justice to the tastes behind the photo.

Candy making is a big part of Christmas celebrations in the mid west. Fudge, truffles, caramels, toffee's and peanut brittle are being made by the batch full to give away as gifts and adorn holiday desert buffets. Candy also goes on sale at ridiculously low prices compared to the rest of the year, making it easy to grab an extra box or two as filler gifts, or as I like to use them, to accompany gift cards for coffee. Is it just me, or having a really good piece of chocolate with a cup of fresh brewed coffee with a splash of cream, one of the most decadent treats imaginable. Just me? fair enough. On my list for post Christmas sales is to pick up food safe gift boxes and treat  trays. I'll still grab boxed candy for certain gifts, choir directors and violin teachers, and other gifts that need to be able to outlive a shelf life of home made goodies. For family and friends, homemade treats are perfect thank you's. If lucky, I can find season neutral versions  in just solid colors. The treat box on top is four pieces of fudge in a cute green Swiss dotted box, a gift from a coworker. 

The economics of home made treats make giving treats for your kitchen a win. This batch of Mounds, with sale priced ingredients came in at under $1.45 a dozen. I've seen similar products in chocolate stores sell for close to $2.00 a piece, or more, and slabs of fudge selling for $15.00 per pound. My coworker put her recipe inside a card along with the fudge for a special touch. Made or bought, I appreciate the indulgence. I just wish my camera would appreciate the view more. 

Still not there for presentation, but my homemade Mounds candy.

A gifting stand by, under $5.00 a box right now-everywhere.

Christmas Savings

Eee gads, a post filled with consumerism. I apologize in advance. I'm plugging away against my Christmas giving, wrapping and cards budget, determined to come in less than my original budget by $200. Some strategies I've used so far include deferring the use of the free Target gift cards  given when a certain number of certain products are bought. Again, I have to be careful not to count the savings twice. I don't count until I use the gift card for a new purchase,. My total sits at $30. I've bundled Kohl's cash and Reward points, layering with a birthday promo, and percent off spending coupons. Kohl's cash/Reward bucks are also at $30. I shouldn't count this, but I will since it's money back to me. I finally returned wrong size t-shirts for DH and DS form last year, and was credited back $27 on my Kohl's card and received $20 in Kohl's cash (what I must have used towards part of cost last year.)

Sunday I took advantage of the 10% of gift cards at Target, and bought a $100 one for $90. Tonight I will use with a $10 of $50 clothing purchase and get a pair of jeans and shirt for DS. The balance I'll use towards donation shopping and Oreo's on sale and in cartwheel, for making truffle candies.I have another $10 off $50 purchases, but hope to bundle with some freebie bonuses and items for donation (a separate budget, but want those to stretch as well.). When done, I will have spent $90 for $120 in purchases, a 25% savings before any other coupon is applied. Yes, another $30 towards the budget. 

Clothing gift certificates at a small business boutique for my girls were a Black Friday week special, so $50, bought $60 for each, for another $20. The remaining $53 in budget reduction I'm working towards though pure deal shopping through price comparison and using store sales. Options like finding Goodie hair items 2 for $1 at the dollar store, using 30% off book coupon on a book for my daughter, and using my other daughters help with her employee discount on a gift.

I found the ham I was hoping to buy at $3.99 per pound, a little over 7 pounds. This will be one of three meats for Christmas eve so should be more than enough, and hope even some leftovers. I might have been able to hold out longer, and found cheaper, but it's in my freezer, and included in my $400 grocery challenge, and that is done. I'm still on the look out for cheap crescent roll dough, but all other baking items were bought Sunday at rock bottom prices with the exception of Oreo;s and cream cheese, on sale at Target. I'm not sure yet what my Christmas day contributions are beyond a couple Stromboli type appetizers, wine, punch ingredients, and treats, but I'm reserving $50 of the budget to prepare, leaving me with an ample $46.33 per week for regular groceries, plus the use of a fairly stocked pantry, fridge, and freezer. The holiday shouldn't be about how much I spent or how cheap I got things, but I'm sharing to maybe give an idea or two to others on how they can stretch their own budgets. It also is a reminder to myself that I can orchestrate a Christmas focused on bringing joy to others without resorting to over spending.

Housewarming and Hostess Gifts

 

(photo credit to photopin.com)

It's a little early but soon the holiday entertaining season begins in Minnesota.  Starting with fall bonfires and then Halloween gatherings and moving into  Thanksgiving and then Christmas and New Years. Our house is not the size to host more than immediate family, and then it is sort of busting at the seems, so we tend to go to others more frequently than host. I hate coming empty handed, and while my stash of wine comes in handy when I know the hosts will enjoy it, it isn't always suitable. I also don't want to break the budget.

We have a housewarming party this weekend for DD2's friends family that had the fire.  While they have been back in the house for months, there were still finishing touches and other activities to turn it back into a home. I want  to bring a gift for the family, so wine will not do, but I don't want to bring clutter into their home. There's s a few new neighbors on our cul de sac as well, and I'd like to give  a little welcome gift to them, but don't know their lifestyle to know if wine will work, plus as in the housewarming, the families have children. 

Hence my quandary, and why I am putting out this post in hopes I'll get lots of ideas in the comments. I have a few standbys such as home baked bread and cookies, but of course, not knowing if there are any food allergies and sensitivities, that could be hit or miss. There are lovely mum plants, and that seems a pretty safe bet for neighbors, or as a hostess gift, but I know the rule that you should not bring cut flowers unless they are already arranged as that creates more work for the hostess. 

For our friends housewarming, my idea is to put together a gift basket of items from Trader Joe's-a couple bottles of sparking lemonade, a few large bars of chocolate (I know, chocolate and lemonade???), pears, tapenade, and crackers to have at their leisure as a family. While not exactly frugal, it would practical, and something I personally would enjoy, and all six of them should be able to enjoy something from the basket. Now to you. Do you have any go to gifts to take along to a party, or to welcome a new neighbor? Anyone else stuck when it comes to housewarming gifts? Please load my comments with ideas.

Knocked Frugal Out of the Park

I am on fire this weekend on the frugality department. If this was baseball, and I was at bat, I'd say I hit that frugal all to the upper bleachers. Let me start first with the CVS finds. I noticed on their sign 90% off seasonal when running DD to a friends house. I popped in on my way home, and hit the mother load of buys on flip flops. Now I usually try and find this staple of cabin wear for every member of my family each fall, so expected at some point to find some deals to tuck away, but not like this. In all I bought nine sets of flip flops and spent $6.50, an average of $0.72 per pair. High quality they are not, but something to throw on your feet on hot sand, public showers at pools, and not care if they get left behind, I'll take it. They were out of extra large womens for DD1, and I found a neutral blue two set in the equivalent men's size, but once home, I think they were mismarked as they look huge. I'll pass on to my 6'7" nephew, for the grand sum of $1.50 for two pairs.  I am a generous aunt. 

I scored this adorable beach pillow and a sign that said "This Way to the Beach" probably as little gifts for my MIL for Mother's Day next year for the new lake cabin. Again, showing my frugality, together the two came to $1.60. then there were fun little trinkets for the summer, including these glasses that I could not pass by! Added to the glow stick necklaces I bought at 90% off, cheap fun for 4th of July 2017. I bought a gift for DD1 for her birthday-something novel I think she will like, and some summer glass charms I'll throw in my SIL's birthday gifts later this fall. I don't need glass charms as my glasses are so mismatched it doesn't matter!

On my next at bat, I clicked a link to a frugal blog I never read before and learned Walgreen's had a free 8"by10" promo, but it expired yesterday. Slightly bummed out as I wanted to get the photo DD1 cleaned up for me of our family in our nicer dinner wear on the cruise, printed in that size to replace the one from our last full family trip, nine years ago. I thought to Google Walgreen free photo, and what do you know, a new promo code FREE4FALL got me the same offer! After ordering that, I though I should have ordered a  smaller version for MIL, my desk at work, and for each of the kids, and found a promo FORTY4FALL that gave me an additional 40% of that. You can only do one promo code per order, but placing two separate, I was able to use both, spending a whole $3.95 on what would have been $15.14, a $74% savings.  (I'm picturing Sluggy beaming with pride at what she has taught me.)

I went three for three when I turned my attention towards using up food, and preventing food waster. A batch of muffins that used a $0.40 jiffy corn bread mix, 1 egg, and two expired pots of strawberry banana yogurt turned into 12, "weird, but still good" according to DD2, muffins. Three free tomatoes about to go bad, too soft to slice well for sandwiches, worked great with a can of $ .59 three bean salad, 1/2 can of olives, two string cheese sticks cut in little discs, and the remaining couple ounces in a bottle of Italian dressing, for a tasty salad. I finished the remaining third of a box of elbow macaroni. The final cost had to be under $2,00, and we will have with sandwiches for lunch, plus I'll get at least two lunches out of it this week. 

I go in waves when I feel like I am mastering my budget. This weekend is giving me a thrill. Its a reminder that anyone can whip out their credit card and throw good money at stuff they want, whether that is clothing, gifts, house decor, or meals, but creative people can achieve the same results, and not jeopardize their household budgets and future security. Any great success out there?

Wedding and Shower Gift Giving

Congratulations are in order for my niece who got engaged on Friday. A new family, new beginnings. Most of us thought it was going to happen at Christmas or closer to her birthday in January, so not really a surprise-perhaps to coincide with a memorial date or something. Anyway, her engagement and receiving the Save the Date card from DD1's bestie for her May wedding has me thinking on wedding registries and registries in general. I still appreciate as the shopper, having a list of what a new couple needs or would like. I know some registries have gotten over the top, but I still get to choose what I buy, or if I really think what's left is silly, just give money. I tend to be invited to weddings of practical people, so I don't recall seeing items that were overly extravagant. Young people have gotten more practical even in their choice of the finer things like dishes and glassware, choosing more useful patterns that they will incorporate into every day or semi regular use.  I wish I could go back 29 years and take off the beautiful, but so fragile, Mikasa crystal wine and water goblets that I don't use often enough, grabbing my plain glass wine glasses most often. I'm happy to go in with another person/family to buy a more expensive gift, or to round out sets. A few of my sisters and I went together to purchase all the flatware for a niece. Buying in quantity as opposed to each of us buying a setting individually meant we gave her eight place settings for the price of six, plus I was able to use a 30% discount (for the weekend I ordered) with free shipping right to her house. It meant the savings was either saved, or as we each individually wanted, put towards her shower gift. The individual retail price would have been $730, but I spent $442+ tax, split four ways, it was an extravagant gift at an average wedding gift price. 

I take more liberties with wedding showers, thinking about things in my life that I use the most. Picking out those practical everyday things aren't nearly as fun as picking out plates, and matching bathroom towels, so often aren't on the registry lists. My mom would keep a big box for those kind of items-bake ware, kitchen gadgets, measuring cups, spatulas and spoons etc., and then have a sort of smorgasbord goodie box for her daughters and daughter in laws for a shower present. My mother in law has a wrapping trick with dish towels that is pretty cool, and who can't use an extra dish towel! I want to do both these ideas for my own children some day. Sturdy laundry baskets (not too big) is a go to for me for shower (and actually baby shower as well) gift. I also will buy quality bath towels, regardless of color but best if a neutral, when they are on clearance, as I have found over the years as much as having matching towels is lovely, having enough towels is essential. How many times do people need to grab towels for camping trips or rainy days, or have occasion to put a few in the car? Maybe that's just my household. I think a shower gift of a laundry basket, filled with thick towels, could easily be put together if shopped right, for under $30.

As I'm sure I have a year for both weddings, I just got an idea to buy kitchen towels and potholders for the seasons. I can buy on clearance, and then tuck away, presenting a complete set for the year for just a few dollars. I know these brides to be well; they are holiday sort of people. This would not work for many brides, so going "off grid" does require understanding what would be appreciated. End of summer clearance is a planning ahead shower giving dream. Beach towels, barbecue tools, and outdoor yard/beach games make good shower gifts, and heck, if on a tight budget, off the registry wedding gifts. If they get duplicates, well they could either tuck away for future use, or as many are on tight budgets when first married, regift and save themselves the money. I see nothing wrong with regifting-never have, as long as not to the person that gifted it to you, but to be honest, if I got a gift back that I could use, I personally wouldn't be offended.  

I don't believe in firm rules for wedding gift giving. Spending a minimum amount based on the amount the couple spends per wedding guest is absurd.  As the guest, you have no control over what the couple spend. Do you really want to treat a niece that has a beach side wedding and and beach party reception differently than the one that held their reception with champagne fountains at the Ritz? I give as generously as I can afford, but am always looking to give something that I know will be appreciated and used. Sometimes, as in the case of a nephew who I didn't know their tastes very well, I stuck straight to the registry for the shower present and went cash (as they were needing furniture) for the wedding. Things like coolers, small appliances, and other less personal items are perfect to pick off registries early (and applying sales if possible) for weddings of people you know less intimately like a coworker, or child of a friend. In those case, I try to spend what I might spend on a nice evening our for DH and I, not because of a rule, but to help me with a range to aim towards. 

DD1 has a pricey year ahead, so I hope to help her navigate the gift giving world and not break her budget. She has a great idea for her friend that won't break any budgets, but is so unique and personal, it is priceless, but I can't say anything here. How do you approach wedding and shower gift giving? Do you have budgetary rules or guidelines to help you figure out your spending? Do you go off grid, and use your own experience to guide buying or stick to a gift registry? Congrats to all the couples in the throws of planning a wedding and life together. 

When You're A Simple Frugal Mom

Mother's Day when my mom was alive usually included an afternoon potluck and grilled, by the guys, burgers, brats, hot dogs, and chicken out at my parents country house, and later at my brothers after mom and dad moved into their townhouse.  Mom liked her simple gifts; maybe a new Avon scent (she loved her Avon), or a new spring-summer sweater or bright shirt. She wasn't a flower and chocolate kind of mom. Since we've been married, other than a few times when one of us made brunch, we've gone to a buffet of some sort for a nice meal, with a time frame, so we mom's in our own right can have a little of the day for ourselves as well. While Mother's Day brunch is a pretty big ticket expense, my MIL really seems to enjoy it, and it is a treat (if we don't over indulge at meals out other parts of the year) because the restaurants are putting out their best efforts. We are locked into this for the foreseeable future. 

I like be appreciated on even the Hallmark holidays so would never begrudge my family spending a little effort to show me they care on Mother's Day. However, becasue of the spendy brunch, I do not want spendy gifts, and my kids know this. My kids are also flat broke, so I think they do really well with this minimalist gift theme. DD#1 has a gift waiting for me on the dining room table. She brought it home last weekend as she wasn't sure of her plans. Being the practical child she is, I am sure it will be special, but not a budget strain as she knows I wouldn't want that. She splurged on lilies for me, and gave her brother credit on the card, when she was still in college. They were beautiful, and my favorite flower, but I know she could have used the money herself. So while some mom's like the glitz and glam of jewelry, perfume,or expensive meals out, I've a list of some of my favorite gifts from my kids (not just Mother's Day) I have gotten over the years,none expensive, but that show my kids do know me pretty well. 

Cooked delicious breakfast-DD#2 and M are making Egg's Benedict tomorrow, yum
A bar of chocolate that no one asks for a piece of, to be savored over several days
A plant from the high school horticulture club sale
Flavored coffee sachet's, and a new deep mug to drink it from
Madre Mix-a collection of my favorite tunes burned on a CD
New tea towels, with my beloved wine pictured on the towel
A good tube of hand cream-yes! 
Shower gel and body lotion-I love my bath products
Framed fun photo or artwork for my desk
Cupcakes!
Classic movies, or loved movies from my or their childhood
A good novel, second hand all the better 
A lovely heartfelt call, e-mail, or written note. 

It goes without saying, all the child care and school made gifts were adored. Are any of you hoping for anything? What was your most memorable gift, given or received? For all you mothers out there, beloved aunties, and friends that come to the rescue like mother's, I hope you have a lovely weekend.

Gift at the Ready

I have been glaringly upfront that I like a nice glass, heck, bottle of wine every now and then.  It has become a hobby.  Not the drinking of it alone, but learning about the grape varieties, and what makes the same grape have very different end results in the wine.  Because of this interest, we joined a wine club which along with our monthly meet-ups and wine tasting nights, we bring home three bottles of different selections. Believe it or not, often we never consume the bottles we take home.  I make mental and sometimes real notes about which ones I think a particular taste type might like.  We also get to buy extra bottles at 15% off the already lower wine club price, so I've been known to pick up extra bottles of particular favorites. These bottles make great last minute gifts for hostess parties, and adult birthday, or thank yous. 

Great in a pinch for a known wine drinker, but I am often in need of a universal gift for a non wine drinker or a youth, so have been known to do a last minute run to Target and buy something quick, the first thing I see that might hit the mark, overspending in the process. I could have been faced with this already this morning  DD#2, who has been burning the candle at both ends for the last month,  needs a secret Santa gift in the $5.00 range for this morning's concert orchestra group. I actually knew about it earlier in the week and she had suggested an ITunes card, but when I looked, there were only pre populated amounts of $25 or more.Then, we both sort of let it slip our minds and she needs this when we leave the house at 6;45 this morning. What is open on route is a 24 grocery store, gas and convenience stores, and Walmart. 

Then, I had an epiphany.  In my wallet are no less than four $5.00 Target cards that are given at the register when you buy certain quantities of various things.  These are items like toilet paper, cleaning products, or personal care items-all stuff we would have bought anyway.  I often forget I get these cards, and then will find in cleaning out my wallet.  I've used them then for things like passing on to the grown kids for a supply run,or for extra items for school supply drives in the fall. I also bought two for one bags of Christmas M&M's for baking, but only need one. DD#2 taped a gift card to the candy, found some old tissue paper and a reclaimed small gift bag from something else, and Voila, a secret Santa gift any 14 year old would want to get.

While I still like that these little gift cards make it easy to add to my giving to either my broke kids or to my community, this was a good use of the cards to help reign in more overspending this time of year. I'll add my estimated savings, $10 (probably the minimum I would have spent on a dash and buy stop on route) -$1.50 on the M&M's,, -$0 for the gift card for a total of $8.50 to add to my end of year food shelf donation. In the future, I'll try to keep both gift cards, and  a few things of candy or tins of nuts as a container of sorts for the card, around for just this situation, 

Finding Our Gifts

Sister's weekend wasn't all shopping and alcohol.  We also had some good down to earth conversations, taking advantage of time uninterrupted by spouses, children, telephones, and household needs.  One conversation veered into almost profound when we were talking about the talents and contributions members of our family had.  These went beyond physical talent.  One of my sisters described me as being the most resourceful in the family.  She said I always had a solution, or at least mitigation, to every problem.  Of course we did get down the silly road here as well in telling stories of each others gifts. 

She shared the one summer her husband was driving them all crazy with his over exuberance of gardening. Not having tried his hand at gardening before, though his dad was an avid gardener, he planted more tomatoes than most families would use in a year, and it turned out a combination of the perfect growing summer and a green thumb he never knew he had, and they were filling their kitchen counter with tomatoes for nearly a  month.  She told the girls she may have buried him in his own tomatoes had  I not intervened and took the surplus, buckets and buckets of them, and turned half into salsa to can, and just canned the other half.  I also cleared out all the mason jars that had been moved from my parents country house, into their city townhouse that had been collecting dust and wasting space. We both had tomatoes for the winter and many jars of salsa to give away.  Problem solved. 

This was a one off problem; the gardening bug passed him by for another new hobby.  He bought and and learned to play the ukulele.  Guess what my sisters gift is?

Embracing My Inner Glam

My birthday is in a month, a sister-in-law has one five days before, and the other just had hers in October.  It is still tradition in DH's family to celebrate grown up birthdays in seasonal groups.  We did this on Sunday for fall birthdays.  I think my gifts to my sister-in-law's were spot on-renewed their regular magazine subscriptions-dull but appreciated, running t-shirts as they both, well, run, journal notebooks as both always have a little notebook in their purses, and jars of my raspberry rhubarb jam. I say my gifts, because I do the shopping, wrapping, etc. but they were from DH as well. He turns to me every time and will say, "What did we give them?" then he'll say out loud, "I hope you like them." It's the thought that counts.

I had lovely gifts of a sweat shirt, lotion, flashlight, wrist warmers, and something I would have never thought anyone would select for me.  Take a gander at the top of the page.  Now the wine is true me, through and through.  The stiletto shoe wine caddy, um, not quite.  This was picked out by DH's brother.  Both his sister and I received one, hers in zebra print, mine in sparkly silver.  She is a stiletto wearing, zebra print, chic kind of gal.  I am a quickly grab the wine glasses out of the cupboard and run then under water in case their dusty, kind of gal. He joked before opening that if I liked it, it was both of them, but if it was a fail, it was all him. He had no doubts his sister would love it.  He bought one for his wife, the October birthday girl, as well.  She is naturally glam, but tends to have tastes more closely to mine in decorating, but can have a little fun. 

Darn it, my inner voice said.  I must have some glam in me somewhere, even if it is just in my wine choices.  I have a cute little French chef wine caddy, and a wine rack with a French provincial vine pattern.  I guess the Chi Chi Chic Stiletto will adorn my dining room as well-at least when my husbands family comes to visit.

What to GiveThose Who Have Everything

I've recently linked in with the 40+ blogger crowd. There are days when I feel like writing a post, but the ideas just aren't flowing and I am sure the post reads as such.  Well now I have a little tool in my Twitter feed to help me out through @Post40bloggers and the suggested blog themes. Here is a good one.  Blog about your favorite childhood game.  Memories just seeped into my head about marathon Monopoly games on a rainy afternoon, day's long games of Risk spread out over Christmas vacation, and not to forget Sorry and Trouble with the pop o'matic hopper. Other suggestions are not quite my style, nor my blogs style like write a fairy tale, or look in the mirror and blog about your face. 

This one, what would you give as a gift to the person who has everything, was a good one for me.  Even those folks who are not trying to declutter, repelling consumerism, and striving for voluntary minimalism, probably admit past the age of 35 or so, there really is very little they need or want in terms of trinkets and doo dads. We have ten gift giving events this month, three of them to people who want for nothing. Of course gift cards to practical places like grocery stores and  one-stop shops like Target and Walmart can always be put to use, they lack originality. Depending on who the person is, simple and inexpensive are much better than expensive and unoriginal.  If it works, make them experiential.

For alcohol consumers, fun and special beer, wine and spirits are a good choice. Go a step further and look in the wine aisle for something connected to that person, and make sure to mention it in the card. There are some fun ones related to sisters, brothers, best friends, dieting girls and guys, funny names that you can match to inside jokes. I bought a bottle of wine called Blue Jeans' as a housewarming for a friend that bought a hobby farm. I signed and dated the bottle. My beer loving brother in law is getting a 6 pack of assorted craftsman beers in sampling sizes for his August birthday along with some sports themed cocktail napkins picked up throughout the year. He hosts pool nights and I think it will be a hit-particularly the rootbeer beer. 

Twice I got a collection of open ended greeting cards in a nice organized box.  Not only did the cards themselves come in handy, I had an organized storage place to keep other cards I picked up for someone when the mood struck me, but often in the past, misplaced before the event. The gift giver knew this about me. I have about four Class of 2009 graduation cards that turned up years too late.  I also love getting nice writing paper and envelopes, and give both as gifts. Throw in a book of stamps for more appreciation. 

Theme baskets or boxes like movie night with popcorn, soda, candy, and a favorite classic movie can be special and a value. A former coworker was raving over the copy of Shirley Valentine her sister found her, and a bunch of us went to her house and watched it with her, and she celebrated her birthday all over again that year. For the bikers or runners, extra cushy socks, a water bottle, cotton face towels, and a couple energy bars would be appreciated.  My niece, an avid runner, is constantly losing water bottles and towels, and wears through socks quickly.

I've read jokes about giving gifts of food, but I think sometimes that is the perfect way to go. Good coffee and cookies to go along with them, 1/2 dozen really decadent handmade chocolates, a collection of ice cream bar toppings, or other special treat combination really do make gifts that are appreciated when chosen for that persons likes and interests. I personally feel no self guilt gnashing on a box of chocolate caramels when someone so thoughtfully picked out my favorites. Those of you who garden or if you can veggies and fruit, have a plethora of gifts anyone should adore at your finger tips. If not, feel free to gift me.

Most gift giving requires some thought. Some times inspiration is just not there, and a gift card is a perfectly fine substitute.  But when I can raise my game, I feel like a gave a little bit more in the gift.

Graduation Season

I've heard this is a unique Midwest thing-the big high school graduation open house.  We have two this weekend to go to, and one next weekend.  One is family, and I am helping out with some desert bars, and with loaning some tables and chairs.  The other one tomorrow we are attending with no obligation, other than to celebrate the graduate.  I'm helping my friend V next weekend to clean, cut, and prep fruit for a big fruit salad.  In graduation season, it is great to have friends and family willing to roll up their sleeves.  We've been down this road for two kids already, and have a break for another four years. 

Typically, the years you have a graduating child, and possible the year before and after depending on your child's friends and families social circles, you may have as many as 20 open house's to attend.   The open houses I had were very informal, with hot beef sandwiches, pasta salads, fruit and veggie trays, and deserts.  We also put out snack type food like nacho fixings, pretzels, and trail mix for the people that have already eaten at another party, but still might want to nibble with a beverage while visiting. I was very fortunate weather wise and we could have the parties outside, but would have been prepared to use the garage with an extended tent or awning.  Display boards and memory DVDs are fun.  I still have my older kids memory boards, not sure why, tucked behind our dresser, though it has been 8 and 6 years since their parties. I'm already for a wedding rehearsal or reception right?

Besides the cost of throwing your own open house, the gift giving can be a bit pricey. We plan for this going into the high school years, but going to the ATM for stacks of twenty dollar bills can make a person gulp. It is very circular, giving and receiving monetary gifts between graduate families, but it is a norm in our neck of the world. It is also understood that not everyone can participate in the gift giving, so it is an unspoken rule that there should be no expectations either.

For close friends and families, I typically put together a  laundry care package along with money.  The dollar store is perfect for this.  You can get a pop-up hamper, detergent, fabric softener, a clothes line and clothes pins, and hangers for under $7. For fun, I write out simple laundry directions, with a final or, "OR, re wear your clothes until you go home to mom for the weekend."  When machines still used quarters, I would tape enough for a wash and dry load, but now the machines all use loadable currency on their dorm cards. If I know the graduate isn't college bound, or will be living at home, I've made other packages such as a movie and popcorn night with some Red box codes, soda, and microwave popcorn. When my nephew was going to be commuting to a nearby technical school, I put a gas card, a window scraper, and extra socks and gloves, to be stored in his trunk.  It was very hard to find the gloves in spring, so I think they may have been a work glove.

Well I'm off to the store to gather up my brownie making supplies so I can get them made, cooled, and cut, and then drop them off before noon.  I'm not part of the set-up crew, but they need things ahead of time.  It is Father's Day tomorrow, and we are sending DD#2 off on a mission trip very early tomrrow morning.  These is not the lazy days of summer.

Dragonfly's

Last night I had my last of 6 book studies using Dr . Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection. I must admit that if I hadn't had the opportunity to digest this book in a book club like format, I probably would have read, said, "meh," to myself, and moved on.  It wasn't until we started looking at individual sentences, statement,s and pieces of her research, and my hearing each of the women in the group reflect, that the book started to have meaning to me. This won't be a post about the book itself.  Rather, I want to reflect on how spending a few hours a week with thoughtful and inspirational women, can give something I might have glossed over without another thought, a whole different frame. Two things have stuck with me frrm the book. One, we get to decide who hears our story. We have people in our lives out of love and obligation, but those we truly let know what is inside us, and why it matters, is our choice. Second, authenticity is what leads to finding belonging, whereas trying to be perfect forces us to just fit in. Fitting in oftenmeans leaving a piece of us behind, or trying to live up to some unrealistic version of ourselves. Oh how I have let others define me and decide what box I belong in on so many occasions.  How many times did I apologize to myself and others for not hitting the bar that wasn't meant for me anyway?

I probably opened up and talked more, and listened more, to other people than I have in years. I chose to let this group know about my blogging, and that darn it, I am proud that I actually followed through and did it. I discovered gifts in others that they didn't know they had, or at least weren't seeing it as a gift. I no longer want o hear anyone say, "I'm just...." I got to witness a friendship so strong and positive between two women, that they shared their friendship with the rest of us, and it was infectious. Each member of this eclectic mix of women with diverse interests and ages, brought together under a common faith, added more of that authenticity I couldn't before label, but knew I have been craving. There was a lot of head nodding and encouragement when someone struggled to put words to the ideas they had in their head. There was a lot of laughter and some tears. We decided we will continue the discussion format on-line and have less frequent in person meetings for the summer months, but firm commitment that we wanted to start a new book come fall.

In summarizing some of the points of the book that resonated with us, we landed on courage, and the idea that courage did not have to be heroic. J showed a lot of courage in setting this group up, with no firm plan for how it would play out. Young and middle year mom's with kids at home were courageous in taking this time for themselves, usually putting themselves after everyone elses needs. A few in the group were courageous in sharing that they struggled with feeling acknowledged, and and others shard how courageously they  moved on from past actions of others that wounded them greatly, but decided they owned how their story would be told.  

The two dear young women who were close friends shared a final gift  with each of us, a dragonfly charm.  In a cute little sack, stamped with a dragonfly, was a little charm with the following note:

 

The Dragonfly Charm

 

this little dragonfly will bring lightness into your day,

it will help bring you joy as you travel along life's way.

This dragonfly reminds you to be strong and courageous too,

keep a positive attitude in all that you do!

 

I hope I the group is ok with me sharing this expereince.  I share it out of appreciation admiration, and inspiration in moving me towards a life filled with joy.

 

Dragonfly charm-Ganz co. Dragonfly necklace, my own.  I already loved dragonflys.



Simple Gifts

Good Saturday morning and I hope today finds you all well.  We had a brown, brown, brown, Christmas, but nature seems to be doing a little catch-up and we woke to a beautiful white landscape. DH is doing the shoveling before he heads into the store and pup is quite annoyed because he wants to be out there with him.  He has a wandering spirit, so never a good idea to let him out when you can't give him your full attention. He'll get a good play later.

Today I will get a little housework done, and tidy up the remnants of gifts.  We'll keep the tree up until Thursday perhaps, but I did so little other decorating we'll be in full January mode by weeks end. While putting things to right, I'll try and pack up the old, remembering my rule of one thing in and two things out.  It was a lovely and generous Christmas; generous in spirit in that much thought went into so many of the gifts my family received. Here are a few favorites:

• Let It Snow door knob hanging, colored by our seven year old God son who was just beaming watching me open.  He picked it out, completed, wrapped, and labeled it himself.
• The World, an ornament sketched by DD#2 that captures our love for and longing to keep traveling the globe.
• Hooded high school sweatshirt, picked out for me by my sister so I can enjoy DD#2s cross country meets in warmth, and in school colors.
• New release book that DD#2 would never have expected from her grand parents because they don't generally understand her taste in reading, but sought out for her by Grandma, after remembering the name from an earlier fall conversation. 
• Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus pieces, for a future full nativity set, given to her by her God parents, my brother and SIL.  She'll get pieces added each year, until my brother completes the gift by making her a stable.  He had made my mother and his wife each one 40 years ago.
• Collage photo from DS and DD#1 of candid's from various projects they've worked on, made and ordered online from Walgreens so I could just pick up locally.  We and the grandparents received copies.  The two of them don't have two nickels between them, but this gift was creative and priceless.
• Time to slow down, hold a baby or two, laugh with family, break bread, play with toys, and remember those we love, who are not able to be with us.

It will soon be 2015.  I still worry about consistent employment prospects for my older kids, especially as the window for deferment on their student loans has passed.  Health challenges are not over, and  my job doesn't appear to be lessening the grip of stress anytime soon. Despite this, I am going to charge into the New Year, reframing the tough situations into opportunities, look for ways to release the baggage and clutter, and fully embrace the simple gifts that have the most meaning.  How about you?  How are you shaping your mindset as we close 2014?

New Advent Tradition

Froogs over at the Frugal Queen shared an idea to welcome the Christmas season with a challenge to give rather than receive, and using the Advent Calendar to mark the challenge.  Street Bank advent Challenge  I love this idea, and will have to do a good think and give away things others will really want and not just get rid of my own clutter.  I posted a short list on her site in the comments to get me started, and have since added to the list. 

1. Old "gifts" I found cleaning out my laundry room, meant for someone but then forgot(due to my disorganization), bought on clearance, great for family services gift baskets
2. Miscellaneous change from my change cup at work-kept for an emergency chocolate or diet coke from the vending machine.  Others need basics more than I need chocolate and caffeine
3. Plastic storage containers, saved for not sure what, but can be given to others that need  for freezing, or storing holiday treats, and packing for meal services
4.  Several skeins of yarn, bought when I had good intentions of learning to knit-won't happen, quit fooling myself
5. All my points and receipts from the grocery store that does the turkey give aways.  I don't buy enough at one store to ever meet, but our church is collecting them for  purchasing for community meals, open to the public, free or free will donation. (these were actually donated before November 25th so could be used for the thanksgiving turkeys, but I thought of it last week.)
6. Scrap paper, crayons, and other useful, but not being used craft items to a local school or child care center or for the church school program
7. Target $5.00 gift cards, given as a bonus when multiples of certain offers are purchased
8. Good winter boots, for some reason still in our closet, that my older kids outgrew 1/2 a decade ago
9. Christmas decorations purchased but not used
10. Children's books I've held onto, but don't need nearly so many for the times when we have young kids visiting.  They need to be in the hands of a child regularly.
11. Gifts of shower gel, lotions, and other scents, given to me as gifts, but I haven't used. These were lovely gifts, but I am kind of a minimalist, and these might be a nice treat for a young mom or teen for a little pampering.

I have at least 13 more to come up with, 14 if I don't count the November turkey points.  Without trying too hard, I came up with a pretty substantial list so far-evidence I clearly have more than I need, and plenty to share with others. Who else out there is taking the challenge?  What Items are you giving away?